Chapter 24

CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR

I holeup in the apartment for the next few days reading romance novels and contemplating my life distraction-free. I’m biding my time until I can return home. Fara and Lex come knocking, but luckily, when I don’t answer, they leave me in peace. This morning, Fara left a red knit sweater and a fresh basket of strudel outside the door. It was kind of her, but I still didn’t feel like engaging in small talk.

At night, while the village slumbers, I amble along the lakeside, lost in thought. On my own, free of my clamorous magic and Mother’s influence, I’m able to really think.

One night, I wander along the crooked cobblestone path, led by only the silver luminescence of the moon above. A few houses have sconces that flicker as I pass, but they do little to keep the shadows at bay. Unfamiliar with the path, I stumble a few times on jutting edges, cursing the goddess each time.

I make my way to the empty docks, then sit on the edge, letting my feet dangle over the water. The lake is tranquil, lacking the powerful pounding waves and stinging salt spray of the Insipid Sea. Both bodies of water make me feel small, insignificant, but the lake is inviting instead of intimidating.

Cool air stings my lungs, and I shiver, wrapping my borrowed wool blanket tighter around me as I think about how I ended up here. So much has happened in such a short time, and I don’t know what the future holds. I hope Ilona is okay. I can’t imagine how she’s faring without me there to guide her. I pray to the goddess that Dash and the Vannyks can protect her by subduing Mother. I’m not sure what they plan, but they seem confident.

Lex also seemed fine with leaving them behind to take care of the situation. It could be because it’s not his problem, but then again, I’m not his problem and he’s gone out of his way to help me. After escaping from the pit, he could’ve run far away without looking back, but he stopped to help me. He also could’ve gone after Enira, but he didn’t. Something tells me he wouldn’t have let Enira walk without punishment, so he either knows something we don’t, or he has faith in the Vannyks’ ability to subdue Enira.

And on top of everything, I miss Dash. When I first met him, I thought he was nothing more than an arrogant nuisance. Granted, I still think that most of the time, but somehow he wiggled his way under my skin with his stupid smirk and ill-timed jokes. He brings a spark of light to my darkness.

Stretching my arms overhead, I lay back on the dock. The abundance of stars above twinkle as if they know secrets of the night but are unwilling to share. A soft breeze caresses me, bringing with it a fresh pine scent. Being at the lake reminds me of a certain green-eyed stranger. Calming and oddly familiar.

I can’t place my finger on it, but something about Nevaris feels homier than Hakran. It’s probably because there’s no Enira here. No cold, faceless guards running around. No debaucherous bacchanals or orgies on the lakeside. Every day, floral scents waft through the streets, homemade baked goods are brought to my door, and children play happily outside, their scolding mothers never far away. My evenings are filled with silent reflections. It’s the kind of place that wraps its arms around anyone who visits, begging them to stay.

The thought of leaving makes my chest tight, but I chalk it up to nerves. I don’t belong here. Hakran is my home. My people, my friends, are relying on me. I worry if I stay here any longer, Nevaris’ embrace will tighten, and it will only be harder to say goodbye to the sliver of peace I’ve found here.

I need to leave.

* * *

The next day I decide to visit Lex in Harmony House. I’ve been patient, and I’ve given it time; hopefully the bond with Dash has faded enough to return home. Even if it hasn’t been broken entirely, perhaps it’s weak enough that I’ll be safe from the ill effects. I can certainly refrain from acts of intimacy with Dash until the bond dissolves, that way I don’t recharge it.

I’m ready to go home. I’m tired of everyone else making decisions for me, and I’m sick of sitting around worthlessly. I’ve spent four days doing absolutely nothing eventful.

I am soon to be the queen of Hakran. I am not just my mother’s pawn. I don’t belong to Dash, and I’m not a slave to his power-sharing bond gone wrong. My emotions are not my master.

As the only vygora with the power of transference, it’s time the people see me for who I really am, without the veyl or the influence of my mother. Maybe my people will never embrace me the way I want, but I no longer care. I will be a better ruler than my mother, and that’s what matters most. They can hate me, but I’ll still protect them.

I make it to Harmony House in record time and burst through the door without knocking.

“Great security,” I say sarcastically.

Callan stands in the foyer with a sandwich held up, about to take a bite. His eyes widen at my arrival. “Astrid! What brings you here?” He flashes me a dazzling smile.

“Where’s Lex?” I ask as Lo and Sora, wearing identically stern expressions, enter the room.

“Up in his roo—” Callan starts.

“He’s busy,” Sora says over him. Lo shoots me a look of pity. Suspicion rises, and something about the look on Lo and Sora’s faces unsettles me.

I follow Callan’s tip, racing up the stairs in search of Lex.

“Wait, Astrid! You don’t want to—” Lo calls up the stairs after me, but the blood pounds in my head, silencing her voice.

I get the impression they’re hiding something from me, and I don’t like it.

Lex’s bedroom door is closed, and I barge right in. “Lex! I think it’s time that we—” My voice catches at the sight before me, and heat rushes to my cheeks.

Lex stands shirtless on his balcony with his back against the railing, and a fully nude woman stands beside him, raking her fingernails down his arm.

My feet are frozen to the floor, and I’m unable to look anywhere but the place where the woman’s nails graze Lex’s skin. Envy and disgust coil tightly inside of me.

Lex’s eyes lock onto mine from across the room. He raises a glass of whiskey to his lips, ignoring the woman as she leans closer, whispering something in his ear. Her pert breasts rub against him, and a low growl escapes me. When she angles her lips toward his mouth, Lex’s face flashes with annoyance and he puts a hand up to block her.

“Out,” he barks.

“Sorry,” I say. I’m obviously intruding on an intimate moment, and I don’t even know why I’m still standing here, torturing myself. I have no right to be jealous over a man I don’t even know. I begin turning toward the door.

“Not you, luv” he says in a softer tone. His voice hardens again as he addresses the nude woman. “You, Ana. Now.”

“You have serious intimacy issues, Lex.” Ana scoffs. Ignoring his request, she trails her fingers down his toned abs toward his waistband, reaching for his zipper. Lex’s hand flashes out and catches her wrist, causing her to screech in pain.

“I told you not to fucking touch me,” he says. His accent is even more pronounced with his angry, carefully articulated words. A tingle goes down my spine. This is a hint of his darker side, and I’m captivated.

When he releases his grip on her wrist, she jumps backward, cradling her hand to her chest in disbelief.

“I told you to leave.” Lex finishes his glass of whiskey before entering the room and placing the empty glass atop the fireplace mantel. His body language makes him appear indifferent, but his tight jaw betrays his mood.

Ana dramatically flings her dark hair over her shoulder before snatching her clothes from his bedroom floor. She doesn’t even bother to put them on.

“Like I said, serious issues, Lex.” She frowns at him before turning her attention to me. She looks me up and down, seeming more concerned than judgemental. “Good luck with him. He’ll ruin you, sweetie.”

She stomps out of the room in all of her naked glory, slamming the door violently behind her. The force of it causes the chandelier to sway, filling the room with a soft tinkling.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—I shouldn’t have…” I begin, but I’m not sure what to say. My confidence deflates. Why the hell did I think barging in here was a good idea? Finally, I say, “I should’ve knocked.”

“Yes. Probably,” he says, stepping closer and eliminating the distance between us. He must’ve spent the last few days outside, because his olive-brown skin simply glows, and he looks even healthier than he did during our last encounter. I fight to keep my eyes locked on the sharp angles of his face instead of staring at the scars decorating his chest.

“I didn’t mean to ruin your frolicking,” I say awkwardly, gesturing toward him and the bed.

His lips quirk at the sides. “Frolicking? I’m not certain that’s the word I’d use.”

“Your entanglement. Engagement. Whatever you want to call it.”

“Absolutely nothing happened between Ana and me,” he says. “I… belong to another.” My eyes widen in surprise. He pours a new glass of whiskey, sipping it nonchalantly, as if he hasn’t just pierced my heart with two simple words.

It’s not my business, and I shouldn’t care. But then why does it hurt so much to hear him say that?

No wonder he rejected me before.

I clear my throat, feigning composure even though he’s rattled me. “It’s time for me to leave, Lex. I can’t stay here any longer. I don’t belong here.”

“I disagree. But I won’t stand in your way if that’s truly what you desire.”

A lump forms in my throat. I swallow through it and nod.

“Would you like me to check on your bond?” he asks. I’m grateful he’s acknowledging our agreement this time, asking for my consent before using his power on me.

“Please,” I whisper. I’m scared that if I try to say anything else I’ll lose hold of my facade.

Lex places his glass on the table beside me and steps in front of me as his eyes flutter shut. After a few seconds of silence, his eyes whip back open, and he stares at me with an indescribable intensity.

My breathing increases, and I twist my hands together nervously.

“Fascinating,” he says with a smirk. “Are you nervous, luv? And is that a wee bit of jealousy I detect?”

I scowl, refusing to respond. Denying it won’t make a difference, not to a vygora. It was a terrible idea letting him read my emotions in this state. Clearly I haven’t been making smart decisions around Lex lately.

“You still have a bit of connection with…him.” He grimaces, grabbing his whiskey and chugging the remainder before placing the glass back on the table.

“Why is it so hard for you to say his name?” I ask, frowning at his glass. How much whiskey does he drink? “What do you have against him?”

“I have nothing against him.”

“Then stop being a dick!” It comes out fiercer than I intended. Despite my growing attraction toward Lex, I’m still protective of Dash.

“Are you happy with him?” Lex asks, catching me off guard. I search for any sarcasm or mockery but find none. It seems like a sincere question.

“We only met a few weeks ago, and we haven’t had the easiest time together,” I reply truthfully. “We haven’t really gotten the chance to be happy together, but I think we could be, and I’d like to try.”

Lex turns away from me, approaching his dresser and snatching a silky shirt. He puts it on, leisurely taking his time with each button before replying. His voice is strained as he says, “Well, then I think it is time for you to return to Hakran.”

I’m relieved he relented without a fight, but I’m also disappointed he’s letting me walk away so easily. Lex is an entirely unpredictable man, and he constantly perplexes me.

I have to remind myself that he’s taken, that there isn’t anything between us other than a weird vygora connection. Even though that’s a lie.

“How long until the bond’s broken entirely?” I ask, my voice slicing through the tension.

“It’s faded a good amount since you’ve left. It’s still there, but it’s very weak. As long as you keep your physical distance from Dash, it should disappear entirely soon.” He retreats to the balcony, leaning over the railing and gazing across the lake.

I follow him, admiring the landscape before us. On the other side of the water, mountains climb into the clouds. It looks almost fake, the blue of the sky too vibrant, the water too calm. Nevaris truly is a stunning little place, and I’ve grown fond of the fresh air here. I’ll miss the little things like the sounds of farm animals and the way the breeze chills my skin, carrying earthy scents of fish, pine, and wildflowers. I’ll especially miss Fara’s strudel.

Part of me wishes I would’ve spent more time enjoying the scenery instead of hiding away in the apartment, but another part of me is glad I didn’t get any more attached to the little village.

“Will I be able to visit?” I ask. “With Dash and Ilona?” I pull my attention away from the lake and catch his expression twisting into something sorrowful.

“You’re always welcome here, Astrid.” His eyes soften, and something lingers between us, a static charge in the air.

Even though I initially thought I was attracted to him because of his vygora powers, it’s more than that. Since the moment I met him in the pit, even when he was weak and dirty, something inexplicable has been pulling me toward him.

It’s different from my connection with Dash. Dash irritated me at first, then he dug his way into my heart with his good looks and charm. He’s fun and lighthearted, but I constantly worry about what he thinks of me.

With Lex, I can be myself. It’s like he accepts the darkness inside of me without judgment because it mirrors his own. We both live in the shadows. Being around him is exhilarating and calming at the same time.

It’s unfair to compare the two men. They’re not in any sort of competition, and they’re both incredible in their own way, and they bring out different sides of me.

Nevaris is not my home, and Lex is nothing more than a stranger. A taken stranger. One who will never be more than a friend. I simply helped him, and he returned the favor.

Next time I visit, with Ilona and Dash, everything will be back to normal and Lex and I will laugh about this.

“Are you ready to go?” he asks, interrupting my thoughts as he rolls up his sleeves.

“Yes.” No.

We leave the room and head downstairs into the foyer, walking past the chaise where a still naked Ana sits on Callan’s lap. They laugh about something together.

I guess she didn’t take Lex’s rejection to heart. Good for her.

Lo leans against the front door, talking quietly with Sora. She offers me an apologetic smile, her eyes shifting between Ana and me.

Does she think there’s something between Lex and me? Did she think whatever was going on between Lex and Ana would bother me? It neither involves me nor affects me, especially since Lex is taken.

Except that, well, it does bother me. It’s not supposed to, and Lo is certainly not supposed to think so, but my chest burns at the thought of Lex belonging to someone else.

Sora’s calculating gaze meets mine, and he narrows his eyes, scowling, before adjusting the dagger attached to his leather pants. Okay then.

I wonder what exactly it is that the harbingers do. I still never figured out Lex’s deal here.

“Leaving already?” Callan says as he plays with Ana’s hair. The pretty brunette lets him, smiling sweetly. I wonder if it’s common for them to share women.

“Yes,” I confirm.

“Will you return?” he asks, smiling hopefully. Something familiar flickers inside of me, but I tamp it down, chalking it up to nerves.

“I don’t know yet.” And it’s the truth. I’d like to bring Ilona and Dash, but I don’t know what’s going to happen when I return to Hakran. I’m not sure if my new role as queen will allow me time to step away from the island.

“Did the big bad Lex scare you away? This one is nicer,” Ana says, slapping Callan on the chest. She giggles. “You can give him a go when I’m done.”

“No thanks,” I say. Lex growls and glares at Ana. Callan whispers something in her ear, and her face pales as she mutters an apology to me.

The dynamics of their little friend group is getting stranger by the minute.

I stride toward the door, but Lo doesn’t budge. She continues leaning against it as she whispers something to Sora, who shakes his head aggressively.

“Don’t,” he says, the single word slicing through the air. Lo shrugs.

“I need to show you something before you go,” she says.

“Loisia,” Sora hisses, glancing at me. “Terrible idea.”

Lex remains impassive but refuses to meet my eyes.

Callan lifts Ana off his lap, swatting her on the ass. “Time for you to go, gorgeous.”

She mockingly pouts, but when she notices Callan is no longer smiling, she locates her clothes and gets dressed. Everyone ignores her as she waves and trots out the door.

“It’s up to Lex,” Callan says to Lo and Sora, who are staring each other down heatedly.

“You know it’s a mistake,” Sora says. “Lo needs to respect that.”

“Maybe we need to let her make her own decision,” Lo grits out. Three sets of eyes swing my way, but Lex continues to look anywhere but my direction. “Have you even told her anything?”

I knew they were keeping something from me. I scrutinize Lex, realizing how utterly exhausted he looks. He’s as devastatingly handsome as ever, the epitome of grace, but there’s something hollow in his expression, a sadness in his eyes that I’ve recognized from the moment I met him.

“Stop talking as if I’m not here,” I say, a sense of foreboding building in my stomach. “Does this have something to do with why my mother locked you up?”

“Yes,” Lex says. He strokes his jaw, finally looking at me.

“Who are you?” I ask him straight up this time, sick of the games. I want answers. “If not royalty, then what?”

“I am Lexyll,” he says simply, “God of War.”

I wait for him to give me something else. The room seems to hold its breath, waiting for my reaction. After a beat, I burst out laughing.

“God of war?” I choke out between laughs. Irritation flashes in Lex’s eyes, and Sora pins a death stare on Lo, who continues to eye me with pity. When no one joins in with the laughter—not even Callan, who scratches the back of his head and frowns—I realize it’s not a joke.

I stop laughing, and Lex cocks his head, waiting for me to respond. Slowly, things fall into place. It all starts to make sense:

How quickly Lex recovered after being in the pit.

His power display in the throne room.

How I can’t use my powers on him.

How the villagers adore and fear him.

“And you three are his harbingers,” I say incredulously, waving toward Callan, Lo, and Sora. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Harbingers of Death.” Sora’s voice is low and methodical as he answers. “Yes.”

“We’re warriors. We lead Lex’s legions,” Lo says.

Legions.

Of course Lex—the god of war—has legions.

But where the hell were they while he was trapped in Mother’s pit? It doesn’t make sense.

“I thought you were a vygora,” I say stupidly.

“Technically, I am,” Lex says. “That’s the type of magic that flows in my blood.”

“But you’re a god.” I still can’t get over the revelation.

“Only a few of us remain alive these days, but we exist.” He rubs his brow, as if he’s annoyed. “All power comes from gods and goddesses.”

“Holy shit, are you—are we related?” I ask, horrified. If Lex is a god, one with similar power, does that mean I’m one of his offspring? Is that why my magic reacted the way it did to him? Oh goddess, if that’s the case, I totally read our vibe the wrong way.

My face pales, and I feel like I’m going to faint.

Lo mumbles something under her breath, shaking her head while Callan barks a laugh that echoes through the foyer. Even Sora’s brows rise in interest as he takes in my question.

“Absolutely not.” Lex’s green eyes sparkle with amusement. “I have no children.”

“Just tell her, Lex,” Lo murmurs. Sora elbows her in the side, and she grunts. Callan shakes his head.

“Tell me what?”

“Astrid—” Lex runs a hand across his jaw, as if he’s searching for the words.

“Aife,” Lo interjects.

“Excuse me?” I ask, bewildered.

“Aife,” she says, “is your real name. Not Astrid.”

My breath catches in my throat, and my mouth goes dry.

Impossible.

I have no idea who she’s talking about, but it’s not me. She’s wrong. I am Astrid Lucille Sylano, Princess of Hakran.

Aren’t I?