Chapter Twenty-One James

Rowan was practically out of breath when he showed up at my front door. He looked flushed, bothered, irritated, and happy to see me all at the same time. However, the moment he laid eyes on me I watched him quietly suppress it all in a vain attempt to seem a little more normal. Obviously something had him all riled up, I just wasn't sure what was going on.

?Of course, his reply to my text had caught me off guard. In the first place, I'd never expected a response. But even if I was going to get one, I suspected it would be a single word or just some placation that let me know he was no longer interested. However, an invitation to hang out and to kiss him again? That was the last thing I expected.

?He carried me out to the car, insisting that I not walk on my injured foot. I noticed a figure a few spaces down that was staring at us as he leaned against his car smoking a cigarette. It was probably one of my neighbors wondering why there was a man kidnapping me. Although, considering I wasn't putting up a struggle, I hoped they wouldn't call the cops. I couldn't explain what was going on to them anyway because I still didn't know how this meeting was going to end.

?"Where do you want to eat?" he asked the moment we were both in the car. His voice was a little manic. "Anything sound good to you?"

?"Are you okay, Rowan?" I asked with no small amount of concern. "Is something wrong?"

?"Actually," he replied with a sigh. "For the first time, everything seems sort of right."

?I lifted an eyebrow in surprise. "Well, I guess that calls for a celebration then."

?"Is there a good place to do that?"

?"Hardwood Beach obviously. Boner Beach is the only place to celebrate."

?He smiled. Not just a grin or a smirk, but a full on fucking smile. My heart started to pound and my chest swelled with pride.

?"That sounds perfect," he said. "Let's get takeout and go have a picnic."

?Now I was really worried. "Are you sure you're okay?"

?He reached over, placing his hand on the side of my face, his thumb stroking the line of my jaw. "I don't think I've ever been better."

?I smiled, leaning into his touch. This was a side to Rowan I'd never seen before, but I liked it. I wasn't sure I'd ever see him smile like this.

?Thirty minutes later we arrived at the beach with a bag full of Chinese food, which was Rowan's favorite. He backed the SUV up so the trunk faced the beach, popped the tailgate, and carried me to the back just like the previous morning when we watched the storm roll in. But this time it was the middle of the afternoon and the beach was packed. And to my surprise, he didn't flinch away from me when other people turned their gazes in our direction. In fact, he seemed to swell with pride.

?I'd never seen such a rapid transformation in a person before. It was like I didn't even know him.

?We got comfortable, unpacked the food, and just after we took our first bite, Rowan sat his down on the trunk floor and looked my way.

?"I'm sure you're probably wondering why I asked you out here," he began.

?"Actually, I'm sort of wondering if you've snapped and if you're going to skin me and wear me like a coat."

?"You're not my size," he grinned. "And the lambs are still screaming."

?"Good movie reference."

?"Thanks."

?"So what is going on?" I asked, putting my food aside as well. "You seem like a brand new person today. And after the way I treated you yesterday, well I wasn't expecting such a warm reception."

?He took a deep breath. "Mia messaged me today."

?My eyebrows shot up. "Your ex-girlfriend? What did she want?"

?"She wanted me to come back home."

?The surprise I felt turned to icy dread in an instant. So that's why he was smiling. He'd been offered his old life back on a silver platter and he was being nice to me so he didn't feel bad about leaving. I'd seen it a million times before. Dudes took me out on nice dates after using me for sex just to let me know they didn't want to see me again.

?"When are you leaving?" I asked, my hunger forgotten as I stared out over the sand.

?"Leaving?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. "Why would I leave?"

?"You're going home to her, aren't you? You can have your old life back. I know that's what you've wanted." He opened his mouth to reply, but I cut him off. "It's okay. I mean, it kind of sucks, but I understand. I know all this new stuff has been really hard for you, so it only makes sense you want to be comfortable and happy. And that's okay."

?I started to push myself up, but he grabbed my arm, holding me in place.

?"James," he said sternly. "Sit down."

?There was that dominance again and of course, I complied immediately.

?"Let me explain."

?"There's nothing to explain…"

?"I'm not going back."

?I opened my mouth to keep talking, but stopped as his words sunk in. "W-What?"

?"I'm not going back to her."

?"But… she–"

?"She's a money-grubbing bitch."

?Now it was me who was at a loss for words.

?"Long story short, her new boyfriend broke up with her because she's a cheater. Then she let it slip that she only wanted me back to get the money I'd saved up for a house for us. Not only that, but when I told her off, she tried to make it sound like everything was my fault and that I was the one in the wrong."

?That sounded exactly like the conversation I'd had with Ray over the weekend.

?"Then she called me a fag."

?"She what?!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "People still say that?!"

?"She did. Twice. And I told her she was right before I blocked her."

?"Christ. That's a fucking lot to deal with all of a sudden." I gave him a good once over. "Why do you seem so happy about it? Anyone else would be falling apart. A week ago you thought you were straight."

?"I did. But I know I'm not now." He reached out, taking my hand and pulling it into his lap. "I don't know if it's just you or if this is a part of me that I'll need to explore more, but I don't care. The truth is that I find you very attractive and I think I might even… like you."

?I didn't know what to say, so I just stared at him with my jaw hanging open.

?"I'd like to give this… whatever it is with you, a shot." Those brown eyes of his searched mine, desperately trying to find some hint that I felt something toward him. "If that's something you'd be interested in. I know I'm a mess and I know I've got a lot to learn. But I'd do my best to be whatever you need me to be."

?"Rowan," I replied, finding my words at last. "I don't need you to change to make me happy. I don't know who all you've dated in the past, but that's not how relationships are supposed to work." I leaned in, pressing my forehead to his. "I like you just the way you are, baggage and all."

?His breath hitched. "Do you really mean it?"

?"Of course I do." I pressed my lips to his, savoring the taste of him on my tongue as we connected once more. My skin erupted in goosebumps and a shiver ran down my spine. "But you have to make me a promise."

?"Anything."

?"If you ever don't want to be with me, just say it, okay? Don't make me guess."

?"That's an easy promise to make," he replied, hugging me tightly. "And the same goes for you. I don't know if I could stand another situation like I had with her."

?"I would never do that to you or anyone," I said confidently. "I promise."

?We sat there for a long moment, just holding one another and enjoying the contact. The food lay forgotten next to us while the cool breeze kicked up over the lake. Everyone else at the beach was just having a normal day, completely unaware of the revelation that had just taken place. Rowan was finally ready to accept who he was, and he wanted to do it with me of all people.

And, of course, I was more than willing to give him a chance. I wanted nothing more than to wake up every day next to him and see that smile on his face. He made my heart flutter in ways that I didn't know were possible. After all the dates I'd been on, Rowan was the last person I expected to make me feel this way. But I was thrilled nonetheless.

?When we finally pulled away from one another, I shifted over to Rowan's side of the trunk so we could sit shoulder to shoulder. I picked up his food and handed it to him before taking my own.

?"So," I said, beaming from ear to ear. "What's next?"

?"Well," he replied, taking a big bite. "The first thing I'm gonna do is quit my job."

?I nearly spit out my food. "What? Why?!"

?"I hate it."

?"Yeah… but don't you need to make money?"

?"I have quite a bit put away," he grinned. "And I'm gonna spend it all on myself just to spite Mia."

?"I mean… I get the urge to do that, but is it smart?"

?"I've got enough saved up to get me through at least a year's worth of expenses. In that time I can find another job that I actually don't mind doing. Plus it'll give me some time to think about what you said."

?"What did I say?"

?He glanced over at me, a smirk on his face. "You said you had dreams about a farm. And I want to find out what my dreams are. Who knows, maybe they're not so dissimilar to yours."

?"Alright, but don't go buying a farm just because I want one," I warned, pointing my spoon at him menacingly. "I know you're excited and ready to do something drastic. But if you and I are going to date, we need to take it just a little bit slow."

?"Like… no sex slow?"

?He gave me his biggest puppy dog eyes, and I nearly melted on the spot.

?"Sex is fine. But I don't want you building a new life around me before we even know if we can stand each other for that long." I leaned close, poking him with my spoon. "If you're going to build a life here, then do it for yourself only. If it's meant to be, then we'll make it work."

?"Alright," he said, holding his hands up in mock defeat. "If I make any decisions, I'll make sure they're purely selfish."

?"Good boy." I went back to my food. "So, did you decide to become fully gay or are you going with a different label?" I pointed out toward the beach. "Who do you think is hot out there?"

?"That guy right there," he replied, pointing to a red head in a pair of green trunks with muscles for days. "He's hot."

?"Accurate."

?"And although his girlfriend looks like she would probably tie me down and beat me with a riding crop, she's kinda hot too."

?I looked her up and down. "I don't see it."

?"She's got a nice shape and good tits."

?"Huh." I tried to imagine her naked before I reached down and poked my dick through my shorts. "Nope. Not even the tiniest twitch."

?"Well, you're gay."

?"And I'm gonna say pretty confidently that you're bisexual."

?Rowan smiled. "I think I can handle that."

?"Do me a favor though," I added. "If you ever want to fuck a girl, don't ask me to be part of it, okay?"

?He laughed out loud at that, the sound of his laughter filling my chest with pride and affection.

?"Don't worry," he replied. "With you around, I doubt I'm even going to notice other people." He leaned close, kissing the side of my neck. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. No one else can compare."

?I melted into him, the butterflies in my stomach erupting into a frenzy.

?This boy was going to kill me.