Chapter 32

Cass heldthe door open for Rebecca, who stumbled slightly as she walked by. "Hey, you okay?"

Rebecca nodded. "The pain is manageable most of the time, but every once in a while, I get a sharp pain that takes me by surprise."

Cass touched Rebecca's temple with a fingertip. "Want me to get you some meds?"

"No." Rebecca inhaled, catching a whiff of Cass's cologne. Yummy. "I would rather not take any medication tonight. I think I could sleep it off." She swayed again when another sharp pain hit her.

Cass wrapped her arm around Rebecca and scooped her up. "I'll agree to no meds as long as it doesn't get worse, yeah?"

Rebecca didn't hear a damn word Cass said. She was too busy snuggling Cass's neck and taking long sniffs of that intoxicating scent.

"Becca? Do you promise to tell me if the pain gets worse?" Cass asked when Rebecca didn't answer. Her legs were beginning to shake. Not because Rebecca was heavy but because the feel of Rebecca's breath on her neck was wreaking havoc on her libido.

"Hmm? Oh, um, yes, I promise. I'm okay now if you want to put me down."

"Nope. This ride goes all the way to the bedroom." It was Cass who stumbled this time. Her arms tightened around Rebecca until she was sure she wasn't going to topple over. "I did not mean that the way it sounded."

"That's too bad," Rebecca teased. The power of that playful tease diminished marginally when she yawned. "Sorry."

Cass chuckled. "It's been a long day, Becca. You're allowed to be tired."

"Can you call me babe?" Rebecca asked sleepily. "I like that."

"Anything you want, babe," Cass smiled. Once upstairs, she pushed open the bedroom door with her foot. "Want me to run a bath for you, or do you just want to go to bed?"

Rebecca considered the bath as Cass deposited her onto the bed. While her mind was tired, her body was feeling… restless—almost painful.

"I think a bath might help." Of course, she wasn't going to tell Cass how being at the club and thinking of what the two of them did in the Pink Room had her all hot and bothered. No, Rebecca would take a bath, go to bed, and figure the other stuff out in the morning. And by other stuff, she meant these growing feelings she had for Cass. That was only natural, right? Obviously, somewhere deep down, Rebecca knew Cass. Her body definitely knew Cass. Now, if she could just connect all the dots…

"Okay. Sit here, and I'll go get it started."

Cass started towards the bathroom, and Rebecca's anxiety hit the roof. This scenario she remembered. The night she almost died, Samantha left her on the bed after shooting up and disappeared into the bathroom. That's when all hell broke loose.

"Wait! I – I can do it."

"I don't mind…" Cass saw the terror on Rebecca's face and put two and two together. "Hey, hey." She kneeled next to Rebecca, taking her trembling hand. "I know where your mind went, Becca, okay? But I'm not Samantha." Cass placed Rebecca's hand on her chest over her heart. "Feel that? That's my heart, baby. It beats for you and only you. I will never hurt you. Please, Becca, you don't have to remember me to know how much I love you. Just look at my face. Look into my eyes."

Rebecca did just that. She gazed into Cass's bi-colored eyes and saw nothing but love and compassion.

"I'm sorry."

"No need to be. Your emotions are valid, Becca. And I understand where they're coming from. Why don't you lay down for a while? If you still need something to take the edge off, come downstairs, and I'll get the hot tub fired up for you, yeah?"

Rebecca nodded, allowing Cass to take her shoes off. "I do know," she said suddenly. "I know you'd never hurt me. I don't know how I know, but I see it. I feel it. I wish I hadn't freaked out. I ruined your night."

"You did no such thing." Cass stood and moved away from Rebecca so as not to intimidate her with her height and proximity. "I'll leave you to change and get some rest, but I want you to know that I had a beautiful night with you, Becca. Every second I get to spend with you is… heaven."

Every second I get to spend with you is heaven. Cass lowered her head, her lips grazing over Rebecca's. The soft touch caused a fire to spread through Rebecca's body. Rebecca moaned when Cass deepened the kiss. God, she'd never been kissed like this before. She wanted to feel this sensation on every part of her body. Especially her…

Rebecca jerked awake with a gasp. The heat inside her wasn't just in her dream. She squirmed as the pain continued to intensify. Her hand snaked down the front of her pajama shorts to put pressure on her throbbing clit. This wasn't just arousal. It was too painful. Rebecca glanced at the dresser. Inside was an array of things that could bring her at least some relief. Rebecca slipped out of bed, determined to do something about this relentless discomfort.

Cass coveredher eyes with her arm as she tried to will herself to turn off her brain and get some sleep. Unfortunately, her body was wide awake, aching for Rebecca. Not even the cold shower she took earlier helped. Cass scoffed. The only thing that shower did was wash away the tears Cass couldn't hold in any longer. Day after day, Cass hoped for Rebecca's memory to return. But it felt like that would never happen. The longer it took, the less likely it was going to happen, right? Cass increased the pressure of the crook of her elbow on her eyes to keep the fucking tears at bay.

She loved Rebecca, and that would never change. But would that magic still be there if Rebecca didn't remember their love? Could they recreate the bond they had?

"Cass?"

Cass sat up quickly. Rebecca was still in her pajamas, so Cass didn't think this was a hot tub moment. "Becca? Hey, are you okay? Is the pain worse?" She pushed the covers off, completely forgetting she only had boxers and a cut-off tank top on.

"Please don't get up," Rebecca said quickly. She'd already caught a glimpse of the rock-hard abs. "May I sit with you?"

"Yeah, of course!" Cass swung her legs off the couch, creating a space for Rebecca. Then she noticed the slight tremor in Rebecca's hands and the look in her eyes, and it hit Cass in the gut like a punch from a heavyweight champion. She knew this look very well, and her heart broke for Rebecca. "It's not your head that's hurting, is it?"

Cass's question startled — and embarrassed — Rebecca. Was her situation that noticeable? "N-no. I… my…"

"Your body hurts," Cass offered gently.

Rebecca's eyebrows shot up. "How did you know?"

"I know you, Becca. I understand why that confuses you, but I remember every nuance, every emotion, every look."

Rebecca lowered her eyes, which was a mistake because they landed right on Cass's strong legs. That certainly wasn't helping.

"So, why am I feeling this way?" she asked suddenly. Rebecca was in too much pain to care about humiliation anymore. She needed answers… or a solution.

Cass sighed. Going to the club was one thing. Doing what Rebecca needed when she got like this was something else altogether. Cass didn't think Rebecca was ready for that when, in Rebecca's mind, Samantha had only been gone a few weeks.

"How honest do you want me to be?"

Rebecca looked at Cass pleadingly. "Completely."

Cass nodded, turning to face Rebecca. It wasn't lost on her how Rebecca's eyes kept sweeping down her body. No, she felt the heat of those looks down deep in her core.

"We learned that your body had become accustomed to the pain you used to get when… in your previous situation. When that happens, your body starts to ache, you feel restless, you can't concentrate. You feel like you're on pins and needles, and the only thing that helps is, um…"

"Sex?"

Cass shrugged a shoulder. "Yes, but not just sex. You need to feel the pain."

Rebecca squeezed her thighs together, but that did nothing to alleviate that ache Cass spoke of. "I don't understand. Do I make you… hurt me?"

"It's more like you submit to me. We switch roles. And I only do what you permit me to do. I never cross your limits and never give you pain without intense pleasure. But…"

"But?"

Cass shook her head, her heart pounding in her chest. What she was about to say went against everything inside her. She had an intense need to be with Rebecca, but not like this. "Please don't ask me to do that right now. When you explained this to me the first time, you were more than a decade removed from that life. From Samantha. But now? Becca, I want nothing more than to be with you, but I can't touch you like that and have you think of Samantha. I can't be her to you. It would kill me. There are," Cass's voice hitched as she tried to hold in tears, "things in the drawers upstairs that can help you."

Rebecca wasn't faring so well in the fight against the tears. Seeing Cass so sad hurt more than the aches. There was something about what Cass said about Rebecca's… condition that stuck with her.

"I considered the toys," Rebecca confessed. She mustered up enough courage to reach for Cass's hand. "They didn't appeal to me without you. Do we use them often? Do you use the…"

"Yes," Cass answered, saving Rebecca from having to say the words. This wasn't the Rebecca who had no issue with talking dirty or saying what she wanted.

Rebecca let that sink in for a moment while she mulled over what to do next. All she knew for sure was that she wanted to be with Cass, and she didn't think the way her body felt was the entire reason for this.

"What if it isn't the pain my body is craving? Maybe what I'm feeling right now is because my body misses… you. I don't feel as though I need pain, Cass. I think what I need is what I had with you." Rebecca's heart — and confidence — fell as Cass remained unconvinced, judging by the look on her face. Rebecca stood. She'd deal with this humiliation in private — maybe with a few toys.

"Becca, wait." Cass grasped Rebecca's hand lightly, trying not to startle her or appear too aggressive. She stood, towering over her petite wife.

Cass's height and proximity weren't intimidating for Rebecca. Quite the contrary, they were intoxicating. And when Cass tucked Rebecca's hair behind her ear with such tenderness, Rebecca nearly melted.

"I know this isn't ideal for you, Cass. And it's probably wrong of me to even suggest it. But maybe you could pretend that I'm the woman you fell in love with," Rebecca pleaded softly.

Cass's smile was gentle and loving. "I don't have to pretend, Becca. I know who you are." Was it wrong to want to be with your wife? Was it taking advantage of the situation? These are the things that ran through Cass's mind, battling her heart and body's needs and wants. Would Rebecca regret this in the morning? And if she did, would she forgive Cass?

Rebecca saw the desire and the fear on Cass's face. Desire, she understood. But why the fear? Was Cass afraid things would be different between them? Would the lovemaking somehow feel different because Rebecca was different? Shit. There was only one way to find out. Rebecca stood on her tiptoes, brushing a hand up Cass's chest and snaking it around Cass's neck.

"Kiss me. Please."