Chapter 20

Declan

I’ve spent the last few days wallowing in my own self-pity, unable to get over everything that happened on Halloween night.

He kissed me, told me he wanted me, then kissed me again. But the moment his lips left mine, he looked at me in horror. Everything inside me died as he backed away, saying it was a mistake.

It sure as hell didn’t feel like a mistake. It was life-altering, the same experience as my first kiss with Sadie.

Everything inside me exploded. I was done, so fucking done with his bullshit, the push and pull. I could get it if he wanted me, but thought he couldn’t have me. A normal person would stay away. Not confess all the dirty fucked up things they wanted to do to me, kiss me so deeply it’s seared into my soul, then take it all back in a matter of seconds.

Yes, he was drunk, but the emotions were there, and the connection was electric.

So, I went after him and snapped. I’ve never been a violent person, never had the urge to be. But in that moment, I took all my anger out on Preston.

And the worst part? He laid there and took it. He let me pound my fists into his face over and over again and did nothing.

It made me feel like shit once I calmed down because the more I thought about it, the more I realized it must be hard for him—being controlled by a monster and forced to be engaged to a horrible person. All while trying to come to terms with your sexuality.

I’ve known I was into men and women for as long as I can remember. It’s not new to me, and when I developed those feelings for Preston, it didn’t scare me because I liked a man, it scared me because the man I liked would never like me back. Only he does, and I’m so fucked up about it I don’t know what to do.

I want to talk to Sadie about it. I probably should. But she has so much going on right now.

Sadie doesn’t want to hide; she hates having to act like we’re nothing more than friends. She deserves better, and I’m going to give her that.

I might not be able to be with the man I like, but I have the woman of my dreams, and I’m going to do my best to give her the whole fucking world if it’s in my power.

Starting with finally breaking my engagement off with Mia. First, I need to sit down and talk to my parents about it. I’m not sure how they’re going to take it. We’re not exactly close. But they’re good parents for the most part. They never hit me, never talked down to me.

Probably because they were hardly home to do so. But unlike a lot of people in our world, my parents have told me from time to time they love me. So I know they care.

Let’s hope they care enough about me to not lose their minds with me taking control of my own life and making my own choices.

Stepping into my father’s study, I find him at his desk with his head down as he types on his computer, my mother sitting on the couch across from him, sipping her tea as she reads a book.

A wave of nerves flutters through me as I step inside. “Hey,” I say, clearing my throat. Both of them look up at me with curious eyes. “Declan, honey,” Mom says, placing her book and tea down. “I didn’t know you were stopping by today.”

“If we’d known, I would have had Chef make an extra plate,” Dad adds, closing his laptop. I smile, his words sounding a lot more welcoming than I expected.

“It’s okay.” I push my glasses up my nose. “I’m not staying long. I just wanted to stop by and see if you two had time to talk.”

“Talk?” Mom’s brows furrow. “About what?”

Alright, Declan, rip the bandaid off.

If I try to ease them into it, talking around the subject, I’m just going to end up chickening out.

Taking a deep breath, I let everything that’s on my mind out. “I’m breaking my engagement off with Mia. As lovely a girl as she is, she’s not the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I believe we both deserve the chance to be with people we love and to be happy. We might have had a nice life together, but we would have never been truly happy. Life is short, and we only get one to live. I’d rather spend it with someone I love and who loves me back. Someone to enjoy everything life has to offer and stand by my side. So, yeah, I’m ending things with Mia.”

I take in a breath, winded by getting everything out in one go. My heart thumps wildly as I flick my eyes between the two of them.

“I–I don’t know what to say,” Mom says, sitting back against the couch. “What brought this on?”

“Do you understand this may cause waves between the families?” my dad asks, but he doesn’t sound upset. So that’s a good thing, right?

“I know it’s not what you had planned. And yes, I’m aware that it could cause some issues. But it’s what both Mia and I want. This is our life, don’t you think we have the right to choose how we live it?” I’m pushing it, I know how this world works. Still, if I can get him to see reason, what‘s the harm?

I love my parents, I do. However, if I had to choose between staying a part of this family and the money that comes with it, or being happy with Sadie, then I chose Sadie.

Maybe I’m a fool to think this could be a forever thing, but I can have hope, right? Because no one has ever made me feel loved and seen as much as she has. She’s perfect for me, someone I didn’t know I needed in my life until I met her.

“Is there someone else?” Mom asks.

“Kind of.” I lick my lips. “It’s new, but I love her. I want to see where things go. And hopefully, there’s a long future ahead of us.”

“Who?” my father asks, eyes narrowing. This is the hard part. It’s not uncommon within our society to change marriage contracts as long as the person that is doing the replacing is equal to or greater in value then the previous. I know, fucked up, right? Parents trading their kids like their trading cards.

“Sadie Evans.”

“Evans? As in Erin Evans’ daughter?”

“Yes.” I nod my head.

His eyes light up, and I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. “Huh.” He sits back in his chair, nodding his head. “Well, then.”

“William, do you know what this means?” Mom’s eyes brighten, too.

“What does what mean?” I ask, looking between the two of them.

“Nothing to concern yourself with.” He waves me off. “I will give you my support to end your engagement with Mia, but only for Miss Evans.”

“Really?” My brows shoot up. “That’s... wow. Okay, yeah. Thanks.”

“I’ll get a new contract drawn up and send it over to Mark.”

“Wait, what?” My brows furrow. “Dad, no. No contracts. Please. As soon as Sadie catches wind of one, she would take off running. Please. I just want things to grow naturally between us.”

“And what if things don’t work out, then who are you to marry?” He counters, starting to get annoyed. Shit.

“If things don’t end up going the way I’d like with Sadie, and we go our separate ways, then I’ll agree to see some woman of your choosing in hopes that something more could come from it. But I meant what I said. I want love, I want a choice.”

“And you love Sadie?” Mom asks.

“I do.”

“And does she love you?” Dad asks.

“She does.” I smile. I have no doubt that she does. Sadie isn’t the type of girl to be throwing around those words, and I’ve seen it in the way she looks at me. She’s loving, caring, and amazing. She treats me with understanding and patience. Doesn’t make me feel stupid or belittle me.

“Alright then. Let’s try things your way. You're still young.”

“Really?” I ask again, waiting to see if he’s going to throw anything else at me.

“Really.” He nods his head, smirking.

I’m in shock. “Okay, thank you.”

“Are you sure you can’t stay for supper?” Mom asks, getting up from the couch.

“I need to go to Mia’s and have a talk with her dad,” I tell her, and I’m surprised to see disappointment filling her eyes. “But how about Sunday? Maybe I can bring Sadie?”

Mom smiles. “I'd love that. Sunday, it is.”

I say goodbye to my father, and my mom walks me to the door. “Declan, we want you to know that even though we’re not the best parents, we do love you.” She smiles, placing her hand on my arm.

My heart warms, the back of my eyes stinging a bit. I needed to hear that. “I love you too.”

I say my goodbyes and get into my car. One family down, another to go. Something tells me this next conversion isn’t going to go over as well.

I was right. I’m sitting in Mia’s living room while her mother cries, and her father paces the room with an angry scowl on his face. I feel so uncomfortable, and I really want to leave. But any time I try to get up, her father starts yelling at me.

“Why?” Mia’s mom asks. “Why isn’t she good enough for you?”

My eyes widen, and I jump to my feet. “It’s not that, not at all. Mia is an amazing girl. She’s kind, funny, smart. She’s one of the most loyal friends I’ve ever met. I like Mia, a lot, just not in the way I would if I wanted to marry and start a life with her.”

“Why not?” her father growls, getting in my face.

“Because I’m in love with someone else. And Mia doesn’t only deserve someone who can take care of her—not that she needs it; she’s a very capable woman all on her own—but she also deserves someone who can love her and make her their whole world.”

“Children. That's what you both are. You don’t know what’s best for you. Love isn’t going to give you the right opportunities in life.”

“Money and power isn’t everything, you know? And it’s very possible to be successful in life while doing it with someone who loves and supports you by your side.” I frown.

“This is ridiculous. You need to listen–” he starts, but I cut him off.

“No, you need to listen. You need to stop fooling yourself. You should take the time to see how amazing your daughter truly is—to understand who she is. Your daughter deserves to be happy too, so open your eyes and understand it was never going to happen with me. She never would have loved me.”

“She could have!”

“No.” I shake my head with a sad laugh. “And you and I both know why.”

His eyes flash. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I sigh heavily. “It’s not the end of the world to like the same gender, you know. There‘s nothing wrong with it. And it’s time you see that. Before you end up losing the one thing you love most in this world.”

He might be a hard ass, but I know he loves his daughter. Mia has said as much. This may not be easy for him, but he needs to get on board before Mia comes to resent him.

“Again, I’m sorry to break this news to you. But this is my choice. This is all me, be mad at me if you want. Even if Mia wanted me, unfortunately, I don’t feel the same.”

With that, I leave them to come to terms with the news and head for the front door.

“Declan,” Mia’s voice has me pausing. I look over my shoulder to see her sitting on the stairs.

“Hey.” I smile softly.

She gets up and walks over to me, wiping at her eyes. “Thanks.” She lets out a sad laugh.

“For what?” I laugh. “For ending our engagement?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” she sighs. “You're doing something I’ve been too afraid to do. I love my dad. But he can be a bit of a hard-ass, as you can see. He’s not the easiest person to talk to. But you’re right. I do deserve to be happy and in love. So thank you for ending things and giving me the push I needed.”

“You’re not alone.” I pull her in for a hug. “Me, the guys, your friends. You're not all by yourself. We’re here for you.”

“I know.” She pulls back. “I’m lucky to have you all. You’re perfect for her, you know.”

“Sadie?”

“Who else?” she teases. “You’re exactly what she needs. I know she has the other guys, but she needs you just as much as she needs them. Remember that. I know what you four have going on isn’t going to be easy. A lot of people are going to call you crazy; they will for sure judge you. But just remember, as long as you’re happy, fuck everyone else.”

“Yeah.” I laugh, grinning. “Fuck everyone else.”