Chapter 8

Titus

"Hey," Otto answered distractedly. "Sorry I didn't call sooner. Shit's been kind of crazy."

"Everything alright?" I murmured, walking to the furthest edge of the kitchen. "We were gettin' a little worried."

"It's good. Fine." There was rustling while he covered up the phone for a moment. "Esther's in labor."

"Say what?"

"Yeah, that's what I fuckin' said." He huffed out a laugh. "I thought we had a couple more weeks, but we got here and they checked her out and told her it's happening now."

"Oh, shit."

"I was gonna head back in a few minutes because we didn't even bring her fuckin' hospital bag. They said it would be better if she stayed at the birth center since shit has already progressed so far."

"Uh," I glanced toward the living room. "Congratulations. It's not too early, right?"

"Nah, it's all good. He might be a little on the small side, but he's pretty well cooked." The excitement in my older brother's voice was palpable, even through the phone.

"That's good news."

"You cool with hangin' at the house?" he asked. "Sorry, I know you've probably got shit goin' on, but with Esther's brother hangin' around I'd feel better if—"

"No worries," I replied, cutting him off. "You just take care of stuff there. I got it handled here."

"You sure? I could probably get Dad or Mick to come over."

"I'm sure," I assured him. "What do you want me to tell Noel and the kids?"

The phone rustled as he covered the phone again. "Let Noel know, would you? She's probably gettin' worried. Don't say anythin' to the kids. Tell Flora Mom and Dad'll be home in the mornin'. We wanna surprise her."

"Will do," I replied. "Fuckin' awesome."

"Agreed," Otto said with a chuckle. "I'll see you guys at some point later when I come to grab that bag."

"Ask Mom to bring it," I argued.

"That's a good idea. I'm gonna call her."

"Give Esther my love," I said quietly as I walked toward the living room. "And keep us updated."

"Will do." He hung up without saying goodbye, and I couldn't contain my grin.

Esther was having the baby. I put my phone back in my pocket and shook my hands out before clearing my expression to walk back into the living room.

My phone dinged with a text.

Not telling my wife you love her. Fuckface.

Noel looked up at me when I reached the living room and immediately got to her feet as our eyes met. As nonchalantly as I could, I jerked my chin toward where I'd come from.

She followed me out of the room with some excuse to the kids, and the moment we were out of earshot, she stopped me with a hand on my arm.

"What's wrong?" she asked anxiously, her hands twisting together. For a split second I wondered if she knew she had a tell.

"Nothin' is wrong," I replied quickly. "Esther's havin' the baby."

"What?" she whisper screamed.

"Otto said that once they checked her they told her she needed to stay. I guess she was too far along in the—you know—process."

"She's dilated that far?" Noel muttered dubiously.

"I guess so," I replied, like I knew what the fuck she was talking about.

"She wasn't even having contractions this morning."

"Uh, you'd know better than I do about all that."

"Okay," she muttered, her eyes wide. "Okay, uh, she'll need her overnight bag. I'll go get it. And um, we should probably—"

"Slow down," I ordered softly, setting my hand on her back. "Otto said he's gonna send my mom to get her overnight bag. That's handled. He asked that we not tell the girls so they can surprise Flora themselves."

Noel's body went completely still. I don't think she knew that I'd noticed. She was trying hard not to react at all.

"She wants me to stay here with the girls," Noel said slowly, tipping her head back to look at me. The excitement had been completely wiped from her expression. "She doesn't want me to come."

"Uh, yeah." I held back a wince. Shit.

"Otto's staying with her?" she asked skeptically.

"Of course."

Noel let out a small laugh that I couldn't interpret. I just knew she hadn't found anything funny.

"Okay, well, good," she said with a tight smile. She looked around, but I had no clue what she was looking for. I didn't even think she knew what she was looking for. A place to escape, maybe. "Thanks for making sure everything is okay. I'm going to run upstairs and grab Esther's bag so your mom can grab it and then I'm going to finish up on dinner. The girls are getting hungry."

"Alright." I watched her carefully. God, she was trying so hard to seem unaffected, that it was torture not to touch her. "You sure you don't want me to grab Esther's bag?"

"No, no, that's okay," she assured me as she strode toward the stairs. "Can you just keep an ear out for the girls?"

"No problem."

When Noel was upstairs, I went back into the living room to find Flora bossing the other two around with mixed results. From what I could gather, she was trying to clean up the room, and Ariel was more than willing to help her, but Diana was either oblivious or knew exactly how to ignore her cousin to the best effect. Flora was fuming.

"I'll help you, Flower," I said, trying to defuse the situation. "Looks like Diana's not ready to stop playin' with her toys yet."

"Mommy's going to be home soon and I want to get the room clean," Flora practically growled.

"You know what?' I asked, picking her up before she could completely lose her shit. "I actually just talked to your dad. He said they're gonna be a little longer and he wants you to spend the night with me and Auntie Noel."

"Why?" Flora asked suspiciously.

By the frown on her face my soothing adult voice was clearly unbelievable, so I went in the opposite direction. "How the hell would I know? Your dad doesn't tell me shit."

Flora watched me for a moment. "That's true," she said with a sigh.

"It's all good, kid," I assured her. "I think they're comin' home tomorrow."

"You said a bad word," Ariel said, looking wide-eyed at me from across the room. "You said two bad words."

"Don't repeat 'em," I ordered.

"I won't," she assured me, shaking her head.

"I'm going to start the rice," Noel called out. "About half an hour until dinner, girls."

"You hear that?" I glanced down at Diana to find her stuffing some kind of slimy toy into her mouth.

I quickly put Flora back on her feet and dove for the two-year-old. "What is that?" I griped as I fished it out of her mouth.

"That's my slime slug," Flora said, looking over my shoulder. "Ew, Diana. Now it's all slobbery."

"That's nasty, princess," I told Diana as she scowled at me for taking her snack. "Don't put shit in your mouth."

"You said another bad word!" Ariel announced.

"You know what, honey?" I asked, turning toward her. "I say a lotta bad words. You're probably gonna get real sick of havin' to remind me when I do."

Ariel just looked at me.

"Maybe we could have a signal," I said, making her eyes brighten with interest. "You hear me say a bad word and you tap your cheek. That way we'll both know I said 'em."

"Like this?" she asked, tapping her index finger against her cheek.

"Just like that."

She stood there, waiting.

"Shit," I mumbled.

She tapped her cheek.

I winked back.

"Come on, Diana," I murmured, taking her with me as I got to my feet. "Let's put you in the high chair while Mama makes some dinner, yeah?"

"Want dinner," she agreed, wrapping her arms around my neck like a monkey.

Ariel and Flora immediately went back to cleaning up the toys, zeroing in on the little mess that Diana had surrounded herself with and hadn't allowed them to touch.

"Hey, baby," Noel greeted from across the room as I carried Diana into view. "You getting hungry?"

"I could eat," I replied, laughing when her gaze shot to mine.

"You're so funny," she replied dryly, taking the toddler from me.

Noel's eyes were red rimmed and her skin was blotchy around her cheeks, but I kept my mouth shut. If she'd wanted to talk to me about it, she wouldn't have gone upstairs to cry and then come back down dry eyed pretending that it hadn't happened.

I was setting the table when a knock at the front door had Noel spinning to look at me.

"Probably my mom," I reminded her.

My mom didn't do anything quietly and it would've been too much to ask her to pick the bag up from the porch when she had a grandkid inside that she hadn't seen in almost twenty-four hours.

"Hey, son," she greeted, grinning huge. "Just here for the bag."

"Uh-huh," I murmured, waving her inside.

"Gran!" Flora yelled, running hell-bent for leather toward us.

"My girl!" Mom called back. "Are you having fun with Uncle Titus?"

"He keeps sayin' bad words," Flora said, an evil smile on her little face. "And Ariel points it out every time."

"Oh, man," my mom said consolingly. She glanced at me. "He better clean up his act."

"My act is just fine," I replied dryly, punching in the alarm code to arm it again. "Flower's a snitch."

"Snitches get stitches," Flora sang.

"Do not let your mother hear you say that," my mom said with a snicker, carrying her toward the kitchen. "Something smells good!"

"Hey Heather," Noel greeted, dishing up the kids' plates. Ariel had already parked herself at the table. I glanced over to see her watching my mom.

"Hey, doll," my mom greeted, putting Flora down. "What the heck did you make?"

"Pork chops, gravy, broccoli and rice," Noel answered as my mom rounded the kitchen table. "You hungry? We have plenty."

"Sure!"

Mom wasn't even looking at Ariel as she nonchalantly walked up behind her and snatched her out of her seat, making the little girl squeal.

"You didn't even come to say hello?" Mom teased with mock offense, tickling her. "What, am I old news now?"

"You're not old news," Ariel yelled, squirming with laughter.

"Oh good," my mom said calmly, her tickling paused. "I expect you to come running if I show up. It keeps me young."

"Because that's not creepy at all," I said to Noel, making her giggle. Then louder, "You gonna build a house made outta candy next? Lure all the little children into your oven?"

"Shut it," my mom ordered, not bothering to look at me as she set Ariel back in her seat.

"So, uh," I looked at Ariel and then back to Noel.

"Out with it," she said, sliding her eyes toward me while she stirred the shit in the crockpot.

"I may have said some swear words in front of the girls."

"May have?"

"Did," I confessed. "Absolutely did."

"Okay."

"Seriously? That's it? Ariel gave me more shit than that."

Noel snickered. "Did she tell you when you'd said a bad word?"

"Every time," I whispered, throwing my hands up.

"We finally had to tell her not to point out every time Otto swore," Noel replied. "It was getting tedious."

"How did you get her to stop?"

"Um," she looked at me in confusion. "We told her to stop."

"Well, that's easier than working out a signal," I mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothin'."

We watched as my mom chatted with the girls, asking them about how their day had gone and listening to their impressions of me when Flora had decided I needed to get a little closer to their mean-as-fuck chicken.

"No, it was more like HYEE," Flora said, making a weird honking noise.

Ariel and Flora both made the noise, too, making my mom's entire body shake with laughter.

"Hey, you weren't even there," I scolded Diana jokingly.

"I there!" she scowled.

"She wasn't," I reminded Noel, who was watching the antics with an amused smile.

I didn't even mind that the little girls were making me sound like the biggest coward on the planet after catching a glimpse of that smile. The hollow look was finally gone from her eyes as the rice cooker dinged and she started plating the girls' food.

"You want me to bring these to the kids?" I asked, lifting the little plates so I could blow on them to cool them off.

"Yeah, the big girls." She nodded. "I need to cut Diana's smaller."

"Good call," I murmured. I was pretty sure I'd lost a few years off my life when I'd seen her choking at my parents' house.

"Isn't this cozy," my mom teased, moving around me as I brought the plates to the table.

"Don't start," I ordered.

"You two make a good team," my mom practically sang.

We sat down to dinner and thankfully my mom kept her crazy to a minimum. With each moment that passed, Noel grew more and more tense. She couldn't seem to stop herself from checking the clock on the stove over and over. She was so focused trying not to look, that she didn't even notice that I was watching her.

"Okay, Gran needs to head out," my mom announced once everyone was done and the kids had been cleaned up. "Come give me some hugs."

"You don't have to do that," Noel said as I started clearing the table.

"You cooked," I reminded her.

"It was the easiest dinner ever," she argued.

"Go hang with the kids or somethin'," I ordered, waving her off.

"I'll let you know if I hear anything new," my mom whispered to Noel, catching her before she'd left the kitchen.

"I haven't heard anything," Noel whispered back. "We haven't had a single call."

"I just talked to Otto an hour ago," I pointed out.

They both ignored me.

"I hate the waiting," my mom murmured, leaning in to give Noel a hug. "Not as much as actually giving birth, but it's a close second."

Noel laughed.

"Love you, son," my mom said, hugging me from behind as I rinsed dishes. "Now, can someone come let me out of the house so I don't set off all the bells and whistles?"

"I can," Noel said with a chuckle.

They left the room and I made quick work of rinsing the dishes and loading the dishwasher. I'd done it a million times before and I didn't even really have to think about it, which meant my mind had room to wander. Leave it to my mom to remind me of exactly what I'd been trying to ignore since I'd shown up that morning.

Me and Noel did make a good team. It had been a strange day, and I knew she was worried about her sister, but we worked together well. Being with her and the kids was easy. A lot easier than I would've guessed. I loved my nieces and nephews, but after a couple of hours I was usually pretty ready to send them home with their parents or go home to my quiet house. I hadn't felt like that all day. To be honest, the later it got, the more excited I was to get to see all the bedtime routine shit.

"Your mom got the bag," Noel announced, startling me as she came back in the kitchen. "And the girls are watching cartoons."

"That's good." I looked at her over my shoulder. She was grimacing, like she couldn't stand not pitching in.

"You wanna wipe down the table?" I asked with a laugh. "Haven't got to that yet."

"Yes," she said with a loud sigh.

"You need to learn to put your feet up," I told her as she went to work.

"I'll put my feet up when the girls are old enough to take care of themselves," she retorted.

"So in like twenty-five years?" I asked sarcastically. "Never mind, I take that back. Mick's older than that. It doesn't stop at twenty-five."

"It feels rude to just sit there while you clean," she replied, ignoring my sarcasm.

"I didn't help you cook," I pointed out.

"It was my recipe," she countered. "You didn't know what to do."

"I coulda asked."

"Well, then, why didn't you?" she asked in exasperation.

My mouth opened and closed like a guppy. "I don't know."

"I didn't need your help," she said dryly, letting me off the hook. "I like that your family has that system, that the people who cook don't clean."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Not sure I'll ever be able to do it," she mused. "But it's a nice thought."

"You don't have to do everythin' yourself anymore," I reminded her quietly. "Let other people pitch in."

"I know that."

"Do you?"

"I'm living with my sister and her husband," she whispered, her eyes wide. "Rent free, I might add. I'm letting other people pitch in too much."

"You know they don't expect rent, right?" I asked.

"Yes, I know that," she huffed.

"Dishes are done," I announced. "See how easy that was to let me clean up?"

She reached for a towel.

"Don't you fuckin' dare," I snapped, laughing. "I'll dry those pans."

"What am I supposed to do?" She threw her hands up in exasperation.

"Go hang with the girls," I ordered. "Watch some cartoons."

"Pass," she mumbled. "But I do need to check on Diana. They're being pretty quiet in there."

The rest of the night went by quickly. The kids watched cartoons for a while before losing interest. After that, we used some sweet-ass tiles with little magnets in them to build towers taller than Diana. The two-year-old's favorite part of the whole thing was slamming through them like Godzilla, knocking the towers to the ground. Ariel and Flora whined and complained every time she did it, making her crow with laughter, but they never tried to stop her. It was ridiculously wholesome.

Noel sat on the couch, yarn and a little hook in her hands doing some kind of magic that left her with a square the size of a coaster. She must've made at least ten while we were sitting there, even though she kept having to stop what she was doing when one of the kids needed her attention.

"I miss my mom," Flora said eventually, leaning against me. I was actually surprised that it had taken her long to say something. We'd done a pretty good job keeping her distracted, but it was getting kind of late and all the kids were beginning to droop.

"I bet," I murmured, pulling her onto my lap. "I never liked staying away from Gran either."

"You didn't?" Flora asked in surprise.

"Nope." I could feel Noel's eyes on me, but I focused on Flora. "Ask Gran next time you see her. Every time I went anywhere for a sleepover, I'd call her and papa to come pick me up in the middle of the night."

"What's a sleepover?" Ariel asked curiously.

I looked at Noel in surprise, but she was helping Diana with a couple of tiles.

"It's when you go over to your friend's house and stay the night."

"Oh," Ariel said thoughtfully. "I don't got any friends."

"Yes, you do," Flora argued loyally.

"Mama says I'll have friends when I go to school."

"I'm your friend," Flora announced stubbornly. "I'm your best friend. Even when you go to school."

"And I have sleepovers at your house," Ariel said, like realization was dawning. She spun and headed toward Noel. "I'm having a sleepover at my friend's house!" she announced proudly.

"You're a sweet kid, you know that?" I asked Flora, giving her a squeeze.

"Mommy said that Ariel didn't get to do the same stuff as me…before," Flora replied, looking up at me. "So, we should be extra kind and include her."

"That's good advice." My voice was rough and I cleared my throat.

"I like Ariel." She shrugged. "She's my best friend."

"She's lucky to have a best friend like you."

"Who's your best friend?"

"Uncle Bas and Uncle Cian," I replied. "And Auntie Myla."

"You can't have three best friends."

"Says who?"

"Me."

"Fine," I replied, poking her in the side. "Then I guess it's Auntie Myla."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"I think we can skip baths and teeth tonight," Noel announced, stretching as she got to her feet. "Who's with me?"

"Yes," Flora hissed happily.

"We can?" Ariel asked in amazement, looking at her mom like she was some kind of angel.

"It's a special night," she replied, smiling at Ariel. "A sleepover night."

The big girls cheered and Diana followed suit, even though I was pretty sure she had no idea why they were cheering.

"You want me to help you get them upstairs?" I asked awkwardly. If I'd been helping Otto out I would've just followed them and pitched in where I could, but I didn't want to invade Noel's space. The house only had three bedrooms so she and the girls were all sharing a room. I'd be helping put the kids to bed in her bed, which changed the situation a bit.

"I've got it," she said, watching as the girls raced toward the stairs. "I have a feeling it's going to be hard enough getting them to settle down already. Adding Uncle Titus to the mix might make it impossible."

"Alright," I murmured, a little disappointed. "Night, princess," I murmured to Diana.

"Night," she mumbled around her pacifier.

While Noel was upstairs laying the girls down I got to work cleaning up the mess we'd made. It was incredible the amount of toys that kids could pull out when they were playing. I was pretty sure that they hadn't even touched half of it beyond yanking it out of the toy basket. I wondered how much of it was Flora's and how much belonged to Noel's girls. I remembered the basket from when we'd picked Noel up, but from what I could tell all the toys had been combined in the past couple of weeks. There was no division in who played with what or where they were stored.

When Noel finally made her way back downstairs, I was busy building a mansion with the magnetic tiles.

"These things are cool as hell," I said defensively as she dropped onto the couch with a sigh.

"I didn't say anything," she replied.

"You were thinkin' it," I grumbled.

"I was thinking that Diana fell asleep really easily," she said wryly. "And that means she'll probably be awake three times before morning."

"That's rough."

"It's not so bad now that she's sleeping with me," Noel replied, picking up her yarn again. "I can just pop her binky back in and she falls back asleep."

"I thought only babies woke up at night."

"Ha!" she blurted. She hunched her shoulders and looked behind her, like she expected all three girls to come barreling back down the stairs. She shook her head and lowered her voice. "No, even Ariel wakes up still sometimes. She doesn't really wake me anymore, though, unless she's thirsty."

"Kids sound fuckin' exhaustin'," I mumbled.

"They are." She pulled the yarn up and rested it on her belly as she got comfortable on the couch.

"What are ya makin'?"

"A blanket for the baby."

"Your baby?"

"Esther's."

"Ah."

"I thought I'd have more time to finish it," she said ruefully as her hands started dipping and twisting.

"Who taught you to do that?"

"My mom." She smiled, watching her hands.

"That's cool."

"I know Esther has a lot of feelings," she said quietly. "About all of them. So do I. But I have good memories, too. Probably because I was the baby so I got more attention."

"You miss your mom?" I asked, leaning back against the chair behind me.

"I do," she replied. "Me and my sister have talked about my mom a lot since I came back. I think—" she paused. "I think Esther sees my mom as weak. And don't get me wrong, I see it. I understand. But, Esther got out. I know it wasn't by choice, and the circumstances were horrible, but she got out pretty early."

"It was a fuckin' nightmare."

"I remember," she replied. "But looking past that—Esther never had a husband. She never had children, not while she was still in the church. There's no way for her to ever understand my mom, or the choices she's made, because Esther hasn't ever had to live that life."

"But you have," I said, understanding making my stomach clench.

"Let's just say," she paused, her eyes staring into nothing. "I think I have a lot more compassion for my mom than Esther ever will. And that's okay. It's just how it is."

"You wanna tell me about it?" I asked cautiously.

"There's not much to tell," she replied, smiling tightly. "I got married with special permission from a judge—"

"No fuckin' way."

"Yes, way," she replied. "I'm not sure how they pulled it off, but they did. I was sixteen and scared as all heck. I had nowhere to go, because I knew that if I tried to leave Ephraim would just drag me back—which he could've—because I wasn't legally an adult. Ironic, right? Less than a year after we got married, I had Ariel, two years after that, I had Diana, and two years after that my husband died and I called Esther to come get me."

"That was concisely done," I replied cautiously. "But I think you're leavin' out quite a bit."

"What would you like to know?"

What would I like to know? Everything. I wanted to know what her days had been like. What her husband had been like. If she'd thought of me. If she'd been depressed or scared or happy when she got pregnant. What it had been like having a baby when she was just a baby herself. If she'd known that it didn't matter that she'd had Ariel, I still would've come to get her the moment she'd turned eighteen. Sooner, if she just would've fucking called.

I didn't say any of that.

"Tell me about your husband."

"What about him?" Her words were calm, but her hands moved faster on the yarn.

"What did he look like?"

"He had light brown hair," she said. "Blue eyes. Diana's nose, but more masculine. Big like Otto… but not, you know, muscular. Just big."

"Was he good to you?" Even saying the words made my mouth taste fucking foul.

"He was… not bad. Comparatively."

"Compared to what?"

"Compared to the other husbands in the church. Compared to his brother. Compared to my brother."

"That's not exactly a ringin' endorsement," I replied quietly.

"He didn't beat me," she said, looking up to meet my eyes. "And when I found him dead, I didn't—my first thought was I need to call Esther to come get me. Does that answer your question?"

It didn't… but it did. She hadn't hated him, but she hadn't loved him either.

"He was old," I murmured.

"I think I'm done talking about it," she replied tightly.

"Alright."

The house was quiet as she worked on the baby blanket and I digested everything she'd said. Asking Noel about her life before, about her husband, was like poking at a wound. I couldn't stop wondering and wanted to hear more, even though it hurt. I needed to know everything, but I was pretty sure I never would. Because even if Noel and I developed a relationship like we'd had before, there were some parts of her life that I was pretty sure she'd never discuss with anyone.

I watched her as she worked, little wisps of hair falling out of her bun. She rested her wrists on her belly as her hands flew over the yarn and her lips were pressed tightly together, like I'd opened a can of worms that she wasn't sure how to close again. I'd known a lot of women as they grew from teenagers to full grown adults—I had about a million girl cousins—and most of them changed quite a bit, but Noel hadn't. Maybe my memory was playing tricks on me, but besides the fullness of her cheeks that I assumed was from her pregnancy, she looked the same to me. I'd imagined her in my mind a thousand times over the years, and always, she'd looked just like she did sitting on the couch with her legs curled up and her little round belly making itself known.

I ignored the ache in my chest, remembering all the times I'd imagined her having my baby. Marrying me. Making a life by my side.

It didn't matter how many times I'd told myself that was over or how many times I'd told my family that she was in the past—none of it had been true. The day before, I would've clung to it, trying to convince myself that I didn't even know her anymore. That we were completely different people now.

After spending the day with her, I realized those things were true but they mattered a lot less than I'd thought. I wanted Noel just as much now as I'd wanted her then. I still loved her.

I loved the way she fidgeted when she was upset, I loved the way she treated her girls and the way they clearly thought the sun rose and set for her alone. I loved the way she walked, her hips swaying from side to side with just the hint of a waddle as she leaned back to compensate for her belly. I loved the way she quietly and unobtrusively put me in my place when I was overstepping. The way she laughed. The way she treated my mom. I loved the way she'd fit in seamlessly with my family. Her loyalty to Esther and by extension, my brother.

She was beautiful and sexy and I didn't even think she realized it. She could still order me around with just a crook of her finger and she didn't realize that either. It felt a little weird, thinking about a pregnant woman in those terms, knowing that if she'd let me, I'd bend her over the couch and take my time with her, but when I looked at her I didn't see a pregnant woman. I saw Noel. Gorgeous Noel who'd given me her first everything and made my heart race and still made my dick hard like no one else I'd ever met. Suddenly, as if my thoughts had broken the floodgates, I was desperate to see her naked.

I shifted uncomfortably.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" she asked quietly.

I was pretty sure my face was on fire. "Nothin' much," I muttered.

"Do you think Esther has had the baby yet?"

I was an idiot. While I was sitting there, coming to some huge revelation about how much I loved her and wanted to fuck her, she'd been worrying about her sister. I hadn't even thought about Esther in the last few hours.

"I think they'll call when he's here," I replied. "Want me to text Otto?"

"No, that's okay. Don't bother him."

"I'll text him. Now, I'm curious about how shit's going."

"Don't you think it's weird," she said tentatively, glancing at me before looking back at her hands. "That he's there?"

"What do you mean?" I asked carefully, fearing I already knew the answer. My heart broke for her as she shifted a little on the couch, trying and failing to act like how I answered her didn't matter one way or the other.

"Isn't it weird that he's there with her while she's having the baby?" She shrugged casually. "It just seems strange to me."

"No," I murmured, my throat tight. Her husband had been a real piece of shit. I wished that he was still alive so I could kill him. "I think it's good that he's there."

"Really?" she asked dubiously.

"Yeah. Really. If my wife was havin' a baby, there's nothin' that could stop me from bein' there."

"It gets pretty gross," she said frankly, meeting my eyes in disbelief. "You'd change your mind."

"I wouldn't."

"Okay," she said disbelievingly, looking back at the little square she was working on.

"Noel," I called, waiting for her to look at me before continuing. "Any man that doesn't want to be with his woman when she's havin' their baby is a waste of fuckin' space. Alright? If my woman was havin' a baby, I'd be there every second—even the gross parts."

She nodded, but I didn't think she believed me.

It was then that it finally hit home that Noel and I might never have the relationship that I wanted. Her view of marriage had become so skewed from that dickhead she'd been saddled with and the way she was raised that she probably wouldn't be ready for something new for years, if ever.

And I couldn't even blame her for it.