Chapter 24

Chapter 24

The sky darkened as the afternoon rolled on. Kate had barely moved from her spot by the window where she had been staring at the clouds as if they held all the answers. Although if they were holding onto the solution to make Kate's life any better, they were keeping it a very well-locked away secret that she was not privy to. It did not seem to matter how long she had spent thinking, Kate had not come to a conclusion either way, and the stress was really getting to her.

Still, she had not built up the courage to address this matter with her parents, and she was starting to worry that she never would. It would all become far too real if she discussed it with them, and the choice might also be taken out of her hands.

Kate slightly rubbed her leg, wondering if it was the stress that had inflamed the agony there or simply seeing Douglas which had set it off. Of course, this could merely be the aftereffects of all the dancing at the ball, but Kate was not thinking that way. She was irritated, and more than a little upset that Douglas's visit had quite frankly come too late. She was not confused only a few weeks ago. He was the only man on her mind. She would have done anything to have the fairy tale romance back.

But this was not a few weeks ago. This was now and she knew without a shadow of a doubt that what she shared with Douglas was not love. It was merely a childish dream of what she thought love should be. She might have been smitten, but that did not make it anything real. That did not stop him from tossing her away as soon as things got challenging. His explanation did nothing to make her feel any better. If anything, it was worse.

He really did not have a reason. He simply did not like her enough to care about the most difficult time of her life.

Kate also could not understand what had made Douglas change his mind now. Every time she gave herself what had probably been a plausible reason, it made no sense. Perhaps it could have been seeing her out on Bond Street, seeing that she could walk again, but Kate had a sneaking suspicion that there was much more to it.

He did not love her, she was sure of it, and he could not suddenly love her now.

But William...everything was so much different with William. That truly did feel like love to Kate. Everything about that man made her smile, the more she learned about him, the more she fell. He was undoubtedly a man she would marry and be in love with forever. If he could commit to her, she knew that she would never have to worry. In her gut, she could feel it.

Her heart and head were wrestling. The idea of pleasing everyone else and living an easy life, the one she was supposed to live beforehand, lay firmly in her mind. There was something intriguing about the idea of pretending the carriage accident never happened and her life had never altered. But it had. She had changed, there was no denying that. Kate was no longer the same woman she once was, and this woman wanted to follow her heart and go down the complicated route. This woman never wanted to look at the Marquess of Fairbridge again.

Everyone would question her. No one would understand what she had done once she rejected Douglas's marriage proposal once and for all, but Kate did not think that she cared. She would be following the path of happiness and that would be all that mattered. She would get the chance of love.

Of course it was William she should choose. She was not sure why she had even questioned it. Even if Douglas wanted to make himself an option now, he was not. Kate would never be able to trust him again. She would always be fearful of him turning on her like he had done once before. Now, she wished that she had let him down right away. Much as she had questioned his intentions, she had not made her rejection clear enough. He thought she was going to think about it.

Now, she did not even want to get her parents involved. She preferred them to never find out what had happened. With a little bit of luck, that moment would never arrive.

Yes, Douglas was going to be angry and maybe even a little hurt when she finally got to tell him everything, but since he had not really considered her feelings when he broke off the engagement, she was not sure that she should worry either.

"Kate." Jonathan's voice made her jump. She had not heard him enter the room. "I have found you."

There was concern lacing his tone, which made Kate pay far more attention to his words. He also had a pensive look on his face that she had not seen before. Something was troubling him which instantly worried her too. Had she been so caught up in her love life that she had not noticed something terrible happening with Jonathan? Panic shot through her like a dart.

"What is the matter?" she asked him softly, hoping that he would feel comfortable with opening up to her.

"I hear you have had a visitor today," Jonathan replied. "The Marquess of Fairbridge. That is unexpected news."

Kate was not surprised that her brother had found out about Douglas long before she could get the message out to him. Many members of the staff in the manor were afraid of getting on his wrong side so would tell him anything he asked. It had always been a source of irritation for her.

"He did, yes. It was a very strange and unexpected visit, to say the least," Kate replied cautiously, not wishing to say too much. Tension tightened in her shoulders and back. If Jonathan knew about this, then their parents would also be aware soon enough. She was going to have to discuss it with them, even if she did not want to. "He wanted to apologize."

"He did?" This seemed to please Jonathan a little too much for Kate's liking. "That is good news. If he wants to make things right with you, then perhaps you could consider courting him once more. He did make you very happy..."

Kate's lips turned down into a frown. Her brother had barely known a thing about her courtship with Douglas, yet he had seen how miserable the breakup had made her. Why was he suddenly so keen for her to return back to that situation? It was almost as if he could sense her determination to go forth in another direction entirely.

"You do not look too pleased by that idea?" Jonathan cocked his head to one side curiously. "Is this because of William?"

Kate's blood ran ice cold. She was not expecting Jonathan to say anything quite like that, and certainly not so suddenly. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head as the shock cascaded through her body. She was so sure that he had not seen a thing at the ball, but now she was not so confident after all. Jonathan had been waiting until the right moment to confront her on what happened and to warn her that he was going to have to expose her to the world, and that moment had come.

Kate wrapped her arms tightly around herself. She held on tightly, her fingers digging into her arms as she waited for Jonathan to speak once more. Perhaps this was the time to defend herself, but she could not do it.

"I have not failed to spot the way that he looks at you and it troubles me so." Jonathan paused knowing that he had Kate's full attention now while he took a seat of his own. "At first, I did my best to ignore it, because I know, just as everyone else does, that he is a lecherous rogue. I thought that as soon as he realized that he would not get anywhere with you, he would lose interest." Kate's heart sank. Was Jonathan right? She had not seen that side of William, but perhaps that was because she was head over heels for him. Her love for him had her blind, just like it did with Douglas. Was she only one of the women he showed interest in? That he kissed...? "But that has not happened. Of course, that is even more troubling now, knowing that the Marquess of Fairbridge has shown interest in you again. We do not wish him to be put off by rumors."

There were so many things that Kate wished she could say, but she was simply not brave enough. Her brother had left her dumbfounded, with barely any air left in her lungs. She could hardly breathe, much less speak. This was all too much.

"Oh, Kate, you look very upset. Have I said something to offend you?" Jonathan leaned in closer and held her hand sympathetically. "I understand that the attention from William might be flattering. I know many women who have been fooled by him. But he does not care about his own reputation, much less the reputation of other people."

The room began to swirl around Kate. Sickness flooded her stomach. She did not want to believe this was possibly the truth, that she had been fooled in love again. It was utterly humiliating, so embarrassing she wanted to weep. Jonathan could not possibly learn the truth; Kate never wanted him to find out that she had shared a kiss with William. It would ruin everything.

"Last night, in fact, I saw him with another woman," Jonathan continued, his words twisting the dagger already piercing through her heart. "A beautiful but very foolish brunette woman. Perhaps a courtesan, but maybe someone else tricked. That is a very common sight at Redfield's. Many women have been seen leaving the club with him. It is a source of good fun between him and his friends."

Kate wanted to put her hands over her ears, to block out any more sound. She could not stand listening to this any longer. Jonathan's words were killing her increasingly with each and every syllable. Could he not see what he was doing to her? Much as she did not want him to know the truth, she did not want him to carry on. But she had no choice. She had to keep her head held up high; she needed to act like she was not troubled, or Jonathan would know that she was a fool.

"So, we must forget about William," Jonathan concluded with a sorry smile. "And perhaps focus on the good news that the Marquess of Fairbridge has come to visit you. I think a lot of good things might be happening for you. Let us be positive."

If only Kate could feel like all of this was good news and her world was not crashing down around her. She silently cursed Douglas for not coming to her sooner and saving her another bout of heartache. Now, she did not want to see him again, nor did she want to see William either. Actually, the temptation to hide away in her bedchambers once more and never come out again was almost overwhelming her. Kate longed to shy away from the whole world once more.

"How is your leg?" Kate did not realize that she had been rubbing her leg once more until Jonathan pointed it out. She snatched her hand away quickly, but it was too late. "Perhaps it would be good for you to see the doctor once more."

The doctor...one of William's friends. One of the men who thought his behavior was a source of great fun. Kate blinked back tears, thinking of all the laughs they must have had behind her back.

"I do not think it is a good idea..."

"No, Kate, I think you must!" Jonathan snapped in a controlling manner. "I cannot help but be terribly worried about your health at the moment. I know Mother and Father feel the same way. It would make everyone better if you allowed Doctor Andrews to check you over once more."

Kate was too weary to argue. Everything that she had just learned about William had her emotionally exhausted, so she simply nodded silently. If Jonathan wanted to book her in with the doctor, then so be it. Whoever he may be. She did not have the strength to worry any longer. She rose upwards and let out a deep and sorrowful sigh. If Jonathan noticed that there was a deep-rooted moroseness within her, he did not question it. Maybe he was too busy thinking about what she was going to do next without Kate having any control over it herself. If she was not careful, Kate might never be allowed to make her own choices again.

"It has been a long day," she confirmed. "I think I have overdone things." He did not need to know that she had spent most of the day sitting and staring idly at the sky. "I will rest for now."

"Yes, that is for the best," Jonathan agreed. "You might have an awful lot ahead of you. Best to rest now while you can."

Kate's eyes were heavy as she walked, but she could not keep them closed for longer than a split second because her mind instantly filled up with images of William and the beautiful brunette on his arm. The one he would be spending the night with, kissing her just as he had done Kate, laughing and making jokes with her, putting her at ease, taking her into the bedroom...

No, it was too painful for Kate. She had been foolish. To think that she was special, that she meant something to William...it was silliness. There she was thinking that she had grown up, but it appeared that she would always be the fool. The silly child left behind as everyone else found love and happiness.

Perhaps she had always wanted it too much, and that was why it had never happened for her. Well, she was not going to want it any longer. She would never want anything again. Life had been so much better in her bedchambers. It was the moment that she left it things started to go wrong. The minute she began to socialize some more, because of her parents and then Jonathan, things began to go wrong.

This time, she would not come out, however much everyone attempted to persuade her. Nor would she listen to a word that Mr. Andrews said to her, if that was the company he kept.