Chapter Twenty-Five

Its cries broke death’s heart

S itting in the dark alone with her wine, how pathetic. The darkness didn’t hide anything from her, and what she most wanted to hide was herself.

The time had come to embrace her normal life again. Time to again set the paranormal security team back in the shadows and not at the forefront of her life. The last many months had upended the routine between the guards and herself. She’d grown used to the hustle and bustle of the men coming in and out of her apartment. Used to their low jokes and the clanking of the coffee they all seemed to enjoy so much, the feelings of not being alone, of being a part of something even if from the outside. But it was time to get back to normal. To keep herself separate from them and to step back into her life. Maybe find a party to attend or host one herself to celebrate her return from her holiday.

Maybe later.

The ringing phone interrupted her revere, but she refused to look at it. Was it so hard to believe she was too busy to answer and just leave a message? She stared off into space, emptying her mind, releasing her own desires into the world. Talking to the goddess.

The phone rang shrilly again, hurting her ears. Why didn’t she put it on silent? Maybe if she ignored it, it would stop. It was Oliver’s ringtone, breaking the stillness once again. Wasn’t he on his honeymoon or something like that? Why did he keep calling?

More rings, same tone. She could imagine him getting angry as she ignored the calls. Text chimes, and then another, and another. Shrill ringing once again. Sigh.

Fine.

“Hello, Ollie.” Fake cheerful voice. “Is there a reason you’re not taking the hint? I’m currently busy.” At one point she’d been surrounded by scripts; she looked around guiltily, trying to locate them. Hadn’t they just been right there in front of her?

“No, you’re not.” Flat, dry, definitely her Ollie on the other end. “You’re currently pouting and wallowing.” Muffled sounds and he cleared his throat. “I mean, Eva and I wanted to call and check on you. We’re back stateside and thought you might like some company.”

As if the two madly in love lovebirds even gave her a passing thought. And why did the men in her life always accuse her of wallowing? A pang twinged through her heart at the memory of Bash’s dry accusation.

“Fine, I’m fine.” More forced cheerfulness. “I’m just reading over scripts. Really no time for visitors, I have a party later.” A guilty memory had her eyes glance to the stack of unopened scripts she’d haphazardly kicked off her low coffee table onto the floor.

Oh, yes, that’s where they went.

After an electrical fire had raged through Roland Bertrando’s compound, he’d been declared missing and possibly dead, and all current projects had been put on hold. In response, her agency had bombarded her with numerous other scripts to fill the void, knowing that she didn’t like to go too long without working or having something in the works.

How the last few weeks had changed her.

Ollie needed to let her go, cut himself free from the sinking ship called Ravyn. He had Eva now. For years after his transformation, Oliver had followed her around the world, and even after they decided to go separate ways, he’d created a company that could focus on watching over her. He deserved a break and happiness. Goddess, Oliver was lucky to be alive. Lucky he’d survived the transition she’d offered him while he was at death’s door. If he hadn’t had demon blood in him... She couldn’t imagine the what-ifs.

More harsh whispering and shuffling. Should she just hang up? Even when she finally answered, the two were more involved with one another than with her. They probably wouldn’t even notice. But they would. Ravyn sighed, realizing that if she hung up that they would just keep calling.

“Ravyn?” Eva’s soft voice came over the receiver, questioning, her voice portraying love and calmness to Rayvn. Either her succubus powers had evolved since her relationship with Ollie or there was still a connection, however tenuous, between the two. One that the magic had been unable to break for either of them. “Are you still there?”

Holding her breath briefly, considering, Ravyn’s heart twinged at the sound of Eva’s voice. Funny how she’d never known of their connection, but once the connection was severed, she felt the loss deeply even in its possibly altered state.

“Ravyn?” Eva’s voice was soft and hesitant, with the sound of shuffling in the background. “Stop it.” Clearly whispered over the line to Oliver, Ravyn let out a half gasp and cry at the comfortableness of the two. They were so lucky, although it went well beyond luck. They were so perfect together that Ravyn imagined that Hathor, the Goddess of Love herself, had ordained their union. Written it upon the stars, and so it was.

Clearing her throat, Ravyn swallowed the last dregs of her wine. “Yes, of course, I’m here.” She watched the remaining thick red droplet ooze down the inside of the glass. She wasn’t even hungry; she’d poured and mixed the glass out of habit. With Sebastian no longer feeding her regularly, she was trying to find her own hunger cues once again.

With a pained sharpness in her chest, she realized that, in fact, she rarely had missed her meals since early spring. Bash had mixed up the wine and blood or the wine and black coffee daily, casually handing it to her when it was meal time. Always he took care of her. She didn’t deserve him.

“Yes, Eva.” This time Ravyn spoke a little more loudly, hating how her voice cracked a bit. “I would think the two of you would have better things to do than call me during your… travels.”

“Well, yes. And no. It’s just I was sleeping. And I know that our connection has been severed, but…” Eva hesitated and clearly, she didn’t really want to say the words that came next. “Only it’s not always, completely that is, it’s not one hundred percent gone. Sometimes you bleed over, I guess. No pun intended.”

Eva never intended the puns; they just happened. The only sound for several seconds was Eva’s low, hesitant breath as Ravyn considered the words. The bond she’d unknowingly formed with Eva when she saved her life years ago had been violently cut by the crazed warlock who had served the wendigo. For years, the two had unknowingly been connected due to Ravyn’s blood and Eva’s partial succubus heritage. But knowing about a possible bond made it more intimate than previously. No one should have to feel what she was feeling. An apology began to form in her head.

Eva quickly continued after a beat, reassuring Ravyn. “It’s not dreams like before, not complete scenes, more like feelings and images. It could be that my bond with Oliver reinforced a bond with you or altered it or something.”

Ravyn imagined that it might be. Delta would find the possibility fascinating and would jump at the chance to study the situation. “Well, I apologize if I disturbed you. I could”—with a gulp and another weak lie—“try to not read such emotional scripts.” Staring at the border on the ceiling, she counted, One, two, three, four, five.

“No, no, it’s not that at all. I don’t mind. I—we—called because we wanted to check on you.”

“I’m fine.” Ravyn could hear Oliver’s puff of exasperation over the line. Who was he to judge? He was halfway around the world with the woman he loved. Where had she left off? Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. The points of the border blurred together a bit as she struggled to focus on them. Twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen.

“Ravyn, it’s okay not to be,” Eva encouraged softly. “Can we…” Clearing her throat, she asked, “Can I video call? I want to see your face.”

Opening her mouth to argue, then closing it again, Ravyn wondered, Do you care for anyone? Do you need anyone? The words echoed through her mind, mocking her. “Have Ollie leave,” she ordered before softening her tone. “Please.”

Her vamp hearing could pick up the whispers between the two even though Eva covered the phone, followed by the soft click of a door as Ollie left the room. Immediately Eva’s face filled the phone screen.

“Ravyn? He’s gone now. It’s just you and me. What’s going on? Is it Bash?”

Ravyn hiccupped as she tried to hold in a sob.

“I’m going to kill him,” Eva threatened. “I don’t care that he’s Oliver’s friend. He’s a dead dog!”

“Thanks for that, but he doesn’t deserve it. He only did what I told him to do.”

“And what did you tell him to do?”

“Leave. Go home to his family.” Biting back the sob that threatened to escape, Ravyn pushed a hand in her mouth to keep from saying more.

“But that’s not what you wanted.”

Damn, since Eva had embraced her succubus side, she’d become blunt. Being fed regularly by an endless font had strengthened her.

“It’s what I said, but he said it first.”

“Why did you say it, then? Clearly, it’s not what you want or I wouldn’t be feeling your sorrow every time I close my eyes.”

“I’m sorry,” Ravyn began. Eva had been through so much and deserved happiness as much as Oliver did.

“No, no, it’s not like you’re going to call Oliver or me and spill your feelings. Think of it like opening up without the hassle of opening up. We can skip the ‘I’m okay’ song and dance because I know you’re not being truthful. And I’ll ask again. Why did you tell him to leave if you didn’t want him to?”

“Why didn’t he ask to stay? He was making plans to leave at soon as the wendigo hit the ground,” Ravyn whispered. “He wouldn’t give me a chance to even speak.”

“You also told him to go. How much can a wolf take? He’s not impenetrable. You told him to go, but you wanted him to stay. If he’d asked to stay, you would have insisted he leave.” Eva hesitated before continuing, “Ravyn, I don’t believe you’ve ever asked anyone to stay or to come back.”

It was true. Years ago, after decades of travel, she and Oliver had separated, and like every companion she’d known, she wished him well and traveled onward without looking back. But to her surprise, Oliver had continued reaching out for her over the years, and she found herself reaching back as well. Even though they weren’t together, their friendship still connected them, but if Oliver hadn’t tried so hard, she would have been completely alone.

“You have to sometimes be the one to look back and to ask someone to stay. It’s raw and it’s vulnerable, but that’s the real stuff of life, of living.” Eva explained to Ravyn, “It’s okay to follow your heart. You don’t have to always be alone; you’re the person most deserving of love I know.”

“I’m barely more than a monster,” Ravyn admitted softly. “I was made to be a monster and everyone leaves me because of that.”

“Oh, sweetie, your sisters didn’t leave because they had to. I’ve seen your dreams; you all were so young and just trying to survive in a world that you were unprepared for. The monsters were those who did that to you and made you think you’re not capable or deserving of love. You did everything you could during those years to find your sisters. And even without seeing that, I would know that the woman who saved a random young girl nearly dead at the side of the road is no monster.”

Silence for another breath. Ravyn wanted to deny it, wanted to hang up the phone, but found she could do neither in the hope that perhaps Eva was right. “I don’t know if I can believe you. In the heat of passion many things are said. People don’t come back and I don’t go after them. It’s sort of my thing.”

“How can you be frustratingly the bravest woman I know, but simultaneously the biggest coward? Hiding away. And I know about hiding away—like recognizes like,” Eva reminded her. “You’re as deserving as me, as Oliver, as anyone. You’re capable of great love and you’re just as deserving to be greatly loved. Oliver says you hide away in your movies, your acting, just so you don’t have to face being alone. Pretending to be seen and loved isn’t the same as the real thing.” Eva fell silent, waiting and listening.

Ravyn had made a horrible mistake, and immediately the self-doubt set in. Had she? Had he asked to stay? Had he assumed he was coming back before she made her horrible declaration? She hadn’t asked him to stay; she’d told him to go. She didn’t give him a chance to say he was coming back. Her immediate reaction had been to push him away.

How could she expect him to fight for her—for them—if she didn’t? If her heart was breaking into a million pieces, his could be breaking into two million. Maybe? Even if he said no, then she wasn’t any worse off. Either way, her heart would break. But if he said yes? If he said yes, the possibilities were endless. What was an eternity alive if you were alone? Even her sister Anya had recognized that a life worth living was one not spent alone. She’d sacrificed everything to be with the man she loved, and Ravyn was too prideful to even admit to the man she loved that… Wait… the man she loved?

“Eva, thank you. I need to go.”

Eva sighed over the phone. “The plane isn’t back yet, and Oliver says he doubts that you would fly commercial even to chase down the man you love.”

More shuffling. Dammit, had Oliver never left the room?

“It will be there in about an hour or so and then it needs to refuel and set up the flight plan. We have another pilot and crew on standby as well. Take a shower,” Eva ordered. “And Ravyn?”

“Yes?”

“Good luck,” she offered before squealing, “Go get your man! And I’m here for you. You can count on it.”

Ravyn gasped as the sound of Eva’s own hand slapping over her mouth covered her words. “I mean…”

Oliver can’t keep a secret for anything , Ravyn thought irritatingly. “Yeah, I got it, no pun intended there either.” Damn him, she couldn’t help that she needed to count things any more than he needed to watch television.

“He didn’t tell me,” Eva rushed out quickly, eyes widening in panic. “He didn’t…”

Ravyn punched the off button on the phone before muttering, “I totally would have flown commercial.” And damn them for sending the plane back to her yet again. It was Ollie’s plane and it seemed to constantly end up on her coast.

But it didn’t have to stay on her coast.