19. Callum

19

CALLUM

I yawned for the umpteenth time in the last hour, nearly unhinging my jaw in the process. I was in a heavy fog of exhaustion and stress over my upcoming finals. The library had become my reluctant second home and I was convinced my ass had left a permanent imprint on my usual chair. It would have been insufferable if not for the welcome distraction of a certain someone who kept me company the last several days.

As if conjured by my thoughts, Rhys plopped down on the chair opposite me. “I come bearing gifts,” he declared proudly, dropping a takeout bag from Whataburger on the table with a soft thud.

“If you tell me you have a double bacon cheeseburger in there, I'll name my firstborn after you,” I replied, my mouth already watering at the sinful aroma wafting from the bag. Rhys dug in the bag and revealed a thick burger wrapped in the recognizable yellow paper. I reached for it, but he yanked it away at the last second. The look of betrayal on my face had him cackling in his seat.

“Oh, did you think this was for you?” he asked, eyes wide in mock innocence. “I didn't realize you were hungry. Dang, if only I had brought extra…” He started to unwrap the burger and brought it to his mouth, but I lunged for him across the table. He squeaked and backed up just out of reach.

“Do not even play with me right now, Rhys Evans. I am starving and a step away from eating my damn textbook. If that burger is not in my hand in two seconds, you're going to be in trouble and I'm going to end up on the nightly news,” I growled, eliciting another amused laugh from him. He smirked at me and finally forked it over.

“Geez, you get violent when you're hangry,” he quipped as I started inhaling the delicious, bacon-y goodness. Oh fuck, that is so good. Is it possible to orgasm from a cheeseburger? I give it thirty seconds before I prove that theory right.

I moaned around a mouthful of food and Rhys' face flushed with color, shifting in his seat. My cock twitched in my sweats seeing his reaction, but I shoved down the dirty thoughts that threatened to creep up. I had promised him to stick to the friendzone and I wouldn't let an errant boner ruin it. The last two weeks had been perfect between us, both of us falling into an easy rhythm of texting, hanging out and studying together.

It still amazed me that I never seemed to get sick of being around him so frequently. I had wondered if I was gaining a better tolerance for people, but I still seemed to get overstimulated and tired of hanging out with some of my teammates or even Griffin when he was around. Unsurprisingly, Rhys was the exception to the rule. He had been from the start.

The only real problem I had was how fucking horny I was all the time. I couldn't even remember the last time I had a hookup. Despite Rhys setting firm boundaries between us, even he couldn't stop his reactions to me. If I licked my lips, his eyes zeroed in on the movement. If I ran a hand through my hair, I felt his gaze sweep across my bicep. When I wore sweatpants, he'd blush so temptingly and unsuccessfully avoid looking at the outline of my dick. That might or might not have swayed my decision to wear sweats nine out of ten times we hung out.

I knew eventually I'd need to get out and find a fuck buddy to mess around with because jacking off only got you so far. But each time the idea randomly crossed my mind, a queasiness settled in my gut and I felt weirdly guilty. It was insane to experience guilt when Rhys and I weren't a thing, yet it didn't change that I felt it all the same.

“What final are you studying for now?” Rhys asked, pulling me from my troubled thoughts.

“Umm, this is for my Applied Human Anatomy course. It's not particularly hard, there's just so much included on the final. There's no room left in my brain to store all this shit. I'm pretty damn sure I'm replacing cherished childhood memories with the functions of body systems and anatomical terminology,” I griped, rubbing my temples in an effort to ease the headache that was forming.

“Oof, I had an anatomy class for my major last year. Those tests were about as fun as a root canal, so you have my sympathies” Rhys lamented with me.

“The nerd didn't enjoy something school-related? Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse?” I smirked at him.

“Well, we all have our dark days, even someone as perfect as me,” Rhys mocked, sticking his tongue out at me, but all he managed to do was stir things up down south. It's official. I'm going to die from a severe case of blue balls. This build-up of cum is gonna give me an embolism. Is that a thing? I wonder if they cover that in my anatomy textbook…

Rhys pulled out his laptop and a notebook before rooting around in his backpack with an irritated look. “Ugh, I forgot my dang textbook at home. Be right back. I'm gonna try to find a copy here.”

I gave him a wordless nod, unable to help myself from watching his toned, round ass as he walked to the computer system to look up his book. My dick plumped a little more as I fantasized about biting into it and licking it better while he writhed under me. I had found people of all genders attractive, and didn't discriminate if someone returned my desire. Yet for all my lascivious activities, I hadn't had penetrative sex with a man. It wasn't that I was opposed to it, it had just never been the ultimate goal when I was with anyone who identified as male. A few blowjobs and frotting were as far as I had ever gone, but beyond that it had just never quite felt right.

In my bones, I knew it would be right with Rhys. Not that it would ever happen. That was a hard pill to swallow.

Caught in my bittersweet dirty thoughts, I heard Rhys' lyrical laugh drift across the nearly empty space. Since it was almost 10pm, there were only two or three other students remaining besides us. My brow furrowed as I looked around for Rhys, finally leaning over and spotting him down one aisle.

And he wasn't alone.

He was being chatted up by a tall, brunette dude in a burnt orange hoodie and black sweats, and he was lucky that Rhys didn't seem to have any trouble avoiding looking at his dick in those pants. If Rhys' eyes had drifted down just then, I was liable to be in handcuffs with a hefty bail in under five minutes. The guy was objectively attractive, if you went for that classic square-jawed, perfect smile thing. My stomach churned in fear that that was exactly the type that Rhys went for, but I actually didn't have a frame of reference for his type. I had never seen him with another guy and I didn't know what that Connor douche looked like.

With the way Rhys was smiling nervously at this dick with that seductive pink stain on his face, it was obvious that he was attracted to him at the very least. Jealousy spiked my veins like a hot shot, burning me up inside. It made me vibrate with rage when that asshat had the nerve to lean in close and whisper something in Rhys' ear, his eyes widening at whatever he heard. I could practically feel the tremble that used to go through Rhys whenever I had been that close, that almost imperceptible increase in his breathing that tipped me off to his growing need.

I felt like puking thinking that he could be experiencing that with someone else. Would he shudder at the touch of this guy's hands? Would he moan in that sexy way he did when he was close to the edge? Would he beg him for more and get off on the dirty words that fell from someone else's lips?

Goddamn it, why the hell am I not over there stopping this shit? Oh right. We're just “friends”. I hate that word. I want to eradicate that word from the English language and replace it with “mine”. Rhys isn't my friend, he's mine.

Except he wasn't. A fact that was made more evident when I watched that flirty dickwad write something down on a piece of paper and stick it in Rhys' hand, wrapping his fingers around it. Each second his hands were on Rhys was like a red hot poker to my sides. I knew I shouldn't be spying on him like this, not only for his privacy, but for my own sanity. Reluctantly, I leaned back in my seat so they were just out of sight.

Only a minute later, Rhys hurried back to our table and sat down, but he wasn't making eye contact with me. It was probably for the best. I wasn't confident in my ability to hide my feelings from him at that moment, so I focused on my studying instead. Well, I gave it a good faith effort at least. Finally, the silence got to me and I couldn't hold back.

“Run into a friend of yours?” I asked, trying for nonchalance and failing miserably. Rhys' head perked up at me like a startled meerkat.

“What?” he asked confusedly. “Oh, you mean Adam over there?”

Adam. What a stupid fucking name .

“Yeah, I guess. What did he want?” I couldn't have been smooth at that moment if a Zamboni had run me over.

Rhys gave me a puzzled, uncomfortable look at my line of questioning. “We have a class together and we were just talking about the final for it. He asked if I wanted to study with him since the test is in a couple days.”

Suspicion needled at me because I knew the moves that Adam was putting on him. “Does he get that touchy with all his study partners or is this a massage exam you're both studying for?”

“He wasn't touching me!” Rhys countered, purple eyes big and anxious. “…much. He…he told me that he'd been noticing me for a while and that after studying, we could maybe go out for dinner…”

“And?” I pressed, needing to hear how that turned out even as my blood boiled.

“Annnnd he gave me his number and said to text him,” Rhys mumbled almost under his breath like he was hoping I wouldn't hear him. Unfortunately, I heard every fucking word. My gut reaction was to grab Rhys, pull him to the nearest bathroom, and stake my claim on him. Wrap my hands around that perfect cock of his and bring him to orgasm again and again until he forgot every man's name but mine. I wanted to bite and mark him all over so no one would dare question who he belonged to.

But that wasn't fair to him. Rhys deserved better than me, that had been proven more times than I cared to admit. He'd shut down any possibility of us being more, and I didn't expect him to be single the rest of his life. But fuck, if it didn't rip a hole in my chest to think about. In the end, I made the only decision that was right for him.

“You should go for it,” I told him tightly. I didn't stop looking at my class notes even though I wasn't taking in any of the information. I just couldn't meet his gaze, not when I was willingly pushing him towards another guy.

“Y-you really think I should?” Rhys asked in a tiny voice. My heart was screaming bloody murder, telling me that this was a mistake I'd regret. Yet I wrestled it down and reminded myself that Rhys was more important than my hopeless crush. I was still working every day just to be worthy of his friendship. I definitely wasn't worthy of his heart.

“I do. I mean, you might as well give him a chance and see where it goes, right?” I told him, pasting on an encouraging smile. He searched my face for a few seconds, possibly to see if I truly meant it. I did and I didn't. I didn't want him with anyone else in the world, but I did want him to be happy.

“Maybe. We'll see,” Rhys murmured noncommittally. “So are you excited for Christmas break?”

The change in topic threw me for a second, but I was relieved we'd moved on. “Eh, it'll be nice to have a break from classes before team practices start up in January.”

“You're not going anywhere for the holidays?” he asked with genuine concern in his voice.

“Where would I go, Rhys?” I responded softly, giving him a knowing look that he deciphered instantly. Guilt and embarrassment swept over his features.

“Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't think…God, I'm so stupid,” he muttered, cheeks bright red. “I just hate the thought of you holed up by yourself for Christmas.”

I waved off his worries, not wanting to think about how that had been my reality for the last few years. “Don't apologize. It's not a big deal, I swear. What about you? You're heading up to spend it with your Gran, yeah?”

“Yeah. My last final is on Friday, so I'll leave early Saturday morning. I think Micah's leaving that morning too.”

“Your roommate, right? What's he doing for the break?” I asked to make conversation, but in the back of my mind I thought about how Rhys hadn't ever introduced me to this Micah guy, even though he was supposedly one of Rhys' best friends. Was he ashamed of me?

Of course he is. Why wouldn't he be ashamed of the man who fucking bullied him and hurt him over and over? He's probably friends with you because Rhys has too big a heart to toss you out on your ass.

“He's actually taking Bash with him up to Colorado to spend it with his family. I'm so freaking glad they finally pulled their heads out of their butts and realized how perfect they are together,” Rhys chuckled, pulling me from the loathsome thoughts that bombarded my head.

“Right,” I replied absently. “How's Micah doing by the way? After the concussion thing, I mean.”

“He's recovered fully, thank God. That was an experience I never want to relive again. He better be happy I'm not squeamish around blood otherwise I would have been completely worthless to him that day, you know? ”

“I hear you. So do you wanna head o?—”

“You should come with me,” Rhys' blurted out. I blinked at him, confused by the sudden change in subject.

“Come with you where? Your apartment?”

Rhys chewed on his bottom lip and I was curious why he seemed nervous all of a sudden. “No. I mean come with me to Oklahoma for Christmas.”

My eyebrows shot up and all I could do was stare at him. Out of all the things he could have said, I hadn't expected that.

“For real? Will your Gran even be okay with that? Don't feel like you have to invite me because you're worried about me or whatever.” I wanted to give him an out in case he was only doing this out of pity, but I couldn't stifle that flare of hope that he really wanted me there.

“Are you kidding? Gran would love it. She lives to play hostess for people. She'll probably end up liking you more than me,” he laughed nervously. “But…I'm inviting you because I want you to come. You don't deserve to be stuck here alone for the holiday. Come with me. Please?”

He looked so earnest that it made my heart squeeze. I wasn't able to deny him anything.

“Sure, I'll come. My last exam is also on Friday, so I can be ready whenever you want the next morning.”

“Perfect! I'm a morning person, so I like to hit the road no later than eight if that's cool. Fair warning, we'll also definitely be hitting a Starbucks first because I'll be useless without caffeine. It's not a pretty sight, I assure you. I can't wait to show you my hometown! It's like a Hallmark movie around Christmas time. You're going to love it, I swear!” Rhys rambled on excitedly. He shot me a wide, bright smile that made my heart stutter out a strange rhythm.

It was disconcerting how he had the power to throw me off-balance, have me scrambling to figure out all these godforsaken new feelings he brought out in me. At the same time, I had never felt more centered and whole than when I was with him.

He snuffed out everything I thought I knew about myself, but awakened things in me I never knew existed. He was a poison and the antidote all at once. A beautiful paradox.