Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Kate spent two days in her bedchambers, hiding away and wallowing in her heart-breaking sadness, but it very quickly got to a point where she could no longer feign sickness. No one wanted her to retreat like she did before, so everyone encouraged her endlessly to leave her bed. People were not leaving her alone as they did before which Kate found incredibly annoying. A casual luncheon had been arranged by Kate's parents which she was sure was just a rouse to force her out from the sheets.

She had been determined not to let anyone convince her out of her room, but relentless attention broke her down. Her mother would simply not allow her to do what she wished.

Yet it did not matter what the reason behind the luncheon was; Kate was dressed and heading to the dining hall, ready to face whatever it might be. She did not go with strength or determination; she could not hold her head up high, but she was going to attend, and that was all that could be asked of her. She hoped and prayed that Jonathan would not pry. He was the only one in the family who sensed what was happening between her and William, which she did not wish to discuss. Not now, not ever.

"Do not hobble," she hissed angrily to herself as she walked as quickly as she managed. "Everything is fine."

Kate wished that she had not brushed off Jonathan's comments about seeing a doctor just because she did not want to deal with him at the time. The doctor had come to visit the following morning and informed her that her muscle had inflamed terribly, causing the intense throbbing. He let her know that she could not carry on as she was, walking everywhere without the cane, attending balls, and dancing as if there was nothing wrong. He said that she would never be able to recover if she did not heed his advice and pace herself. Of course, Kate said everything that he wanted her to at the time, but she still was not using the cane.

Pacing was easy for him to suggest but not so straightforward for herself. She was either hiding away and not exercising her leg at all or pushing herself. But neither involved the cane.

She could easily justify it to herself in the house by telling herself that she did not have far to walk and that she could rest as much as she wanted. But she was not resting. Instead, she was pushing through the pain to get to the table as quickly as she could. Kate did not care that each step was more agonizing than the last. She preferred it to the cane.

Eventually, much to her relief, she made it to the dining room before her face really turned red with pain. Her parents were already seated at the table waiting for her, and Jonathan as well. While her mother and father made a concerted effort not to watch her struggle, Jonathan did not offer her the same discretion. He was not staring at her with judgment, merely like he wished to help her if she needed it. But it put Kate on edge; she did not like the spotlight. It made her very uncomfortable.

"Where is your cane?" Jonathan asked her. "Did the doctor not tell you that you need it now? Shall I get it for you?"

Kate only just about resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "I am fine, thank you very much. I do not need the cane."

"Are you sure?" Jonathan furrowed his eyebrows. "I thought he said that you were not using it enough..."

"I do not need to use it in the house, that is all." Kate glared at her brother angrily. "He did not say anything about that. Plus, I am sitting down now, so I certainly do not need it at the moment..."

"Yes, but you might need it later..."

Their mother made a sharp sound like an exhalation of breath, halting the argument before it could really get started. Even from childhood, both Kate and Jonathan had known not to push things once their mother had made this sound. No matter how infuriated they were with one another, not another word would be spoken.

They averted their eyes from one another and focused on the table in front of them.

She expected everything to begin as soon as she took her seat, but nothing happened. Everyone still seemed to be waiting for something. There was a strange edge to the air in the room, which made it too difficult for Kate to ask what. She simply sat where she was with her hands twisting around in her lap nervously, waiting, focusing on breathing.

"Good afternoon, everyone." And then the person who everyone was waiting for appeared. The all too familiar voice made Kate dizzy. If she had known that this luncheon was not going to only involve her family, she might not have come. "Thank you ever so much for inviting me into your home once more. I am very grateful for this. It means so much to me."

Kate glanced at everyone in turn, but no one was meeting her eyes. They were looking over her head on purpose, at him. Douglas. Even though she had not given him anything like an answer to his proposal recently, he was still here, inserting himself into her life where he was not wanted. Kate felt like he definitely should have come to her before this. It was too much.

She also now truly feared that her brother had told her parents everything, yet they had not mentioned it to her so far. She shot Jonathan a nasty gaze but he was not looking at her at all. His expression remained innocent looking, like he had not done a thing wrong.

Sometimes it was challenging to recall that her older brother was the one person who had always made her feel comfortable. Their sibling rows really overwhelmed it all.

Plus, she had more important things to deal with at the moment. Douglas was coming toward her with a self-satisfied smile on his face. She had to keep the shudder of disgust inside.

"Lady Katherine, you look ravishing as always." Kate was not given the option to ignore him; he took her hand and kissed it. "It is wonderful to make your acquaintance once more. I hope you are doing very well. You of course, look incredibly well."

Kate nodded silently. She spotted a strange look between Douglas and her brother which had her absolutely certain that Jonathan was the one pushing for this. She should never have talked to him about Douglas's recent visit because it had allowed him to get carried away. While Jonathan might have had Kate's best interests at heart, she wished that he would respect what she wanted rather than trying to make choices for her. It was starting to get very annoying.

She heard his warnings about William. She had taken them on board and was no longer daydreaming about a potential future with him. What more could he want from her? He did not have to do this.

She wished that she could pull him to one side and yell at him, but this was not the time or place for it. Especially since her mother had already made her annoyance obvious.

Anger buzzed in Kate's ears as Douglas went around greeting everyone else, acting like he was a member of the family, a great friend, like he had not shattered Kate into a million pieces. No one was saying a thing about how sad she had been because of him. It did not seem right. But no. No one said a thing. They simply allowed him to pretend nothing had happened.

Douglas sat down at the table, next to Kate, and talked business for a while with the duke as the staff served up their lunches. Kate did not have an appetite any longer. She felt perfectly sick to her stomach. Yet since she could sense the prickle of all eyes upon her, even if everyone was trying to be discrete about it, so she had to at least try and eat something.

"So, I think it is time that we share the good news," Douglas eventually declared. He had the tone of someone who was absolutely brimming with something, and he could not wait to finally let it all out. Kate stiffened, wishing she did not have to listen to whatever he had to say. She had no interest. "Lady Katherine, you shall be very pleased to learn that the duke has yet again agreed that I may have your hand in marriage. We have your family's blessing."

If Douglas expected Kate to cheer about this, then he was very much mistaken. All she could do was blink at him a few times. Had he not told her to take some time to think things through before a decision was made? Had her anger toward him not made it clear that she was simply not interested in building things back up with him once more? How had he misread that situation so badly? But it seemed like the worst had happened and the choice had been made on her behalf. A vice-like pressure clamped around her lungs as she tried to work out how she could escape from this.

All she wanted to do was run. If only her leg would allow it.

But she could not. She would not. If this was something that her father had already set in place then there was nothing that she could do. Any notions of romance and being in love for real rushed out of her mind as her entire existence became a thin tunnel with absolutely no light at the end. Her existence had been put on a specific track and there was no way off.

"Oh that is just lovely." The duchess reacted much more in the way that Kate thought she should. "Your engagement is just the happy news we all need. I am very happy for the pair of you. You are destined to be very happy."

She said the word ‘happy' too many times, almost as if she were trying her best to force that feeling into Kate, but that was not going to happen. All she could experience was a deep and hollow, never-ending numbness.

Kate stared at her mother helplessly, but the duchess gave her a little blank look back. Did she really not understand her daughter's pain or was she being pointedly dumb because it made everything that much easier? Kate did not want the easy path, though; she did not want to be on this path. All she wished to do was hide away or race for the hills. Anywhere but here.

"An announcement has been sent out to the London Times already," Douglas continued, pushing Kate further into a corner. "So, soon the whole of London will be aware of our wonderful news. Everyone will be terribly pleased for us. This is the sort of good news that I am sure everyone would like at the moment."

Kate attempted to smile but she could not. Perhaps people would be happy for them; they would certainly think of her as very lucky to have gone from losing her fiancé to getting him back. The gossip about how she had managed it would be utterly rife. But even though she should probably be delighted to be back with her so-called perfect match, nothing could put a positive spin on this in Kate's mind. Even knowing that she would want for nothing as The Marchioness of Fairbridge changed nothing. She would rather have absolutely nothing and be with a man that she loved rather than Douglas.

She would rather be a spinster, even if that disappointed her whole family.

But she sunk deeply into sadness, knowing that it was already too late. If the announcement had already been made to the London Times, then there was no going back. Kate was going to have to be a blushing bride no matter what she wanted. She could not even begin to picture it anymore. The idea of meeting Douglas at the other end of the aisle terrified her. It would not be a dream, more of a nightmare. He was the wrong man. Even if he was right for her on paper, she knew in her gut he was wrong. All wrong.

William was the man she wanted to meet at the other end of the aisle...or at least he was. Before she learned of his roguish reputation and the beautiful brunette he spent the night with. Now she was not sure that was what she wanted either. Not really. She could not switch off her love for William that easily, however much she wanted to. Even knowing that he was a bad man, she still would prefer him over Douglas. How terrible was that? Especially now that she was trapped and heading into marriage.

She caught Jonathan's eyes and he smiled at her happily across the table. At least he was pleased with how everything had turned out. He had never liked William, had he? Though she could never work out why. His hatred did not simply seem to come from the feelings shared between herself and William, they were there beforehand. Was Jonathan truly that offended by William having beautiful women in his bed? That was something Kate had more right to be upset about...

Although she could not get lost in that thought again. She could not cry anymore. William had never made any promises to her so there was really nothing she could get caught up in. To a roguish man, a kiss did not have to mean a thing.

"We must celebrate," Jonathan declared, almost as a challenge to Kate since she could not return his joy. "This is great news for this family, like you said, Mother. Something that we are all very pleased about. Are we not?"

"Oh, absolutely!" the duke joined in. "Let us have some of the finest wine..."

He called over to the maid and asked for the specific bottle he wanted, much to the delight of everyone. The duchess could hardly contain her excitement.

Well, almost everyone was thrilled...

Kate did her best to join in with everyone else. She did everything that she could to smile and laugh when it was appropriate to do so. Douglas seemed to believe that she was showing genuine emotion. Either that or he did not care if she was unhappy. Probably that one. It did not really matter though. Kate was going to have to rapidly adjust to the idea of acting like she was content with the way that things were.

She could not envision a time when she was ever going to be happy again.