Chapter 25

"I,uh, didn't mean to push Aunt Wills out," Cass took a quick look at Rebecca before focusing on the road again. "I can bow out if she wants to be there."

Of course, that's not what Cass wanted—or needed. No, she needed to be with Rebecca when the results were read. Yet, she couldn't help but feel bad.

"She insisted, Cass," Rebecca reassured. She was trying very hard not to feel nervous about today. It was such a weird feeling to be scared of something you didn't remember. "Besides, I'm the one who told Aunt Wills I wanted you there with me."

Cass's heart jumped at that admission. "Y-you did?"

Way to embarrass yourself, Rebecca. You might as well have just told Cass you were hot for her.Rebecca cleared her throat. "Yeah, I mean, you asked, and I…" She sighed, wondering why she was being so weird. "No, I meant it. I want you there with me. I may not remember everything — or anything. But you help me stay calm. I feel like I need that today."

Cass risked rejection by taking Rebecca's hand that rested on the console. "Thank you. I'm glad I can be a calming presence for you cuz I'm a freakin' bag of nerves," she confessed with an uncomfortable laugh. "I probably shouldn't have told you that."

Rebecca bit her cheek. God, she loved the way Cass said whatever came to her mind. Loved? Do we… love each other?

"I appreciate your candor, Cass," Rebecca chuckled. "I'm a freakin' bag of nerves, too, but I don't think I really understand why. I… forget about the tumor. I have the stitches, I get the headaches, but I guess I still blame the, uh, other thing."

Cass squeezed Rebecca's hand, thankful that Rebecca didn't pull away. "I can't imagine what this is like for you."

"The only way I can describe it is like I've time-traveled into the future without a roadmap from the past."

"That's…" Cass ran that analogy over and over in her head. "That gives me a better understanding, I think, by giving me a sort of visual of what it's like." She glanced at Rebecca again and winked. "Thank you for sharing that with me."

Rebecca smiled coyly. "I don't even know where that came from."

"Sometimes the answers come when we stop thinking about it so hard."

"Aunt Wills said something similar. But trying not to think about what you're not supposed to be thinking about is almost impossible."

Cass laughed. "You sound like me! Maybe that's why I totally understood what you just said." She pulled into the nearly empty parking lot, finding a place close to the front to park. "Note to self: nine am on a Wednesday is the time to come here."

"Mmm." Rebecca leaned forward to look at the building through the windshield. "Such a nondescript building to cause this much anxiety," she muttered.

"Hey. This is going to be good news. I can feel it in my bones."

Rebecca turned her head to look at Cass and smiled. "You can feel it in your bones?"

"Yep." Cass hesitated for only a second before bringing Rebecca's hand to her lips and placing a light kiss on her palm. "Whatever happens up there, Becca, I'm here. Always."

Rebecca's palm tingled where Cass's lips touched her. The emotions she felt each time she was with Cass made her desperate to remember their lives together.

"Let's do this."

Cass grinned. "That's my girl."

Rebecca flippedthrough an entertainment magazine and frowned. "Who are these people?"

Cass leaned over to see who Rebecca was looking at on the page. There were a bunch of young celebrities that were ‘just like us' coming out of grocery stores, drinking Starbucks, or going for a run. Cass pointed at one. "That's Adele. She's a singer, and you dig her. The rest," Cass shrugged with a laugh. "No clue."

"So weird," Rebecca whispered as she continued turning the pages. "I guess people still care who's dating whom." She smiled when Cass merely grunted next to her.

"Mrs. Giles?"

Rebecca didn't even look up at the receptionist who was calling her name. Because she doesn't remember, Cass reminded herself. "Uh, Becca? That's you."

"Hmm?" Rebecca looked around.

"Mrs. Giles?" The receptionist called again.

Cass stood and held her hand out to Rebecca. "That's you."

Rebecca frowned but took Cass's hand and followed her. Her brain was still trying to catch up. Who is Giles?

Cass was freaking out. No one had told Rebecca they were married, and Cass had followed their lead even though her gut told her not to. As they walked the hallway toward an exam room, Cass desperately searched for an explanation she could give Rebecca without the shit hitting the proverbial fan. If this were what pushed Rebecca over the edge and caused permanent memory loss, Cass would fucking lose her mind.

Rebecca was still trying to figure out why they called her Mrs. Giles. She didn't even know a Gil… She stopped abruptly. "Is your last name Giles? Are we married?!"

Cass winced at the volume level of Rebecca's voice in the quiet area. She turned to look at Rebecca. "Yes. And yeah, we are."

"And you didn't think — no one thought — to tell me?"

"Um, if you two could go right in here, please," the young woman said timidly, trying to usher them into an exam room. "I'll tell the PA you need a couple of minutes." She hurried out, leaving Cass and Rebecca alone.

"Becca…"

"How long?"

Cass sighed. She hated seeing Rebecca pissed, especially at her. But even more, she didn't want Rebecca to stress herself out. "Almost three years."

"And… it's legal? We're really, truly married? I'm Rebecca Giles?"

"Rebecca Cuinn-Giles, yes. We are legally, lovingly married."

Lovingly.Rebecca studied Cass and saw nothing but sincerity. Still, Rebecca was beyond annoyed that this kind of information was kept from her. "Why would everyone keep this from me? Don't you think I deserved to know?"

"Yeah, babe, I did. God, I wanted to tell you." Cass scrubbed her face in frustration, then hoisted Rebecca up onto the exam table and stood in front of her. "I've told you before that my number one priority is your welfare and recovery, Becca, so I followed Aunt Wills's lead with how much I could say and when. Maybe I made a mistake. But I have no clue how to navigate something like this, so I'm doing my best."

"Y-you didn't fight for me. If we're married, why didn't you fight for me to go home with you?"

Cass's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Is that what you think? Becca, my heart fucking shatters every time I go into that house alone. But you didn't know me — you still don't, not really. And I wasn't about to force you to do something you weren't comfortable with. If I had done that, if I had treated you like she treated you… what incentive would you have to regain your memories?" She feathered her fingers across Rebecca's cheek. "I want you to remember me, Becca. To remember us. And I need you to know that showing up every single day with some lame excuse to be there is me fighting for you. That's me making sure you know I'm here and always will be."

Rebecca couldn't argue with anything Cass just said to her. Hell, she couldn't even be mad. How could she when this whole situation was fucked up? Besides, the feel of Cass's fingers on her skin, the look in Cass's eyes, and how close her lips were made Rebecca forget what she was supposed to be upset about. The close proximity compelled Rebecca to lean in. Unfortunately, that caused the paper on the exam table to crinkle, startling them both. One snicker from Rebecca set off peals of laughter from both.

Neither heard the knock at the door.

"Good morning, Rebecca."Dr. Lima rounded her desk and settled in. "Cass, it's good to see you," she said before turning her focus back on Rebecca. "How are you feeling?"

Rebecca's leg bounced with nerves, her hands fidgeting in her lap. Getting her stitches out was a piece of cake. Especially since all she could think was; I'm married to Cass. This was the hard part, though. Having to sit down with the doctor and hear the results of the biopsy.

"I'm good. Um, I still get headaches, but they're less frequent and don't last as long."

"That's a positive result."

Dr. Lima wrote notes as she listened. There wasn't much of an expression on her face, and that frustrated Cass. She didn't even look away when Dr. Lima caught her staring.

"And has there been any improvement with your amnesia?"

Rebecca glanced between Dr. Lima and Cass. Cass looked as though she was trying to read the doctor's mind. The doctor looked as though her mind was a steel vault. It was almost comical.

"Not really. My memory is… still gone."

Dr. Lima frowned. "That's not ideal."

"No kidding," Cass scoffed. She jumped slightly when she felt Rebecca's hand on her thigh. "Sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. Do we know what is causing the amnesia?"

"Hang on, please," Rebecca interrupted. "Could we start with the biopsy results? My head starts to hurt when I'm stressed, and this dread hanging over me isn't helping."

"Shit, I'm sorry, Becca."

Rebecca shook her head. "No, it's fine. I want to know the answer to your question, too. Let's just get this biopsy thing over with first. Dr. Lima?"

Dr. Lima nodded and pulled her keyboard closer. After a few keystrokes, she nodded again. "The results of your biopsy came back negative. The tumor was benign."

For once, Cass was grateful for Lima's no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point attitude. If she had made them wait like some dramatic reality show, Cass would have gone a little crazy. She sat back heavily, the intense rush of relief nearly leaving her body limp.

Rebecca let go of the breath she'd been holding. "Benign," she repeated just to hear it again. "So, it's over?"

"I was able to remove one hundred percent of the tumor. The chances of it coming back are minimal. I will suggest that you come back in six months for follow-up care and an MRI."

"O-okay. That was quick and to the point." Rebecca sat dumbfounded for a moment. She didn't know what she was expecting. Perhaps a little more fanfare? Maybe some emotion from her doctor?

Dr. Lima looked at Rebecca curiously. "I thought that would be good news."

"It is, it's just…"

"Your delivery could use a little warmth," Cass finished for Rebecca. Her wife probably would have been more diplomatic, but Cass's nerves were too raw to be tactful.

"Cass," Rebecca scolded gently.

"Sorry, but…"

"I apologize for being abrupt," Dr. Lima interrupted. "If you would like someone more familiar with you personally, I could confer with Dr. Vale."

"No." Rebecca took a cleansing breath. "I like it when people get to the point and say exactly what's on their mind." She glanced at Cass who was looking at her intently enough to make her blush.

What a fucking day, Rebecca thought. Information swirled in her head. It wasn't even noon, and she was already exhausted. Married and cancer-free. All in the span of an hour. Married for almost three years, Rebecca reminded herself. She blew out a breath, fighting off the headache she felt coming on.

"Now that we have the results, can we talk about the amnesia? Why have I forgotten…" Rebecca looked at Cass again. "The good in my life?"

"Your tumor was located on your frontal lobe, which is responsible for many of your cognitive functions. Including memory. Your amnesia is most likely a result of swelling."

"Most likely," Cass echoed. "So you don't know if it was something you did or some normal side-effect?"

"Cass," Rebecca whispered harshly. But Cass's stare was relentless. There was something familiar about this scenario that tickled the back of Rebecca's brain.

Dr. Lima, however, never even flinched. "The other explanation for memory loss is the removal of cells responsible for memory during the craniotomy, which was not a procedure I performed. I am very good at what I do, Cass. But I am keenly aware that the brain is highly delicate, and as much as we doctors want to believe we know everything about the way the brain works, we still have so much to learn."

While Cass appreciated the doctor's honesty, it didn't help her situation. "Will it come back? When the swelling is gone, will Rebecca's memory return?"

Dr. Lima steepled her fingers in front of her and addressed Rebecca even though she didn't ask the question. "I wish I could give you a definitive answer. Memory loss isn't uncommon after a craniotomy, and the length of time it lasts varies. If you have not regained your memory by this time next week, I would like for you to come back for an MRI."

Next week! Cass just hoped she could survive another week without Rebecca by her side.

Rebecca nodded, but inside, she wasn't as calm. There had to be a way to speed up this process, and she might have an idea of how.