25. Ava
25
AVA
Blinking against the glistening brightness seeping into the room, I watch as the sun peeks above the trees in the distance, bathing the room with a soft pink glow. Sleepiness clouds my mind as I snuggle closer to the warmth at my back. It takes a minute to register that, in the night, we had somehow come together, and he wrapped around me. This feels like home. Breathing this in, memorizing how this feels, I gently slip from the bed.
Making my way down to the kitchen, I set about starting the coffee machine. While it brews, I head to the downstairs bathroom and take care of my morning needs, returning as the coffee finishes. Turning my attention to hunting for a mug, I snag the one I want and pour the steamy dark java. Taking the coffee to the island, I curl up into the seat, staring out the back of the house, I take in the view before me and just think.
I think about my brothers, how thankful I am to have them in my life and how worried they must be. I think of Cal and all he has done. He truly didn't need to do it but still did. It warms my heart to see how hard he has tried. His words last night were devastating. I had no idea all that he had been through. I thought he was off enjoying his life while I was in that basement. It crushes me to know that he sacrificed himself trying to free me.
Hearing a thud, I pull my head off my knees and set down my cup. I double blink at the next muffled thud-thud-thud. I know Cal's house is secure. No one can get in. I didn't turn off the alarm. Is Cal working out? I left him sleeping, but he seems to be running. But why? The rapid stomping gets louder as he hits the stairs.
Craning my neck, I glance at the kitchen opening and watch as Cal skids into the doorway. His manic gaze flickers about as he runs into the kitchen, stopping dead in his tracks. Cal's eyes hit mine. I watch in horror as that big strong man is on the verge of tears. Suddenly he doubles over, as though his pain is too much to bear standing. Getting up, I approach cautiously, not really sure what is happening.
My hand comes up to lay against the warmth of his bare, muscular back. Unexpectedly, he snaps up, grabs me, and crushes me fully to his chest. I have a second to freak out, flashing back to touch equaling harm and pain. But for Cal, I battle myself. I will give him this. He needs it, and I don't know what's running through his mind. I don't want to provoke a panic attack, knowing it would only add to what he is going through. I count to ten slowly, taking deep calming breaths, and wrap myself around him. I can physically show him that it's okay, even if I don't have the words.
Cal breathes me in and his heaving breaths calm. "Cal, honey what happened?" He shakes his head, still unwilling to move or let me go. "Cal… Tell me, please?" I whisper to him, hoping that a gentle tone will coax him back into himself. He does a full body shudder before walking to the island, placing me down. He boxes me in with his much larger body. It doesn't scare me though, so that is good. It makes me feel safe. Releasing me, he cups my face.
"I-I-" he stutters. Taking a deep breath, he starts again. "I thought someone had taken you again." His head falls forward, the internal disappointment reflecting with his movement.
"Cal, honey, your home is safe. We are safe. And I am right here." I run my fingers through his hair. "I-I didn't think that getting up to grab some coffee would create a situation." I tug on his hair to get him to look at me. "Next time I'll ask if you wanna join." The light in his eyes brightens and he nods. Neither of us want to pick apart each other's reaction.
Pushing at his sizable body, I slide down and grab another mug, filling it to the brim. I walk around the island snagging mine, and I turn, "Come on." He obediently follows me to the comfy couch where I place the coffee mugs down on the table. Spinning around, I grab Cal's big warm hand and yank him to the couch. Taking a hint, he plops down next to me. Taking our mugs, he hands me mine and sips from his. Picking up my feet, he puts them in his lap, massaging them.
Bliss.
This is undeniably a moment that will be locked into my mind. Quiet, relaxing. No expectations. No flashbacks …. Nothing. After a short while, Cal gets up to refill both our mugs. He comes back with two mugs in one hand, and his phone in the other.
Tossing his phone on the table with a huff, he gives me my mug. The bubble has officially been popped. After all the work that happened yesterday, I am hoping that I can do this. "Cal, what is it?"
He doesn't move, doesn't breathe, until a small sigh slips from him. "Ava, it's nothing to worry about."
"No, Cal, don't do this. What happened?" I plead. Cal becomes a statue at my imploring tone and, just as suddenly, he languidly lays back into the couch.
"Nothing, sweet Ava." He smiles at me softly. "I'd like to take you somewhere today." His whiplash of emotions this morning is hard to maneuver through, but I am sure I haven't been a picnic either. His eagerness makes me giddy. Where could he want to go?
I know he wants to go out, but that means leaving the safety of his home. Being around others who could take me or harm me. The what if's pour through me. The negative thoughts cloud my mind like a storm engulfing the coast as a hurricane rolls in.
Staring at him, I wait as emotion rolls over me. I let them seize me; but the longer I'm ensnared in his eyes, the more his needs outweigh the squall threatening to drown me in its wake.
Reluctantly, I nod. "Fine. I need to get ready, but I want to see what it is that has you bouncing like a child." I laugh at his incredulous face.
"What the... I'm not-" It takes him a moment to realize I am messing with him, but it's long enough for me to make a run for it. A bit of lightheartedness before leaving the security of this home. Thankfully, Cal doesn't take the bait and lets me have my simple fun.
Once we are both dressed and ready, we get in Cal's truck, buckling up. The anxiety starts to climb. As the gate comes into view, my curiosity peaks, and the two emotions begin to battle. I'm hopeful that my need to find out where we are going will snuff out the need to claw at the lock, frantically run back to the protection of those four walls, and dive back into my nest to hide from the world. I bite back the need and squeeze my hands into fists tight enough that my nails bite the skin on my palm, the slight sting of pain helping calm me.
I sit back, with soothing breaths and nail biting squeezes periodically, and wait. I can give this to him. I can let Cal have this. He has been through so much himself, and with me. He has been on point each stop of this agonizing recovery, a steady strong guiding hand that hasn't failed me.
I can give him my trust.
And that is exactly what I do. I reach for his hand, interlacing our fingers and giving him an affectionate squeeze. Leaning my head back, I shut my eyes as I soak in the heat of the sun. This is one thing I really missed being locked away with Kiel. The truck finally comes to a stop. I open my eyes and see where Cal has driven us.
Shock rips through me. Whipping around to Cal, I stare, my mouth agape. I have never been to one of these places. An odd thing for an artist to admit, but it was not my scene. Then again, now maybe it is. He brought me to an adorable building covered in bright colors with a huge sign that says Paint . A large bottle of wine sits next to the "P" and a margarita knocking into the "T". It's cute. It looks open, friendly and, more importantly, it looks inviting.
Cal drags me out of the truck into the building. We are greeted with happy bubbly staff who are more excited than I am to help us set up and get started.
The paints and canvas are set up. Cal is sitting next to me as the instructor gets started. She meticulously explains how the class will go, and talks about the bell and its hilarious purpose.
Our instructor, Joy, looks around the room in a serious tone. "Now, everyone, if I ring the bell, you sip." She giggles and says: "Well, we have all learned here. If you're tipsy, you won't fret over the canvas sitting in front of you. Instead, you will have fun. Because that is what we are about … Having fun!" She rings the bell again. Her bubbly nature makes me giggle, and I am not the only one.
Wise words. If only we could all apply this to every aspect of our chaotic lives. Getting started with how to do the background, I take a deep breath. Relaxing. Joy rings her favorite bell, so I sip. Cal brought water for us and, honestly, I am so thankful. I don't think I am ready to let my guard down and get drunk. I know I can trust Cal, but we aren't home. I am not ready for that step in public.
As the class goes on, I get more and more into the painting. It's a simple scene of a highland cow with his tongue sticking out. It's sweet and gives me a delightful feeling. As the strokes take life on the canvas and the charming little cow's eyes take shape, I see it. I see the balm soothing my soul, the healing that grows with every flick of the brush. With each new line, I get further and further into the zone. The outside world slowly seeps away. There is nothing but the canvas and me.
Time slips by, and I chance a quick glance around the studio, taking note of the happy faces, the laughter that bounces about the room freely, and the merriment that skips from one person to the next. A small smile sneaks on my face as I take it all in. Then I turn to take in Cal. His work is surprisingly good. He has so many hidden talents. But what grabs me is his body.
His shoulders aren't tense. His arms are as carefree as the paint brush glides about the canvas. The crinkle of stress at the corner of his eyes is gone.
Painting was a therapy for me, a way to rid myself of the evil pent up inside from my past. I painted hate, sorrow, depression, and every other imaginable dark emotion. I was proud of what I could create, but here in this moment, I know why I needed this delightful little highlander cow and his too-cute-for-words tongue.
To heal. To relax. To be okay with being in the here and now. And it appears that Cal needed this just as much as me.
The session wrapped up with a dazzling addition of glitter speckled about the paint, adding the pizzazz that made me smile.
Climbing into the truck, I notice that Cal seems at odds with himself. I don't know what to make of it. He was so relaxed in the paint shop. Maybe something has changed. "Cal, you okay? You seem tense?" He gives me the side eye. His hands white-knuckling the steering wheel.
"Ava, I need to tell you something." His tone causes my stomach to roll and goosebumps to chase the shiver that overtakes my body. He's already professed his love and devotion, so it can't be that, right? So, what would cause his voice to make me feel the crypt keeper is waiting for us at home?
"I know that today was… It was everything we both needed. It was rejuvenating. I'm glad you were able to throw your fears to the wind. I love that you found a bit of yourself." Huffing as the wheel creaks, his grip tightening to the point where my brows draw together in concern of the steering wheel collapsing under his strength.
"This morning. I got a text." Reaching for my hand he laces our fingers, giving my hand a quick squeeze as though he is bracing me for the news. There's another quick glance at my face. "Jax and Lucas, they haven't been over to the house in sometime. You've been out of it, but they have been hunting."
My face scrunches at this. "Cal, I know my brothers enjoy hunting sometimes. Why is this so discerning?" I watch as Cal's face goes slack, and he bites his lip. He seems to be trying his hardest to stop a smile from blooming, faking a cough to cover his laugh. "Really, what the hell? Cal, it's not news. I don't get why this is so funny. Though I'm thrilled your weird mood disappeared even for a moment." I shrug.
The truck jerks to the side of the road as he slams on the brakes. Lurching to a hard stop, he turns to me, grabbing both hands with a firm hold as though he is afraid that I will pull away. Hell, maybe he is scared that I'll jump from the truck and run. I don't know why he did it, but the firm hold helps me feel grounded.
"I hate this, but I think you need this." Shaking his head, he continues. "We need this." He takes what looks like a fortifying breath. "They were not on that kind of hunt." A small chuckle graces those last few words. Cal's face returns to a pleading yet comforting look as he delivers the news. The message was simple: "We found him." Cal is watching me closely, trying to decipher any small nuance.
I freeze.
The words send a thread of pure fear through me. Then the unexpected happens, my anger sparks to life and it feeds itself, becoming an inferno. I glare at Cal. "Well, where the fuck is he?"
A flicker of surprise speeds across his handsome features. "Honestly, leaving the house had two reasons." He flicks a finger up. "You and I both needed to get out of the house, and you need to remember that painting brings you relief." A second finger comes up. "Your brothers needed the time to restrain Kiel in the basement."
I flinch in surprise. Kiel is in my place of safety, my nest of protection. Will I let him taint it? Or do I trust that Cal and my brothers know what they are doing? I steel myself, taking a much needed relaxing breath.
Cal sees my reaction. "Ava, don't. You have come so far. He is chained and there are men on him. He has no reprieve. He does nothing alone. There are eyes on him the whole time he is under our roof. There is not a chance in hell he will leave my basement breathing."
Those simple words refill me with relief. I never should have doubted Cal. With those words imparted, his hand stays laced with mine as he puts that truck in drive, and we make our way home. The ride is quiet, giving me time to prepare. Prepare myself for knowing that, even if I don't see him, Kiel's life is short lived. That is exactly what I want, even if he does smudge our air and house.