30. Austin

30

AUSTIN

I knock on the Poli House front door, and Dex pulls it open.

"I brought you Milk Duds to put in your popcorn."

"You're the best," he says as I step inside. "Let me grab a jacket."

I decided on a movie for our fourth date, and it was up to Dex to choose what we'll do after, though he hasn't told me yet and is being all secretive about it.

For my part, I got tickets for the new Godzilla remake because I know Dex will enjoy all the special effects, plus the reviews make it sound better than the last one.

"Have fun, kids," Milo says from the dining room, where he's devouring a plate of spaghetti. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Cool, that leaves us a lot of wiggle room," Dex teases, and I laugh. I ignore the warmth flooding my stomach as I recollect what Dildo Baggins and I were up to last night. Oh God, kill me now.

We're dropped off in front of the movie theater and bypass the ticket window since I've already downloaded them. We stand in line for popcorn, which goes pretty fast.

"Glad you brought your own candy because those prices are outrageous," Dex says, and I nod because that was exactly my plan. Between the tickets, drinks, and popcorn, it's a pricey evening for a couple of college kids.

We get to our seats before the previews get rolling, so we chat while we wait. "So Milo never had a follow-up date from the other night?"

"Not that I know of. Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think he has much experience either."

"How do you know that?"

"A couple of things he's said here and there about only having one relationship that lasted all through high school. Apparently, she moved across the country for college, and they broke up."

I frown. "That's a bummer."

"I guess. Or maybe it was for the best. Imagine being with someone since you were kids. All your experience boils down to them."

I pop another piece in my mouth. "I think it's romantic."

He smirks. "Of course you do."

It's the perfect opening to bring up what I've been thinking about since last night. But a lively group of kids has seats in our row, so we have to stand and shuffle around to let them by us.

After we're seated again, Dex opens the Milk Duds and dumps them into our tub of popcorn. It's how we always roll during movies. I just avoid taking too many so he can have most of them. Besides, I've already torn into my pack of Twizzlers.

I return to the topic. "I mean, if I had a boyfriend all through high school, I wouldn't still be a virgin," I point out, and Dex nearly chokes on his popcorn.

"Bruh, are you okay?" I hand him his soda, and he takes a long sip.

"Wrong pipe," he replies when he can finally talk again.

By the final preview, our popcorn is nearly gone. I make my way back to the lobby for refills on our sodas, and then we get lost in the movie. Our forearms are side by side on the armrest, and I have the urge to reach for his hand. But I resist. It's enough that I came up with this additional date idea to begin with, let alone thinking way too much about what Dex looks like naked.

I'm more than certain I have a huge-ass crush on my best friend, and I'm probably in for a world of hurt when all this ends. But I can't seem to stop myself from wanting to hang out with him and pretend we're on our fourth date.

Once the movie ends, we stand and stretch. "That was better than I thought it would be."

"Yeah?" he asks, and I nod. "Guess this means we're having a Godzilla movie marathon."

"I changed my mind. It was awful."

He laughs as we walk out together.

"What do you have planned for us now?"

He tugs on my hand, and we start down the street. Two blocks later, we're in front of our destination. "Miniature golf?"

" Alice in Wonderland themed." He smiles like the Cheshire Cat.

"This is lit," I remark as he leads me inside the Putt-Putt place. Thoughtful too. Dex obviously remembers me telling him I read this book so many times as a kid that it fell apart at the seams. It was my mom's copy from childhood, and I was immediately enchanted. To the point that I asked for Mad Hatter bedsheets that were surprisingly hard to find and settled for stickers and a poster with one of my favorite quotes: "The secret, Alice, is to surround yourself with people who make your heart smile. It's then, only then, that you'll find Wonderland."

We stand in front of the first hole, marveling at the gigantic White Rabbit hovering above us in all its glory. "Is it true that Lewis Carroll was consuming copious amounts of absinthe when he wrote Through the Looking Glass ?"

"Who knows." I take my shot, which ends up stuck behind a bumper. "Would you be at all surprised?"

"Nope." When Dex's ball ends up in the small pond, I laugh, glad he's as inept as me. "Damn it."

As he fishes the ball out with his club, I say, "Maybe we should aim for highest score instead of lowest."

"Deal." He clinks his club against mine.

I line up to take a shot. "Whose idea was it anyway to make up a game where you aim to shoot a ball into a hole?"

Dex stares at me. "You do realize what you just said, right?"

"Wh—oh God." Dex laughs when I lob the ball way too hard.

We move from the White Rabbit to the Mad Hatter and then to the tea party, which follows along with the book. I'm having more fun checking out the colorful displays in this place than worrying about our scores.

Plus, there's still that thing I've wanted to talk to Dex about since the movie theater. Maybe it's time to just spit it out. "So I've been thinking…that I don't want to be a virgin anymore."

Mid-swing, Dex misses the ball completely.

"Okay, sure, that's obvious." He scrutinizes me. "What exactly are you saying?"

"I was thinking that since I've been getting more experience with you anyway…" My pulse patters in my veins. "That maybe you should be the one to take my virginity."

Dex's eyes widen, and he steps away from the next hole, allowing another group to get ahead of us. "Don't you think it should be someone you feel special about?"

I can't look him in the eye. "I feel special about you."

"Damn, Austin, what are you thinking?" His breathing is getting so labored that I'm regretting bringing it up.

"You know what? I should've never mentioned it."

"No, it's okay." Dex seems to snap out of whatever shocked state he's in. "Maybe you should practice more with Dildo Baggins."

"Already have." I lower my voice. "It's not the same, and you know it."

He traces a hand over his face. "You're killing me here."

"We already proved that our friendship can hold up through all this pretending and practicing…" I glance over his shoulder to be sure the group moved on. "So why not help a virgin out?"

"I…" He shakes his head. "I'll think about it. Let's just get through the rest of this game."

The last hole is the garden scene, and by then, I'm ready to be rid of this neon-pink ball. Dex is obviously taken aback by discussing my virginity, but he also seems upset, which is confusing. Did I offend him in some way? Haven't we been touching and kissing under the guise of fake dating? How is this any different?

We get a rideshare back to campus and are dropped off in front of Poli House.

"I'm sorry if I ruined our night." I huff out an exasperated breath. "But at least let me explain myself better."

Dex looks conflicted, but he says, "Please do."

"The thing is, my first time is probably gonna hurt." I pick at the hangnail on my thumb, nervous to say the rest. "But if it's with you, then at least it'll help me feel more comfortable."

Dex's jaw clenches as if he's imagining such a scenario. "If the person who gets that privilege goes slow and takes care of your needs first, it won't be as painful."

"But there's no guarantee of that, especially with a random hookup—if I decide to go that route." Dex's nostrils flare, which tells me he hates that idea. "I suppose I wouldn't be the only person to have a terrible first-time experience, so maybe I'll chalk it up to a rite of passage."

"No." Dex's hardened eyes study me. It's that look he gets when he's feeling protective of me. "I asked you to let me think about it, and I meant it."

So there's a shred of hope after all. Though the odds seem low. "O…okay."

He breathes out in relief. "For now, let me walk you to your dorm and kiss you good night like a proper date should."

My knight in shining armor , I want to tease but hold back because of how serious he seems. "That's pretty swoony for a guy who's never had a proper date."

"Sure, I have. Four of them, in fact."

I swallow roughly as the butterflies go wild in my stomach.

He holds my hand as we walk across campus, then presses his lips against mine outside the dorm. I want more but don't push. It feels like we've gone back in time to our tentative first date, and I blame myself for that.

"Night," he says, and I watch him walk away.