23. Derek

As spring turnedto summer and the weeks melted together, Derek convinced himself he wasn't being selfish.Briar was happy with him. Even if he'd wanted flashy outings, they weren't easy to come by in a place like Sweetwater.Derek took care of him in other ways.He paid attention to Briar's moods, complimented his clothes and hair, cooked for him, played with him.He took Briar and Sabbath for long walks down the old logging road that ran behind his cabin, and he didn't even complain when Briar accidentally-on-purpose started leaving Sabbath at his place. For some reason, it didn't seem as critical for him to force himself not to care anymore.

Derek had never known happiness like this before—the kind that didn't disappear when he opened his eyes the next morning.He fed on Briar's smiles. They were so pure, as if he'd never been through all the loneliness and hardship that Derek knew he had.Briar's character was so strong that he was able to experience so much pain and still come out the other side believing in people.He greeted every small gesture Derek made with simple childish delight.It didn't matter if it was as humble as a spray of wildflowers scooped from the vacant lot across from the junkyard, or as elaborate as a refurbished Jeep Cherokee with a giant red bow stuck to the hood.

"I can't take something like this!" Briar had tried to protest.

Derek had shoved him up against the fender and kissed away his objections, but every time he let up, Briar took a breath to start complaining again.So, Derek kissed him again—and again.He kissed him until Briar's lips were swollen and his eyes were glassy.Until he'd lost the ability to speak.And then he tucked Briar's head beneath his chin and whispered, "I love seeing you smile, Briar, but I'm not just giving you things to make you happy.I'm giving you pieces of my life.Ways to fit into my world. Because that's where you belong."

"Derek…" Briar's heart was in his eyes.He searched Derek's face, looking for something, waiting for something, but Derek couldn't give it to him.

He loved Briar in every way he could without actually saying the words.As the lazy summer evenings rolled in, he dared to hope that things might go on that way forever.

But reality was always lurking at the edges of the perfect illusion he'd created, and he couldn't keep it away forever.

They were curled up together in Derek's bed one morning when the crunch of tires on gravel intruded into the silence.

Derek's eyes snapped open. Briar, attuned to his rapid shift, was already pulling out of his arms and sitting up.Derek regretted the loss of his warmth, but he was too focused on the approaching vehicle to acknowledge it.He recognized the ninety-hertz dominant frequency of a six-cylinder engine, and the familiar aggressive snarl from the exhaust tuning James had asked him to do on his F-150.

"James," Derek grunted, answering the apprehension in Briar's face.He swung out of bed and reached for a pair of sweatpants on the floor.

"Oh, shit!" Briar leaped out of bed like a coiled spring, even faster than Derek, and fumbled with his clothes.

Derek kept calm, elbowing his way into a t-shirt in a few efficient moves, but his stomach cramped with anxiety.James wasn't stupid; he knew Derek would never invite someone to his home this early in the morning.Especially not someone like Briar.

"What's he doing here so early?" Briar hissed.His voice was just an edge away from full panic.He managed to slip his shirt on backwards in his haste, wrestling with the fabric to set it right.

Derek shot a quick glance out the window, noting the way James' truck was backing with purpose toward the garage, and said, "He's picking something up."

"What?"

Derek shrugged. "Dunno. Equipment, I guess."

Briar paused, shirt half-twisted, hair a wild thatch on top of his head, and asked, "Can you handle it?Without him coming in here, I mean?"

The fear in Briar's eyes cooled Derek's own panic.Briar wasn't worried about himself; he was afraid Derek was about to be forced to face something he wasn't ready for.

"I'll take care of it," Derek assured him, projecting a confidence he didn't feel.He moved to the door, then paused to look back at Briar, his expression softening."Just give me a minute to talk to him outside.Stay here."

Briar nodded, smoothing down his hair with a shaky laugh."Just let me know if you need me to jump out the window."

Derek cracked a half-smile. He crossed the room, pressing a quick, firm kiss to Briar's forehead, and whispered, "Hang tight."

Then he stepped out of the room and closed the door quietly behind him.He took a deep breath before he opened the front door, schooling his features into an expression that he hoped looked natural.His brother annoyed him on a good day, so there wasn't anything unusual about scowling down at him.

James was already out of the truck, clipboard in hand and ballcap pulled low to shield his eyes from the morning sun.A man on a mission. He glanced up at Derek and grinned broadly.

"Morning!" he shouted. "Did I wake you?"

"What are you doing here?" Derek demanded, stepping out onto the porch.The wooden slats were rough and cool against his bare feet.

"What's it look like?" James tapped a pen against his clipboard.

"Looks like a doofus interrupting the first full day off I've had all month."

"Ouch." James' grin slipped and he lowered his voice, "Sorry, bro.I got roped into setting up the sound system for the Fish Fry this weekend.I needed to borrow some equipment.You got a snake cable laying around?"

Derek nodded toward the garage."You know where to find it."

"…and a quarter inch cable, platform ladder, portable generator, and a box truss if you"ve got one.Oh, and that impact driver West gave you for Christmas.Mine crapped out on me."

Derek growled.

His brother grinned cheerfully, ignoring his displeasure, and said, "Hey, don't blame me.This isn't how I planned on spending my weekend either.Mom's the one who told the church ladies I'd do it.Besides, I'm not even the first one here." He jerked a thumb toward the Jeep Derek had given Briar."Who's that?"

Derek didn't flinch. He folded his arms across his chest and said stoically, "None of your business."

James laughed. "I just want to know where you buried the body.Who's stupid enough to come out here uninvited?Besides me?"

"Who says they're uninvited?" Derek knew he was being perverse, but he resented the way his brother assumed he knew everything about him.

"I mean…your phone's been turned off all night." James raised his eyebrows."That's why I couldn't call first.You've been ignoring everyone lately, bro.What's up with that? Mom's about to lose her shit."

James regarded him with growing curiosity.He took a step toward the cabin.Derek was prepared to block the doorway or toss his brother out on his ass, if necessary, but it didn't come to that.The door opened behind him, and Sabbath sprinted into the yard with a joyful yelp.

"Come back here, you little brat!" Briar called.He stepped smoothly out onto the porch, looking bright and awake and perfectly coifed.Even Derek wouldn't have guessed he'd been naked underneath him only ten minutes earlier.Briar froze, looking surprised, and said, "Oh, hey.James, right? Can you grab her?I'm just delivering Sabbath back home."

James dropped his clipboard and caught Sabbath by her collar, looking surprised."I thought Derek gave her up?" he asked.

"Oh, he tried. But I've got my ways." Briar's eyes were twinkling as they met Derek's.He winked. "No one would take the little escape artist.So, he's stuck with her."

The lie was smooth, a patch to cover the hole in Derek's world that he wasn't ready to face.

Sabbath barked and scrabbled at James' legs, an unwitting accomplice with big, trusting eyes.James crouched down to ruffle her ears, looking delighted.

"Good," James said with satisfaction."The stubborn jerk needs her."

"What I really need is a full day without someone asking me for a favor," Derek retorted, raising one eyebrow.His heart felt like a drum in his tight chest.

Briar shifted subtly closer, shoulders touching in silent support.

Everything about this moment felt wrong.The cabin that had been their sanctuary now felt like a stage, and James didn't look like he was buying their amateur performance.His gaze shifted between them, brows drawn together in confusion.

"Briar was just leaving," Derek said abruptly.He couldn't look at Briar as he said it."Grab what you need and head out with him."

"Okay," James agreed, giving Sabbath one final pat before rising back to his full height."But I promised everyone I'd bring you along to the Fish Fry."

"Why the hell did you do that?" Derek asked, exasperated.

"The kids have been asking to see you."

"Why?" Derek injected as much distaste as he could into his tone."I don't even like them."

"You don't?" Briar asked, looking appalled.

James laughed, unintimidated by Derek's killing look, and said, "Don't listen to him.He loves those kids, just like he loves the pup here.He just likes to pretend he's Mr. Tough Guy.Keeps everyone's expectations in check.You ever been to a Fish Fry, Briar?"

"Oh, sure. We have ‘em all the time in the city," Briar said wryly.

"You should come. We have one every year out at the reservoir.It's a laid-back thing, but it'll be a good way for you to meet more folks from town.You've been here, what? A year?And no one's ever seen you hang out with anyone except Nate Silva and this big oaf."

Derek cut a sharp look at James, but his brother only cocked his head back at him.His expression was full of mischief.

Briar frowned and slid Derek an uncertain glance from the corner of his eyes.He looked cornered. Derek knew him; he knew Briar loved any excuse to be social and how eager he was to make friends in a town where he still felt like an unwanted implant.He wanted to agree so badly that Derek could practically taste his hope.But no matter how much he wanted it, Briar would never do anything to make Derek's life more difficult.

"I've got a lot on my plate," Briar said hesitantly, and then seemed to strike inspiration when he added, "Besides, I haven't driven up to the reservoir on my own before.GPS keeps sending me up random logging roads every time I leave town."

"I'll bring him," Derek found himself saying.

Both men looked at him in surprise.Derek didn't blame them; he'd surprised himself.It was a stupid impulse. Bringing Briar to the Fish Fry meant exposing him to more eyes and more prying questions, but Briar subverted his own needs every day to keep Derek's secret.The least Derek could give him was one day of fun.

"Oh. Good. That's…good." James blinked rapidly, then gave himself a hard shake and beamed up athim."Get there early, okay? I could use some help with set-up."

"Are you sure?" Briar whispered from the corner of his frozensmile.

Derek exhaled slowly. He waited until James disappeared into the garage before reaching out to give Briar's hand a quicksqueeze.

"I don't want to keep you prisoner out here with me," he saidquietly."I want you to make friends. I want you to meet myfamily.We just need to becareful."

The happiness on Briar's face made the risk worthit.