Thirty

Thirty

DESI

The ride from the airport to the house is silent. Neither Jace nor I slept much last night. He held me as I sobbed and worried about my father's health and urged me to share some of my favorite memories of growing up in Infernis. I finally fell asleep for a couple of hours, and when I woke up his arms were still around me. Jace hasn't let go of my hand since we stepped out of the hotel room. He's been attentive, kind, showering me with hugs and kisses, doing his best to soften the blow of my father's news.

I know that it's only going to make what happens in three days even harder.

When the Uber pulls up in front of the house, Jace jumps out and runs around to open the door for me, extending his hand to help me out of the SUV. I take it and we each roll a suitcase inside. He stops me before I open the front door.

"Wait. What are you going to tell Cannon?"

My eyes snap to his. "What do you mean?"

"Are you going to—I mean—"

"Am I going to tell him that I definitely need him to come back with me in three days?" I ask, my heart sinking a little lower in my chest.

His nod is almost imperceptible, and he can't meet my eyes. I wish I fully understood. If he cares this much, if the idea of me leaving is so hard for him to imagine, why can't he just take the risk and go with me?

But I think I know the answer to that question. As much as I hate to admit it, maybe Jace really isn't capable of love at this point in his life. And if he doesn't love me—isn't in love with me—he could never take such a giant step. And to be honest, I know that it doesn't matter if I get it or not.

Jace is doing the best he can. That much I know is true.

"I think so," I say in a small voice. It isn't really what I want, but it's the next best thing. "And I think it's a conversation I need to have alone with him. Just in case it gets uncomfortable. Is that okay?"

He squeezes my hand. "Of course. I'll just take our bags upstairs. Come to my room when you're done?"

Leaning into him, I kiss the scruff on his jaw. "You couldn't pay me to be anywhere else," I say, opening the door. I take off my boots, pushing them under the bench in the foyer. My eyes linger on all my shoes lined up next to Jace's; it's such a silly thing, but I'll miss that sight when I go home.

"Cannon, are you here?" Jace calls, walking into the living room.

The man in question turns and smiles at us from his place on the couch. A bag of chips and two soda cans litter the coffee table. I don't miss the tick in Jace's jaw when he eyes what he considers a mess, but he doesn't say a word. I can see he doesn't have the energy.

Pausing the game on the flatscreen, Cannon stands and gathers his trash. "Sorry, man. I thought you two were coming back tomorrow."

"Change of plans," Jace grumbles, opening the cupboard housing the trash can.

I cross the room to our well-meaning roommate, the one whose world is about to be turned upside down by me and my chaotic mess of a life. "I got it," I say, giving Cannon a quick hug before taking the trash from his hands. "How are you?"

He smiles and thanks me before taking a seat at the island. "Fine, just holding down the fort. How was your trip?"

I force a smile and say, "New York City is magnificent. I got to see the Statue of Liberty, and Jace got Edmonds signed. It was a success."

"I'm glad you had a good time. Why did you come home early? You needed more than one day to see everything."

I open my mouth to tell Cannon everything from the beginning, but a gigantic lump rises in my throat, thwarting my ability to speak. I close my eyes and grip the edge of the counter, leaning forward and staring at the pristine tile floor.

Jace is right behind me in an instant. I didn't even realize he hadn't gone upstairs yet. He slides one arm around my waist and places the other around me, palm on the counter, caging me in. "Are you all right, princess?"

I take a deep breath, my eyes squeezed shut, and turn my head toward where his chin is resting on my shoulder. "No, but yes."

He nods his understanding and kisses my temple before running his fingers through my hair. "Do you need me to stay? I can help you through this if you need me to."

I shake my head once. "No. I can do it. I'll come up when I'm done, okay?"

"Okay." As Jace passes by Cannon, he squeezes his shoulder once. "Take her over to the couch. She's going to need your support through this."

Cannon's brows dip even lower as he immediately jumps to his feet and rounds the island to me. "Desi, come sit."

With one more grateful look at Jace, I hook my arm into Cannon's and move to sit with him on the couch. We remain in silence for a few seconds until he speaks.

"Desi, you're scaring me. Are you okay? What's going on? Why did you come home early? Why do you look like you're about to tell me the worst news on the face of the planet?"

Because I am. My father, the man who has loved me and taken care of me for over a century, is essentially burning out. And there isn't a thing I can do to stop it. Oh, and I have to leave behind the man I've fallen—grown very fond of.

I don't wait another second because my other best friend looks incredibly worried for me. I tell Cannon the whole story about my brother showing up on Liberty Island, meeting my father at the pub, and him dropping the news that I'd have to come home in three days instead of a month. But when I get to the part where I need to explain why, that lump returns to my throat, and I freeze.

He scoots closer to me on the couch and wraps his arm around my shoulders, and I lean into him, pulling my knees up and tucking them against my body. I'm basically a ball of quivering, fraying nerves, and Cannon just tugs me to his chest and holds me there. Quiet sobs escape from my throat, and he runs his hand over the back of my head, murmuring comforting words in my ear.

"Shh, Desi. You're safe. Whatever happened in New York, in this moment, you're okay." He rests his chin on top of my head and gently rocks me back and forth, letting me cry. I soak the front of his black T-shirt with my tears, but he doesn't even flinch.

Finally, I look up and wipe my face with the backs of my hands. "I've made a mess of you. I'm sorry."

He waves me off and reaches over to the end table, handing me a tissue. "Please. I don't care about that. I just want to make sure I'm here when my best friend needs me. Take your time. I'm ready when you are."

"Thank you. So the reason I had to come home early is that my dad is essentially . . . well, he's dying, Cannon."

His blue eyes widen, and I spend the next ten minutes answering questions about that and what it means for me and my realm. Cannon fidgets with one of the mini twists on his head as he listens, and when I'm done explaining, he loudly exhales.

"I am so sorry, Desi. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now. Especially thinking you'd have him for literally centuries longer."

I nod, staring at the floor and fiddling with a loose thread on my blouse. "I know. I still can't believe it—I keep hoping it's some kind of nightmare I'll wake up from, but with every minute that passes, I know it's real."

Cannon clears his throat. "So, I . . . I have to ask. You and Jace . . . you seemed . . . close in the kitchen just now. What's going on there?" He raises his brows.

I elbow him in the ribs and try but fail to hide the blush that colors my cheeks. "We . . . we're something, but I don't know exactly what that something is. I know what it isn't, though."

"It's not an eternal partnership." The way he says it makes me suspect that he knows at least the basics about Hannah and Jace's mother.

"He's opened up to you? And told you about—"

"Not exactly. I just found it obvious that he has some sort of block against commitment. I never thought committing to someone for eternity, even a woman who is perfect for him, would be something he could handle." Cannon's eyes narrow and he inspects my face like he's reading the guidebook to my soul. I feel raw, wide open, like everything about me is just bare right there for him to see.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You're upset by this. Deeply. It bothers you almost as much as what's happening to your father," Cannon says, his tone matter-of-fact, like he's reading ingredients off the back of a soup can.

No point in denying it; the man is hopefully going to be with me for the rest of eternity."What are you, some kind of mind reader?"

He smiles and leans back into the couch cushions. "No, just good at reading people. It's part of my job."

"Well, you deserve a promotion because that was right on point. But we've just decided to take these last few days and spend them together. That's the best I can ask from him. But that brings us to the next thing I need to talk to you about."

"I think I know what that is."

"I won't hold you to it, Cannon. It may have seemed like something that would never happen. But now it has, and the time is sooner than you—"

"I'll do it, Desi."

"You will?"

"Yes. I told you I would, and I meant it. You're my best friend, and I see no reason why I shouldn't spend the rest of my life doing something as amazing as running an entire Circle of Infernis with you."

My heart swells and I throw my arms around his neck. "Thank you, Cannon. Thank you. You're saving my life—and my entire realm—here."

"I'm happy to do it. I'll be ready when you need me. I'll start tying up loose ends tomorrow morning."

"Can you give me a day before you come through the portal? My family is going to be really confused if I come home with someone besides Jace. I want to explain everything to them and prepare them to meet you."

He nods in that accepting, patient way that is so uniquely Cannon. "Of course. That will give me time to go home and say goodbye to my family. Then I'll come to you."

"Thank you. I know I've already told you, but I can't say it enough. Everything else sucks, but at least you're going to be next to me through it all," I whisper, and Cannon leans over to kiss my cheek.

"It's all going to work out fine. You'll see, Desi." He pauses. "Wait—what's a portal?"

I laugh despite everything falling apart around me. "I'll explain it all to you later."

The room falls silent as Cannon makes his way upstairs to begin preparing for his departure from this realm. I try to fill my lungs with a calming breath, but the air is too thick. Everything is closing in on me and I can't move quickly enough to get out of its way. I'm going to suffocate to death, and there's nothing I can do about it.

But I can deflect the pain, and my best distraction is waiting for me.