Chapter 17

seventeen

. . .

Cross

I sat outside with a steaming mug of coffee, the morning mist heavy over the lake, water still as glass, birdsong filling the air. Fucking idyllic. At least it would've been for anyone else.

There was nothing magical or perfect about my current situation. At best, I was sitting in the eye of the storm.

Instead of the peaceful call of doves, the sounds of River's pleasured moans echoed in my mind. I'd stood outside the bedroom door like a fucking fool listening to Bishop fuck my wife, hand poised to knock, cock hard and heart racing while my body and mind waged war. One screamed at me to join them, knowing from past experience they'd both welcome me. The other couldn't find a single reason she'd want me in there.

What would she see when she finally looked me in the eye? The man who'd lost her. Who'd let her friend die. The husband she'd been shackled to against her will? The one who'd abandoned her without so much as a backward glance after she'd given him her heart? I may have rescued her from Volkov, but she wouldn't have been in his sights if it hadn't been for me.

River didn't owe me a goddamn thing, let alone a second chance.

I'd ruined her life at every turn. Even without fucking trying.

Heaving a sigh, I drained my coffee and stood, itching to do something more. I needed to see her, even if it meant watching her with Bishop. After everything we'd been through, I needed that moment of reconnection with her. That split second when our eyes locked would tell me everything I needed to know about whose name was written on her heart. I'd know if I belonged there. If I was welcome. If I deserved her love too.

With purposeful strides, I made my way through the sprawling estate, not stopping until I reached the bedroom door. It was ajar, the low murmur of voices from the room telling me Walker and Bishop were inside. With her.

"It's not your shift, Walker," Bishop said on a sigh.

"So fucking what? Is there some blood oath I don't know about? A goddamned secret password?"

"No."

"My point exactly. Now scoot over and make room."

Bishop grumbled about him being a selfish asshole and did as he was told. River made a sleepy sound as he pulled away, but my brother was right there to comfort her. "Hush, darlin'. I'm here."

I watched as my brother pulled off his shirt and tossed it aside before slipping in behind her. Her happy little noise and the way she took his hand and draped it over her waist while pillowing her head on Bishop's arm was a punch to the gut. Fuck, I wanted to be the one holding her like that.

Bishop stared at her with stars in his damn eyes as he gently stroked the side of her face. "Go back to sleep, siren. We've got you. Nothing's gonna hurt you ever again."

Walker kissed her nape, adding a soft, "Only sweet dreams from here on out, ladybug. We'll chase away all the others."

"Mmm, love you," she murmured.

My heart gave a painful lurch at the happy picture the three of them painted.

The fed was right. He and Walk did have her. More than that, she was happy with the two of them. Hell, she just said she loved them. It wasn't exactly like she was asking anyone where I was.

There was no missing puzzle piece here. Just one that didn't fit.

I was right to come looking for her.

I got the answer I needed.

It just wasn't the one I was hoping for.

Goddamn, that realization was a hell of a lot more painful than I'd expected.

Before either Bishop or Walker noticed me hovering in the doorway like a voyeur, I turned away and left them to their love nest. Pieces of my broken heart rained down with every step. I pulled out my phone and opened the email I'd steadfastly ignored for the better part of two months. As much as I didn't want to lose her, I knew there was only one way I could ever truly have her. I had to set my sparrow free.

For good this time.

Opening McCreedy's message, my eyes skimmed over his brief but damning: In case you change your mind.

And then a little further down to the attachment titled: Petition for Divorce.

My hand shook as I downloaded the document and read over the details. I didn't fucking want this, but if it meant she could be happy, I'd give it to her. I'd give her anything.

Finger hovering over the print icon, I debated my choice for one more heartbeat. But the picture of the three of them happy together, brought together by free will and nothing more, flashed in my head. I wanted her to choose me without a single doubt.

I pressed print.

Walker

"Either you answer your fucking phone or I'm throwing it out the window," Bishop grumbled, giving my shoulder a rough shove before gently cradling his hand over River's ear.

"I just fell asleep. Whoever it is can wait."

"Apparently they can't, because they're blowing your shit up."

"Five more minutes," I groaned.

"Walker, I swear to God, if she wakes up because of your phone, it's gonna be your ass going out the window."

I let out a begrudging sigh and slipped out of bed, instantly mourning the feel of River pressed against me.

"What the fuck do you want, Tex? I'm busy."

Bishop glared at me and made a shooing motion with his hand. I flipped him off, but gave him my back in the barest gesture of obedience. There was no way in hell I was leaving this room. He was the one who wanted me to take the call. He could fucking deal with it.

And if River woke up, well, we'd just have to see about helping her fall back to a blissed-out sleep. With our dicks.

Win fucking win.

"Where are you? Y'all missed the vet's visit this morning. You never miss that. I had to fill in for you."

Shit. That's right. We had a whole ranch we were supposed to be running. Instead we'd been stealing our woman from the fucking Bratva.

"We had to pick River up. We'll be back soon. Can you handle things on the ranch until we get home?"

"I suppose. Does this mean I'll be getting overtime?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." I raked a hand through my hair, annoyed as fuck that this asshole interrupted my time with River for something as insignificant as a vet visit. "I gotta go, Tex. You have it handled?"

"Well, actually, now that you mention it, I've got a few issues I need to run by you. Shouldn't take but a few minutes."

"No. Text me what you need, or better yet, text Cross. I've been up all night. I need some shuteye."

"Wait, wait, wait. Before you hang up?—"

"This better be important, or you can kiss that overtime goodbye. I'll put you on castration duty."

"Your golden boy is missing. Figured you should know."

I stilled, fear that Volkov was going after our people taking hold of me. "What? Who's my golden boy?"

"Bishop. He hightailed it out of here as soon as y'all were gone. Left us high and dry. Unless you... took him to the train station?"

My knees about gave out on me, and I had to press a palm against the wall to keep myself upright. "Oh. That. No, he, uh, had a family emergency or something. Asked to take a couple days off."

"Emergency, huh? Hope everything's all right."

"Yeah, didn't sound like anyone was dying."

"What?"

"Uh, I just meant it seems like he had it in hand." Fuck, I was rambling. I got sloppy when I rambled. "Like I said, Tex, talk to Cross if you've got any more issues. I'm dead on my feet."

I hung up before he could say another word, my gut a ball of worry. He'd asked too many questions about Bishop, and I'd flailed like a flag in a damn hurricane. Or worse, one of those sky dancers at the car dealerships, with their wacky arms and permanently shocked expressions.

"You about done?" Bishop asked.

"Yeah. We didn't exactly have time to let the crew know we were going MIA."

"Why'd I hear my name?"

"They noticed you were gone. You had a family emergency, by the way."

"Shit," he swore. "Thanks for covering for me."

I shrugged, turning my phone on silent. "It's the truth, more or less."

River stirred, her eyes fluttering open as she rolled over and looked at me. "Where's Cross?"

I smiled at her before tossing my phone on the side table as I approached. "He's doing boring businessman shit, darlin'. Don't worry. He's close by. How are you?"

"Sleepy."

Bishop gave me a smug grin. "I wore her out."

"Only 'cause I had her first."

River let out a huff that was too sleepy to be a laugh. "Okay, boys, no fighting, or I'll kick you out and cuddle with Cross."

I faked a shudder as I caught Bishop's silver stare. "I think she just threatened to go get Daddy."

"He is not now, nor will he ever be, my daddy." Bishop wrapped his arm around River and tugged her back until she was against him.

"I want to see him," she murmured through a yawn.

"You will." I pressed a kiss to her nose.

Bishop nipped her shoulder and rumbled, "After you get some more sleep. We're not going anywhere."

"Promise?"

I didn't let him answer her. I cupped her cheek and pressed our foreheads together. "Cross my heart, darlin'. We just fought like hell to get you back. No way are we letting you go again."