Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Sophie

My hands sweated and shook as I approached the entrance of Sapph. I had my cute dress on under a jacket, I’d put my hair up, and I’d worn my favorite gold jewelry.

I thought I looked pretty cute. Or as cute as I could get without professional help.

There were a few people hanging around outside smoking and vaping and talking. I stood on the sidewalk looking up at the sign for a few minutes.

I could do this. And if I decided I didn’t like it, I could leave.

Reid was here. She wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me.

My decision made, I paid the cover and stepped inside.

I’d prepared myself for it to be crowded, but the reality was a little scarier. Bodies packed together in a small space while loud music pounded through speakers and everyone shouted so they could hear each other.

Oh shit. What the hell had I gotten myself into?

Fighting the urge to bolt, I moved further into the bar. I could leave if I needed to. I could leave if I needed to.

Once I had adjusted a little bit to all the noise and the darkness, I looked to the right where the bar took up a huge portion of the wall with people packed together and trying to get the attention of at least one of the bartenders.

I didn’t care about the others. I had to get the notice of one bartender in particular.

There she was. A little hard to spot, but I found her. She walked the length of the bar balancing several glasses with poise as she set them down and then swiped a credit card. Reid still moved like a dancer. I knew she had quit, but I didn’t know when and I didn’t know why. As far as I knew, she’d been a hardcore badass ballerina and on her way to becoming a professional dancer. I imagined one day I would buy a ticket to see her on stage in New York City under the sparkling lights. She’d been talented. I remembered her spending summers getting invited to special dance camps and programs all over the US.

Reid didn’t talk about dance anymore. Something must have happened, but I didn’t want to ask in case it was painful. She also didn’t talk about her mom. I knew it had been just the two of them and that things had always been rocky.

One of these days I was going to find out what made Reid tick.

Using a little bit of force, I pushed my way through the crowd and found a place at the bar to stand. Reid was on the other end and a different bartender spotted me. She had silver septum piercing in her nose that winked in the light and full sleeves of tattoos on both arms.

“What can I get you, sweetheart?” I blushed at the endearment.

“Um, I’m actually hoping to say hi to Reid. We’re friends.” I’d told her that I might show up tonight, but I hadn’t sent her a message or anything warning her ahead of time in case I changed my mind.

“Friend of Reid’s? Sure,” she said, but I could tell she didn’t believe me. She went to tap Reid on the shoulder and gestured to me. I waved to Reid and saw her lips twitch with a suppressed smile. She said something in the ear of the other bartender and came over to me.

“Hey Soph. You made it,” she said, her voice quiet, but I could still hear it over everything else. I could probably hear her voice anywhere.

“I did!” I said way too loudly. “Sorry.”

She smiled and my heart did a slow little roll in my chest. She looked so good her under the purple neon lights. Sexy as hell, her dark hair lit up and her eyes hooded and mysterious.

She looked like a fantasy, and I bet she got hit on all the time. Reid could have anyone she wanted. I couldn’t believe she’d agreed to help me.

“What do you think?” she asked, completely ignoring everyone else trying to get her attention. I leaned forward, flattered and also desperate to get closer to her. Being near her somehow made everything seem less intense. The noise and colors and people didn’t press on me so hard now that she was here in front of me.

“It’s a lot,” I said. “But I’m glad I pushed myself and came. And I think I should have a drink.” There. I’d decided to stay.

Reid winked at me and I wished I was sitting down. That wink was devastating. Good thing she hadn’t unleashed it on me before.

She was fully in her zone as a bartender. Playing her role like she’d once played a dying swan on the stage in a white costume.

“What can I get you?” she asked. Oh shit, I hadn’t studied the menu. Panic gripped the back of my neck as my skin went hot and cold with anxiety. I always looked up menus before going anywhere so I could decide ahead of time, but I hadn’t done that tonight. Shit.

“Hey,” Reid said, her tone sharp. I’d frantically been trying to read the menu hung high above her head. “I’ll make you something you’ll like.”

I nodded, wiping my palms on the skirt of my dress. “Okay.”

Now I had to get my heart to slow the hell down and remind my body that it didn’t need to be doing all of that. So much drama.

Using my calming techniques, I slowed my breathing and counted in my head while Reid buzzed around the bar making my drink, ducking around the other bartenders to get what she needed. You could see how her dance training had actually prepared her to pivot behind a crowded bar. All of that balancing on her pointe shoes translated to her balancing shots and carrying them to thirsty customers.

Reid returned with my drink and it had cherries in it and was pink under the lights.

“It’s kind of like what I made the other night, but this one is alcoholic,” she explained, pushing it toward me. “If you hate it, I’ll make you something else.”

I took a cautious sip and closed my eyes as the flavors burst on my tongue. Ohhhh, it was delicious. Just what I wanted.

“Good?” Reid asked as I sucked on the straw.

“So good,” I said with a nod. I pulled my card out of my coat pocket, but she waved me off. “You get the friends and family discount. First drink is free.”

She winked again and then waved before she headed off to serve someone else. I stood there for a few more minutes, carefully sipping my drink and watching Reid. Even though she was smiling, there was a tightness to it that I hadn’t seen before. Anyone else wouldn’t have noticed it unless they’d spent some time with her outside of Sapph.

She was putting on a show and it had to take a toll on her. No wonder she was so tired. Reid raced around the bar with a smile plastered on her face and had to listen while everyone talked at her and demanded things. I had no doubt that later in the night things could get rowdy and people could get ruder as the alcohol flowed.

This Reid was so at odds with the person I knew. The one who loved chocolate and books and reading and fanfic and seemed happy to lounge with me and let me jabber about anything. There was a confidence to her here. A sureness that she’d been doing this for a while, and she was comfortable with it to an extent. But I saw the strain.

I didn’t want to poke at any touchy subjects, but this didn’t seem like the right job for her. Or at least it didn’t seem like it should be her primary job. Maybe if she cut back, it wouldn’t drain her so much.

Someone jostled me and I nearly dumped my drink down someone else’s back. Everyone apologized and laughed, and it was very cordial. The person I’d almost spilled the drink on gave me a slow once over. Oh. This dress was working some magic.

“You’re new,” she said, giving me a slow smile. Her hair was cut short and she wore jeans and a tight T-shirt that showed off toned arms.

Larison and I had spent a significant portion of time trying to figure out what my “type” was, and as much as we’d talked about it, I had decided “I don’t know.” Attraction was still so new for me that it was almost like my brain just ignored it or categorized it as something else. Looking back, I discovered that I’d told myself that any attraction was admiration. Or jealousy. Or some other emotion.

Now that I knew what it was, I was still figuring it out. But this stranger was cute, I’d give her that. She had a sharp jaw and a crooked smile that made my blood rush in my head.

“Uh yeah, this is my first time here,” I said, hating how squeaky my voice sounded.

“And what do you think?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

“I’ve never been to a queer bar before. I, um, just came out a few months ago. I’m a lesbian.” I said and then almost choked on my straw as I tried to sip and cover my babbling.

That was too much, but I couldn’t take it back.

Instead of giving me a weird look, she smiled.

“You’re cute as hell. I’m Jamie.”

“Sophie,” I said.

“Well, Sophie, do you think I could buy you a second drink? Or maybe we could have a dance?” There was an area of the bar where people were dancing and moving together. I definitely wasn’t ready for that yet.

“Um, I think I’m good for tonight. But maybe another night?” I didn’t want her to feel bad.

“Aw, you’re breaking my heart,” she said, holding one hand up to her chest.

“I’m sorry,” I said immediately, but she laughed.

“Don’t worry about it, gorgeous. Hopefully we’ll meet again.”

She stepped around me and melted into the crowd.

I’d done it! I’d talked to another queer woman in a queer bar and I hadn’t embarrassed myself too badly. That hadn’t even been in my plan for tonight, but I went with it and survived.

I couldn’t stop smiling as I sipped my drink and bopped to the music. They did have a good playlist going and if I was feeling a bit more adventurous, I might hit the dance floor. There was a group of women all dressed in similar outfits with one woman wearing a crown and a sash that looked like they were having the time of their lives.

I wished I could just dive in and join them. So many times in my life I was the one standing on the outside looking in at everyone else having a good time.

I didn’t want to be that person anymore.

I finished my first drink and felt warm and silly as the alcohol sloshed through my veins. A few more people randomly spoke to me, but I kept my interactions short. One thing I did want to do was leave while I was still having a good time. I didn’t want to stay too long and then have a negative experience.

It seemed like time to go after I visited the bathroom and heard at least one couple hooking up in a stall. Not that I judged them. I was a little envious that they felt free enough to do something so intimate in a place like this where they could get caught.

As I blushed and washed my hands, I thought, again, of that night when Reid had heard me. Ever since then, I’d tried to be as quiet as possible when I masturbated if I knew she was home. My loudest vibrators were confined to the nights that she worked at Sapph. Just a few times I’d wondered what she would do if I used my wand again when she was home. If I wasn’t quiet and let myself go. Would she bang on the wall again? Would she try to ignore it?

Reid had told me we could forget it, but I hadn’t. I couldn’t. There was still some embarrassment, absolutely. But there was something else that was even stronger: excitement. I’d liked that she heard me. That she knew what I sounded like when I came. What did that say about me? I for sure knew I wasn’t an exhibitionist. None of that appealed to me. But Reid knowing and hearing me? That was different.

Shit. I’d been standing at the sink with my hands under the water for too long. I dried off my hands and left the bathroom, scanning the bar to find Reid. She stood at one end sipping what looked like a glass of ice water through a straw.

I approached her and tried not to smile too much. Seeing her made me giddy and I couldn’t let her know. Reid had made it so clear that we could be friends, but anything else was never ever going to happen. I didn’t blame her at all. Her history with my sister was rough. These growing feelings I had for her were all on me and mine to deal with alone. This was my first crush on a woman now that I knew myself and I couldn’t let it get out of hand.

I couldn’t ruin things with Reid.

“You’re still here,” she said, giving me a tired smile. Her skin glistened with perspiration. It was warm in here and she’d also been hustling back and forth for hours.

“Don’t you get to sit down?” I asked.

She shrugged. “If I sit down, then it’s harder to get back up. I sit when I get home at the end of the night.”

That made sense, I supposed.

“I think I’m going to head out.” Now I felt foolish for coming over here and announcing that. As if she cared or would notice if I was gone.

“Saw you talking to Jamie,” she said, an odd look on her face.

“Oh, you know Jamie?” I asked.

“She’s a regular. And I wouldn’t, if I were you. She’s the lesbian equivalent of a fuckboy, and that’s not what you need when you’re freshly out. Trust me.”

Oh. I didn’t pick up on that at all.

“See? This is why I need you to teach me,” I said, slapping my hand down on the bar.

Reid chuckled. “I’ll do my best to steer you in the right direction, padawan Sophie.” She was so cute when she called me that.

I giggled and wished that she could jump over the bar and hang out with me. Tonight would have been more fun if I could have spent it with Reid.

“Thanks. I guess I’ll see you when I see you?” Reid finished her water and set the glass down.

“Did you maybe want to do something on Sunday? The weather is supposed to be nice, so I thought I might drive out to one of the nature trails in the suburbs.”

Oh. She was inviting me to do an activity with her. That was new.

“Yeah, that sounds fun. I’ll just be hanging around the house so knock on my door when you’re ready to go. If you drive, I’ll buy us coffee.”

That earned me one of her genuine smiles. “That’s a deal.”