Chapter Thirty-Two

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

NOW PLAYING: SAY That You Will- Sleep Token

Sitting in the passenger seat of Lex’s car, my knee bounces. I’m nervous. Tonight, the lake near the Powell’s house is holding a belated Fourth of July celebration after they were rained out last weekend. I hadn’t wanted to come, but Lex pretty much bullied me into it. It isn’t fair for me to push away the only real family I’ve ever had. Especially not Bea.

Pulling up to their massive white-paneled and black-shuttered farmhouse, my anxiety grows. They’re going to ask questions I’m not ready to answer yet. Bea may already have suspicions about why I have been melting down in my nest for the past several days. I can’t voice the truth. Not when I’m barely managing to hold myself together with all of these wounds marring my heart.

“Hey, kid,” Phoenix grunts when he sees me climb the steps to their porch. He’s filling a large cooler with ice and I spy a selection of beers and sodas beside him to fill the inside. “You good?” I nod slowly. It isn’t a lie, not really. I’m managing and that’s as close to ‘good’ as I believe I will be for a while. “They’re out back.”

Offering my surrogate father a half smile, I step inside the house. Lex stays outside speaking in low, clipped sentences with Phoenix. Probably updating him on the condition he found me in. Stupid meddling alphas. If they all know how fucked up I have been lately, they’ll be up my ass for months. They don’t need to spend their time worrying about me.

Fighting back a sigh, I cross the open floor living room and kitchen to the double doors leading to their back patio. The sun is low in the sky, casting the world in ethereal shades of pink, purple, and orange. The light reflects off the surface of the lake in the distance, the colors broken by the wake of passing boats. It’s so serene here. Like a little piece of heaven carved into the earth.

A small fire pit glows at the far edge of the patio where the rest of the Powell pack is sitting. I’m unsurprised to find Ridley with them. If Lex has been assigned to me full-time, I imagine he’s under the same instruction as Bea’s bodyguard. Just in case my birth family decides to target her for being friends and roommates with me. I’m glad he will have her back. She doesn’t deserve to be in danger because of me.

Watching them talk and laugh, I feel out of place. Much like I did when I first left New Hampshire and started to build new roots in their family.

Tiptoeing down the stairs, my heart skips a beat when one of the steps creaks beneath my weight. I hold my breath waiting for someone to appear and scold me for being noisy. Several minutes pass and the hallway remains empty.

Silently catching my breath, I continue to wander around the giant house. It feels so homey with cute, welcoming decor. Pictures of Shelby and her family can be found in almost every room. I feel like an alien visiting a foreign world with how different this place is from the house I grew up in. You can practically feel the love this pack shares.

The kitchen is empty, much like the rest of the house. My stomach growls loudly, making me jump. I clamp my arms over my middle to muffle the sound. My breath saws in and out as I try to remind myself I’m safe here. The Powells aren’t my parents. They won’t punish me for being hungry.

When I calm down, I shake out my tense limbs. Looking around the pristine kitchen, I realize I don’t even know where anything is. I should probably find someone and ask for permission to eat…

Laughter carries through an open window, the sound coming from the backyard. On the same breeze, I can smell the mouthwatering scent of something being grilled. I quietly cross to the large windows and peer around the edge to look outside. Shelby and two of her mates sit around their in-ground pool while their omega daughter Bea swings her feet in the water.

The biggest and scariest of the Powells, Phoenix, stands at a flat top grill off to the side. He carefully flips whatever he is cooking before glancing back at his family. The love in his eyes sends pangs of longing and sadness through my heart.

Watching the five of them, I feel even more like an outsider. I don’t belong here in their world. My education is based on anti-designation lies and religious conjecture. How am I supposed to be of value to their pack when I can barely function in this overwhelming world?

So lost in my own fears and self-doubts I don’t see Shelby’s mate Austin headed this way. The door opens a few feet away from me before I notice his presence. Apologies fall repeatedly from my lips, but he just smiles. “Relax, take a deep breath.” I listen, matching my breathing to the exaggerated rise and fall of his chest. “There you go. Do you feel better?” I nod. “Good! I was actually coming inside to see if you felt up to joining us for dinner. I know we can be a bit much when you aren’t used to the chaos, so it’s okay if you aren’t comfortable with that yet.”

“Um, I–“ I pause, unsure of how to respond. Will he be mad if I say I’d rather eat in here? Will I only be allowed to have food if I join them outside? What are the rules here?

“Okay. I can see the panic growing in your eyes, so how about this–let’s go out to the patio and you can make yourself a plate. Then you can decide if you want to stay or go.” Austin opens the outside door and extends an arm to lead me to his family.

Nerves eat at the lining of my stomach as I approach. My eyes dart from face to face before turning down to watch my feet. Having so much attention on me is terrifying.

“Here.” Shelby gently pushes a plate into my hands before offering me the empty chair next to her. I wait for several seconds while they pile food onto their plates before sitting on the edge of the wooden seat. My hands tremble around my plate watching them chat and pass dishes around.

“Mac and cheese?” Shelby asks, holding out a large dish overflowing with noodles. I force my limbs to steady as I serve myself a small portion and offer it back. This process continues until my plate is filled and everyone begins eating.

Taking a small bite, flavor explodes across my tongue, This is magical! I dig in, quickly devouring everything on my plate. My heart wants more, but my stomach reminds me I’m not used to eating so much in one sitting. I would hate to throw all of this delicious food back up later.

Leaning back in the chair, I find the courage to look up. Everyone is eating and talking, sharing stories about their days or funny tales from Bea’s childhood. They aren’t watching me. No one looks disgusted with me for overindulging. If anything, I see relief in Shelby and Phoenix's eyes when they see how much I’ve eaten.

Maybe, if I’m brave enough, I can be part of their family one day instead of being on the outside looking in.

Much like that day, I’m pulled from my memories when the back door opens and Austin steps inside. His eyes light up with relief when he sees me standing there watching them. “This feels familiar,” he jokes. His arms open and I don’t hesitate to tuck myself inside of them.

Tears leak down my cheeks as he embraces me. My hormones still haven’t regulated from the mini-heat, so being here with them is bringing on the waterworks. And the guilt. “I’m sorry for worrying you all–“

“We’re just glad you’re here now, Omen. You are safe and you came home, that is what matters.” He gently pushes me back so he can look me over. I wipe the tears from my face and offer him a watery smile. “You look hungry. Let’s go eat.” He leads me outside telling me about Phoenix buying a smoker. “He cooked us up a brisket and pulled pork both.” Looking over his shoulder, his eyes sparkle with mirth. “Don’t worry though, he tested it earlier in the week so it actually turned out okay this time!”

I laugh as I follow him. A small piece of my heart, the tiniest, slots back into place in their presence. This pack–my family–healed me the first time my world fell apart. Maybe they can do the same when Pack Graves inevitably rejects me.

Crossing to where Bea lies on her back on a blanket, I sit down beside her. My fingers pick random blades of grass and pull them apart while we wait for the fireworks to begin.

“I’m sorry,” I finally say when the silence stretches too far. “I shouldn’t have ignored you or made you worry. I was… I don’t know what I’ve been doing. Falling apart? Another mini-heat struck Monday afternoon and it was the worst one yet. Not that this is an excuse for being shitty to you. I just wanted you to know.”

“I assumed you had when I could smell your heat scent through your nest door.” She turns on her side to face me. The hurt I caused written clearly across her features. “I thought I was going to lose you, Oms. You didn’t leave your nest for days and you wouldn’t answer any time I knocked. It freaked me out. I almost paid someone to take the door off its hinges, but Ridley talked me out of it. You can’t do this again. I’d be lost without my best bitch to help guide me through all of the crazy shit life likes to throw at us.”

Falling to my back I rest my cheek against her head in a half hug. “I promise I won’t withdraw anymore. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but it happened. Now I can only try to do better in the future.”

“If it happens again I won’t hesitate to kick your ass.”

“I know you won’t,” I chuckle.

The first of the fireworks light up the sky. Booming in pretty shades of red and blue. We both turn toward the sky, awed by the lights and sounds. Lying here together, our world seems so small. My problems feel less constricting. With my best friend at my side, I start to believe I can make it through anything Fate throws at me.

When we arrived at the venue, I’d carefully avoided the guys. I can feel their eyes on me anytime we are in the room together. Their intense gazes raise the hairs on my arms.

Or maybe it’s my nerves. Boston is incredibly close to New Hampshire. Only an hour’s drive north and we’d cross into my birth father’s territory. The thought of seeing him or one of his lackeys makes my skin crawl. I’m definitely glad I worked this stop into my contract as a stage-only event.

I was surprised when we pulled up to the parking lot to see there wasn’t a protester in sight. The streets are empty of the usual anti-pack and anti-designation chants. Only fans in line to enter the festival grounds can be seen nearby. I want to believe this is a good sign, maybe the protesters found some other event to object to, but my instincts warn me to be cautious.

After all of the staged protests outside of our other shows, it doesn’t make sense for a pro-pack festival just outside of anti-designation territory to be so easily forgotten. Something more is going on here. Lex and Ridley must agree as both bodyguards have been on high alert since we arrived an hour ago. Whatever my birth father has planned, I have to trust the DAU to be able to put a stop to it.

Letting my worries fade into the background, I get lost behind my camera. Only the music and the view on the other side compute in my brain. Nexus is at the front of the stage, head bowed and both hands wrapped around the mic where it sits in its stand. His grip is tight, showcasing his long fingers and prominent veins. I capture the image despite the handful of similar shots already taking up storage space on my memory card.

I may have developed an obsession with his hands. Nebula’s too. My gaze strays to the bassist, mesmerized by the way his fingers move over the strings. The dark tattoos peeking beneath the silver paint on his arms stand stark against his skin beneath the fading white stage lights. He’s back to back with Callisto, the beta’s head tilted to rest on his shoulder as they bring their first song to an end. Click. Another perfect moment.

Guilt still rides me heavily as I watch them perform. Each pulse of attraction is another brick in the endless pile of wrongdoings I’m slowly accumulating. At least when this all comes to an end, and I’m left in the dust behind them, I will have these images to look back on. It may never be the same as seeing their faces or smelling their scents, but it might be enough to get me through the worst of their rejection.

“Boston,” Nexus drawls, “would you like a taste of the future?” I’m confused for a moment by what he means, but as the crowd goes wild and Titan counts them in, it strikes me.

They’re debuting part of a new song.

Right now. With me sharing their stage. Close enough to feel the vibrations of their instruments through every inch of my body.

I would weep with joy at the gift I’m receiving tonight if every glimmer didn’t burn to ash when I remember the reality of our situation. Of the painful truths I have to tell them after the show.

Words flow from Nexus' mouth as he grabs the mic and moves around the stage. Entrancing their already captivated fans. His words turn to a scream, the frayed edges of the sound flawlessly timed with a heavy breakdown. Gooseflesh rises along my exposed arms, my hands trembling slightly. They may have been in awe of my pictures, but every time they take the stage, they wreck me with the majesty of their performance.

Nexus steps onto the raised platform where Titan’s drum kit sits. Callisto already rests along the front edge, his guitar in his lap as they play. I watch with anticipation as Nexus wraps his hand around his mate’s throat and tilts his head back, forcing him to look up at his alpha. The move showcases each of Callisto’s silvery mate marks.

Jealousy spikes through me but quickly slips away as Nexus lowers his face in mockery of a kiss, notes still flowing from his throat. My heart races as the words start to sink into my jumbled brain.

The way your soul intertwines with mine

The wild look in your eyes

As electricity pulses with each casual touch

Tell me that you feel it

Do you feel it too?

Callisto tilts his neck slightly. An act of submission before a crowd of thousands. My breaths come fast. Slick soaks my thighs. It shouldn’t be possible to orgasm from the sound of someone’s voice… but I might.

I’ve caught your scent

Tasted honey on your tongue

There’s no escaping me now

Nexus’ face doesn’t move. To the crowd, he’s still gazing down at his beta, showing his mate the devotion that is a core element of their entire band. But he isn’t looking at Callisto at all. Those brown eyes are trained on me from beneath his mask.

I am yours

and

You.

Are.

Mine.

He growls out the words with a possessiveness that leaves me swaying on my feet. Grant Montgomery himself could be walking across the stage and I would never know. I’m trapped in his penetrating stare. The promise written there as tempting as it is terrifying. This entire show–their new song–it’s a message of intent.

Primordial Covenant wants to claim me.

I shake myself out of the trance I’ve fallen into when Nexus presses a kiss to the top of Cal’s head before addressing the crowd. I don’t hear their reaction. I don’t think I catch a single word he says throughout the rest of their performance. My mind is stalled on the idea these men, even without knowing I’m their Fated mate, want me to be theirs.

Not that learning the true depth of their feelings changes anything. I have to tell them my truth. Reveal the person I was born as and the family I hold a blood connection to.

Tonight, I have to shatter their hearts.