Nate

‘Don’t worry, everything’s fine.’ Jesse texts back.

It didn’t seem like everything was fine when mom hauled Harrison out of the rink and gave him the third degree while he side-eyed me like I’d just shit in his shoe, (it was one time and I was two years old).

Mom makes Harrison sit in the backseat while she drives around to calm him down the way she tells us she did when he was a baby.

“I’m not a baby, Jesus, just take me back to the rink, I’ve got a work-out to do.”

“Not until you calm down.”

We’re silent as Mom drives through the leafy suburb surrounding campus, the radio turned so low I can’t tell what’s playing.

“, how old is Engels’ sister?”

Harrison asks.

“Thirteen, why?”

“Fuck.”

Mom squints at him in the rear-view, “were you going to sleep with his sister as revenge for sleeping with your brother?”

My face burns and I want to jump out of this car, even if Mom is going thirty miles an hour.

“What? No, obviously…”

Harrison mumbles something.

“What was that?” Mom asks.

“I said, I asked him how he’d feel if I… you know what… his sister.”

Mom gasps.

“I didn’t know she was thirteen!”

“How old did you think she was?”

“I don’t know, like sixteen.”

“That’s still disgusting.”

“I know, I was pissed with him, I can’t believe he went behind my back like that.”

Mom rolls her eyes so hard I think they’re going to fall out the back of her head, “this isn’t about you Harrison.”

We’re quiet again.

“I’m sorry,”

I say. I feel their eyes on me. “I wanted to tell you, but, I didn’t know how serious it was until recently.”

Mom turns the indicator on, the click click breaking through the silence.

“When did it start?”

Harrison asks.

“A few months ago.”

“Months!”

“I told you I didn’t know how serious it was.”

“How did it start? Who started it?”

“I did.”

Mom’s head snaps in my direction, like she thinks I’m lying to protect Jesse.

“I got drunk at a party with Katie and he caught me looking for beers in a dryer in the basement.”

Harrison snorts.

“And I, sort of… kissed him.”

“How did you know he was gay?”

No point in lying now, everyone knows. “I saw him on a gay dating app. He’d hidden his face, but I recognised his tattoo.”

Harrison snorts again, “dumbass.”

“He’s not dumb.”

“Don’t start defending him or I’ll puke.”

Harrison crosses his arms. He looks like a sulky little kid. Mom grins.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do about this? Have him over for Thanksgiving? Watch you two kiss on New Years?”

“Yes,”

Mom says, “because he’s your brother and Jesse is your friend and they’re in love and there’s nothing you can do about it, unless you want to be a big spoilsport baby and make everyone uncomfortable for no good reason except your feelings got hurt because nobody told you first.”

Harrison’s head snaps up, “you knew?”

“I’m perceptive.”

“You’re a snoop,”

I correct.

Harrison laughs, and that shared sibling knowledge is the first sign that it might actually be alright.

“Can I go back to the gym now?”

“Are you going to speak to Jesse like an adult and apologise?”

“Apologise?”

“As team captain, and for bringing his sister into it.”

Harrison deflates, “I suppose.”

I text Jesse to let him know Harrison’s coming back and he texts back,

‘Whatever happens, you’re beyond worth it.’