Thirty-one

Thirty-one

DESI

I trudge up the stairs and make my way to Jace's room. After two light taps of my knuckles, he answers the door. He's traded his traveling clothes for joggers and a T-shirt depicting the evolution of humans into robots. His hair stands on end like he's run his fingers through it a thousand times. I feel very overdressed.

"I'm going to change," I say, pivoting to head down the hall again.

He grabs my arm and guides me into his room. "That won't be necessary."

It doesn't escape me that Jace has already unpacked; not an item in his room is out of place. I also don't miss the flickering amber glow coming from his bathroom.

"You didn't get a chance to use that tub in the hotel. I thought I'd make it up to you," he says, leading me forward with his hand on my lower back.

The calming scent of lavender fills my lungs as we enter the bathroom. Candles are placed around the bathtub, which is billowing with bubbles. Towels are neatly folded on the ledge. Jace has transformed his bathroom into a romantic spa.

Turning to him, I place my hand on his cheek and run my palm over his scruff. "How are you so perfect?"

Jace shakes his head and presses a kiss to my forehead. "I'm not. But you—that's a different story. So that makes me want to treat you like the princess you are." He slips his hands under the hem of my blouse and pushes it over my bra. "Here, let's get you undressed so you can relax. Lift your arms for me."

Jace taking care of me like this is exactly what I need right now, so I do what he says. He takes my shirt off and drops it in the laundry basket, then slides his hands down the curve of my waist. "These next." Popping the button on my jeans, he slides the zipper down and slips them over my ass, running his palm across the bare skin that's barely covered by my cheeky green lace panties. "These are new," he comments as he helps me step out of my pants.

My skin heats and I push a loose curl out of my eyes. "I bought them because I knew you liked the color on me. It's the first time I've worn them."

He grins and reaches behind me to unfasten my bra, letting it fall to the floor without bothering to pick it up. Pressing his lips to the valley between my breasts, he kisses a path down the center of my stomach until he reaches the waistband of said panties. I shiver when he runs his fingertip along it. "I love them. I wonder if they're ruined yet," he whispers as he slips his fingers underneath to pull them off.

"Oh yeah, you can bet on it," I breathe, reaching out to hang on to the towel rack for support.

He glances at the lace after I step out of them, and I'm certain my body temperature rises at least a hundred degrees when he gives me a wicked grin and puts them in the pocket of his joggers. "I think I'll keep these." With a featherlight kiss under my belly button, he stands to his full height. "All right, let's get you settled."

He takes my hand and helps me into the tub as if he didn't just turn me on to high heat. But when I sink under the bubbles, I forget everything. "Damn, this feels fucking good," I say, opening my eyes and meeting his scorching gaze.

"That's what I wanted. For you to feel good." He leans down and kisses the corner of my mouth. I try to capture his lips for a deeper kiss but he pulls back. "This is you time. I'm going to go check on a couple of other things while you relax. I'll come back in a few. Okay?"

My chest deflates. I thought for sure he was going to join me. But just as quickly, I remember how grateful I am that he did all this. Just for me. "Okay, I'll be here," I say, splashing the bubbles at him playfully.

"You better be." With that, he disappears into his room, leaving me with my thoughts.

It's surreal to think that my time in this realm is already up. I never forgot that it was ticking down day by day, but another part of me felt like I had all the time in the world. The thought of leaving this house feels like a foreign concept. Or maybe it's knowing that I'm leaving Jace. I hate it. Deep in my gut it feels so wrong.

Every woman who has held an important role in Jace's life has walked away without a fight. They never showed him that he was worth more than enduring pain. They had limits to what they would do for him, but I don't.

I care about him. So much that I'll fight for him but let him go if that's what he wants. Either way, I want him to understand I'd do anything for him. If I knew it wouldn't cause harm in the end, I'd even consider not returning to Infernis for him.

I sink lower in the tub and close my eyes. I picture every heavy emotion that plagues me turning into iridescent bubbles. My father's health. My pending eternity with Cannon. My self-doubt about ruling a Circle. My fear of leaving Jace. Each problem floats away until they burst into nothingness.

The calm of a presence I've come to know as if it were my own washes over me, and I inch my eyes open. Jace sits on the side of the tub, his eyes locked on me, as his index finger slides along his bottom lip.

"Did I doze off?" I ask.

"You did. I'm glad my plan to get you to relax worked."

I lift my lips in a halfhearted smile. "You look like you could use a little relaxing yourself. You could always join me. There's plenty of room."

Jace chuckles as he stands and pulls his shirt over his head. "Can't refuse that offer."

He strips down, and I take the opportunity to memorize every cut of muscle and little imperfection. I want the image of Jace Wilder seared into my memory for the rest of my existence.

He motions for me to sit up and slides his body behind mine. I relax against his chest and pull his arms around my waist. My body surrounded by his could easily be my favorite place.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, and Jace adds more hot water to the tub while I sprinkle in another handful of lavender bath salts. When we sink back under the water, he runs his fingers across my stomach and I'm resting my hands on his legs. It's nice, just being in his presence, but I have too many things on my mind to keep them all bottled up. I'm about to break the silence when Jace speaks first.

"Desi, I want you to know something."

I sit up and turn to face him, pulling my legs in close to my body and scooting between his thighs so we're as close as possible. "What is it?"

He wraps his arms around me and rests his hands on my lower back, his thumb drawing circles on my skin under the water. "That this has never been about you and me."

I cock my head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, it—it's never been a matter of whether or not I want to go with you. Or if I think we're compatible. I know we are. That's why this sucks so goddamn much," he says, his voice suddenly hard, anger bursting out of him like he's been holding it in for weeks.

I scoot in closer, wrapping my legs around him, placing my palms on his cheeks. I'm scared to say what I want to say, scared he'll direct that anger at me, and I don't want that, least of all in our last days together. But I need to say it. "But it doesn't have to be like this, Jace. I would never hurt you. Not in all of eternity, not for all the riches and wonders my realm has to offer."

"I wish it could be me. I wish I could look past my issues and the soul-splitting pain I felt putting my trust in someone else. What you're offering is forever, and I don't get how that's possible. Hearts change, unconditional love bends until it has conditions, sacrifices are easy to make until they demand everything. Forever always comes to an end." He slides the back of his fingers over the side of my face. "Not only do I wish it could be me, but I wish I had a heart like yours."

The heart he just spoke about is cracking, and I know I should stop before I break it right in half, but I can't. I can't let it go. "Jace, you do. You do have a heart like mine. I've seen it. What happened to you doesn't have to define who you are now. You've trusted me with your darkest secrets these past weeks. Why can't you trust me enough to let me make you happy?" Tears fill my eyes but I blink them away, refusing to break down. I need to be strong for him.

"This isn't about happiness! It's about the hard times. The moment everything doesn't go to plan. It's about love not being enough to keep a wife by her dying husband's hospital bed. It's about a mother bailing on her seventeen-year-old son and letting him figure out how to care for his dad. It's about learning your fiancé may never walk again, never make it to the altar, and running away. It's about love not being enough to sustain a person through the hardest times."

Jace drops his arms to his sides, gasping for breath. His eyes brim with tears and all the determination to fight has drained from him. His soul is naked before me, exposing every deep cut and scar. I've never seen him so vulnerable before.

He cradles my face in his palms and gives me the most painful glimpse of his truth as he says, "I don't have a heart like yours, Desideria. You give yours without a second thought. I'm holding on to the scraps of mine with clenched fists. Don't get me wrong. You're sliding those broken pieces out through my fingers, stealing them one by one, but I'm not giving them freely. I'm terrified to hand you even one piece. You'll be the woman who has the power to obliterate what's left of me. I'm begging you to keep what you've already stolen and leave me with what little I have left. Please."

The tears welling in his eyes break me. I know now that there is nothing I can say to change his mind. Nothing I can say to make him see that forever with me could be the happiest he's ever been. I may be immortal, I may have the power to levitate televisions across the room, but I don't have the power to heal the wounds that the most important women in his life inflicted before I came into it.

I lean forward and rest my head against his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat. "I'm sorry, Jace. I'm so sorry. I wish I could make it better."

"You do," he says, wrapping me in his arms and kissing the top of my head. "I don't want to think about past hurts and the future. I just want to get lost in you while you're still here. Let me take your mind off everything but me."

I swallow and sit up to meet his gaze. "I don't want to think about any of that either. All I want is to be with you." I run a finger down the center of his chest. "I want . . . I want to put my mouth on you."

He slides a soapy hand over my breast and lightly pinches my nipple. His lips glide up my neck, and his breath is warm against my ear as he says, "And where exactly do you want to put your mouth? Say it, little hurricane."

I lean back so I can see his face and look him in the eye before saying, "I want to suck your cock." Moving back toward him, I brush my mouth against his, nip his bottom lip, and murmur, "And I want to do it now." He twitches underneath me, and I grin against his mouth.

"On your knees, princess," he commands, moving up the back of the tub until he is sitting on the edge. He grips his hard length and I watch in awe as his hand slides up and down. He is irresistible like this.

"Come put your mouth on me," he says, his words gravelly with desire.

Shifting to my knees, I slip between his legs, putting my hands on his thighs to hold myself up. "Damn, I know how big you are after the other night, but . . . I don't know if I can take all of you."

He smirks, grabbing a handful of my wet curls and tugging firmly. "I believe in you, little hurricane."

The slightly cocky tone of voice he uses with me in this moment is so hot, I have to take a second to inhale a breath of fresh air or I might hyperventilate. "Well, then I better show up for you, huh?" I say, and without warning, I lower my head and close my mouth over him, taking over half his length into my mouth in one go.

Sliding my lips back up, I swirl my tongue over the head and lick the bead of pre-cum that's already leaking out of the tip. "Fuck," I moan around his cock. "You taste so good."

He brushes his thumb near my mouth and thrusts his hips, pushing himself a little deeper. "That's it. Take me deep. Your mouth looks so pretty on me, making me feel so good."

His praise moves me forward and I take him deeper, inch by inch until he hits the back of my throat. I gag a little, and it isn't just to make him feel good, but because I can't help it. Dragging my fingernails up and down his thighs, I dig into his skin and glide my lips up his length before repeating the action and taking him all the way down my throat again.

Watching Jace find pleasure has become one of my favorite things, but being completely in control of that pleasure, it's a power unlike anything I've ever known. I'm the reason he licks his lips as he watches himself disappear into my mouth. His blissful hums and surprised hisses are mine. He is at my mercy, and it's a total turn-on.

Jace takes my hand from his thigh and wraps my fingers around him, just below my mouth. He shows me how to pump him with a twist over his slick shaft as I continue to take him as deep as I can.

"Good girl. Keep going just like that, princess."

His words send a fresh wave of longing through me, and I'm wet all over again in a way that has nothing to do with the bath we've all but abandoned. I hum around him, a contented noise in the back of my throat that earns me a deep groan. When I do it again, he arches his back, pushing himself just a little too far down my throat. I gag again, but this time I recover by tugging up from the base of his shaft toward where my tongue now laps at the proof of his desire at the tip.

He grips the hair at the back of my head and thrusts his hips once . . . twice. "I'm going to come," he says through gritted teeth. He's holding back, warning me of what's about to happen. I appreciate him giving me that choice, but he didn't have to. The moment I put my mouth on him I knew I wanted it all.

I lock eyes with Jace and bat my lashes, wordlessly telling him to let go. His hold on my hair grows tighter, and his entire body tenses.

"Fuck, Desideria," he says, as his release washes over my tongue.

I don't let up, taking it all until his body goes limp. He sinks into the tub and pulls me into his arms. Holding my head to his shoulder, he kisses my forehead and says, "Thank you."

I angle my head back so I can see his face. "You don't have to thank me for that. Giving you pleasure feels just as good for me as it does for you. I love watching you fall apart like that. Especially knowing that I'm the cause," I say, running my fingertip down the center of his chest.

"Good to know, but a performance that good deserves a reward. Is there anything I can do for you?"

My stomach growls in response and my cheeks heat at the sound of it. "Feed me."

Jace's phone lights up on the counter across the bathroom. "I got you covered. Our food just arrived."

He helps me out of the tub and dries me off. After giving me one of his shirts to wear, he leads me into his room, where blankets and pillows are spread out on the floor. The setup reminds me of a people-sized nest. A lap tray holds a bucket of ice with a bottle of wine in the center and two glasses placed upside down. The small touch brings a smile to my face. It's a tiny show of surrender in Jace's very controlled environment. He grabs a bag of take-out food from outside his door. I assume Cannon put it there for us after it arrived. While I prepare our plates with what Jace has declared is the best Chinese food in Denver, he turns on the television hanging on the wall. Three of my favorite rom-com movies appear on the screen.

We spend the night in our little nest, arms and legs tangled, never missing an opportunity to steal a kiss. Wrapped in the blankets and buried between the pillows, we can pretend that the inevitable isn't inching closer. We can get lost in wandering hands and the warmth of skin on skin. I wish I could cling to him, body and soul, and keep him with me like this always. But the end of our time together never stops creeping closer.