Chapter 22

Chapter 22

It might have been three long days since the night of the ball, but the exciting events that happened there were still incredibly fresh in Kate's mind. If she pressed her fingers to her lips, it was almost like he was still there, kissing her with such an intense passion that it literally blew her away. That tingle all over her face thrilled her to the core. Just as it did that night.

How she had managed to keep herself calm and collected when her brother came for her was still something of a miracle. She did not know how she had done it, but she was so grateful that she had. If Jonathan had latched onto anything, then he would have caused a scene about it and would still be giving her trouble even now. She did not need that.

Now that was the sort of kiss that could lead to some real feelings. Dare she even think of love? She could not stop thinking about it, and not even in a fairy tale overly romantic and childish way like she had done her last romantic venture, which suggested to Kate that there was definitely more going on than there should be.

From time to time, she would dart back and forth between the illicit excitement sending a deep rush down her spine, and feeling guilty because she knew for sure what she had done was wrong. She should not have kissed any man, particularly not one that her brother did not like, but it was too late to take it back, and honestly she probably would not do a thing to change it. Except maybe kiss him for longer and hope that her brother would not interrupt. She craved these butterflies in her stomach, they were absolutely thrilling.

Kate breathed deeply and tried to refocus on the embroidery pattern in her lap, but it was extremely challenging to concentrate on the mundane task when she had such an illicit secret burning through her body, making her feel alive. How could she stitch when thoughts of a potential future kept trying to claim her?

But what did it mean? That was also something troubling her. What was the kiss going to become? There was no denying that she and William shared something intense and powerful. That much had been obvious ever since they first came across one another, but where could it lead? Kate did not know if William was looking for a wife. She had been burned before by someone who was supposed to love her, and Kate knew that she was not above being hurt again...

"Lady Langley..." Kate was shaken from her thoughts of William by the butler calling for her attention. She turned to look at him as he bent down into a low bow. "You have a visitor. The Marquess of Fairbridge has arrived."

Kate blinked a few times. What did the butler just say? This was almost as if she had stepped back in time. There was a period in her life when Douglas would visit her often, but that was before the accident. She must have heard wrong.

"Pardon?" she asked politely. "I do apologize. I must have misheard..."

But no sooner had she gotten those words out did she discover the truth. Without waiting for her to be fully prepared for him, which was actually very typical behavior for the marquess, Douglas stepped into the drawing room and bowed politely. The slight confusion that had been fogging up Kate's brain before transformed into full-blown icy terror.

What was he doing here? What did he want? Why would he suddenly turn up out of the blue like this?

The butler made a small noise before he left the room, reminding Kate that however stunned she was, she still needed to act in the correct manner. She elegantly curtsied at Douglas and offered him a seat, trying her hardest to speak in her normal tone. The last thing she wanted was for the marquess to see her heart pounding nervously in her throat.

Or the disgust circling her veins. She simply could not stand to even look at this man. He horrified her to the core.

"How wonderful it is to see you," Douglas declared while clasping his hands together. It did not seem that she had the same effect on him. The marquess looked happy to be around her. "It has been far too long."

Kate tried to smile because it felt like the right thing to do, but it was almost impossible to curl her lips upwards. It was a relief when she felt the hairs stand up on the back of her neck because another person had joined them in the room. She shifted her gaze over to the housekeeper, Mrs. Norris, who shot Kate a pointed glance. Clearly, she had forgotten something...

"Oh, would you like any refreshments?" She could have kicked herself. No matter what had happened in the past, there was no excuse for being rude. She did not wish to damage her reputation more. Especially not now.

"That would be lovely. Thank you very much. Some tea would be just wonderful. You are too kind,"

Mrs. Norris curtsied and left the room, again leaving Kate alone with Douglas. When they had been courting, Kate would have done anything to get a moment by herself with this gentleman; any spare moment to talk to him was like a gift. But that time had long passed now. Being this close to him brought Kate nothing but discomfort. It was almost painful.

Time had changed things, had altered her perception, and there was no turning back now.

Since she could not stand to look at him for even another second, Kate allowed her eyes to drift back toward the window. The sun beamed so brightly that she wished she could escape to be in the warmth. It would be better than here.

"The weather is quite beautiful," she commented idly, needing to break the silence. "I do love this time of year."

After a beat of silence, Douglas let out a low chuckle. "I have not come here to talk about the weather with you."

That meant there was a purpose behind his visit. Something he wanted from her. The Marquess of Fairbridge would not come to her door if it did not benefit him. But what could Kate possibly have to offer him now?

As she turned back to look at him, she could not disguise her surprise. He had moved stealthily across the room to take the chair beside her. He laughed once more as Kate jumped and took her hand before she could react.

"I owe you an apology," he began in a contrite voice. "For calling off our engagement like I did. I was a fool. I allowed my fears to get the better of me and I acted on impulse. It was a mistake and I want to make it right. I should have acted much slower."

A thick lump formed in the base of Kate's throat. She had spent such a long time locked away in her bedchambers, wishing that something like this could happen. Praying for a miracle that would bring Douglas back to her. Even knowing that it was unlikely to ever occur, she allowed herself to dream regardless, but never did she ever think that she would find herself faced with this situation. Now that the Marquess of Fairbridge was actually sitting in front of her, offering her the dream fairy tale life that she had once enjoyed every moment of, she did not know what to say to him. She was stunned.

"I want you to be my wife, Lady Katherine Langley," Douglas persisted despite her obvious hesitation. "I should not have pulled away from you, because what we shared was the best possible thing in my life. I want it back. I want you back."

Kate could see that Douglas expected an immediate answer immediately, which was absolutely impossible for her. He wanted her to leap back into his arms and begin wedding planning again as if absolutely nothing had happened. She was ashamed to admit that not so long ago that was exactly what she would have done. But this was not then.

"Then why did you break things off with me?" she asked instead. It was meant to be a mere distraction, but actually, she did want to hear his explanation for this.

"I told you...fear."

"And what were you afraid of?" There was a snap to her tone, the anger from the last few months rising up within her.

"I was afraid of..." Douglas trailed off feebly. The color drained from his cheeks, showing Kate that he did not come here expecting any kind of showdown; he thought she was still the pathetic, lovelorn girl he left behind.

That irritated Kate to no end. She was nothing like that girl. She had changed and grown. It was time for him to see it.

"You were afraid because the accident crippled me. You did not wish to have a crippled wife. You can say it. I shall not be offended."

A redness crept up Douglas's cheeks. Perhaps she should not have been using this time to put him off her, but he could not think her a silly little girl who would allow her to be treated in whatever way he thought all right without any consequences.

"It was not exactly that..."

"So, please, explain to me what it is so I can be sure not to make the same mistake again."

She stared at him so directly that Douglas could not escape the question, however much he clearly wished he could.

"Lady Katherine, I merely grew scared of...of..."

"Of what your life might look like married to a cripple. Please, just say it." Kate half smirked but tried not to let it show. She guessed that revenge was on her mind probably more than it should have been. "But I would like to know what has changed now."

"Well...you are fine now." He glanced at her leg. "So there is no reason for me to worry. I saw you shopping. I have heard you attended a ball."

"That does not mean I am not completely free of pain," Kate insisted. "I have recovered somewhat, but not completely."

"I will help you heal." Douglas jumped on the opportunity to turn himself into the proper suitor once more. Not that Kate was willing to fall for it. "I shall do whatever it takes to make it up to you. All I want is for you to be my wife. To put right the mistake I made."

Kate continued to glare at him, thickening the tension in the air. One of them would have to speak in a moment so they did not have to suffer this agony forever...

"Here are your drinks." Mrs. Norris bustled back into the room with the refreshments for the pair, having absolutely no idea what she was interrupting. While the marquess did not look impressed with the intrusion, Kate was over the moon. She smiled gratefully at Mrs. Norris as she handed out the drinks, silently pleading with her not to go anywhere. But of course, she was not going to stay for too long. Mrs. Norris probably thought that Kate was enjoying being with Douglas. "Call me if you need anything else."

It was not long before Mrs. Norris had stepped to the back of the room once more. This time, she was not leaving the room, but the distance was almost too much for Kate. It still left her in a position where this man wanted an answer from her.

"Do you have anything to say, Lady Langley?" Douglas asked after a few moments of silent tea drinking. "An answer to my question, perhaps? Or would you perhaps prefer to talk about the weather some more? Because it is a rather lovely day out there. The sunshine is just..."

Kate felt like Douglas was making fun of her, which she did not appreciate at all. She glared at him, but he did not seem to even notice the pain in her eyes. William would have noticed immediately, she just knew it. Not that she could imagine William saying anything quite so cruel to her. He had shown her nothing but kindness.

She said nothing, but refused to look at Douglas again. He probably thought that she was considering his offer and trying to make the right choice, but in reality, Kate was lost in thoughts of William and that kiss. How could she give up that amazing connection between them? The way that they seemed to understand one another easily without everything having to be spoken aloud? There might not have been a guaranteed marriage proposal there, but Kate knew that she would not feel comfortable and settled with Douglas either. He had already proven to her that a courtship did not mean much to him and that he could change his mind on a whim. Perhaps even with a wedding band on her finger and children surrounding them, she would still worry.

Yet it would make her family happy to know that the carriage accident had not derailed her life completely. She could imagine the relieved look on her parents' faces once they learned she was due to wed Douglas once more.

But was that reason enough to stay with him even if she was not convinced by him? She was not too sure.

No, she was sure, and to her, it seemed like an utterly terrible idea. She could not picture anything worse than being stuck with this cruel beast; her feelings had not changed one bit, but she felt compelled to at least let her parents know what was happening before she outright rejected Douglas.

After all, this could be the last marriage proposal she would ever receive. Her father definitely did not want her to become a spinster.

"I think you might need some time to think about my proposal." Kate had almost forgotten that he was nearby until Douglas spoke up once more. "I shall leave you with your thoughts and look forward to hearing from you soon."

She thought he might be a little bit bitter because she had not merely leapt on the opportunity to be with him again. But he could not expect her to react with pleasure at this. Not when she thought about all the endless pain she had suffered. It was not right. Even if this was something she wanted, Kate would have to think it through carefully. If he was truly sorry, then that was something he would understand.

"I will bid you farewell, Lady Langley." Douglas made a great effort to politely bow to her. "It has been a pleasure as always."

She curtsied to him, and said her farewell, glad for him to leave. This was not what she had been expecting to face today, and to be perfectly honest, she was blown away by it. Not so long ago, she had not had any offers of any future, and now she had two. One that she was not sure she wanted and one she was not sure was real. Should William even come into the equation when he had not said anything to make her feel like he really wanted to be with her?

But, of course, he was going to come into consideration, whether he should or not. That connection she had with him was going to plague Kate forever if she ended up with some other man. This was all so terribly confusing.

She watched out the window as Douglas's carriage vanished out of sight, knowing that she should probably inform her parents immediately of what had just come to pass, but she did not wish to do that right now. Kate needed to wrap her head around things first. This was a huge surprise that she absolutely had to process.

William had kissed her. Yet she had not heard from him since. She did not even lay eyes on him again at the ball because her leg truly did grow too painful and her mother made her leave not long afterward. She had no idea how he felt about that kiss even if it was breathtaking to her. If he was a rogue, it might not have been important to him.

But it was important, she just knew it. She could see it in his eyes. Plus, the gentleman had just hit his thirtieth birthday. Perhaps he was at an age now where he needed a wife.

If that was the case, she could not help hoping he wanted it to be her.

Yet Douglas wanting to marry her again made her feel a little sick to her stomach. She wished he had not done that. Kate was adjusted now to the idea of losing him. She had even been grateful for it, which only made this all the more unfair. He should have come to her sooner...no, he should have been at her side the entire time. He never should have let her go.

If he wanted to help her heal, he could have done that months ago when her life was really tough. How different the months after the accident would have been if he had remained looking after her. But thinking of how he got rid of her during the most painful time of her life angered her. It made her blood boil and her brain buzz with temper.

It simply was wrong. All of it.

"You do not have the right," she murmured through gritted teeth, as if Douglas could still hear her. "You absolutely do not have the right to come back to me now. I hate you."

No, today definitely was not the day to tell her parents about this. She was going to have to cool down first so they did not see how riled up and upset she was. They did not need that.