Chapter Thirty-One

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

NOW PLAYING: NOTHING Ever After- ILLENIUM my eyes red and burning from the endless tears my pain brings. Each word is a blow to my battered heart, but it’s Nebula’s words that break me. “Are you really so arrogant as to believe I’d ever be able to love someone who supported my sister’s killer?”

My eyes open to the ceiling of my nest as I cry out. Pain wracks my body in never-ending waves even as I orgasm over and over again. My very soul hurts from the scars the fantasy-turned-nightmare has left. I try to remind myself it wasn’t real–they don’t know the truth yet–but for once my heart and mind are in agreement.

They might not know now, but one day soon they’ll find out, and that dream? It will become my new reality.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been in my nest. After another brutal mini-heat, I haven’t had the energy to leave. I’m also terrified walking out the door will bring me one step closer to my nightmare coming to life.

Hours, days, I lose track of time as I lay buried beneath my blankets. The room stinks of stale sweat and slick, but I can’t find the energy to care. I’m surviving on water bottles and protein bars when I can stomach the thought of eating long enough to get them down.

I’m drowning. Suffocating in the misery my mind continues to create. Why worry about the future when the dreams I was chasing lie in shattered pieces around me?

Something pounds against the door to my nest. This isn’t the first time. Maybe the fifth. Or the eighth. I don’t know. It all blurs together. It’s locked so they can’t force their way inside. Which I know Bea would do if she could.

“Omen! Open the damn door and talk to me!” she screams. Her fist pounds against the wood. I remain quiet. I know I’m hurting her by hiding away. She is worried about me, but I couldn’t take her hand even if I wanted to.

Fear paralyzes me every time I try to leave my sanctuary. I can’t face Pack Graves’ rejection. Not when I still feel so raw.

“Fine!” Her voice is filled with her frustration. The sound only adds to my ever-growing guilt. “You want to waste away in your nest alone? I won’t stay here to watch you do it.” I listen to her footsteps as she stomps away. The sound fades when she leaves my room.

A short while later, I hear the front door slam shut. My energy is already fading again. I’ve been fighting sleep since the heat ended. Too afraid to relive my nightmare or find myself trapped in an even worse rendition. Though it seems I’ve exhausted myself enough my brain can’t hold back the need for sleep anymore as I find my eyes slipping shut.

Waking up sometime later, my stomach rumbles loudly. I pat around in my snack basket only to come up empty-handed. I’m out of food and haven’t had a real meal since breakfast Monday morning. I guess I’m going to have to force myself to leave the safety of my nest long enough to replenish my supplies.

Kicking the door open, I flinch at the bright light pouring through my bedroom windows. Apparently, it is daytime. I drag my feet toward the door, choking on air when I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. Heavy bags darken my eyes. My hair resembles a bird's nest that’s fallen from its tree and been run over by a child on a bicycle.

I shrink at the sound of my mother’s voice in the back of my mind reprimanding me for letting my appearance get so unhinged. ‘Only through cleanliness shall you find your place among God’s flock. Walking around with unkempt hair and mud splattered on your shoes–disgraceful. The congregation will be appalled if their Pastor’s own child shows up to church looking like a disheveled mess. Go to your room and fix it. If you don’t look presentable when you return, I’ll have to tell your father you’re being disobedient again.’

I smack my palms against my cheeks to force the horrid memories away. My parents aren’t here. They can’t hurt me.

The fridge door clunks loudly when I open it with a little too much force and hit the cabinets. Nothing inside sounds good or is easy to reheat. Taking more care, I shut the door and turn to search the pantry. A high-pitched shriek escapes when I find Lex sitting at the counter behind me.

“You-” A single finger points my way. “-look like shit.”

“What the fuck, Lex!” I snarl. “What are you even doing here? Aside from scaring the shit out of unsuspecting omegas.”

“You’d already know the answer to that if you bothered to answer your phone or check your messages.” I’d shut the volume off after Bea had gotten to her parents. I guess she mentioned her concerns to them because Forrest and Shelby both had been blowing up my phone ever since. I can’t handle the weight of their concern.

“I’ll order food. Go shower. You’re rancid.” Lex gives the order with enough of a bark to force me into action. I scowl as I walk past him to the bathroom. Slamming the door shut behind me, I give myself a quick sniff only to gag. Okay, maybe I am in desperate need of a shower.

Washed and scrubbed with clean hair, I take several minutes to start airing out my nest and throw in a load of bedding to wash the old scent of sweat from my blankets. By the time I’ve completed those few tasks, I’m wavering on my feet. Fatigue and lack of substantial nutrition has left me feeling even more drained than I usually do after a mini-heat.

Returning to the kitchen, Lex hands me a takeout container of fried rice and firecracker chicken. I love firecracker chicken, usually, but with no appetite, it looks as unappealing as everything else in my apartment. I contemplate putting it away for later but a glance over at my bodyguard tells me I won’t be getting away with not eating.

Sighing, I grumble out a quick thanks and force myself to walk to the couch. One bite quickly becomes two and soon I’m out-eating the alpha beside me.

“Do you want to tell me why you haven’t left your nest in four days?” Lex asks. He sits two bottles of water on the coffee table in front of me, gesturing for me to drink them. I roll my eyes but listen. I’m still catching up from the mini-heat, and dehydration is still a very real risk.

Four days have passed? That means I only have two more days before we head to Boston for the next show. Ignoring my future problems, I try to evade Lex’s question. “Do you want to tell me why you’re here?”

“I’ve been assigned to you full-time.” Lex’s words have my heart jarring painfully. That means–“Word from New Hampshire suggests the Montgomerys may now be aware of your identity as Omen Powell.”

The threads of my reality rip apart to reveal the horrid past behind it. Past and present are blending into one unimaginable future. Panic rises but dissipates as quickly, my body lacking the strength to even properly meltdown. “Right,” I finally manage to mutter. I knew this day would come. Hiding forever was never an option.

“Your turn,” Lex points out. His attention is fully on me and it’s quite unnerving. He’s a brutal man with a weight to his alpha stare that has my inner omega shaking in her boots.

“I–“ I almost lie. Almost give him some passable excuse, but Donovan’s words return to me. Reminding me Lex has gotten to know the men of Primordial Covenant almost as well as I have. If anyone would understand what I’m going through it’s this man right here. “I have a Fated connection. One I’ve known about since the day I turned 21. They also know I exist, but I told them I couldn’t find them yet. Too concerned my birth family would learn of our connection and punish them too.”

Lex doesn’t seem shocked, instead, he seems to empathize. Which is a slightly scary reaction from the usually unreadable alpha. Lex doesn’t show his emotions often and even when he does, it’s usually things like annoyance.

“I planned to wait to find them until after my father was imprisoned or killed, but Fate had other plans.”

“Pack Graves?” he asks with a knowing look.

“Yeah.” I blow out a breath and turn my eyes to the ceiling. “I felt a pull from the start, but it wasn’t until I went ziplining with Titan that I started to suspect it was more than good chemistry.” I earn a raised eyebrow and disbelieving look but shrug it off. Looking back, it’s easier to see what was between us has always been more than your average attraction. At the moment it was harder to tell.

“I tested the theory before their show in Little Rock. Used our Fated connection to send them a message and watched them receive it.”

“But I’m guessing you didn’t tell them about the connection?”

“I did not.” I nod. “My fear got the better of me. At least until you dropped me on their bus after the show in Memphis. Spending the night with them, it all kind of hit me. I wanted to tell them the truth. All of it, but mostly about our connection. I called Donovan to work out all the aspects of revealing my birth identity to them. He told me to talk to you and if you agreed they were trustworthy I could tell them.”

“I trust them with you,” he says immediately.

I give Lex a watery smile, tears filling my eyes as my out-of-control hormones amplify my emotions. “Except I can’t tell them now. Or I guess ‘I don't want to’ is a better way of putting it.”

“What changed?”

“I learned a very hard truth after their show in Philly. You know Nebula had an older sister? An omega who was rejected by her Fated mate and wound up taking her own life a few months later?” He nods slowly trying to work out where our conversation is leading. “My brother, Ben, is the alpha who rejected her.”

“Shit.” He draws the word out. “That’s one complicated level of fucked up.”

I don’t say anything more. He knows the truth now so he can see the path I’m working so hard to avoid.

“As much as I hate to be the bad guy in this conversation, you have to tell them,” Lex startles me when he finally speaks again several moments later. I thought our conversation was over. “Firstly, they deserve to know the truth so they can decide for themselves where they want to go from here. Secondly, because of the potential risk of an identity leak. If the Montgomery’s know you’ve been living as Omen Powell, there is a very real possibility they could publicly out you in an effort to try to get you to run. Would you really rather Pack Graves find out from the news instead of hearing it from you?”

My mouth opens and closes several times as I stare at him. I hadn’t even considered the guys could find out from someone else. “I… Shit. I don’t want that. If they have to find out, it should be from me.” I sink back against the couch cushions in defeat. “I guess I should text them and ask to talk after their show at the festival on Saturday.”

I’m not ready. Something Lex and I both know, but I no longer have a choice. Whether I like it or not, I have to accept the hand Fate dealt me and tell my mates the truth.