Chapter 29

CHAPTERTWENTY-NINE

After my reunionwith Dash and Ilona, I don’t have the emotional capacity to see Enira, nor do I have the mental fortitude to confront my people.

I need to do both, but not in this state. Entering my room with the intention to clean up and gather my thoughts, I plop facedown on my teal sheets and release a heavy sigh.

I need a minute.

The familiar lingering scents of frankincense and lavender fill my nose, sneakily luring me to sleep.

I don’t mean to nap, definitely don’t intend to sleep through the night, but somehow I do.

The next morning, sunlight seeps around my curtains. It’s well past dawn.

At first, I’m confused as to why Gianna let me sleep in so late. Then reality comes zipping back to me, and I mourn her loss all over again.

“No!” I angrily punch my pillow.

After throwing on fresh clothes, I exit my room to find Dash. He can take me to Enira.

I’m tempted to check on Ilona, but I fight the instinct, knowing she needs space and time to heal.

I force my feet to move down the hallway, ignoring the various guards that gawk at me. At least they still bow their heads as I pass, acknowledging me as their superior.

When I knock on Dash’s door, he doesn’t answer. It’s unsurprising. Of course he’s not here. I peek through the skylight above and realize how high the sun is in the sky. It must be close to noon. At least the extra sleep did me some good; I’m refreshed and clear-minded.

As I cut into the main wing, a couple of guards pass me, accompanying some villagers through the main foyer and into the throne room.

I watch, perplexed.

A man with sun-leathered skin and chipped teeth spits at me as he passes. “Ye wretched hog. Worse den yer mother.” A guard jerks him aggressively by the arm, giving him a verbal warning as he jostles him toward the doorway. Luckily, the spit didn’t hit me. It landed about a foot away, sparing me the full humiliation.

What are so many villagers doing here in the palace?

Creeping closer to the throne room—careful not to get too close to the townsfolk—I peer in. Dash sits on the throne, looking more handsome than ever.

Poised.

Regal.

Even without a crown, in his simple black Stellari clothing, he looks like a true king.

I’ve never seen him looking so pristine.

Where is the handsomely disheveled man I’ve come to know? It’s like I’m viewing an imposter.

He addresses the crowd of villagers, and his voice bellows with authority. Yet somehow, he manages to sound compassionate at the same time. After observing the proceedings for a short time, I realize the people are presenting various issues to him.

“We need to rebuild with better materials! Once and for all,” a hunched man yells as he hobbles toward the throne. A chorus of “Yeah!” rings out around him as the people agree. “The storms keep comin’. Keep on hittin’. They ain’t gonna stop. It’s killin’ us goin’ in circles with all the damned labor.”

A plump woman joins the man. “We rebuild over and over again just to get teared down again!”

“I hear your concerns,” Dash begins, his voice silencing the clamoring. “I understand your concerns. They are valid. It makes sense to provide Hakran with sturdier materials. Together we will rebuild a village that is better able to withstand the storms.”

“Thank the goddess!” the robust woman cries out. “That cheap whore loved to keep us weak. We’d all work while she sat pretty up in this marble fortress. And that murderous daughter of her—”

“Enough!” Dash’s voice booms through the room. It’s enough to draw all eyes back to him and shut all open mouths. “Enough with the slander—”

I scurry from the doorway, having heard plenty. The last thing I want is for someone to catch me eavesdropping. I knew the people were going to despise me, that it’d take time and effort to win them over, but seeing it first hand cuts deep.

Meanwhile, it’s like Dash was meant to sit on Hakran’s throne. Were my suspicions correct that putting him on the throne was the Vannyk’s goal all along? I’ve certainly proven to everyone I’m unfit to rule.

The villagers have clearly come to like and respect Dash, and in a short time. How could they not? To their knowledge, he freed them from Enira and saved them from me.

Clearly he’s taking care of Hakran just fine without me. And Ilona…she seems better off without me too, especially now that she and Marnie are closer than ever.

Did I rush back here for no reason?

I don’t know who I am or where I belong anymore. Hakran never quite felt like home, and now that I’m back and the people I care about seem better off without me, I’m not sure it will ever be my home. I was adamant about protecting the Hakranians, but maybe they don’t need me after all.

Maybe I should’ve stayed in Nevaris. But without my memories, that doesn’t seem right either.

I need answers first. I need to remember. There’s only one person in the palace who might be able to give me anything useful.

It’s time to talk to Enira.

* * *

When I reach the training floor, it pulsates with energy. Hakranian and Stellari guards alike run drills, more vigorously than I’ve ever seen before. Clearly, Dash wasted no time before implementing proper training for the remaining Hakranian guards.

It’s bittersweet seeing Hakran thrive under his leadership.

I have other problems to focus on anyway. The sooner I get my memories back, the sooner I can reclaim ownership of my life.

“Where is the commander?” The clanking of weapons slows, and the guards pause, slowly bowing their heads one by one. Many hesitate, their disdain toward me obvious. Based on the way a few of them grit their teeth and share disgusted looks, I surmise they are only obliging because Dash warned them to show me respect.

I search the room, trying to locate whomever is in charge down here. One of Dash’s first actions as king would almost certainly have been to promote a new elite commander—one he trusts.

“Here.” A lanky man with a shaved head steps toward me, bowing deeply. “Welcome back, Princess. But please forgive me, for your visit is quite unexpected.”

“Who are you?” He looks Hakranian, but I don’t recognize him. I’m surprised Dash didn’t choose a Stellari guard as his elite commander. Perhaps choosing this man was a show of faith.

“Commander Felipe, at the palace’s service,” he says. Turning to the ogling guards behind him, he bellows, “Back to work!” They immediately nod their acknowledgment and resume their sparring.

The place reeks of sweat and musk, a sign the guards have been working harder than ever.

“It’s been a busy few days.” Commander Felipe grunts.

“I need to see Enira,” I say, cutting right to the reason I’m here. “I need access to the pit.”

He purses his lips, eyeing me cautiously. “All right,” he finally says.

The commander leads me to the pit, and I’m immensely grateful Dash persuaded the guards to assist me. Dash is proving to be a brilliant leader. I shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve always found him to be incredibly alluring, intelligent, and charismatic, but it’s still a shock to see that the mouthy, arrogant guard I knew has morphed into a respectable royal.

It fills me with a bitter swirl of awe and envy. Dash knows who he is, he knows his place, even though it’s temporary.

Felipe places his hand on the door to the pit. The stone responds, loosening so he can push it open.

“Is she the only one down here?” I ask as I step inside.

“Not anymore.” Felipe kicks me in the stomach, and I stumble, falling and smacking my head against the wall. “Rot with your whore mother, you vile girl.” It dazes me, and for a moment I’m confused about what’s happening. “Bradenson was a good friend of mine, he didn’t deserve to die, you bitch.” He pulls the door shut as I scramble to my feet.

But it’s too late.

“Felipe!” I call out, pounding on the stone door. It’s useless. The place is utterly soundproof.

He must be referring to the man I killed in the throne room. If only I could express my regret and sorrow—show the people the truth, that I haven’t ever meant to hurt anyone. Not like that. It wasn’t me. It was my out-of-control emotions, fueled by a corrupted bond.

I scream, fed up with the recent disruptions in my life.

Over a dozen guards saw their commander lock me in here, and yet none of them are coming to help. Dash is the only one who’d come looking for me, and he’s currently indisposed. The only consolation is that he will find me. Eventually. The guards can’t lie to him, not when he can read their minds.

He’ll know the truth, and he’ll come for me.

The thought calms me, so I resolve myself to do what I came here to do: talk to the woman who caused all this pain to begin with.

I head down the stairs, deeper into the pit. It’s as dim and dank as I remember, smelling like mildew and human excrement. Knowing Lex was down here in these conditions for so long breaks my heart a little.

There’s no way he deserved that.

For how many years was he here? He never did say.

“Enira, you blasphemous woman!” I yell as I enter the room with cages too small to be considered true cells.

“Daughter, finally,” she says nonchalantly. In her wispy black gossamer gown, with her hair in loose curls, she almost looks too magnificent to be locked away in such a dreary place. As I step closer, I can see the kohl beneath her eyes is smeared and she lacks her signature red lipstick. That tells another story.

She is weak down here.

Vulnerable.

And she knows it.

I have the advantage.

A grin sneaks onto my face, and despite the grim situation, I can’t help but laugh.

“Do you even have a daughter, Enira? Truly?” Exhausted with all the mind games and secrets, I cut straight to the point. No sense in toying with her like she does with everyone else. Especially since she’s already at my mercy. I might be locked down here, for now, but she doesn’t know that. For all she knows, I’m simply paying her a visit and can leave at my own discretion.

Her lips pull back, revealing a predatory smile. “And ruin this perfect body?”

It’s answer enough. Of course she’s too vain to have children.

“I always wondered why you were such a shit mother,” I say, fighting to keep my voice steady. “You don’t have a single maternal bone in your body. My life is nothing but a game to you.”

“Games are fun, dear.” She inspects her nails. “Though, providing for you has proved to be the opposite of fun. It has been a lot of work, really.”

“Then why do it?” I ask, even though I know why. She wanted my power.

“You still do not remember.” It’s not a question. She raises her brows and laughs sharply. Placing her face between the bars of the cage, she wraps her fingers around the rusted metal. “I see you have met our dear Lexyll.” She tilts her head toward the cage I freed him from. “How does it feel to be reunited with your lover? He is quite a fine specimen, I admit.”

Her taunting misses the mark. She thinks I don’t know the truth, but I do.

“I know who I am,” I say. “Cut it out, Enira. It’s over.”

“Oh. But is it? Do you truly know who you are? Or did someone tell you who you are?” She’s poking at me, trying to get a reaction. “Pretty little puppet. That is all you are.” She turns her back to me, and I have the urge to reach between the bars and snatch her dark hair. But I refrain. For now. I am downright pissed, and my patience is wearing thin, so I’m not positive my self-control will hold up much longer.

“That Dargan boy is keeping your throne nice and warm for you, is he not?” she asks. She didn’t get the response she was hoping for with her comments about Lex, so of course she’s trying to get to me with Dash instead.

When I don’t reply, she smiles smugly. “Do not tell me you thought the Vannyks were helping you take my throne?” Her head tilts back as she releases a full-on belly laugh. It’s the hardest I’ve ever heard her laugh. It echoes eerily, bouncing off the stones. “You ignorant girl. The Dargan ancestors owned this island. It has been their goal for decades to sit a dirty Dargan upon my throne. Who do you think I stole it from initially?”

I work hard to remain impassive.

She just wants to get a rise out of me.

She’s trying, desperately, to manipulate me in a new way, without her powers. Manipulation is all she knows. This is her last resort.

Yet…she still successfully rattles me.

“Why do you think he did not let you kiss him at Paramour Falls?” she says tauntingly. “Yes. Yes. I know all about that, darling dearest.”

To protect me. Right?

“You truly think he does not know the truth of his own ancestors’ lore?” she hisses. “You do not think the Dargan boy knew his magic would ruin you?”

The first part of what Enira says matches up with what Dash said about him being a descendent of Davvinia and Anwyr.

I believe what she’s saying, that Dash’s family had this land first…but the rest of it? No. There is no way Dash was purposely trying to ruin me.

Please don’t let it be true.

Lex planted those seeds of doubt first, but Enira is watering them.

“Does your lover even belong to you anymore either? Or did I ruin him for you?” Her hollow laughter rings out in the open space.

I growl. “You are so disgustingly vain, Enira. Doesn’t it get lonely being hated by everyone?”

“Not when you have the power of deception on your side.” She taps the rusty bar with a blood-red nail, smirking at me.

The Goddess of Deception.

But me?

I’m supposed to be the Goddess of Death.

Of fucking death.

And I will make Enira pay with her blood.

“What was our agreement?”

“You still do not remember.” Enira tsks. “You had something I wanted. Something you managed to take from me a second time.” Her eyes dart toward the empty cages to my right.

“Lex?” I ask, confused. She can’t possibly think he belongs to her.

“Oh, I finally got plenty of him these past few years. Though, I must admit it is not as enjoyable when it is one-sided.”

My insides snap in half. I lunge at her, reaching through the bars and snagging a chunk of her thick hair in my fist, pulling her toward me. She screams as her forehead cracks against the metal bars.

“Quit fucking with me, Enira. Tell me how to get my memories back,” I hiss in her ear as I yank her head against the bars a second time. Blood trickles from a cut on her head, and she grins as it drips down her cheek. “Will killing you do the trick? I might just do it anyway and find out.”

“You think I would make it so easy for you?”

I release her hair, and she staggers back, smoothing out her dress as she reclaims her balance. “Would you really be willing to give up your throne?”

“Not everyone values power above all else. I don’t give a shit about the throne! This has nothing to do with that!”

“In this world, you are nothing without power. Why do you think I took Hakran? Why do you think I took from you and everyone else around me?”

“Because you are a selfish, despicable narcissist. Look around, Enira. Where is all your mighty power now? What good is it doing for you?”

“If you think my games are over, you are wrong, dear,” she says with a waggle of her finger. “Even if you kill me, your memories will not return. I have taken precautions to ensure that.”

Gritting my teeth, I weigh my options of testing that theory and taking her life now. I can’t be sure it’ll work, and until I’m sure, I can’t risk it.

“No. You’re so vain you thought yourself untouchable. A mistake on your part,” I snarl. “Now you’ve lost everything. Everyone. No one bows to you anymore, Dead Queen.”

“You know much about mistakes, do you not, Aife?”

I take a deep breath in, trying hard to cool my anger.

“You do not remember what brought you here to me. How you became nothing more than my pretty little puppet,” she says in a sing-song tone. “For two people who supposedly hate one another, you both seem keen on sacrificing your freedom for each other.”

Lex’s powers are unbelievably strong. He’s able to avoid magic manipulation, yet he still ended up as Enira’s prisoner.

He said it was because she exploited his weakness.

Me.

“Lex agreed to become your slave in exchange for my freedom,” I whisper. It’s only a guess, but Enira’s sly grin is confirmation that it’s correct.

Lex was never coming to neutralize, like Sora claimed. Sora seems determined to drive me away from Lex, but right now that doesn’t matter.

“It was a trick,” I say. Somehow Enira remained in control of us both.

“He bartered for your freedom, but he failed to negotiate for your memories.” She snickers. “Technically, I held up my end of the bargain. You had your freedom. You could have walked away at any time. Your fool of a lover was too blinded by his love to make a better deal.”

My stomach churns with nausea and anger.

Lex you beautiful idiot, you shouldn’t have come for me.

Of course Enira tricked him. That’s what she does. It’s her specialty.

“What was our bargain?” I ask, gripping the bars of her cage so tightly the rust cuts into my palms.

“You, my dear, gave yourself up in order to protect the lovely Nevaris from my ‘games,’ as you like to call them.” She tilts her head, giving me another birdlike smile. “So willing to walk away from Lex. So desperate to escape him that you came to me instead. You agreed to give up your memories. Nevaris is a charming village, but was it really worth it in the end?”

No.

I wouldn’t have done that.

There’s no way.

“I made a mistake.” My voice comes out flat as I entertain her revelation. Why would I do that when Lex and I could’ve teamed up together to take her down? The God of War and the Goddess of Death surely could’ve found another way. Something about my decision doesn’t make sense.

“One I benefited from greatly,” Enira says with a cruel smile.

I’m reeling from this new information.

The only thing my conversation with Enira has confirmed is that Lex hasn’t lied to me. Somehow, this mess is all my fault. Enira is using another magic source to prevent my memories from returning. As much as I want to flay the woman, make her beg for mercy, I need her alive for now. She’s the key to retrieving my past.

I just need to figure out how to get it out of her.

Dash will come looking for me soon, and perhaps I can discuss it with him.

Unless Felipe was acting on Dash’s orders.The thought sickens me, and I jolt away from Enira’s cage. There’s no way.

Trepidation fills me. I hope Enira was lying about Dash. But her brutal honesty thus far doesn’t bode well for me.

I bolt through the corridor, desperate to try the door again even though I know it won’t budge.

Enira’s voice calls after me, “You might not be in a cell, but you are still in a cage, Aife!”

I look forward to the day I can end her pathetic life.

After spending the next hour exploring every nook and cranny of the pit, I find nothing useful. Dash doesn’t want Enira dead, which means someone will bring her food and water eventually. But even if I can overpower whoever comes down here next, how can I get out of here unscathed? The guards might not be under Enira’s manipulation anymore, but that doesn’t mean they’ll look out for me. Especially not if Dash is a traitor. I’m facing a whole other war when I find my way out of here.

It’s like the situation with the Vannyks all over again, except this time I have no advantages. I have no weapons, no magic, nothing that could—

Wait.

Fingering the black cord around my neck, I think of Lex’s words: “If you ever need me, rub your stone between your palms. Mine will heat up in response, and I’ll know to come to you.”

Everyone needs help at some point. It’s time for me to admit that I need Lex’s help.

“I’m not a damsel in distress,” I growl as I roll the celestite between my palms, faster and faster until it seems to spark with life, glowing a dazzling blue.

A few minutes go by. Then a few more. I sit in silence on the steps and wait. I’m not sure what I was expecting exactly, but it wasn’t this.

Sighing, I return to the cage where Enira stands. She’s as uptight as ever. Even in these circumstances, she refuses to sit on the soiled ground. I wonder if she’ll give in or continue standing there until she collapses with exhaustion.

Not my problem.

Wordlessly, I take a seat on the cold ground next to her cell, with my back pressed against the stone.

“Love makes you weak, Aife,” she says, her icy voice slicing through the silence.

“Like you would know. Have you ever loved anyone other than yourself?”

She surprises me when she finally sits on the ground, mimicking my position with her back against her small section of wall and her knees bent. “Maybe.”

“We’re not friends. I’m not making small talk with you,” I mutter.

It’s strange really. I’ve begged her for years to pay attention to me. To talk to me. And yet, we’ve talked more today than we ever have in all the time I thought she was my mother.

The irony of it all.

I lean forward, resting my arms and forehead on my knees, and close my eyes, willing this nightmare to end.

* * *

Thump.

I jolt upright. Somehow I managed to doze off. Probably not the smartest decision I’ve ever made, but I couldn’t help it.

Enira stands in her cage, gripping the bars. Indistinguishable voices echo through the stone pit. I back up into the shadows, trying to conceal myself from whoever is approaching. If I have a chance of getting out of here, I’ll have to attack them. It’s not the smartest plan, but this might be my only chance to escape.

No one’s coming to save me, and I can’t wait around forever.

As soon as someone turns the corner, entering into the space, I sweep my foot out in an attempt to take them down like Dash once did to me.

I fail horrendously.

My foot collides with something solid, and I wince at the impact.

“Did you just kick me in the shin, luv?” a familiar, accented voice drawls.

“Lex!” It takes me a second to register him in the poorly lit space, but his sharp jaw and lean stature are unmistakable. I want to cry at the sight of him. I’m overcome with joy and relief.

“It’s no wonder you thought I was lying when I told you that you’re the Goddess of Death,” he murmurs. I catch a hint of humor in his voice. “With moves like that, it is quite impossible to believe.”

“Astrid, Kicker of Shins, Bruisebringer,” Callan says, stepping beside Lex. “Hello again.”

“Thank the goddess,” I say. They came for me. It gives me hope, makes me feel safe.

“This scenario feels eerily familiar,” Lex says. “I can’t say I’m pleased to meet you under these circumstances.” I wrap my arms around him and pull him into a hug. His masculine, pine scent greets my nose, and I inhale greedily.

“Did you just sniff him?” Callan asks, interrupting our reunion. I release Lex, moving to kick Callan in the shin, but he dodges my foot with a snicker.

“Lexyll, darling, how nice to see you again.” Enira’s taunt dissolves the lighthearted moment.

He’s at Enira’s cage in a flash, gripping her neck through the bars and holding a blade to her cheek. She looks wild with the shadow of dried blood from her head wound. She tries to speak, but only a choking noise comes out.

I place a hand on Lex’s shoulder. “She—I need her alive to get my memories back.”

“Is that what she told you?” Lex releases Enira, shoving her back like I did earlier, but this time, she falls to the ground with a pathetic whimper.

I can’t believe I’ve been afraid of this woman for years.

“She fails to remember you. You poor thing,” Enira mocks. “Maybe I can help with that. Maybe not.”

Lex continues to stare at Enira with silent fury as Callan scouts the empty cells beside us.

“Or maybe it is a good thing for you that she does not remember?” Enira chuckles as she stands, fiddling with her skirts and brushing her hair over her shoulder. “Consider it a favor.”

I’m ready to get the hell out of here and leave her taunting behind, but when Lex turns to face me, he’s close enough that I can see the way his eyes shimmer with regret. My body stills.

“Oh!” Enira claps. “You did tell her the whole truth, right, Lexyll?”

“Enough,” Lex says without breaking eye contact with me.

“What is she talking about?”

He doesn’t reply, but he doesn’t look away from me either. I take a step back, putting some space between us.

“We need to go,” Lex snarls. “We can do this later.”

Nodding, I follow Callan and Lex down the corridor toward the stairs as Enira’s laugh rings out behind me.

“Love makes you weak. I did you a favor, Aife!” Her words are thrust into my gut like a serrated blade.

Gritting my teeth, I follow the men up the stairs. It irks me that I didn’t get a straight answer about my memories, but at least now I have some direction.

In the meantime, I have a bone to pick with King Dashiel Dargan.