Chapter 41

FORTY-ONE

Ilet them look after me. I could say it’s just to ease their nerves and stop them from worrying, but honestly, it’s kind of nice. I’ve been through so much recently, so not having to worry about taking care of myself is . . . enjoyable. I love them for it even more. I still cannot believe they came for me. They could have left me and said fuck the mission. They could have even still carried on the mission, since I was never the priority, but they made me their priority because they love me. I see it in every touch, every look, and every action. I never thought about our future past this place and what it would mean.

I love them, I know that, but love hurts.

Love has the ability to destroy you. Look at Ana. But every time I think about pulling away to stop myself from being hurt in the future, they pull me back in. They won’t allow us to end our relationship. They call us family. Didn’t I call us that once as well? Can I have that again? I hope so. I hope I’m not too fucked up in the head to ruin this because this thing we have is good.

It’s great.

It’s not perfect, but it’s a reason to live.

I loved them enough to sacrifice myself, but can I love them enough to keep living?

I guess only time will tell. There are some moments when I’m fine, driving towards the future and smiling with them as they flutter around me like nurses. Other times, the pain of everything I’ve lost and endured becomes too much and I drown in it, blinded to those helping hands reaching out to hold me.

They tell me time will help.

One breath, one second turns into minutes. Dimitri’s words come back to me, and I force air into my lungs. I repeat it until I can see once more and I understand what he meant. Seconds can turn into minutes if you simply remember to breathe and let the pain wash through you rather than drown you under its waves. A mere second can change everything if we let it.

The darkness that plagues me won’t be easily defeated. It will come back, and it will linger and wait for when I’m weak, but with them at my side, I hope it’s enough that I will be strong enough to fight it.

I’m strong enough not to give in to its comforting lull, to not be selfish enough to take that leap that would destroy them the way my sister’s death did me.

Death is easy, but living is fucking hard.

I have regrets, but when I look into their eyes, I wouldn’t change anything I did because it brought me to them—these five, wonderful men who are so willing to travel across the world to find me and kill anyone who gets in their way.

I always thought being strong meant standing alone, just like my father thought, but I was wrong. Being strong means allowing others in, knowing they might hurt you. It’s trusting them to stand at your back and catch you when you fall. We are stronger together than we ever could be alone.

We are just six fucked-up experiments with endless possibilities for a future.

It’s kind of terrifying not knowing what we will be doing tomorrow.

For so long, surviving has been my mission, followed by stopping my father, but now the world is waiting for us.

“Hey, love,” Louis murmurs, leaning against the door of the room they put me in. “You okay? Are you in any pain? I can get Isaac.”

“Stop, I’m fine.” I smile to soften my words. I know he’s worried. His pinched features show his concern, as does the fact he checks on me every five minutes. If it wasn’t so sweet, it would be annoying. “How’s everyone?”

“We’re fine, just worried about you,” he admits, pushing away from the door and heading my way, cupping my cheeks with a sigh. Leaning into his warmth, I shut my eyes as I soak in his comforting, grounding touch. “The kids are leaving soon.”

“What? Where to?” My eyes open as I struggle to my feet. With an annoyed frown, he stops me, preventing me from tearing open my wound.

“Somewhere safe for now until Dimitri can determine their backgrounds and what we should do to prevent this from ever happening again.”

“We cannot leave them alone, Louis. They’ve been through enough,” I argue.

For the first time since I woke up, his eyes flash like they used to. “We don’t plan on it if you’d listen for one minute, brat.” He huffs, a smirk playing on his lips. Desire flares through me, but I push it back because now is definitely not the time.

My eyes narrow on him, his narrow on me, and we just stare each other down until he grins.

“God, I missed that fucking look. I never thought I would see it again.” His grin grows as I roll my eyes. “Dimitri hired a private plane with security. Bert is on the plane, and he will be escorting them to a safe house, ensuring they settle in. We have some of the best doctors available on staff to monitor them, and Dimitri has the place wired so we can watch them at all times.”

“Oh.” I relax at that. Of course they thought of everything.

“You really thought I would send them somewhere alone and scared?” he asks. It’s a joke, but I see the pain in his eyes over the fact that I wouldn’t trust him to sort this out.

Sighing to myself, I lean my head against his chest, listening to his steady, strong heartbeat and letting it ground me. “I didn’t. You know that. I guess I’m just used to dealing with everything myself.”

“One day you won’t be. I cannot wait for that,” he whispers, stroking the back of my head. “I promise they will be safe, Nova. I would die before I let anyone hurt them again.”

“I know.” I got so used to depending on myself down here, but Louis has proven himself over and over again. He’s a capable leader, an excellent soldier, and a brilliant man. If he promises something, he will keep it. He’s trying to help. It’s just an old habit that I need to break so I can trust them to handle things without worrying about it. Fucking independence and stubbornness. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be, my love. I cannot begin to imagine what has happened to you since the last time I saw you.” I start to stiffen, but he doesn’t let me go. “We are here if and when you are ever ready to talk about it. If you never are, that’s okay too. But know this, Nova.” He tilts my head up to meet his gaze. “We are never going anywhere again. It’s us and you, so get used to it, my love.” He kisses me softly, making my eyes shut once more before he pulls away. “I’m going to check on them.”

“May I come?” I murmur hopefully.

He frowns, and I know he’s about to protest.

“You could carry me.” It’s a low move because I know he would give me anything I want, and honestly, Louis loves protecting me, so he scoops me into his arms, holding me tight.

“Brat,” he mutters, but it is spoken in a loving way.

“You know it.” I snuggle into his shoulder, wrapping my arms around him. How many nights did I wish I could have this again? I refuse to let my issues ruin this.

He walks confidently through the corridors, and I close my eyes. The pain is distant, thanks to the pain meds Isaac keeps pumping me with even though I say no, so I’m relaxed, and when we stop before the elevator, I see all the kids there, dressed in warm clothing, ready to go. They turn to us as we approach, and Nico steps from their masses. My mouth drops open with a laugh at the first sight of him.

He’s covered in glitter and drawings, but it’s the sheet tied to his waist like a tutu that causes me to laugh. The kids around him giggle, especially one little girl who hides behind him.

Not the least bit bothered to be caught like this, he winks at me. “I’ll keep it on for later, baby.”

Laughing harder, I slide down Louis’s body and stay propped against his side. “You better.” I grin as I look the kids over. They are all so young. I know they must have seen, heard, and experienced some horrible stuff, but looking into their hopeful, happy eyes, I’m reminded of why we did this. “I’m Nova,” I introduce myself with a little wave.

“We know.” The little girl peeks from behind Nico. “Nicky was telling us about you. He said he’s going to marry you.” She giggles harder.

“Is that right?” My eyes go to him, and Nico simply grins at me. “Do you think I should?”

“He’s funny, plus he gave us piggyback rides and has juice boxes. I think you should,” she replies.

“And what about me? Can she marry me?” Louis asks.

“I don’t know,” the girl hedges. “Do you have juice?”

“I have something better. I have chocolate,” he whispers like it’s a secret.

She nods. “Then you can marry him too.”

“Why, thank you for your permission.” I’m unable to stop smiling, and my heart is light as I look around. “You’ll all be okay. We promise. We’ll take care of you now.”

“We know,” a little boy says, holding the hand of a girl at his side. “Thank you for saving us.” He’s clearly the oldest here, and although he’s no older than ten, the way he looks at me as he speaks shows knowledge way beyond his age—one that is only put there by pain and horror.

“Okay, kids, the plane is here,” Nico calls, clapping. “Remember what we talked about. Hold onto your friend until you’re on board, and once there, what do we do?”

“Listen to Bert,” they repeat in innocent voices with big, fluttering eyes. Something in my heart cracks, and I swallow my pain as I look at them, knowing this is as close to having kids as I will ever get, and although I’m happy, it hurts.

“Good, let’s go!” The elevator opens, and they all file inside. Nico hangs back before darting over to me and kissing me soundly.

“I’ll make sure they get on board safely. Bert is dying to see you, but he knows this is important to you. Go rest, baby.” He steps into the elevator with the kids, bringing them up top and to safety.

“He’s right. You need to rest,” Louis murmurs, shouldering my weight.

“Not yet. Can we just walk around for a bit? I don’t want to be trapped in that bed again. It reminds me too much of the beds my father tied me to.” It’s a low blow but true, and he jerks next to me.

“We will move you. What would be easier?”

“Louis, Louis, stop.” He’s about to go into leader mode. “It is fine. I know I need to rest, so it doesn’t bother me too much, but I just want to be out of bed for a little while, okay?”

“Are you sure?” He frowns down at me as he lifts me into his arms once more. I could walk, but I don’t protest, and he doesn’t offer to let me.

“Yes.” I press my lips to his neck, feeling him shiver. “Then I’ll rest, and we can get the fuck out of here. The sooner I never have to see this place again, the better.”

Louis falters but then turns. “I know a place.” I let him take me without question, my eyes sliding shut as I soak in his love and warmth. I only open them again when he sets me down on a sofa in what looks to be a canteen. Jonas is stuffing food in his mouth, but he waves and grins at me before offering his plate to me. Grinning, I shake my head just as Dimitri comes in, holding a tablet in one hand.

“They are off. Nico is coming back down, then he and Jonas will wire the—” He jerks to a stop when he sees me. “You’re out of bed. Are you—”

“She’s gone! Where is she?” Isaac yells, frantically running into the room, his eyes wild until he sees me. “Oh, you’re okay? You’re okay,” he says.

“I’m fine, I just wanted to see the kids off. I didn’t walk, doc, so don’t worry.” I wink at him as he collapses next to me.

“Thank fuck,” he mutters as I lean into his side, and he relaxes. Not too long after, Nico joins us as Dimitri looks between me and the tablet.

“You can carry on. I should know the plan,” I grumble when they just keep staring.

“Sorry, babe.” Dimitri winces. “Jonas and Nico are going to wire the whole facility. I checked everywhere and gathered all the data I could. The backups will be deleted and incinerated. No trace will be left behind.”

“And we’re sure there’s no one else down here or up top?” I ask.

“We dealt with everyone up top after. They were preparing an assault team, which delayed them. Some had come down when ordered, so only a few remained,” Louis explains. “We have searched every room down here for any others who might have hidden and found nothing.”

“There was a doctor, the one we spared last time. He was here. He helped me,” I tell them. “Is he okay?”

They share a look, and Louis sighs. “We found him. His neck was broken. It appeared to have happened hours before we even attacked. From what we saw, it looked like he was trying to gather his things to escape.”

“Oh.” I don’t really know what else to say. He helped me, but that didn’t make him a good guy, even if I know why he was doing it. There has been so much death here, it’s hard to work through it all. He made his choice, though, and so did we. “When do we leave?”

“When Isaac says you’re okay to travel.” Louis narrows his eyes on me. “And I agree, no rushing this. We aren’t letting you hurt yourself. A few more days won’t change anything.”

“It will for me. I want out of here,” I mutter, but I know they won’t budge, so I relax. “What can I do to help?”

“You’ve done everything, babe, just rest,” Jonas says. “Or I can keep you occupied—”

“No sex,” Isaac and Louis say at the same time.

“Spoilsports. I was going to suggest cuddling, or maybe I could carry her around while I wire up the place and she can watch my back.” He becomes serious. “I know how badly I would hate doing nothing while being stuck in a place where I was held captive.”

“Well shit.” Nico chuckles. “Jonas is being all emotionally intelligent.”

“Leave him alone.” I point at Nico. “Or I’ll kick your ass when I’m better.”

“I can’t wait,” he purrs with a wink.

“Thank you, Jonas.” I hold out my hand, and forgetting his food, even though I know it’s a trigger for him, he hurries over. He sits at my feet, and I pull him closer to me. “You’re right. It is hard to be here, but I’ve lasted this long, so I can last a few more days.” Leaning down, I lay a gentle kiss on my lover’s head. “Thank you for trying to protect me.”

“Always, baby,” he says, turning to kiss my hand and holding it to him, his eyes solemn for once until he suddenly perks up. “When we get home, I’ll make you the biggest stack of pancakes with Bert. That always cheers me up.”

God, I love this man.

“Alright, alright, she needs to rest,” Isaac declares, his voice stern, leaving no room for argument.

“Can I rest here with you guys?” I plead with him. “I hate lying there.” I hate the panic in my tone, but now that I’m fully awake, being trapped in that room feels too much like being trapped on those tables and cut apart.

“Of course,” he tells me, “but you’ll need to lie down.”

“Sure thing, doc.”

He stands, and they help me lie down, covering me up and giving me a pillow as Nico and Jonas kiss me goodbye and go to wire up the place. Isaac sits with me, checking my vitals and playing with my fingers as if he’s loath to be parted from me. Dimitri watches the tablet carefully, but he brings me some food and water with a soft smile.

Louis is about to leave when his phone rings. He frowns down at it but answers, then he puts it on the table, pressing speaker as he leans back. “General.”

“We have been trying to get ahold of you for days,” the general snaps, making me roll my eyes. This might have started with them putting us on this mission, but it turned into much more.

“I have been busy,” Louis drawls. “Would you like a report?”

There is a long pause. “You have one minute.”

“We have located Dr. Davis and dealt with the threat. His experiments have ceased, and the research has been gathered for safekeeping.” He leaves out anything else that’s personal, and I send him a silent thank you for that. I don’t want this dick knowing my business.

“Dr. Davis is dead?” His voice is carefully cold.

Louis frowns. “Yes.”

“But you have the research with you?” he continues.

“We do . . .” Louis frowns over at me. “To keep it safe, although we will probably destroy it.”

“No, don’t destroy it. Bring it here with you,” he says quickly.

Too quickly.

“For what?” Louis demands as I stiffen.

“Don’t question things above your paygrade. Dr. Davis might have been a madman, but some of his research was cutting edge.”

“It was insane and inhumane,” Louis snaps. “Why do you want the research?”

“That is none of your business. I expect your team and the research at the bunker by next week. Understood?”

Louis’s eyes harden, and he stares at the phone for a moment. “Understood,” he replies then hangs up, meeting my eyes. “I don’t like that.”

“Me either.” I look around. “You don’t think he would try to use the research, do you? My father mentioned super soldiers. Hell, he even had soldiers. I never thought to question how he got them, but the general was against my father . . . wasn’t he?”

“He said so from the get-go,” Louis mutters. “That’s why we trusted him. We even did our own background checks. He was clean, but I don’t particularly want him or the government to get their hands on this research.”

“Neither do I,” I agree as Dimitri and Isaac nod. “So what do we do?”

Louis looks at the phone again before sitting taller. “We follow our plan for now. Rest, and then we’ll go home when you’re ready. Let me deal with this for now. I need to think some things over.” Grabbing his phone, Louis strides from the room, and I share a look with Dimitri who quickly goes after him.

“Isaac, if he tries to use my father’s research—”

“We won’t let that happen. You know that, Nova,” he promises, kissing my hand. “Rest, everything will be okay.”

My mind whirls a mile a minute. I thought this was over. I thought this ended with my father. He never once mentioned any connection to the military, but how did he get soldiers? It could be a coincidence, and Dimitri said he’s clean—they wouldn’t have trusted him otherwise. The general said he thought my father was a monster, a traitor, but then why would he want his research?

To protect it or use it?