20. Abigail

20

ABIGAIL

I am lighter than air, tripping down the stairs. However, when I get to the first floor, the house is empty. I glance around. "Hello? Where is everybody?"

The only people around are Liam and Emma who are both knocked out in their baby playpen.

"Okay…" If they left the babies inside, they can't be far.

Guests are supposed to be arriving any moment for the luncheon, aren't they?

I mean, Theo and Bonnie are already here and while he arrives almost everywhere early, he knows it's impolite to arrive anywhere too early.

Voices. Muffled. From somewhere nearby. I follow the sound into the kitchen. Everyone is out on the deck. I can see their forms through the windows. Conversation is flying. Angry conversation.

"She's a grown-up, Dad. She can make decisions for herself," Nate says.

"Of course, she can. But he knows better," my father growls in return.

I go closer to the door. No one notices I'm standing behind the glass. Everyone is crowded around like they're conspiring to commit some sort of felony.

Dad and Sonia side by side, my brothers standing tall and firm, the rest of them all peppered in a circle, except for Mason who is bent over picking pieces of something up off the ground.

"I shouldn't have said anything," Sonia says.

"What? Of course, you had to," Dad replies, pulling her under his arm.

"But he's… She's going to be so upset."

A sick feeling crawls up my throat.

No. She didn't.

"How about we all just pretend like nothing came up for now?" Laney says. "So Bridget and Seth can have their day? We can say Theo had to go back for a meeting or–"

"That's a good idea, Lane," Camilla encourages. Baby Alanna is strapped to her front in a sling of cloth.

Theo wasn't arriving. He was leaving. They sent him away.

My chest aches.

Jack sputters. "She's too smart for that."

At least my brother knows me.

"She's going to be so upset," Bridget says.

Seth leans over and kisses her cheek.

Dad rubs his face with his hand. "I can't believe I did that."

Striding to the door, Mason tries to laugh. "I can't blame you. If it were my daughter and my friend, I think I'd have the same reaction."

This is ridiculous. They're all out here talking about me like I'm a child.

I'm not a child. I'm younger than all of them, but I'm a grown fucking woman. I don't need everyone meddling in my business, regardless of what kind of choices I made.

I open the door, just before Mason can. Mason jumps back. "Abigail!"

"Seems like an interesting conversation." I scan the group. "Can I join in?"

No one speaks. And there are like ten people out here. No one says a goddamn word.

I let my lips quirk in a disdainful joke. "Were you talking about me or something?"

My father rolls his shoulders back. "Abgail–"

"Scratch that. Don't answer it. I know you were talking about me." I zero in on Sonia. "You said you wouldn't tell."

Sonia glances at my dad, and he has the gall to put his hand on her shoulder, like he's assuring her she did the right thing. I am not anyone's first choice here and that much is obvious.

"Abigail, I'm sorry. I can't lie to my husband."

My cheek muscle ticks.

Mason moves past me. "I'm going to…go throw this out. If anyone wants to come."

That seems to be an invitation for anyone not within the tight circle of family to head back into the house.

Camilla, Laney, Mason, Bridget, and Seth all return slowly into the house, giving me sheepish looks as they go. The only person who seems to understand me is Bridget who gives me a tiny smile and squeezes my wrist before following Seth inside.

I am left with my two older brothers, my father, and his wife .

Not Sonia. Not my friend.

I remain stone-faced. They're all in this together.

"Don't blame Sonia for telling me, Abs," my dad says.

"Who am I to blame, then?" I glance around at my family. "For you talking about me and meddling in my life?"

Dad shakes his head. "There's no one to blame for anything. Except Theo. He should have known better. I don't know the details, but he shouldn't have crossed that line with you."

"What if it was my idea?"

Dad winces. "He still should have known better."

I rub my eyes. "You're acting like I wasn't even there to make my own decisions."

Jack crosses his arms over his chest. "We won't let you be taken advantage of."

"Taken advantage of? Is that what Sonia told you?" I glare at her. "Is that what you said? One kiss and suddenly, I'm being taken advantage of?"

Sonia can't find the strength to look at me or even respond.

"Seriously? You've gone silent now? You didn't have a problem earlier when you spilled my business to my dad!" I cry out.

Dad steps in front of Sonia, tucking her behind him, as if I'm some sort of rabid animal. "Don't speak to her like that."

Sonia touches his arm. "Edwin… It's okay."

My organs all pull downward, like gravity is pulling them out of me.

My dad has chosen Sonia. And Sonia has chosen my dad.

I scan the faces of my family members. They avoid my gaze or give me pathetic, sad looks.

"Don't I deserve to be someone's first choice?"

Nate has the gall to laugh. It's not a mean laugh, but it's not appropriate. "Oh, come on, Abigail, of course you're our first choice."

"I'm not. You have Laney, and Jack has Camilla, and–" I stop short, finding my father's eyes. "I'm not even my own father's first choice."

His expression bristles, not with hurt but anger. "Theo is not–"

"I was his first choice," I say, my voice straining at the back of my throat, light and pained. "He chose me over and over and–"

"He's too old for you," my dad warns.

My brain hurts with the mental gymnastics they're trying to have me do. "And you're not too old for Sonia?"

He bumbles through a few words, trying to find the right thing to say, but Jack comes to his rescue. "He was supposed to be a family friend, Abigail. It's the dishonesty that's the problem."

"I was dishonest too. Take it out on me!"

"You're still young, Abigail," Dad exclaims. "Your mistakes are more forgivable, but he's been my friend for so many years, known you most of your life! That's–that's–"

I rub my forehead. "Oh, my god, I'm not a kid, Dad. I'm a grown ass woman, and I can fuck whoever I want."

That strikes him right in the face like a slap.

"Does that upset you? Knowing that it wasn't just a kiss?" I taunt.

Nate looks away, his mouth forming a thin line, his stomach turning. "Abigail, don't."

I take a step toward my dad, spreading my arms wide. "I've been fucking Theodore Wallington for months now."

Dad's expression remains stoic.

"And it's good. We both really enjoy it."

"For fuck's sake, Abigail," Jack mutters.

"And not only that, but–" Something tugs in my voice.

I think back to last night on the beach. The way Theo and I tried to unfold our words to give each other everything we could despite the obstacles.

My eyes flood with tears.

"I care about him. I care about him a lot."

A smile creeps onto my lips, one out of my control. "You all know what that's like. When you find yourself caring about someone and you know it's not the right person, not the right time, but you can't help it. That's…that's what it is for me."

Dad is silent for a few breaths before he looks down at the space between us. "You're confused."

Sonia's hand tightens on my dad's arm. "Edwin, don't."

Too little too late for her to talk him down.

"How? I'm twenty-six years old. You had three kids by that point, Dad. How am I confused and immature and–"

"Because I was!" he barks in return. "Because I was still a kid in so many ways, and I know how vulnerable I still was."

I look between my brothers. Their expressions convey the awkwardness of hearing our father admit his faults.

We all know the truth. Dad was immature when we were little. He was brusque and thoughtless and though he loved us, becoming a dad was a challenge it took him years to take on fully.

Jack and Nate, though, are already leagues ahead of Dad. Jack has his baby girl with a woman he loves, who he's going to propose to. And Nate is committed to a life with Laney and Mason.

I stare down my father. "I'm not like you, Dad."

His brows raise.

"None of us are like you."

"Please, Abigail, I need you to understand me." Dad's voice goes soft. "If he had hurt you in any way, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Theo is supposed to be a safe person for our family, and the fact that he crossed so many lines behind my back?—"

"I did too. I crossed the lines too."

Dad cannot process this, shaking his head, opening his mouth to say something.

"Because I'm not a fucking kid. I knew the risks and the consequ3ences, and I chose it anyway. So, if you're going to place blame on Theo, you have to place blame on me too."

Then I look at Sonia. "I would think of all people to trust me and know that I'm smart and competent, it would be you, Sonia."

She frowns. "I never said you–"

"You didn't have to. You told on me. Like I'm still a child." I chew on the inside of my lip. "You all still think I'm a child."

Nate steps forward, holding out a hand to me. "That's not true."

I ignore his hand, taking a step back. "He doesn't treat me like a child. He never has."

Dad curses to himself and leans against the railing.

Sonia whispers something to him.

Their little married language that brings them so much closer to one another. That pushes that much further apart.

I take another step back. "I can be my whole self with him. And he sees it. Unlike the rest of you. I'm not just a daughter, and I'm not just a glorified babysitter or a little sister or the kid who lives at home or–" I take a big gulp of air. "I'm Abigail, and that's everything to him."

Jack comes toward me. "Abigail, let's just sit and think this through."

I avoid him, backing away further until I'm close to the open door. "I don't want to. I'm done here, I think." I grab the doorframe, tap my finger against it, and nod as I make an executive decision. "I'm going to leave. Now, actually."

I turn and head back into the house, up the stairs to my room.

"No, you are not!" my father roars after me, feet clomping through the house.

Emma and Liam let out matching shrill cries, stunned awake by the noise.

"And you tell me you don't treat me like a little girl," I say with a sad laugh over my shoulder.

I duck into my room. I don't need to pack. All I need are the essentials, purse, wallet, and phone. I just need to get back to New York.

Once I have my phone, I start arranging for a car.

Dad fills the doorway. "You are not leaving, Abigail, absolutely not."

"Move out of the way, Dad." I don't look up from my phone.

"He took advantage of you, Abigail."

I grit my teeth. "Get out of my way."

Ride booked.

"He should never, ever have touched you. Ever."

Gathering up all my courage, I go toe to toe with my dad. "This might surprise you, but I'm a grown fucking woman. I make my own choices. I don't make them for you or your comfort, especially since when it mattered, you ignored mine. So, I'm going back to New York. Now. Because that's what I want."

Dad's neck chords with effort as he tamps down whatever anger is brewing inside him.

"Let me through, please," I say with a calmness that terrifies me.

For a moment, I'm not sure he's going to let me.

But Dad musters up whatever strength he has remaining to regard my wishes. Thank god for that.

The second he's out of my way, I bolt down the stairs and out of the house, away from my family, away from the people who don't understand me, who don't choose me.

I have to choose myself now.

And with choosing myself comes choosing Theo.