Chapter 31

31

Troy

After getting ready for work, I pull my laptop out of my backpack to shoot off an email to my new lab group in Thermo II. A tee slips out and lands on the bed. It’s not mine, but I recognize it from last night. A warm sensation stirs in my chest as I pick it up and take a whiff. There he is.

I recall Atlas looking particularly sneaky when he kissed me goodbye in his hoodie this morning, and now I know what that was about. But there was something else there too. Since I first saw him last night, he seemed on edge. Not regular stress stuff either. I know him too well. Something was really eating at him.

“I’ll tell you tomorrow. I promise. I just need a little time to process it.”

Whatever it is, it’s clearly breaking my A’s heart. I just hope that when we chat tonight, I can help take that load off his shoulders…and then maybe figure out something else to do with another of his loads.

I enjoy his scent once again on the present he left me, then shoot off my email and head to the shop. It’s one of those zone days. Been in that zone a lot since Atlas and I exchanged I love yous.

That was unexpected, but a lot of things have been unexpected since that wild step bet I thought was so ridiculous, impossible even. Not just to pass that test, but to think that A would actually suck my dick. If I close my eyes, I can still relive that first time I had his mouth around my cock. It was confusing, shocking, and exciting all at once. Sums us up about right.

After finishing a drive belt replacement in the shop pit, I check my phone. I’m surprised I haven’t heard from my boyfriend yet, and I wonder if it has to do with whatever’s weighing on him. I figure it might be a good time to cheer him up, so I turn on my camera app and position my hand behind my head so that his name is in view on my wrist. It’s not the Sharpie one I initially drew, but henna, because of course after Atlas one-upped me, I had to improve my game. After positioning myself, I hold my phone over my head, workshopping the expression I’m gonna make, when I realize I got the damn light behind me, so I have to adjust.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I hear, catching me off guard. Walker steps around the car, gazing down into the pit. “Would hate to catch you actually doing any work.”

“And here I was thinking you were coming to visit me because you wanted to stop doing yours.”

He grins. “Give me your phone. I can take a better pic of you from up here.”

He’s right, so I hand it over, and he acts as my personal photographer.

“You gotta get my wrist in the shot,” I say, and he snaps a quick photo, which I send off to Atlas with the message: Busy day at the shop.

“It’s nice to see you like this,” Walker says.

“Like what?”

“Bouncing around. Stupidly in love.”

I am stupidly in love and not ashamed to admit it. I mean, obviously not, since I’m flaunting Atlas’s name on my fucking body.

“So I’m waiting for an apology,” he says.

“Apology?”

“I’m sorry, Walker, for all those days when I was complaining about my stepbrother, and telling you what an asshole he was and a jerk…and about the fight he started at our frat party. You know, all those hours of complaining I’ll never get back.”

“I mean, I stand by some of those complaints. But admittedly, might have been some biased reporting.”

He snickers. “I bet. No, but seriously. I’m happy for you, kid.”

He doesn’t give me any more hell about that before heading off, and I’m about to slide my phone in my pocket when my phone buzzes. That was quick for my little Titan, but as I check the notification, I see it’s not from Atlas. It’s BRO.

Did my heart stop beating?

I pull up the message.

Bro: Hey, hey, little man. What’ve you been up to?

It’s enough to make me dizzy. On the one hand, some part of me enjoys seeing Brandon texting like everything’s totally fine—it’s a hope, a dream. On the other hand, it’s horrifying when I know how not fine things really are. His words suggest he’s texting like he would any other day, but the messages above it, all from me, tell a different story:

Me: Merry Christmas!

Me: Happy Birthday!

Me: Just wanted to check in.

They go on and on like that, desperate attempts at eliciting a response. Texts. Photos. Videos.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, he’s asking how I am?

I glance around the garage uneasily, almost guiltily. Like I’m gonna get caught reveling in the hope that maybe this time it’s different. Is it so wrong to hope he could mean it?

“It’s just you and me, right?”

He was my hero, my best friend. My everything.

I push aside my skepticism. I’ll have plenty of time for that later. Right now, I have my shot at reaching him, so I need to be quick and smart about my response. I know better than to say anything that might scare him off. I’ve learned that lesson from past attempts. When I’d question him, he’d go MIA for weeks…then months…

Me: Hey, man! Been up to a lot! What about you?

That’s good. Perfect.

I want to tell him how I was struggling in Thermo but then fucking killed it. How much I love my job. But most importantly, I want to tell him about Atlas. I can just see his blue eyes lighting up and that big smile on his face, like he’s happy simply knowing I’m happy.

Bro: I’ve been doing great! Been getting some help and got a new job!

Some help? A new job?

I should believe him, and yet I shouldn’t. I’ve heard too many lies. To me. To Mom. He told me he was getting help when I loaned him that money I know I’ll never see again. And I hate that part of me is hoping he’s about to let me know he can finally pay me back. Not that I need the fucking money, but just that it matters to him to honor his word.

That would’ve mattered to him once.

Even with all that, I let myself hope. Maybe this time is different. Maybe after all the bullshit in my life, this stuff with Atlas is the beginning of a new chapter. Some sort of cosmic justice to make up for all the crap. I’ve lived enough to know that’s not how life works, but I’m desperately reaching for anything that could bring him back.

Me: That all sounds great. So proud of you!

Bro: Thanks. You’ve always been there for me, bud.

Bro: I’d love to meet and catch up if you have a chance.

I find myself gasping with relief. I know better than to be too excited. It would be easy for him to forget and to go MIA all over again.

It’s a pipe dream that he’ll come back and we’ll be a big happy family again, because even if what Brandon’s saying is true, there’s no quick fix for this. Even in my most perfect fantasy, he’ll struggle with this for the rest of his life.

But there’s the thought that maybe…just maybe…there’s some truth, enough that I can have my big brother back.

Bro: You free around 7-ish?

Me: Of course!

I wait for his reply, but it doesn’t come as quickly as his other messages, so I’m just staring at my phone, willing him to respond.

There’s a buzz, but this time it’s Atlas.

Atlas: Hot. You working or having a photoshoot?

I’d nearly forgotten about the pic I’d taken, and in all my excitement, I forgot I told Atlas we’d get together for dinner.

But I know him. He of all people will understand.

I start to text him but stop myself.

I want to blurt out that Brandon just texted, but I can’t. Atlas is the first person I’d share something like that with, but if Brandon lets me down, if he doesn’t show, I can’t imagine that would help Atlas’s impression of him. And I don’t want the most important man in my life to think of my brother as what he’s become. I don’t want anyone to think of him that way.

Me: Figured your eyes were missing me.

Atlas: You figured correctly.

Me: So…something came up today. You mind if we change our plans for tonight?

I notice the ellipsis as he’s typing. It stops, then starts, stops, then starts again. Finally, I get—

Atlas: Sure. Everything okay, T?

I consider my response carefully. I don’t want to worry him, but I also don’t want to lie.

Me: Yeah. It’s…wild. I’ll tell you about it. Maybe we could meet up later tonight?

Atlas: That works. I’ve been having a shit day anyway.

Now I feel even worse. I know he needs me there for him, but with Atlas, at least I know he’ll still be there later tonight and tomorrow and the next day. With Brandon, that might not be the case, and I have to take advantage of the opportunity.

Me: This has not been my A’s week. :( I’ll make it all better when I see you later.

Atlas: Looking forward to it. *devil emoji*

And I’m looking forward to it too because I’m hoping that when I see him, I’ll have wonderful news to share.