Chapter 30

CHAPTERTHIRTY

Lo and Soraare waiting for us at the top of the stairs speaking quietly. When they spot us, they nod and fly down the stairs in Enira’s direction.

“They can’t kill her,” I say to Lex.

“They won’t.”

“And when the time comes, I want to be the one who—” My eyes widen as we step into the training room. A dozen bodies litter the floor around us.

The guards.

At first glance, it appears they have only been knocked out, like the people in the throne room during the storm. But upon closer inspection, I notice their faces are husks. Dried and hollow. Drained completely of their life force.

A severed hand lies discarded by the door, and I realize Lex got into the pit the same way I did when I first rescued him. Felipe’s body lies a few feet away, a pool of blood beneath his severed wrist.

I’m both thrilled and sickened by Lex’s tactics. I’m also finding it oddly satisfying that our relationship has come full circle this week. It’s harmonious.

“You killed them all,” I mutter. It’s a little excessive.

Okay, it’s a straight-up slaughter.

“Yes.” Lex stares at me, his jaw tense. “I did.”

“Why?” I ask. Lex can control his power, as he mentioned before. He could’ve taken them down without killing them. He chose to kill them.

“This is war,” he says coolly. “There are two types of people in our world, Aife. Predators and prey. Both are terrible choices. Choose your terrible.”

Of course. It’s a war. His specialty.

I don’t bother correcting him when he calls me Aife this time. It really doesn’t matter. I consider his words for a beat and decide he’s right. All my life—or what I thought to be my life—I’ve been preyed on. I know nothing of the woman I once was, but I bet she was never anybody’s prey.

Lex must see the moment of realization in my eyes, because his lips slowly curve into a smile, and he reaches out a hand for me. “Come,” he says. I eye his hand cautiously.

“Just accept his damn hand—he doesn’t bite,” Callan says from somewhere behind me.

“Why didn’t you just do this in the first place?” I ask, ignoring Callan. I gesture toward the bodies.

“I am skilled in the art of war, but that doesn’t mean it’s my first choice,” he says. “I gave them a chance to surrender.” He tilts his head to the side, scrutinizing me.

“I can’t go with you. I have unfinished business here.”

“With Dash,” Lex says, the disappointment obvious in his tone.

I shake my head. “Not exactly. But I can’t be with you either. You might remember me as yours, but that’s not who I am anymore.”

“No. You aren’t,” he says, and I deflate.“But if I have my way, you will be in time.” My body lights up at his words, buzzing with desire. I know in my deepest depths that he won’t let me down, so tentatively, I reach for him. I let him interlace our fingers as our hands mold together. His eyes shutter, and I shoot Callan a confused glance, but he’s too busy inspecting the weapons on a dead guard to notice.

Why does he even bother with weapons when Lexyll himself is a weapon?

My palm begins to pulse in Lex’s grip, and I stare in awe as our hands begin to shimmer with a golden hue.

It’s faint at first. Then the warmth blossoms into a delicious heat. It feels similar to when I absorb life forces. Pleasurable, all-consuming. I can’t help but moan at the bliss of his energy coursing into my body.

As much as I hated taking lives, I missed this feeling.

This is when I feel most alive.

Suddenly, he breaks our contact. I mourn the loss of his touch.

“You said you weren’t capable of transference,” I say.

It’s an accusation, but he chuckles in return, shaking his head. “That wasn’t a transference.”

He runs his fingers through his hair. I admire the way he wears it loose and wild today, the ends skimming his shoulders. “In all my years, Aife, you’re still the only vygora I’ve met capable of transference.”

I scoff. “If that wasn’t a transference, then what the hell was it?”

“Power sharing.”

“Power sharing? How?”

“Take a second to think about it. Maybe it’ll come to you.” He winks—a gesture that shouldn’t be so disturbingly attractive yet somehow is—then heads for the stairs.

Callan follows him, flashing me a gap-toothed smile over his shoulder. “Maybe take that second later? We don’t have time now.”

Out of nowhere, something strikes me. A weird feeling flutters in my chest. I recall a moment I had in Nevaris with Lex:

“Power is only to be shared by the fated. Soulmates, if you will.”

If Lex didn’t transfer energy with me…did he share it?

Lex was awfully certain Dash wasn’t my fated from the beginning, even before he learned about my defective magic. Lex and I also haven’t been intimate…at all. At least not in many years. We’ve had time and space between us, yet he’s still able to share his magic with me.

If after all this time, distance, and lack of intimacy, he can still share his magic with me, that can only mean one thing.

“Coming, Aife?” Callan calls down the stairs.

I bolt past the shriveled corpses and up the stairs, immediately leveling my darkest glare at Lex.

“Stop lying to me,” I whisper-yell.

His eyes narrow, and he places his hands in the pockets of his slacks. “I’ve never lied to you. Not a single time.”

“We’re fated.” The words sound ridiculous coming out of my mouth. I still don’t believe in that nonsensical lore, but after everything that happened with Dash, it’s hard to remain skeptical. “We kissed at the falls?”

“Yes.” Lex steps toward me, pinning me with a dark look. His eyes flit to my lips, and his pupils dilate. There’s no mistaking the lust there.

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“We’ve gone over this, luv. Aren’t you sick of people telling you who you are?”

“But this is different.”

“Is it? Would you have believed me? Or would you have pushed me away, wondering if my words were the truth? You might be Astrid now, but you are still the same Aife at the core. My Aife. I know you. You needed to figure this out on your own without my interference.”

My jaw tightens. I square my shoulders, trying to stand a little taller as he takes yet another step closer. There’s only about a foot of space between us, and I incline my head to look up at him.

“So what? I’m just supposed to be with you forever? I have no choice over who I’m with?” I ask. Sure, I have an abnormal attraction to Lex—I am undoubtedly enraptured by the man—but I hate that my fate has been decided for me. I despise the concept of not having choice.

Lex is right: I need to feel in control.

“You can still make your own decisions,” he says, running a thumb over his bottom lip. I yearn to reach for him, to cover his mouth with mine. I want nothing more than to taste him, devour him.

“This changes nothing,” I say, though inside my brain screams that this changes everything. Fighting my indescribable need to touch Lex, to feel his skin on mine, I turn my back on him and head down the marble corridor.

“Where are you going? Let’s get out of here,” Callan says incredulously.

I pause, turning back to face him while avoiding Lex’s penetrating stare. “I have something I need to take care of.”

Lo and Sora emerge from the stairs with a shackled Enira in tow. Chains bind her arms together, and another set binds her ankles together. A sack rests over her head. She spits out a slew of profanities, and Sora elbows her in the gut to shut her up.

“What the hell is this?” I ask.

“Silenxstone chains,” Callan says proudly. “A new addition to our defenses, courtesy of that old abandoned prison. We had them made as soon as—”

“Short answers only,” Lo interjects as she and Sora force Enira forward. Enira whimpers from underneath the sack, but I have no pity for her. “There’s no way we’re leaving her here.”

Sora glowers at me, unsurprisingly, and I ignore him.

Fear prickles in my gut as I finally turn to Lex. “Did you kill Dash?”

“No.”

“Then I need to find him.” I don’t have to waste time searching for him, because a moment later, Dash—looking absolutely irate—turns a corner with a half-dozen guards at his back.

“Astrid!” he calls out. “Get away from that bastard.”

Callan and Lex flank me, and the guards mirror the movement, rushing beside Dash and leveling their elemental staffs at us. The orbs at the ends flicker with harnessed aethyn power: fiery red, watery blue, and golden lightning.

“What the hell is this, Dash?” I wince at his unnecessary show of power against us. Dash’s face hardens; he’s almost unrecognizable. “I need to talk to you” —I glance at all the guards around him— “alone.”

“I’m sorry, Astrid. But that can’t happen while they’re in my palace.” Dash shakes his head, inclining his head as he stares down his nose at Lex.

Hispalace.

Not mine.

Not ours.

Not even the palace.

He said “my” palace.

“That throne doesn’t belong to you, Dashiel Dargan,” I say, using his full name as a threat. Even if it’s not technically mine either, Dash doesn’t know that yet. At this point, it’s the principle of the matter. “You used me to get here, didn’t you?”

A look of confusion crosses his face. “I don’t know what lies they’ve spewed, but you can’t trust any of them.”

“You’re the only one spewing lies!”

“That’s not even—” He shakes his head, a disbelieving laugh escaping his lips.

“Paramour Falls,” I retort. “You and I both know the truth now.”

“Astrid,” he says, his voice pleading. His eyes dart between Lex and me. Clearly not caring about how dangerous Lex is, Dash takes a few steps toward me. “It’s not what you think. Everything between us is real. Don’t go with them.”

“It’s not about them!” I scoff. “It’s about you and me. About my throne. My people.”

“I’m doing you a favor by leading your people.” His voice cracks, and it shatters a bit of my resolve. “I’m only doing this for Hakran. For you.”

When I step forward toward him, his guards do the same toward me.

“What is all of this, Dash?” I wave at the guards beside him. “What is it really? Are you going to subdue me if I try to leave? Do they expect me to bow down to you?”

They take another aggressive step forward, as if they’re protecting Dash from me. I growl, incensed by their audacity. A pulsing power—the new, exotic mix of Lex’s and my magic—burns through my veins, begging for release. As potent as the pressure inside of me is, it’s nothing like before when my emotions were unruly and dangerous. Now, I feel the same surge of power, but it’s entirely commandable.

I am in control.

I follow the instinct, homing in on the energy of the guards. I focus on drawing it out, pulling it toward me. At first, nothing happens, but then a small surge of energy jolts my body. I smile, giddy at the new ability.

Was I capable of this all along?

The intensity builds, and soon, the life force of all six of Dash’s guards is flowing into me. They drop to their knees, faces contorting while I revel in the pleasure it brings me.

It’s euphoric.

This right here is the most natural thing in the world for me. It fuels me, drives me.

Thisis who I am, no matter how it’s labeled.

I’ve ignored it for too long. Been ashamed of who I am for no valid reason.

Right as they lose consciousness, Ilona steps into view.

I flinch, dropping the connection before the guards are entirely drained. Only Dash remains standing across from me, gaping at me with horror. A look of disgust crosses Ilona’s face, and before I can call out to her, she shakes her head and bolts back down the corridor in the direction she came.

“What have you done?” Dash whispers. He takes a step back, and it’s enough to confirm that he’s afraid of me. A fact I find disappointing yet unsurprising.

“You did this, Dash,” I accuse. “You caused this with your lies.”

I wait for him to fight back, for his malicious, manipulating side to reveal itself. But it doesn’t. It could be a trick of lighting, but I’m almost positive his eyes glisten with tears before he blinks them away. His face turns to stone.

“You are wrong. I meant it when I said I love you. You’re going to regret whatever it is you’re doing, Astrid.”

Lex growls beside me, and my automatic response is to soothe him by interlacing my fingers with his. Dash’s eyes track the movement, and I see the moment I break his heart. His gaze drops to the floor as a tear falls, and he rubs a hand over his face to cover it up.

“Don’t go with them,” Dash whispers so quietly that I almost miss it.

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Do you even know who that is? He’s dangerous,” Dash says, a murderous look on his face. “That’s Lexyll, God of War.”

I’m about to ask him how he knows that, if he’s known it all along, but I don’t get a chance.

Lex snarls, and it’s a terrifying sound. “Do you even know who she is? Would you still love her, accept her, care for her if she wasn’t who you thought she was?”

Dash searches my face for an answer.

“I’m not Astrid. I’m Aife. Goddess of Death.”

He recoils, shaking his head in denial. “No you’re not. That’s not possible.” He runs his hand through his hair, taking deep breaths. “You’re Astrid, the love of my life.”

“She’s mine, jackass.” Lex growls and my brows shoot up to my hairline. Normally, I’d be disgusted by such an archaic claim, but hearing those words come out of Lex’s mouth is downright sexy. I just about melt at his feet.

I hadn’t expected Lex to admit that so openly. Not that I think he’s embarrassed of me, but he’s normally so calculated. It seems Dash gets under his skin.

“I’m not giving up on you, Astrid,” Dash says, ignoring Lex’s declaration.

Enira releases a piercing laugh. At least Callan, Lo, and Sora have the decency to keep quiet.

“Shut the fuck up, Enira,” I say.

“Or what? You need me, Aife,” she says, goading me. “You need me if you ever want your memories back.”

“You know what? I am so sick of you controlling me, of you interfering with my life.” I step away from the showdown with Dash, moving toward Enira. Sora and Lo are holding her under the arms. They watch me curiously, but don’t interfere as I rip the sack off her head. “I am sick of being a pawn. I am not your prey.”

“Being prey can be fun. Just ask your handsome lover.”

The thought of her touching Lex against his will ruins me. I buckle under the intensity of her claim. At first, I ignored her comments in the pit, assuming they were nothing more than a bluff, but she’s a sick woman, and I wouldn’t put it past her.

“You disgusting bitch!” Before anyone can register what I’m doing, I snatch the dagger from Lo’s hip and run the blade across Enira’s throat. It’s a clean, killing blow, and blood gushes from the wound in ribbons of crimson. I watch as she chokes on her own blood, her face stretched with incredulity.

“I did not see that coming,” Callan whispers. Lo tells him to shut up as Sora sighs and shakes his head. As Enira continues to bleed out, Sora and Lo release her body to the floor with a thud.

Holding the bloody blade in front of me, I turn back to Dash. “I am sick of everyone telling me who I am. More than that, I am sick of fearing that people will misunderstand me or hate me for who I am.”

A brief glance at Lex causes the next wave of threats to die out on my tongue. His eyes, greener than the jungle, sparkle with approval. He watches me like I’m the most glorious being he’s ever seen.

“There she is,” he whispers. I swell with pride, and my stomach flutters at his praise. “I’ve missed you.”

“This isn’t you,” Dash says.

I toss the blade aside with a resigned sigh. “It is me, Dash. This is why we can never work. You need to let me go.”

Before he gets a chance to reply, a shooting pain drives through my skull, and I drop to my knees with a panicked screech. Broken, distorted pieces of memories flood my brain. I can’t fully comprehend them.

It lasts for only a brief moment, and when the pain subsides, I remember something. The image is foggy, and it’s only one tiny missing piece. But it’s something important.

Something that changes everything.

Lex helps me to my feet, concern marring his stunning features. “Are you okay, luv?”

Dash calls my name, looking torn between rushing to my side and keeping his distance. Lo, Callan, and Sora crowd around me, peering at me with unease.

I ignore them all. Instead, I look up into my fated’s haunted eyes, a dark smile playing on my lips. “It seems that some of my memories have returned with Enira’s death.”

Lex swallows thickly, and his jaw tenses.

He’s unsettled.

As he should be.

“I just remembered why it is that I hate you so much, my dearest, and I am downright done with all of these wicked lies.” I fist his collar, pulling him toward me and violently pressing my lips to his.

He returns the kiss without hesitation, wrapping his arms around me and gluing our bodies together. It isn’t a sweet reunion of a kiss by any means. It’s a vicious thing, fueled by a passion I’ve never known before.

I moan into his mouth as our tongues dance. He matches my intensity like he was made for me, licking and nibbling in a way that drives me crazy. He tastes like mint and fire—a hauntingly delicious combination.

His hardness presses against me, begging to be touched. I’m desperate to remove our layers, to let him bend me over and slide into my slick heat, filling the aching hollow there.

The vague awareness of prying eyes is the only thing keeping me from ravishing him entirely. Instead, I settle for grinding against him as we kiss ravenously.

It’s not nearly enough, but it’s something.

It’s a kiss birthed of old hate and new desire.

A kiss intended to devastate.