12

They fall asleep, naked beside each other for a good few hours. Then, when the sun is an orange globe in the sky and the birds have stopped singing, and they have lain in bed for another hour's quarter: Sol and Yohan rise to wash themselves in the shower.

It is clear Sol underestimated how physically taxing all that thrusting would be, he is a tad sore all over. Still , Sol thinks as a smile curls his lips upward, he is glad that he did this.

That he was able to experience being with Yohan in this absolute delight of a way fills his heart with the simple magic of love. Underneath the shower's brittle water stream, Sol looks to his lover, the fondness he feels for him warms his chest. Everything is such a dream, even though it is real.

"Sol,"

Yohan threads his fingers through Sol's hair in a gentle touch, he hums. "May I wash your back, my love?"

Sol shows him a modest nod as he smiles then feels the welcome warmth of Yohan's hands on his skin; the knight pulls a sigh from Sol's lips.

"My heart, was it… Good for you, too?"

Sol isn't sure why Yohan sounds so hesitant, he frowns, then leans into his beloved. As Yohan runs his fingers, soap-suds down Sol's spine, "Why wouldn't it be good?"

Sol asks him with his eyes shut as he focuses on the gentle massage.

"You didn't climax,"

the knight croaks, "I— I fell asleep before I could make you…"

As his voice trails off, Sol relaxes into him with a sigh.

"That doesn't change that it was lovely, Yohan."

Sol chuckles. "One of the best times of my life even,"

he adds with a smirk, as he recalls the ways in which Yohan writhed underneath him, how exquisite his lover sounded with every little touch Sol left against his skin.

"Yohan,"

Sol turns, to wrap his arms round the knight's middle, he kisses the muscle over his heart. "You do not have to make me come every time, for me to enjoy this ."

He deepens his hold on the knight. And then, a thought comes to mind. "What of you?"

Sol asks him. "How…was it? W-Would you want to do it again one day?"

"Gods. Yes, "

Yohan speaks the word through the breath of a shaken confession. He rests his fingers against Sol's waist, then guides him under the water again, until the soap that had coated his back like some sort of strange reptilian skin is washed off his body, falling faded by his feet.

"Truly I want to,"

Yohan admits, his voice softer now, "but I was afraid."

"Afraid?"

Yohan nods.

And Sol can only blink. Afraid? "What of?"

"That you would not enjoy it— enjoy having me —in this way."

A pinprick of worry punctures Sol's heart. "Come now,"

Sol tries to lighten up the mood, but the only sound that leaves his lips ends up a forced, miserable laugh. "I may not have a penis that functions like yours, but it's still nice that we can—"

"No,"

Yohan blurts. "That isn't quite—"

He shakes his head, then pulls Sol in close. Yohan buries his lips into the crown of Sol's head. "No, my heart, I—"

Yohan pauses, before he sighs. "Everyone has always depended on me. For as long as I can remember, I have always served as a pillar, so, to break myself down—to make myself small, vulnerable for my lover… I feared you would see me as a different man once we were done."

"But—Yohan,"

Sol brings a cupped palm to Yohan's jaw. He stares up at his beloved, and his brows arch upward. "I want to see you. All of you,"

Sol tells him. "When I told you earlier that I loved everything about you, I meant what I said."

He stands on his tiptoes to press their lips together. "Please,"

he whispers to his knight, as their gazes meet anew. "Don't hold back."

Because I need you , Sol thinks, every part of you.

I want to unravel you, Yohan, as you unravel me.

Until the day we'll gaze into ourselves and feel the need to hide no longer. Until I am you. And you are me. And we are each other.

"Tell me what you need."

"You,"

the word sounds tender against his tongue as Yohan speaks, breathless, before he pulls away from Sol. The knight brushes the hair out of Sol's face, and greets him with a smile. "You are all I need, Sol."

Sol buries his face into his beloved's chest, he does not want to let Yohan see the way his cheeks flush at such an unequivocal declaration of love he knows likely won't ever withstand the truth nor trials of life. "That's not true…"

Sol mumbles under his breath. "You need food, and water, and oxygen, too. I am not any of those things."

And the knight laughs. "Perhaps."

He strokes Sol's back softly. "You are right."

Yohan's lips find the crown of his head again. "But, I still think I need you regardless, my love. You have become the sun to my days, after all."

Yohan stares down at Sol with his palm pressed to Sol's cheek, there is something so earnest, so vulnerable about his expression. "How could I ever forget you now?"

Sol finds himself getting emotional over Yohan's sincerity. It is strange, and yet, he feels the same. As much as he tries, he could not imagine his life without Yohan now.

For a minute, Sol lies to himself and pretends he does not want to cry. Over such simple words… But it makes him so happy— Yohan makes him so happy—and his confession fills Sol with so much light and radiance, Sol simply cannot hold it in. "Y-Yohan,"

he sniffles as his tears fall atop Yohan's shoulders. "Is it truly okay to want you like I do?"

It is so easy to love him, and each day is so full of joy, that it almost feels like it is wrong.

How could matters of the heart ever be this simple?

Yohan's big, warm hand skids down his chest, his fingers rest atop Sol's heart. "Are we not allowed our happiness, my love?"

he asks Sol. "After all we have been through, and seen, is it not okay to want? To love?"

He wraps an arm around Sol's shoulders again and embraces him closer. "To live?"

Sol thinks of all the times he'd felt numbed to his once-monotonous life. All those moments where he believed he would never trust again, never like this. He finds himself grinning before he can even think. Sol leans into his lover's chest as the shower's warmth then greets them again in a soft, light drizzle, a low hissing surrounds their figures. "Then,"

Sol parts his lips, "I will keep wanting you,"

he speaks the words through his smile, whilst he looks up to Yohan.

The knight deepens their embrace. "As will I, my love,"

Yohan whispers beside Sol's temple. "Through death and hardships, and everything that is to come, I will love you—and even after that, too."

Sol cannot say what it is exactly, but that night, something changes between them.

They are no longer strangers visiting each other's quarters, but rather, two lovers building a home together instead.

"I want to keep loving you, too."

Sol listens to Yohan's heartbeat as he presses his cheek to the knight's bare skin.

He shuts his eyes, then thinks— for a long, long time.