Chapter 32

Sen

I woke with a start, automatically throwing my arm backward. Something caught it and wrapped around my wrist. The gesture was so familiar to me at this point that I relaxed.

"We fought, but you don't have to hit me," he joked as he scooted closer to me. His chest pressed against my back and his breath fluttered across my neck.

"Why'd you come?"

"Should I leave?"

"No," I said quickly, making him laugh. "I just figured you wouldn't want to see me."

"I'm not mad at you, just the whole situation on all sides. When I made you those promises, there were no stipulations, so I'm here. I'll be here no matter what."

A tear slid down my cheek. He was too good. I always knew that, but he kept proving it.

"West brought up compromises earlier," he continued. His hand slid up my bare abdomen as he kissed my neck.

"Compromises?" I prompted when he continued to explore my body.

"Oh, yeah. You distracted me. Christmas break lasts three weeks. I was thinking, if you want, you could spend half of it with your parents and half with me."

"Yes," I replied automatically. I felt his lips curve against my neck and I wished I could see his smile. "But they're not gonna pay for me to fly out there. I don't think I have enough."

"Don't worry about it."

"Kai…"

"I want you there, so I'm getting you there. Besides, my mom already got you a gift."

As much as I tried to hide it, my shoulders began to shake. Raising up a little, he kissed the tears off the side of my face. I turned to meet his lips. There was a stretch of time today when I thought this wouldn't happen again.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be sorry. But… Nevermind."

"Tell me."

He nipped at my lip, then rubbed his nose against mine. "What if you saw a real therapist?"

The idea made me feel a little panicked. "No."

"Well, can we at least keep the door open?"

"You think I'm that screwed up."

"I think you were forced into freaking conversion therapy, Sen. That's not a small thing, no matter who you are. I just want you to heal and it could help you a lot. There are professionals who specialize in the specific issues gay people face."

My lip trembled and he ran his thumb over it. I didn't want to, but he was right. And if he was sacrificing so much for me, I could do this. It was just therapy. They weren't going to be like Derek or the counselors at Dumont.

"I love you," he said against my cheek. "All I want is what's best for you."

Turning over, I pushed him onto his back and climbed on top of him. His hands settled at the backs of my thighs as I kissed him. When I moved my hips, I felt his dick hardening against me.

I quickly grabbed the lube I kept in my nightstand now. Prepping didn't even matter to me at the moment. We'd done this a lot in the past couple of weeks and I just wanted to feel him inside of me. We'd be apart while I was with my parents and I dreaded it.

When I began to lower myself onto him, he sat up and held onto my ass with both hands. His teeth clamped down on my neck. It was one of many things I loved about Kai in bed. I never thought I'd be into getting bit, but he made it incredibly sexy. The pressure he applied changed as I sunk lower. When his head slipped inside of me, I thought he was going to break my skin.

He released my neck and traced the marks with his tongue. His breath stuttered against me as I lowered myself the rest of the way. Gripping my hair, he tilted my head back and kissed the column of my throat.

"Tell me you're mine, Seneca."

"Always."

Holding onto his shoulders, I raised and lowered myself slowly. My dick slid against his stomach with each movement. He continued kissing and biting along my neck and shoulders. Every one brought me closer to the edge.

He took my legs and wrapped them more fully around him so that my feet met in the back. Holding onto my hips, he rocked me against him, driving himself deeper in this position. He swore and a long hum came from his throat. When he closed his eyes, I pushed my fingers through his hair.

"Look at me."

That beautiful green color was the only thing I saw as a wave of pleasure shot down my spine. My dick twitched between us and I gasped from how good it felt. Kai expertly flipped me onto my back and pushed my knees to my chest. He thrust into me hard, somehow drawing out my orgasm.

"Sen," he panted. "You feel too goddamn good, baby."

He bit down on my ankle, smothering the loud sound that tore from his throat. I was shocked by it, but also turned on all over again. As he caught his breath, he looked a little wild.

Suddenly, he leaned down and grabbed my jaw. When he got close to my face, he jumped from wild to feral.

"You're coming back to me," he stated firmly, leaving no room for argument. "I will fly to Colorado and break down your parents' door if I feel concerned for a single second. Do you understand?"

Taking the hand that was on my jaw, I pried it away and kissed his palm. "I'm coming back to you. I'd fight my way through hell for you, Malachi."

His eyes narrowed before he broke into a grin. "Don't get so formal on me, Sen. It's weird."

*****

Me and Kai got to the airport at the same time, even though my flight was later than his. I wanted to spend every last second with him. Before he boarded his plane, he asked me- not for the first time- if I'd just go with him. I wanted to. Gods know I wanted to. But I didn't.

Grabbing my suitcase from baggage claim, I extended the handle and took a deep breath. I could see my dad's sedan outside. It didn't seem real. I'd only been gone for about four months, but I was coming home as a different person.

Home didn't sound right. That's not what this was. It was where my parents lived, but I knew that it couldn't be my home again. Not unless I became what they wanted me to be, which I couldn't do.

When I approached the car, the driver's side door opened. My dad's face mirrored what I'd seen after he caught me with Victor. It automatically made my gut tighten. Why did he even want me here if he clearly couldn't stand the sight of me?

I wished Kai could have come with me. He would've made sure that I didn't sink into this horrible feeling that was already threatening to drown me.

"Hey, Dad," I said, forcing some cheer into my voice.

"How was the flight?"

"Fine. Just normal flying."

He gave me a curt nod before he grabbed my suitcase and put it in the trunk. My mom wasn't in the front seat, which felt strange. Part of me thought I should get in the back, but that would be weird, so I opened the passenger door and awkwardly got in.

"Where's Mom?" I asked when he'd pulled onto the freeway.

"Busy getting things ready."

"Things?"

"Dale and Samantha got in last night. Grandma will be here tomorrow."

My stomach soured at the news. "They never come out here for Christmas."

"Don't act so excited to see your family, Sen."

I bit down on my tongue and stared out the window. This was a mistake, but there wasn't much I could do about it now. My ticket to Maine wasn't until the day after Christmas, which was a week and a half away. I was well and truly stuck in the lion's den and I had a feeling it was going to get worse.

As we pulled into the driveway, the house seemed more imposing than when I'd last seen it. It was like something had flipped in my brain since I left this place and now I could remember all of the bad parts. The fights when my dad thought I wasn't doing good enough. His anger when I wanted to quit football. I stayed on the team so that I wouldn't cause any more problems. When I begged him not to send me back to Dumont the second year, he didn't care. All I could think about was Travis and his dead, swinging body in the bathroom. I was scared it would be me that year. I barely spoke to anyone that summer because I knew that if I started to like them, I'd be punished.

It was like a movie playing in my mind. Things I'd glossed over or been made to think were normal. Problems that I was blamed for. I didn't realize how much wasn't my fault. Ever since I was thirteen, I was punished for a perceived crime and I fucking believed what they said about me.

Tearing my eyes away from the garage door, I rounded the car and grabbed my suitcase. I headed into the house, immediately aiming for the stairs. My dad said something, but I didn't know if he was talking to me. I didn't really care.

I was here. That was what he wanted from me. I wouldn't talk about being gay or how happy I was because that didn't matter to them. They'd rather I hate myself.

Kai told me I should be disappointed in them. I was. Now that it struck me, that disappointment was morphing into anger.

When I got to my room, I shut the door behind me and immediately fell to my knees. It felt like I'd just run a marathon instead of climbing the stairs. The blue walls taunted me. It wasn't even my favorite color, but it was the one assigned to boys, so I thought it was good enough when I picked it out. I'd rather be surrounded by red or orange.

Or green. I wouldn't have picked that one until recently.

I thought about calling Kai, but his flight was longer, so he'd probably landed not too long ago. I didn't want to interrupt his time with family, especially since his dad was sick. He'd been in Seattle for longer because of football and I knew how much he missed them.

Instead of calling him, I called West. He wasn't flying out until Sunday because he forgot to buy his ticket at the same time as Kai.

"Sen," he shouted, making me pull the phone away from my ear. "How's my favorite piece of man meat?"

I grimaced. "Not great, honestly. You got a minute?"

"I have all the minutes. I'm bored out of my damn mind. What's going on in that gourd?"

"Are you high or is this just your personality?"

"You've known me long enough to answer that question."

I laughed a little, which helped immensely after that tense car ride. "Apparently, my aunt, uncle, and grandma will also be here."

"Damn. Is that a bad thing?"

"If it ends up being some sort of intervention, yeah. It seems weird they'd fly out from Texas now of all times."

"Pack a bag and run away. If you suck a trucker's dick, I bet he'll get you back here."

"West."

"Sorry. Look, man, my response to shitty family members is to get in a heated argument, which usually ends in someone- probably me- getting a black eye or a busted lip."

"That makes my problems seem trivial."

"Nah. My dad didn't used to be a dick and if I was gay, he wouldn't be any angrier about that than he is about my general existence. Something about bigots… It's a different kind of hatred that makes me angry."

Adjusting so that I was leaning against the door, I took a deep breath. "This is shitty."

"Yeah, it is. If you call Kai, he'll find a way to get you out of there."

"No. I have to do this. It's part of my agreement with my dad."

"It's a dumb agreement, Sen."

"Not for me. I can handle being here for a little while. Just needed to vent."

"Sure. I still think you should tell Kai what's going on. Even if you don't want him to haul your ass out, the asshole is really good at making people feel better."

I breathed a laugh and knocked my head back against the door. "He really is."

"He's still a dick sometimes, though. Did you know he replaced all of the soda in my mini fridge with La Croix? How do you even say that? I'm definitely saying it wrong."

"You are."

"Well, that shit tastes like TV static that a strawberry jizzed on. I'm gonna shove his face in the toilet for it."

A loud laugh left me and I had to put a hand over my mouth to smother it. Kai and West's antics were ridiculous. I wondered if he'd actually try to do that. I knew that Kai could usually beat him in a fight. He was fast and, from what I'd seen, threw a solid punch.

"Thanks, West. I'll see you in Maine."

"Don't forget my present."

After I hung up, I took a moment to prepare myself for what I'd walk into downstairs. If my mom cried, I was going to make myself choke to death on dinner.