Chapter 21

Sen

"Halloween," I repeated. "You want to go out on Halloween?"

Kai grinned and my heart sped up. I thought that would stop happening after a couple weeks, but it hadn't let up yet. He tossed a cheese ball at me and I caught it in my mouth.

"I want to take you out, but since I'm your secret mistress, I can't do that."

"You're not… Oh, you're joking."

He winked. "I mean, kind of. I can have patience on that front. The date, though… On Halloween, nobody has to know who you are."

It made sense objectively. The idea of going on a date with him at all made my stomach all sorts of fucked up. Kai wanted to take me out. I'd never thought of a better use for the word ‘asinine.' ‘Delusional' also came to mind.

My phone lit up, making my stomach clench. My dad had been texting me more often, asking for updates and making sure I was still going to my appointments with Derek. The day after Kai slept in my bed, I skipped it. Yesterday, I did it again. But I told my dad that it was going well and I really liked the counselor. After the first lie, it really wasn't that hard.

Kai looked down at the buzzing phone. He'd noticed how much it was going off lately, but he didn't say anything about it. I kind of wished he would. He was firm and demanding in some ways but patient and understanding in others. He didn't let me run, which was helpful, but part of me wanted him to force my hand so that I'd come clean about everything that held me back. I was too much of a coward to do it myself.

"Fine," I said when the screen went black. "A date on Halloween."

His eyes lit up and he leaned forward before he remembered that we were in the courtyard. Clearing his throat, he readjusted his crossed legs and threw a handful of cheese balls into his mouth.

"I'm gonna blow your freaking mind," he garbled around his mouthful.

"So, the balls are for practice."

He laughed, nearly choking on the food. "Baby, I don't need practice and if I did, I'd go straight to the source." His gaze slid down my body, making my cheeks heat. "Speaking of; have you had sex before?"

"Yeah."

As he rubbed his jaw, I stared at the light stubble there. If we were inside, I might be brave enough to reach out and run my fingers over it. I wanted to feel it against my face. Maybe other places…

"Is it weird if I ask how it was?"

I snapped out of the thoughts that were spiraling toward depravity. "Um… It was fine."

"Fine. That doesn't sound like a good description of sex."

I got to my feet and stuffed my hands in my pockets. He stood, settling at my side close enough for our arms to brush.

"It felt… good, obviously," I explained, dropping my voice low. "But not like other people seem to feel. My ex thought I was asexual because I didn't initiate. If she wanted to, I'd do it. I didn't even really like when she tried to give me oral."

"Maybe she was bad at it."

Breathing a laugh, I shrugged. "I always knew something was wrong with me. Just add it to the list."

He was completely silent for the rest of the walk back to the dorm. I stopped and turned to him, unsure if we were saying goodbye or hanging out. The look on his face made me even more uncertain.

With a vicious shake of his head, he grabbed my wrist and yanked me into his room. When I opened my mouth, he put a hand over it.

"Nothing is wrong with you, Sen. Nothing has ever been wrong with you. Do you understand?"

"Okay," I mumbled through his hand.

"No, not okay. That's not good enough for me."

His jaw worked and he wouldn't meet my eyes, which wasn't normal for Kai. I reached for him, but he grabbed both of my arms and walked me over to the bed. He pushed me hard enough to make me fall onto my back. The next moment, he'd unbuttoned my jeans and had his fingers in the waistband.

"W-what are you doing?"

"I'm gonna prove there's nothing wrong with you."

"I don't…"

He yanked my pants down, then met my eyes. "You can say no at any point."

"Okay," I breathed.

He pulled my jeans off of my legs and tossed them to the floor. Instead of doing what I thought he would, he moved up to straddle my hips. Leaning forward, he snagged my lower lip and tugged it toward him. My hands shook as I took the bottom of his shirt and pulled it over his head.

His body was firm under my touch, all solid, lean muscle. I could feel each of them engage as I ran my fingers over his skin. He wasn't small or buttery soft like the women I'd been with. He was huge. His shoulders were broad and his biceps were defined, even more so while he held himself above me.

This was wrong.

No, this… I shook my head. Blinking a few times, I tried to get my head in the right place. Some fucked up wiring felt like it was short circuiting, drawing me out of this moment when all I wanted was to stay in it.

"Tell me," he said.

"No."

He frowned but nodded. The longer I struggled, the more my eyes burned. I would not cry right now. This was so pathetic.

I couldn't do this.

"Sen. Hey."

"I can't."

"Baby, look at me." He cupped my jaw, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"I can't," I repeated. "I can't… I don't know."

I knew I wasn't making sense. Still, he continued to reassure me with soft words. I wasn't sure what he was saying, but just the sound of his voice helped.

"Seneca."

I met his eyes. God, they were so green. How could a human be so beautiful?

"You're okay. You'll always be safe with me, remember? If you don't want to talk about it right now, that's okay."

"I want to keep going."

He opened his mouth, then closed it. "Sen, I don't want to push you too far."

"I'm never gonna get through it if I don't do this and I want to do it with you. Not everything, but…"

Kai dropped his lips to my chest, igniting heat in the spot he touched. Slowly, he made his way down my torso. The entire way, he planted kisses on my skin like a trail he could follow back. By the time he reached my pelvic bone, my body felt electrically charged. I was in a haze of lust that made me desperate for him in a way I'd never felt for anyone. Even when I'd been inside of a woman, I hadn't felt this turned on.

My dick ached and I couldn't help arching my hips. He gripped one of my thighs to keep me steady while he continued his slow, agonizing descent.

"Please, Kai."

With his mouth still on me, his eyes met mine, his pupils nearly swallowing the green. He hooked his fingers over the waistband of my briefs. My heart slammed against my ribcage and I was convinced that if he kept teasing me, it was going to break through.

He pushed the briefs down, then stared at my dick.

"If this is too much…" He waited another moment, but I remained silent. The side of his mouth quirked upward before he lowered his head.

"Oh my god," I gasped.

All he'd done was follow the trail of precum on my head with his tongue. It sent a jolt through my abdomen and made my muscles tighten.

"There's nothing wrong with you," he said, his voice husky. "You just weren't doing the right things with the right people."

"Are you gonna demonstrate or…"

His palms flattened against my thighs and moved upward. He kept one there while he moved the other to my shaft.

"Deep breath, baby."

I did as he said, but it didn't prepare me. My dick was wrapped in heat and wetness, all the way to the base. All of the oxygen I'd drawn in left me in a rush. My mouth fell open and even though I wanted to drop my head back, I kept looking at him. His eyes were already on me, as they always seemed to be.

He pulled back to the tip, sucking on it a little. While his tongue circled the underside, he used his hand to stroke me. He squeezed a little tighter than I ever did and combined with his mouth, it was almost enough to make me cum already.

That voice tried to barge in again, but I put up a military grade steel wall. Not this time. Right now, I belonged entirely to Kai.

His lips slid down my shaft slowly. On the way back up, he grazed my skin with his teeth. It made me tense, but he didn't apply enough pressure to really hurt. When he did it again, I shivered from the sensation.

"Kai," I moaned.

He hummed around me and I thrust my hips upward, hitting the back of his throat. Using his hand and his mouth, he moved faster. Raising up on one elbow, I used my other hand to grip his hair. I could see his smirk even with his lips stretched around my dick. It was a ridiculously hot sight and it pushed me over that edge.

My fingers stiffened in his hair as my balls tightened. It felt like every muscle in my body was at capacity, taut and nearly painful.

"God, Kai. Fuuuuck."

He stroked me languidly as I came hard enough for my vision to blur. I couldn't even breathe. My hips jerked as my dick pulsed. Finally, I drew in a lungful of air, which helped the dizziness that had set in.

I fell flat against the mattress and stared up at the ceiling. Could a man suck your soul out through your dick? Was that what an incubus did? Kai had to be one of those.

"What the hell?" I said through labored breaths.

He dropped down beside me and pressed a kiss to my jaw. "Tell me this is right, Sen."

My brow furrowed. "It's…"

He slipped an arm underneath me and rolled me so that my head was on his chest.

"What do you feel?" he prompted.

After a deep breath, I pressed my palm against his chest, feeling his heartbeat. "It's not wrong. This is… right."

I couldn't see him, but somehow, I knew that he was smiling. "So, about our date. I'm imagining a haunted house. Think of all the dark, shadowy corners."