31. Dex

31

DEX

Austin and I haven't discussed a fifth date or the topic of sex since it came up during Putt-Putt last week. But that doesn't mean I'm not thinking about it constantly. The idea that he would ask some rando to take his virginity really bothers me. But taking it myself does as well for vastly different reasons.

I want to talk to someone about it, and normally, I would go to Austin with these things, so it feels extra nerve-racking.

Milo and I are in the living room, playing a racing game, and I'm so distracted that I let him win more than once.

He pauses the game. "All right, something's up."

"What do you mean?"

"You've been acting weird the past couple of days." He thumps my shoulder. "I'm here if you want to talk about it."

My pulse is throbbing, but I almost can't keep it inside anymore.

"I don't want to betr—is it all right to speak only in hypotheticals?"

"Absolutely. Just go for it."

"Okay, um…" I fiddle with the buttons on the controller. "What if you had a friend who's never done the deed. And…they just want to get it over with, so they ask you to help them out."

He throws me a meaningful look. "I see your dilemma."

I blow out a breath, relieved to get it all out. "Of course, I'd like to help so the experience is less terrible."

"God, don't remind me," he groans. "Is anyone's first time amazing?"

"I mean, there's gotta be someone out there." I swallow, remembering my own had been quick and unfulfilling.

Milo laughs hollowly, then waits for me to get my thoughts together.

"But…will he resent me later?" I throw out. "Say, when he finally falls in love and wishes he could redo his first time with that person?"

Milo studies me for a long moment.

"It was my first time with Lisa. Hers too," Milo says, and I can see the hurt in his expression but also the love. Maybe Austin is right that it's romantic. Jesus, what has he done to me?

"Makes sense since you were both so young."

"Yeah…and it was awful." He snickers, recalling the memory. "But I wouldn't have wanted it any other way because we learned and grew together."

"Sure, you were in a relationship." I shrug, not understanding his logic.

He shakes his head. "Not at the beginning. We were friends first, and both of us wanted to lose our virginity, so we made a pact."

I straighten. "Whoa, you didn't tell me that part."

"Yep." He has a faraway look in his eyes. "And that experience bonded us together instead of driving us apart. It's hard to explain. The way we fumbled around, it could've been really awkward afterward, but it wasn't."

"Suppose I can see that."

"All that to say, as long as you keep communication open, it doesn't have to be a miserable thing. It can be special, memorable, even if it's awful."

"Thanks, man." I feel lighter despite not having made up my mind yet. "Ready for me to kick your ass?"

Milo grins and picks up the controller. "You wish."

But before we can get going, my phone rings. I looked down at my cell to see a call from my mom. "Sorry, I should probably get this."

"No worries."

Mom and I have only talked through text messages since her breakup with Tim. I head upstairs to our bedroom to take the call.

"Hey there."

"Guess what?" Her voice has that excited tone I recognize all too well. "Remember I told you about my new manager?"

Wait, maybe this is headed in the good-news direction. Maybe a raise. "Uh-huh."

"Well, I stayed after work last night to complete an important report for him. He stayed late too. And he?—"

"No!" I blurt out.

"What? I haven't even told you what happened."

"Let me guess: he came on to you and promised you things."

"You make it sound like a bad thing. And it wasn't like that. We've got good chemistry."

"So something happened between you at work?"

"No, not yet." She scoffs. "Maybe not ever. Besides, I'd never do anything at work."

"But you would outside of work?" I retort, unable to hide my sarcasm.

"Why do you sound so disappointed in me?" This is the part of our relationship that always feels like the script has been flipped and I become the parent.

"I just…don't want you hurt again." I try to bring it down a notch. "Is he…married?"

"Of course not!" she lobs back like a petulant child. "He's going through a divorce."

"Sure he is," I mutter, my frustration coming through.

"I see it was a mistake to call you." Her tone is like an open wound, and I immediately feel regret.

"Listen, I'm sorry." I puff out an exasperated breath. "It's just hard because you're a good person and have so much love to give someone. But you want it so badly that you…you ignore stuff that hurts you in the end."

"That's not what I'm?—"

"Please let me finish." Mom goes quiet as I pace the floorboards and gather my thoughts. "As far as your boss is concerned, you should say no to anything other than professional. And then threaten him with a harassment complaint if he comes on to you again. That is a relationship waiting to fail. Plus, you love your job, and this can get you fired. Or make it miserable."

It's not that Mom doesn't know all that or hasn't dated one boss or another before. But maybe it's like what she told me once—how when she saw me when I was born, I was so adorable that she forgot all the pain immediately after delivery.

"I appreciate your advice," Mom says, but given her tone, she doesn't appreciate it at all. I suppose it is unsolicited, but at this point, I can't help myself. "But I'm an adult and can make my own decisions."

Then act like it!

"Sure, Mom, you're right," I reply because I'm tired from making the effort.

After the call ends, I continue pacing, feeling on edge. I slip into my sneakers and head down the steps.

Milo is still playing the game, and Ian has taken over my controller.

"Be right back." I fly out the door before they can ask, then walk around aimlessly until I find a bench and sit to catch my breath.

I pull out my cell and scroll to Austin's number.

What are you up to?

Nothing much. Just reading. Kael is at Angelica's.

Can I come over?

Of course.

As soon as I scale the dorm stairwell to his floor, I'm flustered all over again.

When he pulls open the door, his eyebrows draw together. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Mom called and…" I blow out an exasperated breath.

"Come here." He tugs on my arm and leads me to his bed, where we lie against the pillows. "Tell me everything."

So I do, recounting the call and the things I said. "Was I too harsh?"

"I mean, I know you." He plays with the hem of his shirt. "There was probably also concern in your tone, and it's doubtful that didn't register with her. Your mom is an adult, but sometimes she doesn't act like one. She just doesn't want to hear the plain truth."

"Yeah, no kidding. Thanks for always being here for me."

He shifts toward me and pulls me into an embrace. "Wouldn't want it any other way." We tangle our arms and legs, then breathe softly together. "This is nice."

"It is."

We continue lying and having a casual conversation until he shifts to his other side, and I absently spoon him. It's not anything we've discussed beforehand. We just seem to fit together.

But soon enough, just feeling him against me makes me hard as a rock.

"Dex?" Austin pushes his ass against me, and I groan.

I cup his cheek, and he tilts his face just far enough so our mouths can meet. We kiss and grind, and it feels like there's entirely too many clothes between us.

Having the same idea, we sit up in a rush and toss our clothes on the floor.

Completely bare, I pull him down on top of me, reveling in how smooth his skin is and how his weight grounds me. "You feel so good." I can't help gripping the globes of his ass to pull him flusher against me.

Austin groans as his dick slots against mine. "I want you so bad."

I grow still, noting how fucking stiff my cock got just from my hearing that.

"Are we talking about your virginity again?"

"No…I would never…especially if you're unsure about it." He grips my chin so I look at him. His eyes are fiery and determined. "I just want this…you…us, right now."

"I want it too," I admit. "And even if I did agree to take your virginity, I only have a condom on me. No lube."

He averts his gaze as his cheeks flush. "I'm already prepped. Before you texted me, I was gonna use the dildo."

I flinch. "Holy shit."

"To be fair, I thought I was gonna be alone."

"Would you rather I leave you alone with your?—"

"Don't you fucking dare," he growls, and I chuckle.

"I can't believe you…" My hands inch toward his crease, and the tip of my finger can feel how much lube he's used. "Fucking hell, that's hot."

"I need…" He trembles as he buries his head in my shoulder. "You can't touch me there if you're only gonna tease."

I forgot again that he's never had anyone play with his hole. If anything, he might totally get off that away.

"No more teasing." I take his mouth as my fingers play back there. He squirms and quivers at my every touch, and I'm mesmerized by his reactions.

I turn us on our sides so I can get better access.

He's lost, rocking toward me as I reach around and finger his rim. "You like that?"

"Feels amazing. Please don't stop."

So I don't. I kiss Austin while I slide a finger inside, and since he's already lubed and used to the dildo, it doesn't seem to be as uncomfortable for him as it could be. I add another digit and seesaw them in and out before I curl a finger and find his prostate. As soon as I brush against it, he nearly shoots off the bed.

"Oh my God." He shudders when I do it again. "I mean, I've found it myself, but having you do it feels different."

I continue to stretch his hole, and watching his reaction, so full of wonder, makes me feel like I'm going to blow my load any second. "Jesus, you're tight."

I keep fingering his ass while I fist his cock, and before long, Austin is squirming and moaning but also frustrated, like he's right on the edge but can't make the leap. "I feel like I'm gonna crawl out of my skin. I need… God …"

"You saying you need my dick?" I whisper against his lips.

"No." His eyes widen. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean… I'm just so turned on. It's like my whole body is tingling with little electric shocks."

I realize right then how fucking much I want to be the one to do this. To make him feel good and hopefully special.

But also to know what it feels like to be inside him after our weeks of foreplay.

I remove my fingers and sit up, feeling the sureness click in place.

"Dex…"

"I want it too," I reply, and his gaze softens. "Does the offer still stand?"

He nods. "Please."

Leaning over the bed, I make quick work of digging the condom out of my wallet.

By the time I'm done rolling it down my shaft, Austin has already grabbed more lube for my cock. My hands are trembling as much as my heart, and Austin notices right away. Somehow, he always just knows, and there's something so awe-inspiring about that.

He grips my hands. "Hey, this doesn't have to happen tonight. It feels good just being with you like this."

"I want to…" I want him so fucking much, I ache with it. "Just nervous it won't be good for you."

"It will be…because it's you."

My heart lodges in my throat as I pull him in for a kiss.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." I give my cock a yank so it doesn't start to flag. "Do you know how you want to do this?"

Given how much time he's spent thinking all this through, I can't imagine he doesn't know exactly what he wants. Who am I to dispute that?

"Uh-huh." He nudges me. "Lie on your back."

I smile because bossy is not at all how I envisioned Austin would be during his first time. I like that he's taking agency like this.

He straddles my waist and gives me an intense look. "I wanna do it this way."

Suddenly, I feel shy as he stares down at me with such trust and affection.

"I'd never say no to a hottie wanting to call the shots." I grip his thighs. "Go for it."

Turns out, getting the right angle is a bit difficult, mostly because we're both nervous, so I grab hold of my shaft to help him line it up to his hole.

"Oh my fucking God." I clench my teeth as he lifts onto his knees, then lowers himself inch by inch on my shaft. "You feel… Christ . So good."

I try not to thrust upward, allowing him all the time he needs. I watch him closely as his lips move in a silent curse, and he stills when I'm buried balls-deep.

"How do you feel?" I rub his thighs. "Does it hurt?"

"Maybe a little, but not as bad as I thought it would be."

I shift my legs. "Do you want me to?—"

"No, please." He bears down on my legs. "I like how full it feels. Just need to get used to how big you are."

I don't know whether to gloat or be concerned. I've never seen his dildo, so it might be on the smaller side.

Beads of sweat form along his hairline, and his chest is flushed, but damn, does he look good hovering above me like this. I tug on his arm so our mouths can meet. He moans against my lips as he rocks back and forth, then sits up to move more freely. His thrusts are slow and deliberate at first but still make me lose my breath as I try to hold it together. Eventually, Austin's pace picks up as he feels more comfortable, using his knees for leverage. I can tell he's more accustomed to my girth when he begins moaning on every down thrust.

"I love how you feel." I reach for his flagging cock and start jerking him.

"Oh…oh God, that's good," he says as he screws his eyes shut.

Another minute, and he's stiff, his eyes are blissed out, and he's bearing down on me with a faster intensity. I hold on to his thigh and thrust upward just a little. It has the desired effect as he moans and sways every time I nail his prostate.

"You're so beautiful like this, Aus."

He gasps and stares down at me as if I've told him he's a fairy princess or something. "No one's ever…"

"Then it's their loss. I'm the lucky one who gets to have you." I tug on his arm so I can take his lips again.

"I wouldn't want it any other way." He sighs dreamily as he kisses down my throat, making me shiver.

His intensity renews and he lifts onto the balls of his feet and thrusts more chaotically. "I'm close."

Thank fuck because it's taking everything inside me not to finish first, so I just focus on making him feel good. "Gonna jack you until you come."

Working in unison, it doesn't take long for Austin to shudder and arch his back.

"Dex!" he calls out, then comes all over my hand and stomach.

It's all I need to let myself go, to jump off that cliff with him.

I'm still catching my breath when Austin falls forward on top of me and my softened cock slides from his body.

I quickly take care of the condom, and then I'm back in bed, wrapping him in my arms. Austin is strangely quiet, his gaze emotional as he seems to hold on to me for dear life.

"Can you stay?" he asks in a throaty whisper.

And for the first time, I feel vulnerable. So I just surrender to my emotions and make sure my best friend feels safe and cared for. "Wouldn't dream of leaving you."