29. Carina

CHAPTER 29

Carina

THREE WEEKS UNTIL RYAN'S BIRTHDAY

A n hour after Odessa has gone home, I'm staring at my phone, silently begging it to ring with a call or a text from Ryan. I can't call again so soon.

The doorbell rings, and I groan. One of my neighbors has probably been locked out again. I drag my feet to the door and pull it open. Ryan is standing in the doorway.

My heart does a happy flip in my chest until I notice the severe expression on his face.

"Can we go somewhere to talk?" he asks.

"Can't we talk here?"

"No, I've made a lot of mistakes, and I'm going to correct one right now."

"Okay," I say, confused. "Where did you have in mind?"

"Home. My home. So we can talk. And then, if you don't want to see me again after that, I'll bring you home, and that'll be it."

"But I don't want that," I blurt out.

"Then what do you want?" he asks.

"The truth," I said. "From both of us. I need to explain."

"Okay," he says. "Then let's go."

We get into his car, and I can feel myself vibrating from anxiety.

"Okay," I say. I unwrap my arms, then gently begin cracking my knuckles nervously. My breathing is shallow, and my shoulders are raised from tension. I try taking a deep breath, but that's nearly impossible.

He places his hand gently over mine and locks his gaze with my eyes.

"Breathe," he says calmly.

I nod and close my eyes briefly, focusing on my breathing until everything feels normal again.

"I know what it looks like," I say, "but what you said back there last week is true for me, too. Everything I said has been true. Everything I feel for you is true."

He lets out a long breath.

"I know. I spoke to your fairy godfather," he says. "I should've known this was too good to be true. I should've known we couldn't just randomly meet by accident."

"Then why take me away from that mess that day?" I ask, jerking my thumb back.

"I don't know. I just went with my gut."

"I've been feeling terrible about it. You have to believe me. I'm glad you spoke to Alex, but just let me tell my side, please."

"Okay," he says.

"I was working at John's as a waitress, like I have for the last five years, when I got fired. On my way home, a man pulled up in a limo and offered to give me $20,000 to take care of my grandmother and support myself, and all I needed to do was to attend a masquerade ball and dance with a man in a green mask."

"Continue," Ryan says as he maneuvers the car onto the road.

"Alex seemed pleased and offered to take care of my grandmother for the rest of her life as long as I was willing to spend the next six months in a relationship with you, and then ending things when I was sure you were in love with me. I didn't want to do it, but my grandmother took a turn for the worse. That night, she had a stroke followed by a heart attack. They weren't even sure if she would survive. I didn't feel like I had a choice. I needed to do what I could to support her."

"Did he tell you why he wanted you to do this?"

"No, I asked once, and he said I didn't need to know. I didn't ask again because I really didn't want to know. Not getting to know you would've made this much easier. He never told me you're his brother or why he wanted me to break your heart. I always thought I'd find a way out without having to hurt you. Or me." I hesitate before continuing, then take a deep breath. "From that moment when we met, I felt a spark from you that I had never felt before in my life. Part of why I agreed to this was just to be close to you."

"I felt the same way when we met," he says. "You're that spark for me too."

He smiles and holds his hand out. I put my hand on top of his before he wraps his fingers around mine.

"Did you break up with me because Alex told you to? That was all part of this?"

No, I broke up with you because you deserve better than me," I say softly, then cast my eyes down. "I realized I had fallen for you, and I knew I couldn't hurt you. I didn't want to hurt you. You have to believe me."

"It's okay," he says. "I believe you."

"Can I ask you something? You and Alex have different last names," I say. "Why?"

He smiles. "Alex's last name, Winterbourne, was our mother's maiden name. I guess he felt so hurt by our father that he didn't want to carry the Stirling name anymore. Can't say I blame him. Our father was very cruel to him."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

Ryan turns onto another street.

"What about you? Why did you lie to me? Who are you really?"

I don't mean to sound harsh, but I've been needing and wanting to know more about him for months now.

He doesn't respond. I replay in my head how I got into this mess and how everything erupted that day.

I have so many questions, but I suddenly don't want to talk about any of this right now. I need to think. I need to figure out what happened.

Why was my mother there? What was that look on her face? Is Alex all right? I didn't mean to hurt him. Did Ryan say he loves me that day? Did he mean it?

The car jerks over to the side as the traffic whizzes past.

"You're going to get us killed," I snap, crossing my arms in front of me.

"Please just listen to me. I know there's something between us that can't be faked. That's why I told you to come with me that day." He extends his hand out and places it on my crossed arms. "But you're right; I haven't been honest with you either. It's time for me to change that. If we're going to have a chance together, we need to stop all of this lying and tell each other the truth."

I nod.

He turns the car back onto the road.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"It's not much further. I'll answer all your questions there."

The skyscrapers come into view as he makes a series of turns. We enter the stop-and-go of New York City traffic, and I realize we're heading toward Central Park, one of the wealthiest areas of the city.

He turns into a private parking garage under a tall building. We get out of the car, and I follow him to a private elevator.

"Wait," I say as I turn to him. I put my hand on his arm, and he looks at me, then quickly looks away. "Why did you follow me there that day? How did you find me?"

"I didn't follow you. I got an anonymous text," he says. "It said I should see what you've been up to. With the way you left, I figured I would have nothing to lose if I found you there. Part of me even thought maybe you sent the text. The address in the text wasn't familiar to me. I had no idea where I was going or what I would see. I just wanted to find you because of how we left things." He reaches over and pushes a loose lock of my hair behind my ear. "I hadn't seen my brother in five years. I had no idea where he'd been living or what he had been up to. I wasn't even sure if he was still in New York."

The elevator doors open directly into his apartment, which is sparsely decorated with modern design pieces. The exterior walls are glass from floor to ceiling. The windows in the living room look over Central Park.

"This is why you never invited me to your place. You didn't want me to see this dump," I say with a wave of my hand, not bothering to mask my awe. I walk over to the windows facing the park and look down at the people below.

"Exactly," he says with a laugh. "I couldn't bring you here or to my other home, an estate outside the city, and expect you to believe that I was still a plumber. I am a licensed plumber, though. That's true; I didn't lie about that. Like you, I was telling little white lies in the hope that when you found out the truth, you could see it in your heart to let those things go. At first, I was protecting myself, but as time passed, I didn't know how to stop lying because I didn't want to lose you."

I nod. From the looks of this place, he was really well off. Maybe even a billionaire like his brother. But none of that mattered to me. I would love him even without a job.

"Do you know why Alex wanted me to break your heart?" I ask.

"To see if I have one?" he scoffs. "That's his story to tell, but it's a little related to my inheritance. When our father died, he left me everything and disowned Alex. On top of that, Father wrote into his will that if I didn't get married within five years, I would lose my inheritance."

"Do you think Alex thinks it'll transfer to him?"

"He doesn't want it. But it's been a long time since I've seen him, so maybe he changed his mind." He pauses as he looks out over the park, then wraps his arms around me and holds me against his chest. "I want you to understand why I kept all of this from you. And as much as I don't want to give my brother an out because I'm upset about it, I think I understand why he did it."

"So you're not mad at him? Or me?"

"No, not really, not anymore. I think I understand why he did it. I think you'll understand, too, once you hear my story. But for it to make sense, I need to tell you everything."