Chapter 26

"Come in, Rebecca."

Rebecca poked her head around the ajar door. "How did you know I was out here?"

Willamena lifted a brow. "You're pacing and mumbling like you're deciding what to say to a room full of CEOs." She waved her hand, beckoning Rebecca to come in, and patted the space next to her. "Do you remember when you used to come into my room after a bad dream? You'd pretend like you weren't scared or sad but wanted to keep me company."

"I remember." Rebecca climbed onto Willamena's bed and settled in beside her. "But don't pretend you weren't crying yourself half of the time."

"You heard that?"

"Mmhmm. Oddly enough, it made me feel better." Rebecca rolled her head to the side to look at Aunt Wills. "Not better that you were crying, but that I wasn't alone with my emotions."

"You never are, my sweet girl."

They sat in silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts. For Rebecca, those thoughts replayed the entire day from when Cass came to pick her up until Cass left about an hour and a half ago. Dinner had been awkward because Rebecca felt betrayed by having the truth kept from her. However, the flip side of that coin was relief and happiness over the biopsy results. What a weird fucking day.

"I'm still mad."

"And I still stand by my decision," Willamena rebutted.

"You kept my marriage from me, Aunt Wills!"

"No, I made an educated compromise not to inundate you with information that could have possibly had a negative effect on your recovery."

Rebecca stared at Willamena for a full thirty seconds. "That was the most shrinkity shrink sentence I've ever heard."

Willamena's lips curved into an amused smile. "Shrinkity shrink is the most Cass sentence I've ever heard."

Rebecca laughed. "It is, isn't it? She's very… expressive with her words."

"Would you have done anything different had you known you two were married?" Willamena asked. She was sure she knew the answer but thought Rebecca needed to hear herself say it.

"I don't know. Maybe. We'll never know now."

"Rebecca Aisling."

"Fine. Probably not." Rebecca made a face at her aunt, causing her to laugh.

"Exactly. And I didn't keep Cass from you, just the true nature of your relationship. We're all navigating this together the best we can, Becca."

"Cass pretty much said the same thing." Rebecca fiddled with the sheet, appreciating the softness of it. "When did gay marriage become legal?"

"Here in California? I believe it was 2013. And then in 2015, it was legalized in all fifty states."

"Wow. We've come a long way."

"Hmm. I know you hate talking about politics, so I'll just say over the past few years, any step forward has been met with two steps back."

"You sound like Activist Willamena."

Willamena laughed and playfully slapped Rebecca's comforter-covered leg. "What do you know about her?"

"Mom used to tell me about all your little adventures: protests here, shutting things down there, and building things up elsewhere."

Willamena shook her head. "Gwennie always loved the dramatics. The truth is, I volunteered for a few humanitarian agencies, and when those assignments were over, I backpacked through Europe."

"Mmhmm. That doesn't explain all the arrests."

"One time! I was arrested once in Italy for a peaceful protest! It was all for show!" Willamena argued, surprised her sister would tell a young Rebecca about that.

"Ah-ha! I knew it! Mom never mentioned the arrest. You're such a rebel."

"And you are a brat!"

Rebecca wiped tears of laughter from her cheeks and rested her head back on the fluffy pillow. "Do you have any regrets?" she asked suddenly.

Willamena rolled to her side and propped herself up on her elbow. "About what?"

Rebecca shrugged. "Anything. The protests, backpacking… or giving it all up for me."

Willamena smiled sadly. "I have regrets, Rebecca. Some are much bigger than others. But the one thing I don't regret is taking you in after losing Gwennie and Declan. Taking care of you helped me cope with the loss of my sister, and you, my dear, are my family."

A tear slipped down Rebecca's temple and onto the pillow under her head. "I regret so much, Aunt Wills. The worst being getting involved with Samantha. And then staying with her." She hesitated, almost afraid to hear the answer to the question she had been asking herself for a couple of days now. "Am I sabotaging myself?"

Willamena reached back to get a tissue from her nightstand and handed it to her niece. "Sabotaging, how?"

"I sit here every day and struggle to imagine my life with Cass, especially after our afternoon together. But I don't know what to envision. As much as I want to, I don't remember. What if I'm delaying my memory by being too… scared?" Rebecca swiveled her head towards Aunt Wills. "Do you think I should be immersing myself in what my life was before this happened? Would it help?" She dabbed her eyes with the tissue, then turned to mirror Willamena's position. She propped herself up on her elbow and stared at her aunt. "I'm asking Dr. Woodrow for her professional opinion."

"Well, Dr. Woodrow, with her fancy degree, hasn't spent enough time studying amnesia to give a well-educated opinion. However, as your aunt, I do know you and Cass well enough to think it would be beneficial for you both to spend time together."

"Because you want your space back?" Rebecca teased.

"I will bop you in the face with my pillow."

"Go ahead. Maybe it'll knock my brain back into working order."

Willamena shook her head. Of course, she wasn't going to plunk Rebecca with a pillow even though her niece had been extra ornery today and might deserve it. "No, my sweet girl. Because I think you're hiding here out of fear that you've made the wrong decisions again. Maybe this will help ease your mind. Cass has never kept you from me. In fact, she will call me when she thinks you need time with your favorite aunt."

Rebecca's face blossomed with a smile. Everything she had learned about Cass was the complete opposite of what she was used to. Perhaps it was time to trust Cass and Aunt Wills, and most of all, it was time to trust herself. Rebecca hopped off the bed with excitement.

"Okay! I can be ready in fifteen minutes."

"Wait!" Willamena called out, still lounging in her bed. "You want to go tonight? It's the middle of the night!"

Rebecca raised a brow. "It's barely ten, Aunt Wills. Do you know I walked around this entire house looking for you before realizing you had already gone to bed?" A sly smirk formed on Rebecca's lips as she eyed the book on Willamena's nightstand. "Did I interrupt your… alone time?"

Rebecca squealed and ducked out of the room as a pillow torpedoed toward her.

"I think now is a great time to drive you back home," Willamena groused playfully. "Just so you know, I'm going like this—in my pajamas. I think I'll put my hair up and put on my collagen eye patches."

"Aunt Wills!"

"I wonder where my slippers are."

"We can wait until tomorrow!" Rebecca said quickly.

"No, no. You wanted to go tonight…"

"I need to pack. And I should probably get some rest. It's been a long day."

"Oh, now you need rest," Willamena teased, laughing at the look of horror on her niece's face. It was fascinating to Willamena how different Rebecca was now. Even as a child, Rebecca had been serious. Then, she went off to college early. Willamena hadn't gone through the mischievous teen phase with Rebecca. It seemed like Rebecca was making up for that now. Was that Cass's influence? The phenomenon was enough to make Willamena want to study more about amnesia and how specific experiences affected the brain.

"Hello? Aunt Wills?"

Willamena blinked, her niece coming into focus as she stood by the bedroom door. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Where were you just then?" Rebecca asked instead of repeating the question her aunt obviously didn't catch.

Willamena shook her head. "I was thinking about research. But that's not what you originally asked."

Rebecca narrowed her eyes. Though she was curious about what research Aunt Wills was interested in, Rebecca let the subject go. "I asked if you could take me to Cass…" She paused and took a breath. "Take me home tomorrow. Maybe in the afternoon? That would give me time to get my things ready and have a panic attack if needed."

"I encourage you to let your feelings flow. However, let's try to keep the panic at a minimum," Willamena smiled. "I can take you. Or I could call Cass to come pick you up if you wanted."

Rebecca shook her head. "No, I kind of wanted to surprise her. You know, show up at her door like she's been doing here. Do you think that's stupid?"

"I think that's a wonderful idea."

Cass scrolledthrough photos of her and Rebecca on her phone. The TV played in the background for the sole purpose of making Cass feel less alone. It was astounding how different life could become in such a short amount of time. Before Rebecca, Cass could be alone without a problem. Hell, she even preferred it most nights. After Rebecca… the days were bearable as long as she was able to spend time with Rebecca. But the nights? Oh, these dark nights felt like an eternity without her wife by her side. It was hard to see the light at the end of a seemingly never-ending tunnel.

Cass scrolled until she couldn't scroll any further. Then she'd start over, staring at each picture, remembering exactly when and where it was taken. She was driving herself insane by running through worst-case scenarios in her head. While everyone was trying to be encouraging, Cass was quickly running out of hope. The swelling should be gone by now, and everything she'd read and researched… Rebecca should have regained her memory by now.

Cass flopped back onto the couch with a heavy sigh. "Come on, Becca. Fight, baby." She chose a photo of Rebecca looking into the camera and smiling. They had taken a walk on the beach, wanting to get out and get some fresh air. Rebecca was barefoot, digging her toes into the sand and giggling when the waves lapped over her feet. It was a magical sight for Cass, seeing Rebecca so carefree and happy. That's when she snapped the photo of Rebecca. She had wanted to remember that day forever. Little did she know how precious that memory would be today.

Just as Cass closed her eyes to bring more memories to the surface, her doorbell rang. She groaned and thought about ignoring the damn sound and just burying herself under the covers and sleeping until Rebecca came back to her. But she couldn't risk the off chance this would be about Rebecca and forced herself to get up.

She glanced down at her shorts and ripped tee and shrugged. Whoever it was would have to deal with her bedtime attire since she wasn't expecting company, and it was past ten o'clock at night. And when she opened the door, she certainly wasn't expecting to see who was standing there.

"H-hunter. Hey."

Hunter discreetly took in Cass's appearance. Just as she suspected, Cass looked like shit. Everyone had been so worried about Rebecca — and rightfully so — that no one truly stopped to think about how Cass was dealing with everything. Hunter could admit she'd been avoiding Cass after what happened at the hospital. But that's not what this group of friends did. When the going got tough, they came together. So, Hunter put on her big girl pants, and here she was.

"Hey. Sorry, I know it's late."

"Nah, it's, uh, fine. Do you, um, wanna come in?" Cass started to open the door wider for Hunter, then stopped. "You're not going to punch me, are you? Not that I don't deserve it, but…"

"I'm not here to punch you, Cass," Hunter smiled sadly. "You're going through enough as it is."

Cass blew out a breath of relief. "C'mon in. Sorry about the mess."

Hunter spied the makeshift bed on the couch. "I'm sure you remember how I never went home when Ellie was in the hospital. So, I get it, yeah?"

Cass nodded. "Yeah. At least I'm taking showers," she teased, recalling how Hunter rarely left Ellie's side. Jessie had to threaten Hunter to get her to take fifteen minutes to shower and change.

"Thank goodness," Hunter chuckled. She took the seat Cass silently offered and wondered if she could trick Mo into coming over tomorrow to help tidy up. She vetoed that idea pretty quickly when she thought about how Mo cleaned by kicking things under anything that was remotely lifted off the floor. Maybe Ellie could help.

"Why are you here, Hunt? I can't imagine I'm your favorite person after what I did."

"I don't blame you for that, Cass. I was on my way home when El called to tell me the good news about Rebecca's results. Normally, I would have heard that from you." Hunter sighed. Man, she hated that she and Cass were on the outs. Especially now when Cass could use all the support she could get. "I wanted to apologize to you…"

"Whoa, what? What the fuck do you have to apologize to me for? I'm the one who sucker punched you."

"For good reason. I promised you I'd bring Rebecca back to you. This is exactly why doctors don't make promises. But I did, and I broke that promise. I'm sorry."

Cass bowed her head and lost the valiant fight she'd been fighting since she found out about Rebecca's tumor. She hid her face in her hands and began to sob. If it were anyone else but Hunter here, Cass would've been embarrassed by her breakdown. But she felt Hunter's arm suddenly around her shoulders and allowed herself to lean into the comfort of her best friend.

"I'm so fucking angry, Hunt. And sad. And… lost." Cass scoffed. "I used to think those saps who talked about love like it was a fucking lifeline were idiots. Why would you trust anyone enough to attach your entire happy existence to them? Now, I'm the idiot."

"You're not an idiot, Cass. You're in love. Love isn't a weakness. Your bond with Rebecca is a strength for both of you."

"So strong she doesn't even fucking remember me," Cass sniffled, grabbing a napkin from the pile that was accumulating on the coffee table and blowing her nose.

"I heard about your date. She remembers you, Cass. The Rebecca I knew back then would never have considered going out with anyone. Samantha did a fucking number on her ego, Cass. Despite your charisma, Rebecca wouldn't have allowed herself to be charmed."

Cass looked up. "That's right. You were there that day. Do you… do you really see differences between then and now?"

Hunter lowered her eyes. "I'm ashamed to say I haven't been by to see Rebecca since she left the hospital."

That surprised Cass. Hunter and Rebecca had been close for far too long for Hunter to avoid seeing her.

"Why?"

"Guilt."

"Look, Hunt, I should have never blamed you…"

"Not about that," Hunter reassured. "As you said, I was there. I saw Rebecca struggle, Cass. Especially that first year. Her self-esteem was fucking… non-existent. She was scared of her own shadow. I mean, Rebecca had enough in the tank to claw her way back and re-invent herself. But she was a completely different person than who you know today. I – I couldn't bear to watch that again. I feel guilty about what a fucking coward I am."

"Hunt."

"Cass, I'm not here for you to ease that guilt. That's mine to live with. That being said, from what I've heard from El, Rebecca is… confident. And flirty. She may not remember much, but it doesn't sound like she's lost the woman she became in the last twenty years. And that? That's all you, my friend."

Cass shook her head. "That's all Becca."

"Oh, I give Rebecca all the credit for undoing the shit Samantha did to her and becoming Mistress. But you, my friend? You brought back Rebecca."

Cass smiled through the tears still flowing down her cheeks. "Thanks, Hunt." She patted Hunter's leg awkwardly, now feeling uncomfortable after allowing her vulnerability to show. "I, uh, should have called after what happened at the hospital. Let me finish, please?" Cass continued when Hunter opened her mouth to argue. "I should have been woman enough to step up and apologize for my outburst. And I should have called you today to tell you the news. Not only are you Rebecca's oldest friend, you're my best friend. I really needed this. And I didn't know how much until I saw you standing at the door."

"Well, shit, woman," Hunter sniffed. "Way to turn me into a blubbering mess. Hand me one of those sandpaper napkins, will ya?'

Cass grabbed a stack of napkins and shoved them at Hunter, keeping a couple for herself. "Mo never hears of this."

Hunter laughed. "Are you kidding? We'd never hear the end of it."