Jesse

The lounge at the ice rink is a way more relaxed place to do some schoolwork than the library. Plus, they’ve usually got food here.

Except sometimes it can be loud, like when Petroski’s making everyone smoothies. He’s sitting in the corner drinking some green thing right now and luckily, I think he’s retired the blender for the day.

Jones comes barrelling in like a hurricane, slamming the door open and peering at everyone like he’s looking for his next victim. His gaze lands on me and it looks like he’s found it.

Fuck.

He storms over and looks down at me, nostrils flaring, and if this is over what I think it is, I’d better not even open my mouth.

“Are you fucking my brother?”

The air in the room stills as everyone turns their head to look at me.

When I don’t answer, he raises his voice, though it’s still scarily quiet for someone so pissed, “I said, are you fucking my brother?”

For a second, I’m angry as fuck at him. He has no right to out me like this in front of everyone just because he’s not happy about me dating Nate He should have come to me privately if he had a problem with it. But when I let myself calm down, I realise, I’m not embarrassed for people to know I’m gay, not anymore. And I’m definitely not embarrassed of Nate.

“It’s not like that,”

I say. I would stand up, but he’d probably take that as me squaring up for a fight, and as wrong as he is right now, Nate is still his brother and I get it, he’s being protective. He has no idea what I’m thinking or why I’m sleeping with Nate.

“Are you fucking him or not?”

That’s it, protective or not, I won’t take him talking about Nate like this. I stand up and shove him, just enough to make him step back, but not enough to send him on his ass. I hope it reminds him that I could put him on his ass if I wanted to.

“Don’t talk about your brother like that.”

A wild laugh escapes him.

“Are you fucking kidding me, he’s my brother, and you’ve been going behind my back in my house, lying to your team captain… how would you feel if I was fucking your sister?”

I grit my teeth. “My sister’s thirteen.”

The guys in the room have started mumbling to each other and at the mention of a thirteen-year old sister, Petroski steps up and puts a hand on both our shoulders.

“Let’s take a breath,” he says.

Coach’s footsteps on the tiles forces us to stiffen and everyone tries to look natural.

“What’s going on here?”

“Nothing Coach,”

Petroski says.

“Just a little disagreement.”

Jones agrees.

“Both of you, in my office now.”

As we follow Coach out of the room, I hear the murmurs and chattering of the guys behind me. Is Engels gay? Since when? Who is Jones’ brother? The small one with the curly hair?

Coach makes us sit down in front of his desk and tell him what’s going on. We know neither of us is getting out of here until he knows everything, so we spill.

“Engels is having an inappropriate relationship with my brother Coach.”

“Why is it inappropriate?”

“Because he’s my brother…”

“Alright!”

Coach holds his hand up and we immediately stop talking.

“, your boyfriend is Jones’ brother?”

I nod.

“You knew about this Coach?”

Coach gives Jones a warning look and he shrinks a little from it.

“Not who it was, no, because who Engels dates – as long as they’re a consenting adult – is none of any of our business.”

“But it’s my brother.”

“How old is your brother?”

“20.”

“And is he consenting?”

Jones crosses his arms.

“You’re the captain,”

Coach says, “you don’t start conflicts within the team…”

“but Coach…”

“No buts, it’s your job to build up team moral, not cause an atmosphere, do you understand?”

Jones sets his jaw before giving a brisk nod.

“Good, now leave me to talk to Engels for a minute.”

After Jones leaves and closes the door behind him, Coach comes and sits on the edge of the desk and looks down at me.

“Your captain’s brother Engels? You couldn’t find anybody else?”

“You can’t help who you fall in love with Coach.”

He runs a hand over his face and mutters something.

“You know the team aren’t gonna be happy about you breaking the bro code.”

“Fuck the bro code, it’s toxic, people aren’t objects you can get dibs over. Excuse the language Coach.”

He chuckles. “You’re a good kid . Listen, don’t worry about Jones, he’ll get over it, just as long as you don’t upset his brother.”

“I’m not going to.”

“You know if you can get the mom on side…”

“I already have.”

He grins, “then you’ll be fine. She’s a formidable woman, if anyone can talk some sense into him, it’s her.”

He’s quiet for a moment and I ask if I can leave.

“Hold on a second , I want to know if you’ve made a decision about Carolina?”

“I’m not going. But I appreciate the opportunity.”

He smiles. “I think that’s the right decision. And the outreach programme? You’ll miss some hockey over the summer, exhibition games - could be an opportunity to be seen in Europe again…”

“I’ll do the programme, if that’s okay?”

“We’ll manage.”

When I go back into the lounge, the guys look up at me.

“Where’s Jones?”

“His mom called him, I think she’s in the parking lot chewing him out.”

I turn to go and look, but Petroski calls me back.

“Hey Engels, we’re cool with you being gay, obviously.”

“Oh… um, thanks.”

They nod awkwardly and look down at their shoes.

“Didn’t I break the bro code though?”

Clarke shrugs, “I don’t think it counts with brothers.”

“Hey, go easy on captain okay,”

Petroski says, “he’s just being protective over his little brother. The way you would with your sister.”

My nostrils flare instantly the second he mentions Sam.

“Jones didn’t mean to say that about your sister man,”

Clarke says, “he was just pissed.”

I nod. I know that. But still.

By the time I get out to the parking lot, if Nate’s mom was ever there, she’s gone now.

When I check my phone, I have a message from Nate, warning me that Jones knows. Too late, but, oh well. It’s out now.