26. Ava

26

AVA

Days pass with a new routine of waking up together, going down and partaking in coffee and breakfast together. After slipping quietly from bed that first morning, I couldn't bear to repeat it. I didn't want him to experience that level of fear again. Not after all he has done for me. The mornings became our time. No work. No outside world. It's just Cal and me.

In that time, we begin to slowly reconnect. His patience with me is a salve to my fractured soul. He helps put the broken pieces of me back together. As each day passes, I slip into my studio more and more.

Painting is my outlet. It's my therapy. And I truly need it. Standing before a blank canvas, gnawing on the end of the paint brush, it hits me that I'm missing something.

Then it hits what I am missing. My recovery has been rough, and it's long from over, but I still need them. I miss them. It's been too long since I have been around my brothers. Now that their "hunt" is over, maybe we can have them over.

Closing my eyes, I realize that the hunt is not the only reason for us not seeing each other. My state of mind was the true culprit. Guilt weaves its way through me. My depressive state was the root of the issue, and possibly it was the reason the "hunt"—as I have dubbed it—took place.

Making plans is a must. I need them here. I need them to see that I am on the mend. With those happier thoughts in my mind, I set up the paint palette, dipping my brush into the crimson and begin to lose myself to the process.

Mind blank. I let it flow through me. No direction, no purpose to what this blank canvas will be. Just dip and swipe. Dip and flick.

Coming back to myself, I realize my back is stiff and my arms have a soreness to them. I've been painting for a few hours. The ache feels good. It will take a few weeks before those achy muscles will be toned back up enough to handle longer sessions.

Stretching out my neck, I come back to the current work. It's beautiful, raw and completely unexpected. Leaving it on the easel to dry, I head towards the kitchen to find we have company. The low murmurs hit me long before I see them.

I approach them quietly as they all seem to be in the middle of a quite intense conversation. Watching them, the stress around Chase's eyes is obvious. The twins look a bit more rested, but they should seem to hold an unbearable weight on those broad shoulders. They look weighted down. Cal's back is to me, looking as though each muscle is clenched and tightened.

Shifting a bit to lean on the doorway, still not ready to interrupt, my movement snares the attention of Jax. He abruptly stops speaking. His eyes landing on me, he freezes mid-stand. Shaking my head yes, he finishes his movement and comes over to engulf me into a bear hug.

The others get up a few seconds after Jax's arms wrapped around me. I'm passed from brother to brother for tight hugs with tears following.

"I-I … I w-w-want to apol-l-lgize" I wipe the tears away. "I-I finally realize that m-my actions pushed-" I paused to sniffle. "-pushed you all away. That wasn't in my best interest or yours." Dashing more tears from my cheeks, I keep going. "T-t-thank you all for coming for m-me. And for not g-giving up on me." Wrapping my arms around myself, my eyes go from one solemn face to the next.

"I guess I needed to block it all out. I wasn't ready to deal with what I went through. Or how much of me it changed and blackened. I know that I will never be the same Ava as before, and I was scared of what that would mean for me, for us. Kiel said so many things, and those things sunk into my soul. I couldn't seem to shake them. To me, those things were real, and those words were devastating." Sighing, I wipe a single—hopefully final—tear away. "I know we can't change any of what happened, but I do wish I would have been able to handle touch more easily." Looking down at my now twisting fingers, I see boots step into my view, almost touching my bare feet. A hand reaches slowly towards me, not flinching or moving. I wait. The fingers hook my chin, pulling my gaze to meet Chase's.

"Ava, never apologize for things that are out of your control. I know, and they know that you were saving yourself. That you were protecting yourself, in your own way. None of us are mad." His gaze is steady. "I was worried about you. Not knowing but simply imagining all the twisted shit Kiel pulled." Shaking his head, his eyes are shining with unshed tears. "I'm just glad that you survived and are standing here before me today." Chase pulls me into a hug, kissing the top of my head. "Seeing you here, covered in splatters of paint, tells me everything I need to know."

Lucas steps forward, squeezing the life out of me with his hug. I'm not even mad about it. He steps back and looks at me, giving me a half smile. "Love ya, Sis."

Cal is left standing there, looking from each brother, then to me. Nodding to my brothers, he leans back against the counter, crossing his muscular arms across his broad chest. What is going on now? These kid glove moments are starting to really piss me off. Crossing my arms, I glare at the lot of them.

Chase chuckles. "Okay, okay. We have been sitting on this, not wanting to overwhelm you, but we are the bearers of good news today." Chase takes a deep breath. Each of the men's faces soften and a smile tips their lips. "Kiel is no longer a fear you need to have."

My face slips into a mask of confusion. Cal steps forward, placing his hands on my shoulders. "What Chase is poorly attempting to say is that Kiel is no longer breathing. Which is why he is not going to be a problem for us in the future."

I knew they had him. I knew that he wasn't going to make it out alive. But it still hits like a ton of bricks. My breath swooshes out of me. I stagger backwards and my back collides with the countertop, then my legs give out. I sink to the floor and uncontrollably loud sobs escape. Becoming a huddled mess on the floor, I feel the security of Cal's arms come around me as he picks me up, sitting me in his lap as the quiet squeak of boots move away from us.

Cal holds me as I cry out the sorrow and pain. As the tears fall for the Ava that was, for the deeds that were forced upon me, I sob at the relief that he will never ever have me again. His cold hands will never touch me. His maniacal eyes will never gaze upon me again. It was the most cathartic moment for me. It allowed me to get the ugly that was lingering beneath the surface waiting for the cracks to widen and explode out of me.

In this moment, I knew that Cal was it. He meant all the things he said. The past few days have been everything. We have seen each other at our absolute worst, yet I love every single part of him, and he feels the same. I don't think that I would have survived this without him.

He and my brothers work so hard to track me, to free me and help me recover. I think about Cal's experience, how bad he truly was when my brothers found him. They had to continually restrain him to the bed to heal so he wouldn't rip out the needles and attempted to track me on his own. Now, here he is, the constant blanket of warmth and safety. My love for this man has deepened to the depths of my soul. I can't even imagine my life without him in it.

Pulling away from where Cal tucked my face, I look at him, cupping his chin. I lean up as I pull him toward me. Feather light kiss, once then twice. Arms tighten around me, not wanting to let me go. Twisting my lower body in his arms, I slide my legs to wrap around his slim waist. Running my hands through his hair, pulling on the silky strands, I feel Cal's hot hands sliding up and down my back.

One of his hands skims up my back, sinking into my hair. He takes control. Turning my head at the angle he wants as he deepens the kiss.

It's demanding.

It's needy.

It's so damn hot.

Feeling the dampening between my thighs, I try to squeeze them together to relieve the ache, groaning in frustration as I realize I can't because I'm wrapped around him. This only seems to make him more demanding as he growls his pleasure at my current state. He pulls on my hair until it stings. My need rises as his tongue battles mine. What we are battling for, I don't know and I don't give a damn. I need pressure. I need friction to take the edge off the ache. I rock against his hardness. My silky flimsy shorts scrunching up my thighs as I scoot further into his lap, leaving barely there lace as a barrier between my wetness and Cal's rough denim pants. The textures grinding together against my clit has a moan of pure gratification pass from my mouth into Cal's. It leaves me wanting. More roughness. More pain. I need the edge.

Cal continues his feather light touches against my covered back, never pushing me too far. Accepting my untold boundaries, he just seems to know what I need and want. His kisses are rough; nipping my lips, dominating my mouth, mapping it as though he has never kissed me before. He is taking my mouth like his life depends on it. I don't stop him.

I can't.

He feels so good.

I want to enjoy this.

I don't want my past to shade the brightness that Cal brings into my life. Continuing to rock on his hard length, fingers gliding from his soft strands to the rippling muscles of his back. So strong. It sends a shiver through me at the strength his body has. He never used his strength as a weapon against me. He used it for his pleasure, and mine. I suck his tongue back into my mouth and moan.

Not seeming to be able to get the level of rough hardness to send me over, Cal's hand slips down my back, cupping my ass and forcing me against him. The added pressure from his strength is what I need. Squeezing me against his hard cock, the material is soaked, and I'm riding the wave of pleasure. It's so close. So very close.

Rocking harder, squeezing myself tighter and tighter to him. I need something. Just as this flits through my mind and I groan in frustration, I feel the sting of a smack on my now bare ass as Cal's hand makes solid contact.

I detonate. An explosion of pleasure ricochets through my nerve endings causing lights to dance behind my eyes.

Ending the kiss, my head thumps against his firm chest. His breath comes out in a heavy pant against the top of my head,tickling the stray strands. I snuggle closer to him as my breath puffs against the cotton covered muscles.

It has been so long since I felt this. It takes my organic mind a moment to identify it.

Relaxed. That's what this is. Utterly and truly at ease. I needed this relief. More importantly, Cal knew what I was searching for, satisfaction with no expectations of his pleasure being sought. He is such a good man for not pushing me. It makes me yearn for more … but I am not ready - yet.