Chapter 16

sixteen

. . .

Bishop

R iver had been soundly asleep for the last two hours since I'd taken over for Walker. He hadn't wanted to leave her, but Cross wanted to talk to him about the next steps with Volkov. Pretty sure that was the only excuse that would have pulled him from her bed this early.

I'd drawn the blackout curtains as soon as the sunlight began creeping in through the window, and now I sat in the corner, watching the woman I loved sleep. Sure, I could've gone to her and slipped into bed beside her, but that meant my guard would be down. I'd get wrapped up in her, and someone might come after her again.

It was safer this way. Me across the room in a chair standing guard, her in bed mostly peaceful. Okay, that was a lie. Her sleep, from what I could tell, had been far from peaceful. Every ten minutes or so, her fingers would twitch, and her expression would scrunch up in an anxious frown. No stranger to them myself, I recognized the symptoms of her nightmares. She was most likely reliving the time she'd spent in that hell she'd been trapped in.

Unfortunately, I also knew I couldn't just wake her up with a gentle shake of the arm. Any unwanted or unexpected touch was liable to send her over the edge. It's why I'd started humming nonsensical lullabies. As soon as she registered my voice, she settled back down.

"No... n-no, please." Her cry broke through the silence in the room, and my heart stuttered as she thrashed in bed.

"Bear. Stop. Bear, please don't go."

"Fuck," I rasped, pushing out of my chair and crossing to her. "It's okay, siren. You're okay. I'm right here."

Her breaths came in rapid, labored pants while she struggled, a tear slipping down her cheek and a sob breaking free.

I couldn't fucking do this. Leave her at the mercy of her subconscious.

"Open your eyes, River. I've got you. You're safe."

My hand hesitated beside hers on the bed, my fingers trembling as I battled my own monsters. You'd think it would be easy for me, touching her, especially after scaling a damn wall with her legs wrapped around my bare torso. It wasn't. If anything, the mere thought of her skin against mine sent my body breaking out in a cold sweat.

Then I had the excuse of the mission to focus on. It had been a literal matter of life and death. But here in this room, with nothing but the sounds of both of our demons crowding our minds, there was no escape from the memories. My nightmares were closer to the surface than ever, phantom hands ghosting across my body, inflicting never-ending torture.

I had to swallow back a wave of nausea and focus on the woman in front of me. It felt like I was clawing tooth and nail to get back to her, but dammit, she needed me. If there was anyone I could do this for, it was her. I couldn't leave her like this.

When she cried out again, I sat on the edge of the bed and reached out, bracing myself for the worst when I gently ran my fingertips over her forehead. Thankfully no fists came flying my way, though truth be told they would have hurt less than the tortured look hiding in her big green eyes as she blinked up at me.

"Sterling?" she asked, voice broken. "You're here."

"It was a nightmare, siren. That's all."

Her lower lip trembled. "No, it wasn't."

I frowned before I caught her meaning. She'd been reliving Bear's death.

I cursed inwardly, wishing I could spare her that truth. Since I couldn't do anything about Bear, I gave her what I could. "You're safe now, back here with us."

A shudder ran through her, but it didn't stop. Her whole body shivering, she wrapped her arms around herself and fought to control her breath.

"Scoot over," I murmured.

"What?"

"You heard me."

She did as I asked, and without another thought, I stripped down to my boxer briefs before sliding in beside her. I turned on my side, and she did the same, mirroring my movements but not attempting to close the distance I'd left between us.

We were maybe an inch apart, close enough that I was practically breathing in the air she exhaled. There was something about the thought that she was providing the air in my lungs that unlocked the last of the chains holding me.

"Come here, siren."

She blinked at me, her surprise unmistakable even in the darkness of the room. "Are you sure?"

"Put your hands on me. I know you need this just as much as I do." I hadn't willingly asked another person to touch me since that night, but River changed something inside me. For the first time in a long time, I wanted to feel someone else's skin against mine. Not just someone's.

Hers.

My siren.

The first woman who made me want to be Sterling, not just Bishop. The woman who took the ragged and torn pieces of me and carefully put them back in place. I may never again be the man that I'd once been, but for her, I could fucking try.

The first brush of her fingertips over my heart sent goosebumps erupting down my arms.

"Is this okay?" she whispered, mistaking my flinch for revulsion.

"Yeah. Just go slow." The last thing I wanted was for her to stop, even if panic was right behind the pleasure.

She leaned forward, replacing her fingers with her lips and brushing the gentlest kiss against my chest. A low groan escaped me. God, her barely there touches felt so fucking good. Despite her gentleness, every caress was like an electric current buzzing along my skin. I almost couldn't stand it, but in the same breath never wanted it to end.

"Your heart's beating so fast." She backed away and returned her head to her pillow, eyes locked on mine.

"Because of you."

"Do you need me to stop?" River pulled away, the lack of her warmth instantly noticeable.

I let out a low growl of protest as I snatched her hand and put it on me again, where it fucking belonged. "No."

Slowly, she dragged her nails across my collarbone, sending shivers down my spine. I didn't say a damn word as I held her gaze and reached out, mimicking her movements.

"Your skin's so soft, siren. Soft and perfect."

"So's yours."

It wasn't. Not even close. I had more scars on me than I did smooth patches, but fuck if I was going to correct her. She made me feel whole. That was all that mattered.

She spread her palm across my pec, her heat a comfort I wasn't used to feeling from another person, but now I couldn't imagine living without it.

Silently, I did the same to her, sliding the sheet down to her waist and baring her beautiful body to me. River might not ever truly understand how much she anchored me, and if I was honest, I didn't want her to bear the burden of that knowledge.

Hand skating across my chest, she watched my expression with rapt attention. The familiar curl of panic built inside me, one I wanted desperately to fight. I wouldn't let this be ruined, not when I finally had her safe in my arms.

"Sterling," she whispered, her focus never leaving me. "It's just us here. No one else."

I took a long breath as her fingers drew slow circles along my skin, mine repeating the movement over her breast. "No one else."

"I missed you, Sterling. All of you."

Leaning in, I ran my nose along hers as she let her palm map out the ridges of my abs. I was enjoying this game of ours far too much to stop now, even if she was dangerously close to one of my uglier scars. A distant part of my brain worried she might ask about them, but she didn't hesitate over the various bumps and blemishes. She just held my gaze as her hand traveled lower, halting when she skimmed the waistband of my boxers.

I nipped her bottom lip, my hand once again mimicking the same path hers took. Except where she'd met fabric, all I found was the cleft between her thighs. Wet, warm, and all fucking mine.

She whimpered when I ran my finger over her clit in slow circles.

"Take these off," she demanded, fingers inching below the elastic. "I want to touch you."

"Maybe right now I'd rather focus on touching you."

Parting her thighs a little, she welcomed me. "You are touching me."

"Not nearly enough," I whispered as I sank one digit into her, groaning at the heat that gripped me, wishing it was my cock.

"I've fantasized about the day it was me buried deep inside you, making you cry out for me as I fucked you and filled this perfect pussy."

"God, Sterling. The mouth on you. It should come with a warning label."

My fingers stilled, and I pulled back just far enough to catch her gaze. "Oh yeah? What would it say?"

"May cause spontaneous orgasms."

"I'd prefer they be intentional and plentiful. I don't do anything by accident. Except..." I stopped myself from saying the words. Was this the right time? The right way? I'd never confessed anything close to this to a woman before.

Her brow furrowed, eyes searching as she waited for me to finish. Finally she asked, "Except what?"

The truth was, all we had was right fucking now. If I didn't tell her and something happened, I'd regret it for the rest of my life, or she'd live out her days never knowing how I felt. "Except for falling in love with you. I didn't plan that, but it happened all the same, and I wouldn't do a damn thing to change it."

"Sterling—"

I kissed her, cutting off whatever else she'd been about to say. I didn't need the words. I saw the proof of her feelings for me in the gentle way she touched me. How she waited for my cues and never pushed me farther than I was comfortable going. Her heart may not belong solely to me, but it was no less mine .

Pushing her onto her back, I fitted myself between her welcoming thighs and hovered over her, lips taking what I wanted in long, drugging kisses. She reached down and worked my boxers over my hips, freeing my aching length as she did.

I slid the weeping crown of my cock through her slick folds and had to fight the urge to spread her legs wider and drive in deep.

"Let me in, siren. I want to fuck you bare and so deep you'll feel me for days."

"God, yes."

Rising on my knees, I adjusted our position until her legs were on my shoulders, that pink cunt open and on full display.

"Can I touch you?" she asked, her hand hovering between us.

"Anywhere but my back."

I wasn't quite ready for us to test out that minefield of past trauma. Things were going so well, and I didn't want anything to ruin this moment for us. Best to play it safe for now. We'd save that for another time.

Nodding to show she understood, she planted her palms on my thighs, her fingernails digging in when I took myself in my hand and ran my cock over her clit. Her desperate little mewls made me smile, and before I gave her what she wanted, I delivered a sharp slap to her cunt using only my dick.

"Fuck, Sterling. Do it again, please."

"You look so good begging for my cock, baby."

And she did, her blonde hair splayed on the pillow, cheeks flushed, pupils blown. She was already half-gone to pleasure, and I wasn't even inside her yet.

I dragged the head of my dick across her until I was notched at her entrance, fucking desperate to sink home but somehow holding myself back. Using every ounce of control I had, I rocked my hips forward, barely breaching her heat.

"You are such a fucking tease," she groaned, her nails sinking into my thighs again.

The walls of her pussy fluttered around me like she was trying to suck me inside, and it was all I could do to hold back.

"Haven't you ever played just the tip, beautiful?"

"I'm not known for my patience."

Without warning, she lifted her hips and took me all the way to the root.

"Fuck, baby. I... God, you feel good." I had to grit my teeth against the unreal sensation of her clenched tight around my shaft. "Better than I imagined."

"You imagined it?"

"Often and with great relish."

"Oh yeah? And what did you do while you imagined it?"

"Fucked my fist and pretended it was you."

"Good thing you don't have to pretend anymore."

"Damn right," I said, pressing in just a hint deeper, using her position to my advantage.

River gasped. "Christ, you feel good."

"That's my line."

"Doesn't make it any less true."

Rolling my pelvis, I sank in until I reached as far as possible, coming up against her cervix and making her moan.

"Fuck me, Sterling."

I couldn't help but grin down at her as my hand slid from her ankle down to her knee. "Oh baby, you asked for it."

Without warning, I began driving in hard and deep, our angle ensuring I hit the spot inside her that made her gush over and over. River's cries only just drowned out the sound of our skin slapping together as we chased our combined releases.

"Fuck, baby, I'm gonna come," I warned.

"Don't stop. Don't stop."

"Come with me."

"I'm right there."

"Touch yourself. I need you to milk my cock for all it's worth."

Reaching between her legs, she barely brushed her clit before her cunt squeezed me like a vise and she screamed my name. That was it. I was over the cliff and spilling inside her, vision gone white with pleasure.

"Fuck, Sterling, I love you," she panted, eyes holding mine as we came back down.

I adjusted our bodies, carefully repositioning her legs so they were around my waist without pulling free of her. I wasn't ready to leave her warmth just yet. Lowering myself so I could hover over her again, I kissed her forehead, her cheek, then finally her pillowy lips. I didn't want to lose this moment.

She shifted beneath me, freeing one of her arms so she could slide it up and around my neck until her fingers threaded through my hair. I shivered, the soft touch sending tingles all through my body.

My dick gave a happy twitch inside her, no more immune to the touch than the rest of me.

She froze and then giggled. "Already?"

"What can I say? It's been a while. And my shift with you is just getting started."

"Your shift?"

"We're taking turns watching over you."

"This is your version of watching over me."

"You complaining, siren?"

"Fuck no, just checking." She rolled her hips and made us both groan as I hardened all over again. "I think I need you to watch me harder."

"My pleasure, ma'am. I live to serve."

"Is that the SEAL motto?"

"Might as well be," I muttered, rolling us until she was seated on top of me.

"How do you feel about overtime?"

I cocked a brow. "You mean staying past my shift?"

"I do now."

I chuckled. "You looking for a two-for-one special, baby girl?"

Her pussy clenched around me.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Grabbing her hips, I encouraged her to move in slow circles as I stared at her in absolute wonder.

"Three," she gasped, grinding down on me. "Three-for-one. I always want all three of you, Sterling."

Smirking, I reached up and tweaked one rosy nipple. "I'll see what I can do."