Chapter Twenty Rowan

I'd taken James to the state park to retrieve his car. By some miracle, there wasn't a ticket on the windshield, although it looked like there was some kind of note under the wiper blade. Before we parted, I thought he might touch me, hug me, or even give me another one of his kisses that I craved so much. But there was nothing. Instead, he simply waved, got in his vehicle, and drove away, the note flying off the windshield before get caught up by the breeze.

I felt lost after that moment. I made my way back to town, wondering what I should have for dinner. But after driving around aimlessly for nearly an hour, I decided I wasn't hungry and just went back to the cabin. The rain had gotten heavier, and the sky darkened, bringing a sense of twilight to the world long before the sun even set.

That was nothing compared to the moment I walked into the cabin and realized James wasn't there. I put my keys on the counter, kicked off my shoes, fell face first onto the couch, and felt the tears well up in my eyes. I cursed myself over and over again for feeling the way I did. If I hadn't been so fucking stupid and let myself develop this little crush, things wouldn't be so hard.

I stayed that way for nearly an hour. After that I did nothing but doom scroll on my phone, watching videos go by of people much happier than I was. Meanwhile, my mind wandered. I thought about how angry I was with Mia, how angry I was with myself, and how much I missed James already. My resolve to keep him at a distance was slowly eroding as the aching in my heart ate away at me. But as much as I wanted to, I wouldn't allow myself to text him.

Finally, when I could no longer stand it, I left my phone on the coffee table and went to bed early, removing the temptation.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd had such a sleepless night. By the time I got up for work the next morning and logged into my work laptop, I looked like a raccoon that had been hit by a car. Out of the entire twelve hours I'd spent lying in bed, I slept for maybe thirty minutes. The rest of that time I spent beating myself up for being stupid, for feeling things, and for letting myself hope.

Somehow I made it through the morning rush to lunch. I wasn't sure how considering I didn't have the report done that my boss wanted and I couldn't find the motivation to care about a damn thing he wanted. More than once I had to bite my tongue when he said something stupid to me. I was starting to get really fucking tired of his ineptitude around basic computer tasks. He ran a multi-million dollar company, he should know how to use Microsoft Office.

When I finally peeled myself away from the computer and went out into the kitchen to try to find something to eat, I spotted my phone still sitting on the coffee table. For a moment I tried to walk by it and resist the temptation. But the longer I stood there, the more I realized I wasn't going to win this battle.

With a sigh I walked over and picked it up, clicking the screen on to see what I'd missed in the past sixteen hours. And, while I had several messages, none of them were from James. However, there was one I was surprised to see.

Mia: Hey, just wanted to make sure you were okay. I haven't heard from you since you disappeared.

My heart pounded and my chest filled with anxiety as I stared that message down. Mia was absolutely the last person I wanted to talk to. Not to mention, she had super moved on from me months ago. So why the hell did she care now? It would've been nice if she gave a shit enough to tell me she was cheating on me back in February.

I didn't want to drag it out, but I knew she wouldn't stop texting until I answered her. So I started typing.

Me: I'm fine.

Mia: Good! I'm glad to hear it! Where have you been staying?

Me: With Adam.

Was it a lie? Yes. Did I want her to know where I actually was? Absolutely not.

Mia: I'm glad he had room for you. Although you didn't have to leave.

Me: Pretty sure I did, Mia.

Mia: That's not how I wanted you to find out about that. I didn't do it on purpose.

Me: Okay.

Mia: And besides, it's over now, anyway. Cory broke up with me.

Oh man… the satisfaction I felt reading that message was damn near orgasmic.

Me: Why's that?

Mia: I never told him about you. And when you caught us, he didn't like it.

Me: Sounds like a decent guy. Glad he's moving on to something better.

Mia: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Me: Just what you think it does. You cheated on me for months instead of telling me your were unhappy. Then you trick this guy into sleeping with you without telling him you've had a boyfriend for years? Talk about manipulative.

Mia: I've been telling you for months that I was unhappy!

Me: When Mia? When did you fucking tell me to my face that you were unhappy?

Mia: There were signs!

Me: I'm not a fucking oracle, Mia. I don't read signs. I was far too busy working so I could buy you a house to sit around and consult a crystal fucking ball to figure out what the fuck you wanted from me.

Mia: So this is my fault then? Is that what you're saying?

Me: It's literally ALWAYS been your fault. You cheated on ME, not the other way around. I was faithful to you the entire time!

Mia: I doubt that.

Me: It's true.

Mia: So what are you gonna do with all our house money?

Me: OUR house money?! You can go fuck yourself. Every last penny of that came out of my paychecks, went into my savings account, and was earned by my blood, sweat, and tears. You never gave me a fucking dime.

Mia: I bought some of the furniture for the apartment!

Me: Then keep it.

Mia: You fucking tightwad asshole! And here I was trying to tell you I wanted you back, and that I forgave you for practically neglecting me. You can go fuck yourself. You're probably some fag, anyway. That's why you wouldn't touch me anymore.

My heart was racing. Between the anger and Mia's sudden attack, I didn't know what to do. But her accusation made my breath catch in my throat. Was it possible she knew? Had I shown signs of my fantasies before now? The panic started to rise, filling me with dread.

But then a new message came through, the notification dropping down from the top of my screen.

James: Hey, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. And I wanted to apologize. I gave you a cold goodbye yesterday, but I had some time to think and I'm sorry. I know you're going through things and trying to figure it all out. I should have been more understanding. Let me know if you want to get dinner sometime and if you're willing, I'd really like to kiss you again.

The emotional rollercoaster I was on was indescribable. But the moment I finished reading James' message for the second time, my thoughts on the subject solidified. Everything with Mia was over. Like super over. And her outburst had proven to me that I was wasting time grieving the loss of something that I was better off without. Sure, life was a little different now, but from where I was standing, it was suddenly a whole lot brighter. Mia was my darkness and James was like the sun rising, the light that would lead me into the future.

Another message from Mia came through and in that moment, I made a decision.

Mia: Your silence speaks volumes. I bet you are just some fag. Good thing you don't have any family or they'd be really disappointed. I'm sure you've been choking on Adam's cock for years now.

Me: Mia, you're right. I am a fag. And you know what? I wasn't that way before I met you. But your pussy is just so fucking gross that I decided I never wanted to see another one again. So congratulations, you made me gay. You probably made Cory gay too. Have a nice life.

And before she could respond, I blocked her number, so I'd never see another message from her again.

My heart was still racing, and I was terrified, but I knew what I had to do. Flipping over to my thread with James, I began to type furiously.

Me: Let's go to lunch. Right now. We need to talk.

James: Don't you have to work?

Me: I'm taking a sick day.

James: Only if you're sure. I don't want you to get in trouble.

Me: Believe me, you are FAR more important than my job.

James: That… is so sweet 3 I'd love to go to lunch with you.

Me: I'll be on my way in ten minutes.

Tossing my phone onto the charger, I ran to the bathroom and flipped on the shower. The last thing I wanted to do was start my new life with the grime accumulated from the past. It was time to wash Mia out of my hair for the last time.

It was time to go see my sunshine with open arms.