Chapter 18

eighteen

. . .

River

S lipping out of bed as quietly as possible so I didn't disturb Walker, I tiptoed to the dresser where my borrowed clothes waited. A pair of sweats and a soft T-shirt. Perfect. The soft, clean cotton felt like heaven after weeks of living in my own filth.

The light coming from under the bathroom door and the faint sound of running water told me Bishop was showering. The man had probably gone for a run while Walker and I were passed out. He didn't sleep much on a good night, and I couldn't blame him. I thought I understood before, but now that I'd seen firsthand what horrors Volkov and his goons were capable of, I realized just how na?ve I'd really been. That I could sleep at all was a miracle.

Honestly, if not for Bishop and Walker being there to soothe me every time the memories hit, I might not have.

Darkness encroached on the relative peace I'd found. My skin no longer felt clean, and anxiety danced in my veins. What would happen when they weren't there? It wasn't like I could count on them to babysit me while I slept every night. Eventually I would be left alone. What then?

These thoughts were chased by another. The one that had finally pulled me from the comfort of Walker's arms.

Why hadn't Cross come to check on me?

Was it because he saw me in that auction? A piece of meat for others to scrutinize and devour. Was I tainted in his eyes now?

Daniel Cross Jr. never settled for damaged goods. Not in his business. Not in his life.

The men at that auction may have been wearing masks, but I knew they were the same men who would sit across from him at a conference table or work alongside him on some business deal.

Seeing him walk into an event with me on his arm, he'd be a laughingstock. The billionaire rancher with a whore for a wife.

I shuddered, each ugly thought worse than the last.

If I could just see him, hold him, I knew it would calm the worst of my fears.

With a glance over my shoulder at Walker, still sleeping peacefully, I opened the bedroom door and crept into the hallway. If I knew my husband, he'd be awake and working on something by now. Relaxing was rarely part of his routine, at least from what I'd seen. Even when I was a kid, aware of him as I was, I'd noticed the way he kept himself occupied. Whether it was working on the ranch or handling paperwork, Cross had always been too busy to pay me any attention. Although now I wondered how much of that was intentional.

Walker and Bishop had both made time to check on me. He might be the head of an empire, but surely Cross could spare ten minutes to do the same?

Now I wasn't sure if I was hurt or angry, but of the two, anger was easier. It didn't give me room to wallow in self-pity, so anger it was.

I hadn't paid much attention when Walker'd brought me up here last night, not that it would have made a difference; the place was massive. Anything short of a ‘You Are Here' sign on the wall wouldn't have helped me find my way around. I sure as shit wasn't going to wander the halls calling his name. So I opted for exploration, my favorite way to learn my surroundings.

He had to be here somewhere. Even if he didn't want me anymore, he wouldn't just abandon us. Would he?

A little voice in my head whispered, He's done it before.

The immediate twist of pain in my heart had a soft gasp escaping before I could stop myself.

No. Stop. It. He had a reason then. And he literally just snuck into an illegal auction and tried to pay a million dollars to get you back. That is not the move of a guy looking to run the other way.

I shook my head to clear my mind of those intrusive thoughts. Cross didn't deserve my doubt. He'd more than made up for our past. God, the man had groveled on an epic scale. I knew how much of his pride he'd had to give up in order to do that. He'd all but been on his knees.

"Cross?" I asked as I poked my head into what looked like an office.

This one was by far more tasteful than the one at the ranch. I mean, just the fact that there wasn't an ostentatious portrait of Ransom hanging dead center on the wall said a lot. And without further inspection, there was no way to know whether it was hiding a secret passage of its own. Something told me our host wouldn't appreciate me sleuthing on that scale, though I had to admit the temptation was high.

My favorite part was the breathtaking view of the lake. A small yacht was moored at the dock, the bright blue sky reflecting off the water promising summer days without a care in the world. This really was a peaceful retreat. Maybe one day I could convince the guys we needed a place like this to get away from it all. The things we could get up to on a boat...

I was stalling; I could admit it. Cross wasn't here, and I was using the view as a way to keep myself distracted as my anxiety ravaged me. Turning away from the window, I made for the door, shifting to avoid the meticulously organized printing center nearby. But something stopped me, a tendril of recognition drawing me to the papers sitting face up in the print tray.

The words Petition for Divorce stood out like a beacon, calling to me. Ransom was married? I shouldn't have given in to my curiosity. This wasn't any of my business, but I was a nosy bitch.

The second I read the words on the pilfered page, I wished I'd never set eyes on them.

In re the Marriage of:

Daniel Everett Cross Junior, PETITIONER

and

River Danielle Adams, RESPONDENT

Oh.

My.

God.

That fucking coward.

He was running. Again.

Cross

What the fuck had I done? I'd just lit the fuse on my marriage and didn't even know where I'd sent the fucking bomb.

Gut churning, hands shaking, I pocketed my phone and headed off in search of Ransom. It was his damn house. He'd be able to tell me where the printer was.

I found him in the kitchen, sitting at the breakfast nook with a crossword puzzle, a pen, and a carafe of coffee beside him.

"Why do you look like you took a kick straight to the junk, Danny boy?" Ransom asked, eyes going wide at the state of me.

"I need to know where your office is."

"Hold up a minute. Just take a breath." He gestured toward a buffet of pastries and fruit. "Maybe grab yourself a muffin or something. Jesus. You're making me twitchy."

"I don't have time for a goddamned muffin."

He raised a mocking brow. "You got somewhere else to be? I thought the whole point of coming out here was that you four were laying low. So pull up a chair and enjoy a fucking muffin."

Sighing, I grabbed one out of the basket on the island and took a seat across from him. My stomach was in knots, but I forced myself to take a begrudging bite. The sweet burst of blueberry and vanilla was a pleasant surprise, so I took another. "Happy?"

"Nope. What is wrong with you? You've got your girl. You should be celebrating, or smiling at the very least." Pouring himself a fresh cup, he offered the carafe to me, but I shook my head. "Honestly, with the way you watched every move she made, I'm surprised you're not with her right now."

"It's better if she's with them. She's happy with them."

His eyes went wide, and he choked on his coffee but recovered quickly. "Them?"

"It's complicated."

"I'd say. She's your wife, ain't she?"

My chest tightened as a thought flickered through my brain. Not for much longer. "Legally speaking."

He frowned at me. "So how's that work?"

"We don't exactly have a playbook. It just does. Did. Fuck."

Ransom scratched his cheek, looking dubious. "And you think she's happy with them but not you?"

"All I've ever done is get her hurt. She tried to get away from me, but I just shoved my way into her life, and look at what happened."

"What did happen? You didn't give me much to go on when you asked to come stay here."

"It's for the best. The less you know, the less you're implicated."

"Great," he muttered, taking another swig of his coffee. "I'll just make sure McCreedy's retainer is paid through the end of the year."

"He's already well aware of our situation."

"For fuck's sake, what did you get me into, Cross?"

"Nothing you can't buy your way out of."

Ransom held my stare and then grinned. "True. So continue. You were in the middle of giving me your sob story about how you ruined your girl's life. Though, I gotta tell you, Cross, from where I'm sitting, that's not the way it looks."

"What do you mean?"

"She's head over heels for you, man. I saw it at the gala, and again last night. That woman is so attuned to you. All three of you, now that I think of it, which makes more sense knowing you're all..." He trailed off, fishing for info I wasn't going to provide. Clearing his throat, he continued, "Right. Anyway, she might be the sun you three orbit around, but your pull on her is just as strong. It's gravity, man. You're lucky. That's not easy to come by, and it's even easier to lose. Especially for men in our position."

His gaze dropped to the table, then lifted to meet mine again, a haunted look in his eyes now. "Trust me, I should know."

I didn't want to be here right now, sitting at a fucking breakfast nook eating a goddamn blueberry muffin—I didn't even like blueberries—and having a heart-to-heart with Brett Ransom about the great love of my life. But he was right on one point. A love like hers wasn't easy to come by.

And maybe I'd been a little hasty pushing that button.

"As lovely as this domestic fucking moment has been, I really need to find your printer. Where is it?"

Ransom chuckled, then said, "My office. Down the hall, third door on the left."

"Thanks."

Pushing to my feet, I snagged what was left of my pastry and chucked it in the bin by the door on my way out, leaving Ransom to his crossword and memories.

If I wasn't in the middle of my own crisis, I'd probably have given more thought to what had put that look in his eyes. I knew he'd had a very public breakup with some socialite he'd been engaged to years back, but we weren't the type to bare our souls to one another, so I'd never gotten his take on it.

Either way, it wasn't my problem.

Right now, I just needed to find those papers, tear them up, and go talk to my girl. I'd give her a choice before I did a damn thing to end our marriage.

Counting doors, I tore through the hall toward Ransom's office, desperate to wipe away any remnants of my doubt in us. If I got rid of the papers, I never had to tell River they existed. Just because they were drafted didn't mean anything. It wasn't like they were filed. Or like I even asked McCreedy to draw them up in the first place. He'd done that on his own.

Fueled with righteous purpose, I stormed inside, only to stop dead.

River was in front of the window, posture rigid, hands shaking, a single piece of paper held between them.

God really must fucking hate me. And after the things I'd done, I couldn't blame him. I was hardly a pious member of his flock. I bet he was sitting up there on a damn cloud, laughing at the coincidence he set into motion.

"It's not what it looks like," was my feeble response, the words sounding as cliché as they were.

Her eyes lifted to mine, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "It looks like you want a divorce."

"River, I?—"

"Save your breath. I don't need you to tell me why. I should have expected this." Her voice shook, and it nearly brought me to my knees. "I just... God, I thought we were better. I thought we'd gotten past the games and lies and fucking betrayals. Did any of it matter to you? Was any of it real? Not the marriage, obviously. That's been a joke from the start. But the rest of it? You and me?"

Nausea clutched at my stomach, a pit forming there, cold and unforgiving. "Sparrow, you don't understand. I thought it would be better to let you have a say."

"Oh, that's big of you. And did my say come before you signed this? Or were you going to wait until after I was served? At what point, exactly, do I get a say, Cross?"

"River, I..." I shook my head, at a total loss. I never actually expected to have this conversation. My world was falling apart around me, and I'd never felt so unprepared in my entire life.

"You let me think we were happy. The things you said... You came to find me. What was the point if you were just going to let me go?"

"We were happy."

"But not anymore? What changed?"

God, I was fucking this up.

"You never wanted to be married to me, sparrow."

"Would you stop telling me what I want?" She was angry now. Good. I could deal with her angry. I knew how to fight back when her temper got the better of her.

"It's the truth, dammit. You never meant to marry me. Nothing about our lives together has gone the way it was supposed to. You deserve to choose. I want you to choose. Dammit, River. For once, I want you to choose me. Not because you were fucking forced into it by my manipulative fucking father."

"Open your eyes. I chose you. Every day I chose you. I stayed, didn't I?"

"Because you had to."

"I could have filed for divorce right away, but I didn't. I stayed married to you instead."

"Because Bishop convinced you to."

"Because I loved you! Even when I tried to convince myself I hated you."

"And I'm letting you go because I love you." Fuck, I hated how my voice broke on those last words.

She stared at me, eyes swimming with angry tears she'd fight tooth and nail to keep from spilling over. "If that's the truth, then why didn't you come to me after we got here? Why did you leave me with them and print fucking divorce papers?"

A shuddering sigh escaped me as I let my walls down. She deserved my honesty. It was all I could give her. "I failed you. As a protector, as a husband, as the man who loves you. How can you even stand to look at me right now, sparrow? They took you because I wasn't the man you needed. Because I couldn't take the fucking shot."

Her eyes softened infinitesimally, but her words were just as scathing as before. "Because you could have shot me. Don't you get it, you idiot? You were protecting me. You have been ever since you wrote me that stupid note. You don't always go about it the right way, but from the moment you decided I was yours, you've always put me first."

"You're right. Which is why I printed these damn papers."

She shoved me in the chest, pushing said papers against me. "When are you going to start asking me before you make decisions about my life? Or does being yours mean I don't get a say?"

"That's the whole point. It should be your choice to be married to me or not. Hell, you said as much yourself not all that long ago in the gazebo."

She threw her head back and let out a disbelieving laugh. "Oh my God, do you not see how fucked up this situation is? You want me to choose, so you decide we're getting divorced without even discussing it with me? Way to miss the entire fucking point. You are the most infuriating man I've ever known."

"Christ, you're such a stubborn pain in my ass," I grumbled, but there wasn't any real anger there. She was touching me, her palm on my chest, body so close all I'd need to do was dip my head and claim her lips.

"And you're a pain in mine."

"Last chance to get out, River. What do you want?"

Her breath hitched, palm tensing over the documents pressed against my sternum. "I don't want to lose this."

Snatching the papers from her, I held her stare as I tore them down the middle, letting both halves fall to the floor. "You're stuck with me now."

"You're stuck with me."

Crooking a finger through the neck of her shirt, I tugged her hard until she tumbled into me. "Good."

Then my lips were on hers, and there was no more talking. She tore at my belt like a woman possessed, her kisses as frantic and hungry as mine. I'd fucking yearned for her every moment she was gone, and now that I had her in my arms, I expected that feeling to wane. It didn't. It was an ache deep inside me, a well I couldn't fill fast enough. I'd never have enough of her.

"I need you inside me," she panted.

Hoisting her up, I carried her to the desk, pausing only long enough to sweep my arm across the slab of oak and send Ransom's shit clattering to the floor before setting her down.

She giggled. "Oh man, Gigi is going to lose her mind when she hears about this. Totally a scene straight outta her books."

"Remind me to talk to you about Gigi later. Much later. Like tomorrow." Her eyes flashed with a question, but I stopped her by yanking her sweats off and baring that pink pussy to me. "Do you know how much I crave you, baby?"

"Are you talking to me or her?"

"Why can't it be both?"

That little giggle again. I lived for that fucking giggle.

She reached for me, working on my zipper and tugging my Wranglers down my hips. "Only fair I get to look at you." My dick sprang free, and she cooed. "Hello, lover."

Lifting her thin T-shirt, I pulled the fabric over her head so I could suck one tight nipple into my mouth. The way she whimpered and arched into me sent a punch of feral need through me, and I groaned against her breast.

"Cross, don't tease me."

"You're not the one in charge here, sparrow." I grinned at her huff a second before I placed my palm on her chest and shoved her back. "Now be a good girl and take what I give you."

"Sir, yes, sir."

"You are such a fucking brat."

"You love it."

"I love you."

Her eyes went soft. "I love you too."

My cock was fucking weeping for her. A drop of precum beaded at the tip as I stroked myself once from base to crown. "Open for me, wife. Let me in."

She propped herself on her elbows and watched, knees falling open, eyes trained on my dick as I rubbed myself through her wet slit. "Cross," she whined, but it cut off on a moan when I pressed the head inside her.

I held her heated stare and then purposefully looked down at where we were barely joined. "Watch," I demanded.

She pushed herself up just enough, and when I was sure she could see, I started to slide into her. We were both breathing hard, the deliberately slow glide driving us both insane.

"Cross, hurry."

"No fucking way." I was panting with the effort it took to restrain myself. "I'm not rushing a damn thing."

Hooking her legs around my hips, she tried to pull me forward and bring me deeper inside her. I stopped her with a warning look. "You'll take my dick however I want to give it, sparrow."

"Then give it to me," she growled. "I need you, Cross. I need to feel you. I need you to fuck me."

The unspoken words were just under her carnal demand. She wanted me to help her forget. To replace the horrors with new, better memories. To know without a doubt that I didn't want her any less after the things that had happened. Just like Walker and Bishop had done.

"Fuck," I groaned. "I need you too. But look at your pretty cunt taking my thick dick, sweetness. Just like you were made to."

I had about an inch to go, and sweat was beading down my spine. It felt like I'd run a marathon when all I'd actually done was force myself not to drive in all the way to the root. Who knew restraint could be so taxing?

"Fuck me full of you, Cross." She wriggled her hips. "I want your cum leaking out of me for the rest of the day."

My cock jerked. "You know what you're asking for, sparrow? I know you haven't had your pill since they took you."

Her eyes locked on mine as she nodded. "Don't pull out. I want your cum inside me, Cross. Where it belongs."

Fuck.

There was no holding back after that. I slammed the last little bit inside her, immediately drawing back and slamming in again.

"That breeding kink'll get ya every time," she said with a breathy laugh. "I should have started with that."

"And what if I fill you with more than my cum? You want to walk out of here full of my baby?"

Her nipples were hard little bullets as she rocked her hips against me. "I wouldn't be risking it if I didn't."

Jesus Christ. A tendril of something close to fear worked its way through me at the very real possibility I could knock her up.

I stopped myself from pulling out and sinking back inside. Instead I kept us joined and stared down at the woman I loved. "You really want to risk bringing a child into this fucked up world?"

She reached up, her fingertips brushing over the damp skin of my chest, right above my heart. "Knowing that a little piece of us was out there in the world makes it worth the risk. That way, no matter what happens to us, we'll always be together. Somewhere."

"Fuck. Fuck."

I equal parts loved the sentiment but hated thinking about the possibility of us not being together. Scooping her off the desk, I carried her over to the window, pressing her back against the cool glass.

"What are you doing?" she asked, moaning as I sank deeper inside her.

"I want to fuck you where everyone can see it. I want everyone in this fucking state to know you're mine."

"I think that little news bulletin of yours did the trick."

Thrusting into her, I let out a ragged breath and fought the urge to come. "Don't care. Scream my name, baby. I want the message to stick."

"Cross, God, it's so deep."

"Take it. Come for me. Take everything I fucking have." My balls were throbbing with the need for release, my dick a length of steel as I staved off the urge to plant my seed inside her.

She was close, her walls gripping me hard, milking me as if they were begging me to do just that.

"Cross . . . oh, fuck."

"That's it, baby. Come for me. Scream my name. Let everyone fucking know who owns this pussy."

"Cross. Fuck. Cross."

I was pretty sure her nails had drawn blood with the way she clawed at me as she came.

"I love how pretty you come, sweetness. Give it to me."

She did. Cunt clamping down on me, she continued riding that wave of pleasure until mine followed in its wake.

"Fuck, I'm coming, River." Long pulses of euphoria radiated through me as I spilled jet after jet of my cum inside her. My knees trembled, threatening to give out from the force of my orgasm, but I wasn't ready for this to be over. I wanted to live like this, joined with my wife, giving her a piece of me.

My erection didn't flag as I slid out of her.

River blinked at me in surprise as I helped her stand. Without explanation, I spun her around, pressing her against the glass and resting my splayed palms over hers.

"Jesus, you're still hard?" she asked, grinding her ass into me.

"You gave me the green light, baby. I'm not stopping until the job is done."

"Fuck."

"Now you're getting it," I said with a grin, lining myself up with her slick cunt before sliding back into her. "Good girl."