22. Abigail

22

ABIGAIL

I drag my lips up Theo's perspiring neck. His chest rises up and down, heavy as he tries to catch his breath.

"You should go," I whisper.

His arm tightens around me. "Five more minutes."

I laugh. "You said you had a meeting at two."

"And I'll make them wait if I must," Theo mutters in return.

We lay there, midday sun sliding through the curtains.

It is not a rare occurrence for Theo to come back to the apartment in the middle of the workday so we can meet up for a quickie or a release of sorts. That way, we can let everything loose, rather than sneaking around in the night, trying to stay as quiet as possible.

That's a game in and of itself, of course. But there's nothing like Theo demanding to hear me let everything go as I tip over the edge again and again and again thanks to his mouth, fingers, cock, or the small toy collection we've amassed.

We've been playing house for a month as if the rest of the world does not exist.

During the weekdays, Theo goes to the office, and Bonnie goes to school. I spend my time playing happy homemaker which I enjoy more than I thought I would.

More often than not, though, I find myself wishing I could be working, researching, something . Especially because I have a lot of time to think lately.

Soon, though, I'll be in Ireland, and there won't be time for me to get too caught up in my thoughts. I'll be busy with researching the puffin mating season, tired from days out on the rocky Irish cliffsides.

That time will come sooner than I'd like, I'm sure.

On the weekends, the three of us act like a happy family. Or the semblance of one, considering Theo and I hide our romantic connection from Bonnie as best we can.

It's a different kind of sneaking, though. Different from the sneaking we did around my father. It's not out of guilt or shame, but protection.

If this is going to end, there's no use getting Bonnie's hopes up. To her, I'm a temporary houseguest. This way, we have been able to explain to her I'll be leaving in March. Bonnie and I can enjoy our time together just as Theo and I can.

However, separation only exists on paper. Because when the three of us are together, I get a different kind of rush. My feelings for Theo grow in a different direction, filling out the growing tree of my affection for him. And Bonnie too.

I read her bedtime stories, I take her to school, I give her hugs and kisses, and she gives me them back.

"You're the best, Abigail," she says to me again and again.

I notice as time goes on that my name becomes more stilted in her mouth, like I am worthy of a shorter title. Something more intimate.

I wouldn't dare say I'm anything like a mother to her, but I wish I could be.

Not good if things are to come to an end soon.

I hope he'll change his mind. That when I go to Ireland, he realizes he can hack the distance, that Bonnie can handle it too, and that we can be together once and for all, without any rules.

I won't take it upon myself to bring it up to him, though. Bonnie and her well-being are boundaries I will not cross.

A phone buzzes in the room.

"They need you," I murmur, starting to disentangle my arms from Theo's.

He grunts in return, flipping onto his back to reach for his phone.

"Not me," he says, holding up his phone with a blank screen.

Dread sinks in my stomach as I raise myself up onto my elbows and cast a look at my phone on the bedside table.

The screen glows, but from here, I can't see the contact name on the screen.

Theo's hand lands against my thigh. "You don't have to answer if it's them."

My family tries to get into contact with me. The only people I've been speaking to are Camilla and Laney since they're my brothers' partners. That way, I still have distance without being completely cut off.

They check on me from time to time, ask if I'd be open to talking with other family members. My answer is always no.

Sonia has reached out on more than one occasion. She's an inch away from getting blocked.

Dad is radio silent. Unsurprising. He's too proud. And I'm not going to let Sonia try and smooth things over on his behalf.

I glance at Theo, knowing I'm unable to hide the sadness in my eyes. I don't hide anything from him anymore.

His slight smile is all it takes to patch up the gushing hole in my heart. "I'm right here."

Always right here for me. Every time I wonder if I made the wrong choice, all it takes is one look, one word, one kiss, and I know that choosing Theo has always been correct.

I reach for my phone and am surprised by the contact name when I pick it up. It's not my dad. It's something even more important.

"It's the NYCMLC," I say, pulling my brows down.

"You're going to have to clarify that acronym for me." Theo chuckles.

"The New York City Marine Life Center," I say, wasting precious rings to explain. I pull the blankets up around me as I answer the phone. "Hello?"

"Abigail? It's Moriah!"

"Moriah? Why are you–"

She laughs. "I had to call from an aquarium number because this is a business call. How are you?"

A business call? "I'm good, how are you?"

Theo rolls out of bed to give me privacy.

I try not to get distracted by his bare, muscled back as he reaches for his clothes and dresses again.

"I'm good! Things have been hectic here, as per usual, I mean, since we're remodeling the stingray encounter, it's just–" Moriah stops and takes a breath. "We can talk about that later. I'm calling because we've had a job open up, and my team wants to invite you in to interview!"

My body tingles with anticipation. "You want me to interview for…"

"There's a spot on our avian research team that just opened up and, well, that's a story for another day, but there's been some shuffling around of the roster and…" Moriah continues to shuffle on about the details.

My mind is pinging around to so many different places.

A job at the aquarium would mean I would have to back out of the research position in County Clare. However, it would mean I could stay in New York.

I could stay with Theo. And Bonnie.

And life wouldn't have to change so much. Not at all.

"Can you come in tomorrow afternoon?" Moriah asks.

"Give me the time and place, and I'll be there."

When I hang up the phone, I'm speechless. So speechless that when Theo touches my shoulder I almost jump out of my skin, gasping.

"Sorry! Didn't mean to scare you!" he says, softening his touch, then turning it to a caress down my bare arm. "What was that about?"

It's only a second, but in that second, I see a lifetime in his cerulean eyes. Miles and miles of ocean, unexplored terrain, a territory to call my own. Longer than two months. A lifetime. We could have a lifetime. Theo could be my lifetime.

That assumes a lot, of course. It assumes love, a word that we don't toss around but feels rife in every moment between us. And with Bonnie.

Don't get ahead of yourself . You don't have the job yet .

"The aquarium wants to interview me for a permanent position on their research team."

Theo's curious expression melts. Wide eyes, broad smile. All of a sudden, I'm wrapped up in his arms, and he's holding tight to me like I might float away like a balloon. "That's amazing, Abigail!"

I burst with laughter. It's impossible not to keep my hopes up when his reaction is so big and celebratory.

"So, wait, wait, wait–" He pulls back, grin unflinching. "What does that mean? Would you–I mean, would you still go to Ireland and–"

I shrug, my smile matching his now. "I don't know. I mean, I'm assuming I'd have to start sooner rather than later, so–"

"So, you'd stay."

I'm quiet as I latch my hand onto Theo's forearm.

Ten minutes ago, I was leaving indents in his bare skin, clinging to him like every second counted because every second did. "I guess I would."

Theo runs his fingers along my cheekbone to my temple, through my hair.

Fireworks blast off in my brain.

"So, you could stay with me. And Bonnie."

"Is that what you want?"

Theo leans toward me. "Is that even a question?"

He kisses me, a touch full of promise.

"We shouldn't get ahead of ourselves," I say, trying to tether myself to the ground. To disappointment. "I might not get it."

"You will," he says. His grip tightens on me. "You're going to get it. I know you will."

§

The interview is not even an interview. It's an offer. I meet with the head researcher, a female equivalent of Albert Einstein with springy hair and expressive hand gestures.

"You come highly recommended by Moriah, and the cetacean wing still had your documents from your application. And your expertise in marine birds is just what we need on the team since we're having to restructure." She waves her hands around.

The position is full-time, all the benefits. More than I could have dreamed.

When all is said and done, I walk out the door with an employee handbook and a promise of an email from HR.

First thing I do is text Theo, Guess who is the newest member of the avian research team at NYCMLC?

He responds immediately. Always does.

Celebratory dinner tonight. I'll arrange a playdate for Bonnie. Sending over a new dress for you now .

I'm already flustered enough over the job, but now we have a date tonight, and he's sending me a dress? I feel like I'm walking on air.

It's happening. I'm going to be able to stay in New York. I'll have my dream job, in my dream city, with my dream person.

Moriah meets me on my way out of the aquarium, all abuzz and bouncing with excitement. "Welcome to the team!"

"I don't know how to thank you, Moriah, seriously!"

She waves her hand toward me as we walk past a tank of catfish swimming around, their whiskers swishing in the water. "Don't thank me. Thank Professor Ridley."

I almost stop in my tracks. "Huh?"

"Or I should say ex -Professor Ridley," she says with a grimace.

I hold tighter to my employee handbook. "What does he have to do with this?"

Moriah frowns at me. "You haven't heard? He's under investigation from the university."

"Under investigation?"

"Misconduct reports, if you catch my drift. With female students," Moriah explains. "I don't know the details, but I guess someone informed the school of his behavior, and they started reaching out to former students and so many of them had stories."

"Huh…" I hadn't heard a thing about it. Probably because I've been stuck in my own fantasy world with Theo.

I wish I had the energy to be excited. But I can't muster it.

On one hand, I can't believe I never considered there were other women in my shoes with Professor Ridley. Ex-professor, I suppose. I was so deep in my own embarrassment and shame I just…

Moriah sighs. "Yeah, it's fucked. So, his position with the research team here was eliminated, I mean, there's just no good keeping someone on when they have allegations like that. They moved one of the research assistants up to lead, and we were just going to get by with one less person on the team, but then…" Moriah claps her hands together to emphasize. "Some anonymous donor, out of the blue, sends us money specifically to subsidize staffing! So, we were able to bring on a full-time member of the team!"

"A grant?"

"Yes! And like the timing was impeccable when you sent in your resume again."

Hold up. "My…I what? "

Moriah blinks. "Your resume? You sent it in again with that research position you took in Ireland. Smart girl, trying to leverage yourself and your work."

"Yeah. I…yeah, I guess." I didn't send in my resume. I'm not going to tell her that, though.

"So, now here you are!"

My mind is racing. One of these occurrences is unremarkable. Two is a coincidence. Three? A pattern. I need to disentangle this. "Well, thanks so much, Moriah, but I've got to run and–yes, I've got to run!"

I rush out without waiting for her goodbye and don't stop rushing until I'm out on the street.

I walk without a destination, trying to sort through my thoughts.

It's one thing for Professor Ridley to be ousted. With a month to go from my fellowship, I can't shake the feeling the timing is impeccable, though. Too neat and tidy. But I can chalk that up to the way the universe works some time.

My resume, though.

That's no accident.

My first thought is my dad. Perhaps this is his roundabout way of apologizing or trying to help me out. He wants me to stay close. So maybe we can work things out, eventually? I don't know, I'm all turned around I'm not sure what makes sense and what doesn't.

I need to know, though. I need answers.

So, I call him.

He picks up on the first ring, a breathless and surprised, "Abigail," from his mouth. "I'm glad you called."

"Did you send my resume to NYCMLC?"

"I…what?"

I nearly walk into traffic I'm so turned around.

A honking car jerks me out of my jumble of thoughts before I'm hit, and I step back into the sidewalk. "I just–someone sent my resume to the aquarium. Was it you?"

"Um, no, that wasn't me, Abigail."

"Did you send them grant money to subsidize their staffing? Or a donation? Or–"

"Abigail, no, I haven't done anything with the aquarium."

On the one hand, the information is good. On the other, I sort of wish he had. To know he was thinking about me. "Oh."

"I'm glad you called, though, I've been so worried about you and…well, I'm just glad you called."

I bite my tongue. He lives straight across Central Park from Theo's apartment. If he was worried, he could walk his ass over and check on me.

"Is everything all right? Are you okay?"

"Why do you ask that like I'm being kept hostage?"

He scoffs. "That is not how I asked it."

Maybe he didn't. I can't tell. I'm too upside down to think straight. "I didn't call to make small talk, Dad, I just needed an answer."

"That's fine, we don't have to make small talk, but you're my daughter, I need to know–"

"I'm fine. I'm great. I'm happy." And I'm confused, lost, scared.

My dad isn't the place to go for that comfort right now, though. "I'm happy with my choice."

I hear the minute movement of my father's tongue in his mouth. "I'm happy you're happy. That's all I want for you, Abigail."

"You know that's not true."

I am surprised when my father doesn't rage against my assessment of him. Instead, he says, "You are always welcome here, you know. We'd love to see you at a dinner or–"

"Is Theo welcome?"

His silence is all I need to know the answer.

"Then I'm not welcome."

"For God's sake, Abigail–"

I hang up the phone, clenching my fist around it.

I haven't moved from this spot on the street corner. So, I force myself to drag my feet across the street and continue on to get my brain moving again.

Did Theo send in my resume? It's possible. And if he sent in my resume, did he know about Professor Ridley's investigation? Did he have anything to do with it? Was he the person who told them what happened? No, that's far-fetched. That's crazy talk.

But then I think back on the way he received the news yesterday. There was no disbelief. Only excitement.

That's not evidence. No.

He's the only person I've told about my experience with Professor Ridley. He'd have the money for a donation. And he knows enough about the project in Ireland to be able to write a blurb about it on a resume.

"You're going to get it. I know you will."

That's what he said. So confident.

"I know you will ."

The puzzle pieces have hazy edges, but I'm not confident they don't connect.

Did Theo have something to do with this? Was he pulling the strings behind the scenes? And if he did, why does that make me so angry?

Please, don't let him be just another man trying to pull me around like a puppet. Please, god.

It's one thing if it's my dad. One thing if it's a disgusting professor. But him . The man I am an inch away from telling I love him.

If it turns out he's just like all the rest, I don't think I'll ever let another man near me again.