Chapter 20

Kai

Ask anybody who knew me and they would tell you that when I found something I wanted, I went after it like it was the only source of air while I was stranded on Mars. That and I got easily attached. The thing was, I didn't do that often. When I did, though…

Sushi on Friday was great. Class today was torture, but in a good way. Both of those places required decorum and discrepancy. Now, I was on the field with the team, and all I could think about was going back to the dorm and knocking on Sen's door.

We'd only kissed briefly a couple of times since I laid him down on this very field. It wasn't enough for me. I was being a gentleman, letting him lead and set whatever boundaries he needed to. That didn't mean I wasn't itching to push them a little.

West sashayed over to me- literally. He held onto the football with both hands and acted like he was dancing with it. I gave him my full attention since it was what he wanted. When he started singing, I put a hand over my mouth to smother my laugh.

"Love you like a brother, treat you like a friend."

He got entirely too close to me and I shook my head. "West."

"Respect you like a lover," he continued, his volume rising. "Oh, oh, oh."

"Christ."

He kept going and with each line, he pushed me back with his chest against mine. I groaned, knowing what he wanted. Everybody was staring, not that he ever cared. I wondered if this was how Sen felt earlier. Unlike him, I was able to throw all of my dignity to the wind.

I snatched the football from him and spun around. When I was facing him again, I picked up where he left off.

"So put your pretty little hand in mine," he joined in, holding his hand out to me. I grabbed it and he yanked me forward.

The word ‘gay' came from somewhere among the team. West's eyes narrowed, but when he saw that I was laughing, he relaxed. Or I thought he did.

"Hey, Porter," he called. "Catch."

He sent the ball toward him so quickly that Lincoln barely had time to put his hands up. All he managed to do was slow it. The impact with his stomach made him grunt. The furious look he sent West's way made me grab his arm.

"Come on. Practice is over."

West resisted for a second before he let me drag him off the field.

"Why are you trying to start shit with Linc?" I demanded.

"I'm not."

"You're gonna take his place when he graduates this year. It's not a competition between you two. Even if it was, what good would that move do?"

He shrugged, continuing to walk at my side. I stole glances at him, trying to figure out what was going on between the lines. Usually, West was an open book. If he was closed off like this, it meant there was something serious going on.

"Have you talked to Willow?" I ventured cautiously.

"Yeah."

"How is she?"

"She's home, so how do you think?"

"I told you I can have Mom check on her. She's always welcome to join them for dinner, even stay the night if she needs to."

"She knows that, but she's too proud."

"It doesn't help that she's stubborn like her brother."

I smiled at him, which only softened his features slightly. He didn't know it, but I already knew how his sister was because I kept in touch with her too, for her sake and for West's. If he was in a bad place, it usually had something to do with her. He'd almost talked himself out of coming here many times because he didn't want to leave her home by herself. She was capable of dealing with their dad, but he was still rightfully worried.

"Only eight months until she graduates," I reminded him.

"Yeah, and then what? She won't get a scholarship and she can't afford to move out."

"We'll figure something out. If we all have to pile into an apartment together, we will."

He stopped when we entered Marshall Hall. "I'd never ask you to do something like that. You don't need the added stress."

"Oh, shut the hell up, West."

He huffed and started down the hall, but I grabbed his wrist and tugged him toward the stairs. I had a tub of ice cream that I knew he'd devour. The sugar would give him that little extra hit of dopamine he needed to feel better.

"You're too good to me," he said. His tone already sounded lighter.

"I am the perfect amount of good, actually."

"Yeah, chaotic good."

"I'd argue, but you've got a point."

We stopped in front of my door just as Sen's opened. He stepped out, then paused when he saw us.

"Hey, Sen," West greeted. "Nice sweats."

He looked down at himself and his cheeks pinked. My face felt a little warm too. Those weren't any sweatpants. They were the infamous gray sweatpants and since the guy liked to play tongue-of-war with me, I allowed myself to look. When he noticed, he turned a deeper shade of red.

"I'm having a lazy day," he replied, shifting a little. It didn't help, but I decided to give him a break and kept my gaze on his face.

"There's ice cream in my freezer."

That was all West needed to hear. He left us alone, hopefully unaware of the silent exchange I'd shared with Sen. I closed the door and stepped closer to him. Grabbing the front of his t-shirt, I yanked him forward and dipped my head to capture his lips.

Every time we did this, it took less time for him to relax. I was only gonna kiss him briefly, but he sought my tongue and whimpered into my mouth. At that moment, he could've asked me to kill the pope and I might have considered it for a second.

Releasing his shirt, I dragged my palm up to his neck. The heel of my hand rested on his collarbone while I applied light pressure with my fingers around his throat. Using that grip, I pushed him into the wall. I bit down on his lip until he gasped, then I pulled back enough to trail my nose up his cheek.

"Were you looking for me?" I asked.

"Sort of." He sucked in a breath when I kissed the curve of his jaw underneath his ear.

"Are you okay? You know that you can text me. No matter what I'm doing, I'll stop to make sure you're alright."

His nostrils flared. Blinking rapidly, he shook his head. "I just wanted to see you."

"Oh." I broke into a grin and moved my hand up his neck. With my thumb, I pulled his lower lip down. It was full and red from the way we'd been kissing. "I won't complain about that."

"Maybe we can hang out later or tomorrow or something."

"Whenever. All of the above. West needs me right now, but he won't be here all night."

"It's cool, really. Just let me know."

"You know I will. If it's too late, I might just have to crawl in your bed."

His eyes widened. I pinched his chin with a smile.

"Kidding, baby."

His look of terror only intensified. I hadn't even meant to say it, but oh well. It was out there now.

"If you stew in all that anxiety the whole time, I'll be vexed."

Finally, he laughed. "Vexed?"

"Vexed!" I shouted, stepping back. "To the umpteenth power."

"Go eat your ice cream."

"Oh, I intend to. I hope you like your men a little chubby."

I left him there in his simultaneously fearful and amused state. The same feelings came over me when I saw the gallon tub of ice cream already half gone in West's lap while he watched something on his phone. From the way he was holding it, I assumed he was prepared to protect it like a mama bear.

Well, this was ass.

*****

After West left, I texted Sen, but he hadn't answered yet. It was pretty late. We'd ended up playing Diablo for longer than I thought, but it had cheered him up a lot. That was what mattered.

I was really damn tired, but I couldn't keep my eyes closed. Aside from simply wanting to see him, I'd been thinking about what he'd been through. It must've been bad, but how bad? Shitty parents could do a number on someone. I just had a feeling that there was more to it.

Screw it.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and headed to the door in just my basketball shorts, not bothering to grab a shirt. When I tried his doorknob, it was unlocked. Had he forgotten or did he leave it this way because of what I said earlier? Guess we'd find out.

After closing the door behind me, I padded over to the bed. He was on the side closest to the wall and was facing away from me. I lifted the blanket to find him in just his sweats. There wasn't enough light to adequately admire him.

Carefully, I climbed in behind him. My fingers brushed over his side as I wrapped my arm around him. He jolted, but quickly relaxed.

"What if I was a burglar?" I murmured, nuzzling into his neck.

"You smell like Kai."

"You know my scent?"

He nodded and it felt like pop rocks had been released into my bloodstream. I tightened my grip on him. When he tilted his head, I pressed my lips to the side of his neck. My hand traveled down his abdomen, over the slight definition of his abs. I reached his pelvic bone and gripped him there while I kissed across his shoulder.

"Kai," he moaned. "God, why does that feel so good?"

"Because you've been forcing all these things in your life that you've been told to do. But this right here…" I bit down on his shoulder hard enough to leave indents in his skin. "This is right. You can feel that. There's nothing anyone could do to change it."

When I kissed behind his earlobe, he pushed back against me. He must've felt that I was hard because he went rigid.

"I'm not trying to have sex with you, Sen. I just want to taste your skin."

"That's weird."

"Oh, my dear, sweet Seneca. Let me show you the world in all its shining, shimmering splendor."

"Do you have a thing for Disney references?"

I perched my chin on his shoulder and thought about it. "No. They kind of just happen, I think."

"You were a theater kid, weren't you?"

"That's stereotypical. No, I wasn't, but only because I didn't have time with football, skating, baseball, taking care of West, and generally being a degenerate teenager."

"Damn. You have a lot of varied interests. It sort of confuses me."

"Because I'm not as boring as you thought?"

"No," he laughed. "You're so… masculine. And I am too, I guess. They… Um, I just heard that same sex relationships mimic hetero ones."

I rolled my eyes and was thankful he couldn't see it. That was one of the dumber points some people tried to make. If a same sex relationship had a dynamic that resembled traditional gender roles, they thought it was proof that we were just masquerading, trying to force something while we craved ‘normalcy.'

"There are no rules to attraction," I explained. "You can be gay however you want."

"Like you not wanting a short guy."

Burying my face in his shoulder, I smothered my laugh. "Exactly. Want to know my type?"

"Yeah," he breathed as my fingers glided over his bare chest.

Positioning my lips at his ear, I traced the curve of it with my tongue. "Got a mirror, baby?"

"That's stupid. Actually, you liking me at all is dumb. I don't even have anything to give you."

"Don't talk shit about yourself."

"I just don't get it."

"You don't get why I like you?" He nodded and I continued to stroke his chest while I tried to think of a response. "If you need a list, I'll make one, but there's still so much I don't know about you. I want to learn it all, but you have to let me. Is that what you want?"

"Yeah, but it might take a while."

"I've got forever. Take it or leave it."

Now that he was in my arms, my exhaustion came back with a vengeance. I readjusted so that I was lying on the pillow with my face against the back of his neck. Once I closed my eyes, I knew I was a goner for the night.