10. Theo

CHAPTER 10

Theo

T he apparent weight, that Anthony said I would have, easing off my shoulders at telling Jesse, ha! That was complete nonsense. At the moment I just had a gut-wrenching guilt swirling in the pit of my stomach as the acceptance hit me of what I’d actually done.

Jesse was so right. My dad too. Screw it even Anthony with his words of wisdom being relayed to me. I’d not thought about anything—well anyone except acted out of pure quick instinct at that moment—rather than really considered the situation at hand. Then when I realized that I would be fine it was too late to fix what I had done and admit my mistakes.

Well, I was rather too immature to accept my fate at that time. I know now though that I could have saved so much pain and heartache if I’d only just paid attention and listened to the people who cared about me rather than being stubborn as always.

I couldn’t just let him walk away without hearing everything.

I hobbled out of the tent, limping on my bad leg and cleared my throat as I made my way towards a rock and sat down close to where I could see him sitting.

“I know you said—” I began, holding my hands up in surrender and letting a long-drawn-out breath out. “I have to let this off my chest. Just let me get it out,” I pleaded as I watched him give a quick nod. “I watched how my uncle went through his treatment and the way it tore up and split his family apart. I didn’t want to do that to us,” I uttered refusing to let him see my weakness now and staring straight at him. He needed to know that I meant every word. “I wanted you to have the love you deserved and a life without restrictions.” I continued as I watched the way his jaw began to tick the more I spoke. “You deserved to be out here. You had it all, the wilderness; the great outdoors,” I whispered. “You didn’t need to be, potentially, in a sterile fixed environment with nothing but the four walls to see,” I told him as the tears fell. “It was never you. It’s not your personality. It’s not what you’ve grown to love.” I glanced around at where we were. “Can you understand where my mind went? Even if it was completely wrong to do so. I should have told you.”

“I think you’ve been living in a dream or an ideal world,” Jesse huffed out at me. “I came here on a vacation a few weeks ago. The best thing I ever fucking did. The one thing I did to reevaluate my inner self and finally think I was finding my true self. That was until you showed up here,” he began rambling as my mouth dropped open. “Do you really want to know what I’ve been doing the last year without you in my life?” Jesse huffed out loudly. “I was living with my brother as he lived his happy ever after with the guy he’d fallen in love with,” he scoffed out, before smiling, deep in thought. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy for the pair of them. I really am, but do you know how hard it is being under a newly formed couple's feet day in and day out?” I asked him. “You know what, screw this Theo, I don’t deserve this?—”

I grabbed Jesse’s arm, making him halt in his tracks.

“Jesse, get this in your head. I’m a fool. A lovesick fool and I should never have run away. I should have come to you.” I forced the words out as fast as I could. “I should have run to you and begged you to be with me. I should have pleaded for you to have held my hand during each of those appointments and not ran to my dad. Not—” I dropped his arm and shook my head. “I’m fucking ecstatic your idiotic brother called me, and I’ll forever be in his gratitude for his call—just never the reason behind it—because it brought me back to you. I just hope. I fucking plead with all my heart that you still want me. That I haven’t missed my chance. That you haven’t found someone else…”

“After last night…” he lifted his brow. “I’d never kiss you if there was anyone…”

“I had to make sure. I…,” I whispered as my eyes filled with tears. “Please let me make it up to you each day,” I begged him. “Let us live our lives out here like it’s always meant to be. Let us be that couple exploring the great outdoors together. What do you say?” I asked him.

“I…” Jesse looked at me in shock. “What can I say to that?”

“Jesse…” I pleaded as I licked my lips, his hands reached out and gently wrapped themselves around my waist. “I know I have fucked up completely and truly epically.”

“Theo, you know you have a lot of making up to do, you know…” Jesse began as he pulled me closer to him, tipped his head to the side as his fingers trailed down my body. “You can never hide anything from me again. I mean nothing.”

“Does that mean?” I asked, hoping and praying that I wasn’t being played by him at this moment.

“How about you fucking kiss me? Would that be—,” Jesse growled at me.

I didn’t need to be told twice. I dived forward and sealed my mouth against his and put my all into it, slanting and moving my mouth as I battled for dominance against him. It was as if seconds earlier an announcement had just been made and it was the last moment I would ever spend on this earth.

The moment the two of us pulled apart, I felt dazed and disorientated—amazed that the man in front of me allowed me to devour him like that, now that he knew everything. I never in a million years thought he would give me the opportunity to even listen to me, let alone the option of forgiveness and potentially the chance to heal one another. I didn’t know how I’d fallen so damn lucky with finding him, but I would never make a fool of him again. I would cherish and ensure that he knew how much he meant to me forever going forward. It was as if I had Uncle Mike looking down on me and telling me that this was my chance to do right in the world by him. I would forever make sure Jesse saw the truth in my actions in everything I did.

“Now I think we should take this back into our private space and have some time alone before we make our way back to the main site,” Jesse commanded me as I gulped harshly at his words. He reached for my hand and linked our fingers together. “Then I’m going to request the weekend off due to a family emergency. I think we need to make a road trip and pay my brother a little visit, don’t you? We can then catch up and find out what’s happened at the hospital, too.”

“I think that sounds perfect,” I whispered, pulling our joined hands to my lips and pressing a gentle kiss to the top of his knuckles. “I can see this turning out to be a fun adventure for sure. Do you have a plan in place?”

“When have you known me to not have a plan in place, Theo?” He chuckled back at me. “That much has definitely not changed about me. If anything, I’ve just got more refined with my decisions.”

“Then lead the way, I told him. “I’m all yours.”

“Yes, you are and don’t you forget it.” He growled at me. “Theo, you’ll forever be mine to have and love. Trust me on that one.”