28. Ryan

CHAPTER 28

Ryan

TWENTY YEARS AGO

S itting in the booth at the back of John's Bar and Grille, I waited for my brother. The front door opened, and with a gust of cold air, Alex stepped inside the restaurant. With his dark hair, high cheekbones, and bright blue eyes, I was immediately reminded of our mother. He spotted me and smiled before walking over.

While I didn't know for sure, I had a feeling that Alex's similarities to our mom were why Father sent him away all those years ago.

"Thanks for meeting me," he says. "You know, Father can't know anything about this."

"I know. I've never told him about any of the times that we've met."

"Good. You should stay on his good side. Trust me, you don't want to be anywhere else."

Over the years, Father tried to prevent Alex and me from spending too much time together. Sometimes, he would allow Alex to come home during school breaks, but Father was always so angry and cruel towards him that I preferred when Alex stayed away.

Alex flipped open a menu and smiled. "You've got to try the Monte Cristo. Have you ever had one from here?"

"No, but I remember Mom used to make them."

"It's almost as good as hers." He sets the menu down and leans towards me. "One day, I'm going to own this place. I'm going to make this into the most popular restaurant in New York City. Everyone's gonna want to come to John's. Then I'll open another restaurant and then another. You'll see."

I smiled at him, enjoying the thought of his dream, and glad he shared it with me. Despite their differences Father had already decided Alex's fate. He planned for Alex to join his plumbing business. That's what he wanted for me, too. I didn't mind it so much, but I always knew Alex wanted to do something more.

"You wouldn't change the restaurant's name to Alex's?"

"No, it's not about me. It's about the food." He reaches over and punches my shoulder playfully. "Look at you. Twenty and all grown up. Feels like forever ago that I was twenty."

"It was only five years ago," I say.

"I know, but you'll see. The older you get, the quicker the years go by. By the time we're forty, life will feel like a freeway. Trust me, you're twenty now, but tomorrow you'll blink and be twenty-five."

I shrug. "I guess."

"Have you decided what you do with your life?"

I shake my head. "I don't know. I can't imagine doing graduate school like you are. I've been helping Father out with the business. So maybe I'll just keep doing that."

"No, come on, Ryan. You're destined for much more than that. Think about it. What do you want to do?"

"Well, this isn't that bad, really. I got my plumber's license, and we've been growing the business now that we have two licensed plumbers. Father said it's a smart move."

"This isn't about him. This is about you. Is there anything that you'd rather do?"

I was quiet for a minute while I thought, but nothing came to mind.

"I really have no idea. This is all I know."

"And that's the problem. You need to get to school. Go to college. Go away somewhere. Meet new people, learn new things."

He stopped talking, and I realized that my brother and I didn't think the same way. We were raised differently. I had a father who raised me while he had to become self-reliant.

"You know, it sucked losing mom and then having to leave so quickly. Father didn't give me a chance to grieve," he said.

"Yeah, I remember that. For me, it was like I lost the two most important people in my life at the same time."

Alex nodded. "I'm sorry about that. I wanted to be there for you."

"You were ten. There was nothing you could do. It wasn't your fault. Even back then I knew it wasn't your fault. No matter how many times Father blamed you."

"It's because I look like her." Alex's voice was bitter. "He got drunk one night soon after she passed away and told me he couldn't stand to see my face because it reminded him too much of what he lost. I'll never forget that. It was always about him. All he cared about was himself. He didn't care that his sons lost their mother. That's even more of a reason why you need to make your own life," he said.

The food arrived, and as we ate, we talked about the things going on in each other's lives. Nothing important, just the everyday minutia. But I couldn't shake the thought about going to college. I had never considered it. I thought I would just follow in our father's footsteps.

"So you really think I should go to college?" I asked.

"Absolutely. You need to have your own life. Even if all you do is turn around and come back here and work with Father, at least it'll be on your terms."

"Are you coming home for Christmas?" I asked.

"Yeah, I am. I've been talking to some people and they have some ideas about Father's business. I looked into it, and I really think this is what we need to do for exponential growth."

"What's that?"

"Construction instead of just home repair. It could be a great opportunity for Father. For you, too, if you decide to stick with the family business."

"And what about you?" I asked. "I thought you didn't care about Father's business."

"I don't, but he's still my father, and I care about you. So if I can do something that'll make your lives better, I will. Even if he still wants nothing to do with me."

THREE WEEKS UNTIL RYAN'S BIRTHDAY

John's Bar and Grille looks no different from when Alex and I met many years ago. I ask the host for the table in the back corner, where we used to always sit.

The menu is similar, with one exception. The Monte Cristo is front and center. I smile when I see that, then hear the restaurant door open.

Alex enters and nods to me before beelining over. I stand, and we hug, neither of us saying a word.

We take our seats and Alex puts his menu at the edge of the table, then leans back and smiles.

"It's great to see you," he says. "But we need to address the elephant in the room and get that out of the way. Last week was messed up. I apologize for that. I have a lot to apologize for, and if it's alright with you, I'd like to get that out of the way now."

I nod, wanting to say some things to my older brother as well but letting him take the lead.

"I am very aware, as I'm sure you are too, that your birthday, the trust deadline, is about three weeks away. I also know that you care a lot for Carina." He lowers his voice. "I can understand why."

"Wow, I didn't think this would be the first thing we talked about. I thought maybe we'd discuss everything with Father first."

He puts his hand up. "Please, I can't tell you how difficult this is to tell you, but I need to. Because right now, I know you and Carina aren't together, but you really should be."

My phone buzzes and I look down and see Carina's name light up the screen. As much as I want to answer, I let the call go to voicemail.

"I'm guessing she hasn't told you anything."

"No, she hasn't. I asked her why she was there, but she didn't really answer."

He takes in a deep breath.

"I have no excuse. If this ruins our chance at being a family again, then I know it's all my fault."

"Go on," I say, anxious for him to explain. I lean forward in my seat to make sure I don't miss a thing he says.

"Carina had been working here for years. I was aware of her because of her performance; she was an excellent wait person, but then one day, I came in, and something drew me to her. I didn't say anything to her, but I started to ask around about her, and what I discovered is that she prizes her family above everything else and that she's not one to care about the things that normally impress others."

"Like money."

"Correct," he says. "I knew you were the one behind the monthly masquerade balls, and obviously, I knew why. I even went to one thinking I would speak to you, but I didn't want to ruin things for you. I'm not sure what the consequences would have been if anyone discovered we had been in touch. I didn't want you to lose anything. You deserve that inheritance."

"There would be none if it weren't for your ideas and pushing Father to make those decisions," I say.

"We're not here to talk about that," he says. "I had this idea to let Carina go to your ball, but I knew she wouldn't just accept the invitation because she's not like that. She's a homebody and mostly just stays home caring for her grandmother."

I nod, growing impatient. "Alex, get to the point. What are you trying to say?"

"I thought she would be perfect for you, so I sent her to the ball. I convinced her to do it by firing her and then offering to support her grandmother."

"How could you do that?" I ask, horrified at what he said.

"I know, but I was trying to get my way. I know it was childish. I wanted her there at first to see if you'd get along like I imagined. The problem is that I started to develop feelings for her just from hearing about her. And then, when I met her, it got worse."

"What do you mean it got worse?"

He looked away and took a deep breath.

"I fell in love with her," he says.

The room feels stuffy suddenly, as if all the air had been sucked out. My mind reels from his news. He keeps his gaze steady as he waits for my reaction.

"Oh," I mutter.

"She didn't love me back. I think she fell in love with you that first night you met. She didn't even know your name or what you really looked like, but she was head over heels. And that hurt. And I got stupid. I wanted to hurt you because my entire life had been you getting all the attention and love while I was pushed away."

"But—"

He puts his hand up to silence me. "I know that's not your fault. And I'm a grown man. I should be over this." He sighs. "Somehow, all that insecurity and pain came flooding back. I wasn't myself. The entire plan of sending her to the ball was crazy." He looks away, and sadness covers his face. "I'm sorry."

"But I wouldn't have met her without you," I say.

"She's a good kid, Ryan. And I know we haven't spoken in five years, but I think she's perfect for you. I'm sorry about how things ended up, but I think she loves you enough that if you went to her, you could fix things. And maybe even keep your inheritance."

"I'm not worried about that. I really don't care about it anymore. I love her more than anything, but I'm tired of living according to Father's plan. I've been stupid not trying to talk to her and discover the truth. I don't always trust very easily, and I let that fear control me."

"Then why are you still here? Go get your girl," Alex says.

"What about you? Will you be alright?" I ask as I slide out of the booth and get to my feet.

He smiles thoughtfully. "She taught me that I can love. I didn't think I was capable of that. So yeah, I'll be fine. Right now, I just want my brother back in my life. And I want him to be happy."