Chapter 23

Chapter 23

William might have been sitting in his study under the guise of getting some work done, but truth be told, he was struggling to do a thing. His focus was anywhere but on his work on the ledgers piled high in front of him. He could not care a thing about them. His brain was everywhere else entirely. Well, if he was honest with himself, it was on someone else in particular. The one woman who had been on his mind ever since the ball. Lady Katherine Langley.

He had thought of her a lot before the ball, but ever since that kiss, he had thought of little else. She had all but consumed him, and he did not know what to do about it.

For a man who had done everything that he could to avoid society functions for as long as he could, William was worried about the consequences of him suddenly making a lot of appearances out in polite society. It was not just the ball but the dinner parties as well. If he was not careful, rumors would begin to circulate that he was on the market for a wife. Oh, what a scandal that would be for everyone to talk about. His past rejection would be brought up once more, hushed in whispers in quiet corners, complete with irritating giggles at his expense. People would also be very intrigued to know what sort of woman would end up with a rogue like him. His care free bachelor life would also become a hot topic once more.

William groaned to himself. That was not what he wanted. He hated the ton talking about him; he did not enjoy being the center of attention. That was why he actively avoided it. The last thing he needed now was to become a feature of the scandal sheets. But if he stopped going to society events, then he would find it harder to cross paths with Lady Katherine again. Especially if he was not going to reach out to her to see if he could see her one on one.

Much as that was exactly what he would have preferred, that was not going to happen; he did not have the bravery to communicate with her just in case she also saw him fit for a harsh rejection, and he knew it. Even if it would be wonderful...

A dull flush overcame his cheeks as his brain immediately transported him back to that passionate kiss he had shared with the beautiful lady. He could not explain what had overcome him that night, why he had acted that way with a woman whose reputation he really wanted to preserve. But she looked so stunning, so tempting, and she had wanted him too.

It was the intensity of the desire in her eyes that really caught him off guard. The way she matched his feelings exactly. That made the kiss that much more powerful when their lips finally connected, It was not only burning desire that sizzled between them as well, but there were also some real feelings in there. Feelings that utterly terrified him.

He did not feel anything for the other women who had been in his bed. He had never spent hours, even days, agonizing over them or the actions he took with them. He suspected Lady Katherine was different, but the kiss had absolutely confirmed that. Warmth surged through him, need ached within him, and in that moment, he was not sure that he could ever let her go. If they had not been disturbed, then he might never have pulled away, and he would have had no choice but to become her husband, which he might well have liked.

Could it be love? He was not sure, but one thing he could be certain of was that he absolutely had to see Lady Katherine again. Somehow, he would have to find a way to see her face-to-face, even if the two of them could not be alone for the time being, to maybe discuss these feelings to see what on earth they could do about them. Who knew, Lady Katherine might even wish for him to court her as much as he wished it.

His heart pounded. The idea was very overwhelming. He had blocked out any ideas of love and marriage for such a long time that it was a little too much to imagine himself back there. But it seemed like he was...

"Lord Moore, you have a visitor." William sat up straighter as his butler entered his study. "The Marquess of Cheshire."

"The Marquess of Cheshire?" William repeated with confusion in his tone. His brain was still a little foggy from the daydreaming, so he could not immediately place where he knew this name from. "Did the marquess give any reason why?"

The butler did not know what to say, which suggested to William that no reason had been given. He nodded just once, knowing that he was going to receive this guest now, whoever it was, and rose to his feet to greet the gentleman politely. When he spotted who this man was, William was disheartened. Perhaps he should have refused this man after all. Jonathan. The last person William wanted to speak with. As far as he could see, they did not have a single thing to say to one another.

Yet polite society insisted that he greet his guest as if he were an old friend. "Good morning, Marquess."

"Yes, good morning, Lord Moore." William did not miss the look of arrogant disdain on the man's face as he took a seat opposite him. "But as I am sure you can imagine, I have not come here to share small talk with you."

"I see." William wished that he could have some kind of snappy reply, but he was caught off guard. He did not enjoy small talk, so this was not an issue for him, but Jonathan's tone was far too icy for his liking. This was not a business meeting either.

"I have come to talk to you about what happened three nights ago." Jonathan paused for dramatic effect. "Between you and my sister. I have given you the chance to come to me first, like the gentleman you are supposed to be, but you have not."

William knotted his eyebrows together in confusion. He did not see any reason why Jonathan would be the person he spoke to about anything. Even if he did wish to go to the Langley family, her father would take priority.

"I see." Jonathan clasped his hands together gleefully. "So, you do not have anything to say for yourself."

"I am not too sure what it is you are referring to." William decided that denial was the best course of action for now. If this was some sort of game, then he did not intend to fall right into Jonathan's hands.

"I do not care about your roguish lifestyle," Jonathan declared, with an undertone of a man who thought it absolutely disgusting. "If that is how you wish to cavort and carry on, that is entirely up to you. Until it involves my sister that is. Now, because I caught the two of you together, it has become my business. Do you understand?"

William was stunned. He thought that they had parted a long time before Jonathan caught sight of them. The fact that Lady Katherine's brother did not make a scene at the ball confirmed that, but it seemed that William was wrong. Jonathan was sneakier than he ever could have imagined, which was actually incredibly troubling. There was no telling where this might lead.

Jonathan sneered. He seemed to be very much enjoying the fact that William did not have much to say back. "My poor sister would be ruined if anyone else knew about your scandalous embrace. Her reputation would be in tatters. Made so much worse by the fact that it is you and not some up standing gentleman. Yes, I know you have your title, Earl of Embleton, but that does not mean much when it is attached to a man who acts in the terrible way that you do."

"I...I do not know what you expect me to say," William finally admitted. He did not intend to lie to the marquess, especially since Jonathan had obviously seen them with his own eyes, nor was he going to apologize. If he were ever to say sorry for what had happened, he would do so to Lady Katherine and no one else. "I am not sure why you are here."

Jonathan banged his fists down on William's desk, clearly terribly annoyed. "You are telling me that you have nothing to say for yourself? I do not know why I am even surprised by this. I should have expected nothing less." He rose to his feet and tried to loom above William in a threatening manner. "I suggest you stay away from Kate from now on. If you care about her as much as you seem to think you do, then keep out of her life for her benefit. And if this is all just a game to you, like I suspect it is, then do the right thing and leave her alone. She has been through enough. She does not need this as well."

"I would never want to cause her any trouble..."

"Yet that is exactly what you have done, and exactly what I am begging you to stop doing."

"Yes, I understand, but if she wishes to talk with me..." William started, not that Jonathan intended to allow that to happen.

"She will not wish to talk with you. Never ever. I shall make sure of that. She should not have talked to you already, I am terribly upset that has happened. And sure, I understand it is because you were there to help her on the night of the accident but that should have been the end of it. You should not try to drag her down with you."

"I would not want that," William replied gravely. He knew that his words were pointless; there was no way Jonathan would believe him, but he still felt compelled to defend himself. "My reputation is not something that I should ever wish to inflict on another person."

"If you do not want that, then you understand what you should do," Jonathan growled. "My sister is far too good for you. She deserves better. That is something you cannot disagree with."

"I cannot," William admitted. Even he knew that much. Just because he had feelings for her did not mean he was oblivious to how wonderful she was and how she deserved a prince, not a rogue. She deserved a man who could give her the world and make her feel special every single day. Someone who could offer her all the love in the world.

"Right, well, that is something we agree on, at least. I shall leave our conversation there before it gets any more heated. Much as I do not want Kate to end up on the scandal sheets with you, I do not wish it for myself either."

All William could do was watch in shocked silence as Jonathan turned on his heel and exited the room without even saying goodbye. Mind you, this was not the sort of conversation that could end in a polite farewell. It was threatening, not even pleading, demanding that he keep away from Lady Katherine Langley forevermore. Even if it was not a game.

William's feelings for Lady Katherine were certainly not a game to him. He could never behave that way when it came to her; she was much too precious to him for that. But was Jonathan still correct? Would his terrible reputation be so terrible that it would ruin Lady Katherine, too? Deep down, William already knew the answer to that. He had been torn up about it ever since he first met her, but this was the first time that someone else had made him address his flaws, and it hurt.

William's lungs felt empty. He could not seem to get enough air into them however hard he tried. It took him a moment to work out why there was a strange sense of deja vu sitting in the pit of his stomach. Why was this all so familiar?

Lady Gillian, of course. How had he not connected the two immediately? Lady Gillian's father had been equally as cruel to William when he asked for his daughter's hand in marriage, only he did it with nasty laughter as if the whole idea was the most ridiculous thing that he had ever heard in his whole life. The sense of emptiness left behind was the same. The feeling that he was hardly a man at all, certainly not worth a damn thing. Would William always be left to feel like this?

"I am a fool," William whispered bitterly to himself. He now felt so silly for all the days he had wasted daydreaming about a future with Lady Katherine that he should have known was never going to happen. How could it? There was no way when everything was already stacked against them. "I have hurt the person I care about most in the world."

It would have been less painful if Jonathan had punched him in the face. Knowing that he was never going to have a chance with Lady Katherine, whether he loved her or not. It did not matter. It meant nothing.

William groaned and allowed his head to rest on the desk as desperation clawed at him. That was certainly not a welcome visit from Jonathan, it was even worse than he expected it to be. Jonathan had been unbearably smug, horribly so, but even worse than that was the fact that he was right. William really did need to keep away from Lady Katherine to keep her safe from him. It did not even give him pleasure that he no longer had to worry about attending society functions anymore. He could go back to his roguish life style, spending most of his free time at Redfield's. That had always been fun before, no reason for that to change now. Even if he did feel full of sorrow at the mere idea.

It seemed that becoming a recluse had always been William's destiny. He was never supposed to become someone's husband or a father to any children; love was never supposed to come for him. It was a real shame for him to miss out on such a big part of life, but if no woman wanted him, then what else could he do? He had always been a letdown, and that was a trait that was about to continue. There was nothing he could do to alter it now...