21. Theo

21

THEO

I check on Bonnie again, peeking into the living room.

She's lying on her belly drawing picture after picture. Has been since we got home a couple of hours ago.

Our flight back to New York wasn't supposed to be until the afternoon, but I said bugger all and chartered private as fast as I could.

I needed to get out of there as soon as possible, get back home, regroup.

Except I don't know how I'm going to regroup when I've just lost so much.

I knew Abigail was off-limits and knew that I was risking my friendship with Edwin by crossing that line. I knew . And I should have known better . Because I'm older, I have more life experience.

But she was there too. She chose me too.

Didn't she?

Regardless, all I want is peace for all of us. Including Bonnie. But Bonnie has barely spoken to me since I pulled her out of the house. Not my best moment by a long shot.

"What are you drawing, Bonbon?"

She exchanges a colored pencil in her hand for a different one. "Pictures."

I roll my eyes to myself and go over. "Can I draw with you?"

Bonnie shrugs a shoulder, which I take as good a sign as any.

I sit down on the ground next to her and grab a piece of paper. I've apologized already, but it's well within her rights to take her time to forgive me. I just know this is going to be one apology in a string of them, considering how our already upheaved life is going to upheave again without the Lyons family.

I can't imagine Edwin will ever want to be my friend again. At least not in the near future. And I can't blame him for that. I broke his trust.

I'm still trying to decide if I regret it, though.

I place my paper on the coffee table and pick up a few pencils, starting to scribble out some shapes. From time to time, I glance over at her paper.

She's drawn a group of three people in a line. A child and two adults. One of the adults has red hair.

I stop drawing, try to gulp down the lump in my throat. "Is that Abigail?"

Bonnie lifts up the picture, smiling. "Yeah. That's me and you and Abigail!"

I can't help my expression from curdling with pain.

How am I going to tell her that the future she sees isn't a possibility?

"And that ," she points to a tall dark shape in the back of the drawing. Looks like a castle with a pointy spire. "That's where my mum is. I've locked her in a tower."

Jesus Christ, we're really doubling down on all the traumas she's experienced in her short life in this drawing. "Have you been thinking about your mum, lately?"

Bonnie puts the paper down, smile fading. She shrugs again. "I don't know."

It's been years since the two have seen each other. But a child doesn't just forget their mother. "You know we can talk about it, if you want."

Bonnie shakes her head, tucks the paper under the stack, and starts drawing a new one.

I'm about to prod her for more information when the doorbell rings.

I lift my head, looking out the living room door.

I'm not expecting anyone. Haven't ordered any food for delivery. Not sure I have any packages coming today. "I'm going to get that, Bonbon, you stay here."

I go to the front door with caution.

Usually, the doorman calls up to warn us of guests. There are a precious few people who can be waved through without that call. Only two, actually.

Edwin and Abigail.

They're both in Florida, though. Aren't they?

I turn the golden door handle, playing roulette with my guess of who it might be.

Elation and confusion twirl inside me at the sight of Abigail.

Her red hair is windblown, a mess of strands over her shoulders, and her expression is strained, eyes wide, brow tight. "Abigail, what are you doing here? You should be in Florida."

"I caught a flight as soon as I could when I heard…when they told me…" She trails off, looking away, in some amount of embarrassment.

I want to surge toward her, pull her into my arms, hug her, kiss her, thank her for choosing me. But that isn't the choice I want her to make. Not really.

She deserves to have a happy family, not suffer for the consequence of our affair the way I should.

My eyes fall to the duffel bag sitting at her feet. "Abigail, you didn't."

"Can I come in?"

I shut the door behind me, leaving us in the hallway. "Better not let Bonnie see you."

Abigail's brow wrinkles. "You don't want me here."

"That's not it. Not at all." I keep my voice low. "I don't want you abandoning your family for me."

Her fists tighten at her sides. "Why won't anyone let me make decisions for myself?"

"Of course you can make decisions for yourself, but–"

"I'm choosing you. Don't you want me to choose you?" Abigail's voice pitches upward, tremoring.

I reach out, take her hands. "You're shaking, love. Take a breath."

Abigail clutches my hands hard, her chin falling to her chest. A small sob comes out of her mouth.

"Oh, Abigail, I'm not worth all this."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm–"

Her head shoots up, green eyes plunging into mine. " Yes, you are ."

I am too in shock to hold onto her when she tosses my hands away from her.

"I'm tired of everyone thinking they know what's best for me. I'm tired of men dictating my life. I'm a grown fucking woman. I know what I want. And yet, everyone, everyone is telling me they know what's best for me." She speaks fast and furious, her consonants tight and words clipped. Her hands fly to her temples. "Do you know how angry that makes me?"

I sigh. "I'm not trying to make you angry, Abigail. Not at all."

Abigail turns away from me for a moment, looking down at her hands as if she's weaving out an answer. "I'm tired of men dictating my life."

I want to say I'd never do that, but it's evident she feels I have.

"That's all my life has ever been. Trying to be a good girl and fulfill the needs of all these fucking men so that they'll be appeased and give me what I want or what I need and–" She faces me again. "You know why it's been so hard for me to get a job?"

I get a creeping feeling over my skin. "A man?"

"Professor Ridley."

My stomach turns at the mention of the wanker's name.

I want to know more, but I'm afraid to ask. Unsure what questions will trigger the wrong memories.

"He liked me. And I thought it was just…platonic, but then he started hitting on me. I played dumb. I mean, I was his student. We were working together, I thought…I just tried to play it off. But that meant giving in just enough to keep him at bay." Abigail shakes her head. "I wish I hadn't."

My torch for Abigail burns brighter than ever now.

"Then my last semester, he tried to kiss me at a department party." She goes silent.

"Did he hurt you?" I ask carefully.

Abigail shakes her head. "I mean, not physically. I finally told him no, but he…he threatened my career. He basically said that he could make it hard for me if I didn't give in."

"So, you didn't." I know how the story ends based on how the past few months have played out.

"I didn't."

I'm so proud of her. "I can only imagine what courage that must have taken."

She scoffs at herself. "Not that much, considering you saw me trying to salvage things a couple months ago, trying to convince him to…help me."

My heart breaks for her. That she felt she'd have to do anything to get what she'd want. Give more of herself than she wanted to a man so that she could take control of her own destiny.

"God, I'm sorry Abigail."

"The fact I got the job in County Clare is damn near a miracle. Especially after the way drinks with Professor Ridley went down." Her whole face is turning red. "I shouldn't have done it, but I'd just been rejected for a job at the aquarium, and I thought he must have had something to do with it and–"

She looks down at her hands. "It was stupid."

"Well, I'm not sorry I stepped in. In fact, if I'd known, I'd have more than strong words for the man."

Abigail giggles.

I'm glad to hear her laugh.

"I can't imagine you getting in a fight with someone ever."

"Now, hold on, I didn't say I'd fight. I might suggest a fight, but…"

She laughs some more.

I might not be a fighter by nature, but Id' fight for her. I'd tear a man to pieces for her.

After her laugh dies down, Abigail rolls her eyes up toward the ceiling, tears pooling. "I'm telling you this so you understand how tired I am. Of men deciding they can be in charge of my life just because they can."

"Of course. That must be so frustrating."

Abigail wraps her arms around herself. "You have no idea."

I don't speak. Don't want to take control of the situation from her, but also don't want to leave her hanging.

"So now my dad tells me what I can't have. Despite me being a grown woman who knows what she wants."

Me. She wants me .

Abigail huffs out a hard breath. "And if you start telling me what's good for me, telling me what I'm supposed to do…that'll kill me, Theo."

"Oh, Abigail, please, I would never–"

"Aren't you happy to see me?" A tear slides down her cheek.

The last thing I want to do is make her cry. Ever.

"You promised you wouldn't hurt me."

"I did, love, I did…" I step toward her, take her face in my hands, wiping away the tears. "But not hurting you means not taking you from the people who love you. Your family…you only get one."

Abigail's hands fly to my sides. "I only get one of you too."

I want to refute her. Say that it's not true, there are so many men out there for her to seek out, men who are younger, without children, who aren't her father's friends, or ex-friends.

I've argued with her over my worthiness so many times. And what has that got me?

So, I don't argue. I drop my forehead to hers. "Abigail, I want your happiness more than anything."

"I want your happiness more than anything, too. Why can't I want that, Theo?"

"You can, but your family …"

"Let me choose you. Please let me."

"For two months? We only have two months, Abigail."

"Yes, yes . Any time is better than none at all."

I push strands of her silk hair out of her face, taking in all the details of her beauty. Beauty that has chosen me. Me .

I still can't believe it.

Promise me you're sure . That's what I want to say. I want to ask again and again if she's sure. But that would be taking away all her power, and if Abigail is choosing me, she's trusting me to keep her power safe.

I have to take her at her word.

So, I kiss her. A soft and chaste kiss, a kiss unlike most of the kisses we've ever shared because up until last night, the feelings between us were secondary to the explosive chemistry.

In this kiss, I want her to feel my presence. My being . For her, all for her.

Abigail smiles against my mouth.

When our mouths part, I have to revisit reality. "So, what does this mean? How does this look?"

"I already stopped by the house and packed my bag. I can't stay with my family. I could start looking for my own place. Or I could get a hotel room."

"I have a guest room. You can stay here."

She narrows her eyes, my cheeky, playful girl. "You're going to have me stay in your guest room?"

"Only for Bonnie's sake. Not because I don't want you in my bed, believe me."

Abigail grins, shifts her arms around my neck, and kisses me again, her nose pressed hard into my cheek bone.

I hold her by the waist, press her against me. "Is that a yes, then? You'll stay here?"

"If you want me to stay here, I'll stay here."

"I want you to do what you want to do."

Abigail nuzzles my nose. "I want to be as close to you as possible, Theo."

The past two months rush over me. That first, crushing kiss at the club. The night that followed in my bed that made me feel not so alone for the first time in years. Every encounter after, sneaking around, stealing kisses, the guilt, the shame, the inability to stop.

And now we're here.

"Two months," she reminds me, grinding my fantasy to a halt. "We can do it, can't we?"

What if I want more than two months? What if I want forever?

I can't ask that, can't get her hopes up. But maybe, just maybe, we can figure out a way to keep her here in New York. So that she can stay.

So that we can be .

"Yes, two months. I'll make these the best two months of your life, Abigail Lyons."

She smiles, hums. "Now…can I come in?"

I laugh, tipping backward and lifting her off the floor. All the suffering of this morning is far away. For now, Abigail and I can be in our own little world. With Bonnie. The rest will come later. Be solved…maybe eventually.

"Yes, my darling, you can come inside."

I kiss her cheek, then open the door for her. "Bonnie!" I call out. "Someone's here to see you."

Abigail gives my hand a passing squeeze before Bonnie rushes up the hallway and into her arms.

Yes, I'm going to need to figure out a way to have forever for me and Abigail as fast as I can. I cannot lose this.