Chapter 32

32

Atlas

There’s an annoying voice in my head that won’t shut up, telling me something is wrong. It’s unlike Troy to change plans and not give me a reason why. My brain tries to do everything it can to sabotage me, telling me he’s already moving on, that he’s done with me, that maybe he’s like Glen and going to find someone else, that he’s kissing someone else the way I saw Glen do, but then I figure that’s more my guilty conscience than anything.

I’m the one with the huge secret. One that’s going to rip the rug out from beneath us. No matter what I tell myself, I know there’s no real excuse for keeping this from him last night. And now my plan to admit today what I saw is derailed by Troy’s mysterious plans, and oh look, I’m thinking about that again.

He didn’t mention the shirt you put in his bag. Why wouldn’t he mention the shirt?

I groan, pounding my fist on the arm of the couch. There are a hundred possibilities why he didn’t mention it—he hasn’t found it yet, he forgot, he’s busy—but then I think about Glen, how he started pulling away from Mom when he met Ellie. Is Glen doing that to Ellie now? Is he distracted and forgetting things that are important to her because he has someone else?

And I know how wrong it is to wonder that about Troy. I know him, down to the marrow of my bones, and he would never cheat on me, but damn, emotions can play tricks on you. Make you think truths are lies and vice versa.

My leg bounces up and down, so I shoot off from my couch. There’s no way I can sit around all afternoon. I’ll make myself nuts, so I grab my keys and head out.

I can’t explain why I drive home—to Ellie and Glen’s place, I mean. My usual MO is to stay away unless I absolutely have to be there, but the guilt of what I know has a viselike grip on me, cranking more and more until it’s hard to move or breathe.

How am I in this situation again?

My body overheats, feeling like steam is coming out of my pores. I hate Glen even more for this, for what he did to Mom and now to Ellie.

What this might do to Troy.

Ellie’s car is the only one in the driveway when I arrive, making a relieved breath whoosh from my lungs. Luckily, she usually gets off work earlier than he does. If Glen were here, I don’t know what I would have done. I still don’t know what I plan to do because it doesn’t feel right to tell her until I talk to Troy. I owe him that truth, the chance for him to talk to his mom about it before I blow her world apart.

I get out of the car and head to the house. I knock, and a moment later Ellie opens the door, looking like a TV sitcom mom. She works too, but somehow she manages to do it all—her job, then being home to clean and cook meals for Glen. I imagine that’s one of the reasons he chose her. She fits exactly what Glen wants in a wife, but clearly, he can never stay with one woman long.

“Atlas! This is a surprise.” She dries her hands on a dishtowel she carried with her. “Is everything okay? Is Troy—”

“He’s fine,” I cut her off. Of course she would assume something is wrong with him. It’s not like I ever stop by just to say hi.

My dad is cheating on you.

He’s going to break your heart like he did Mom’s.

What if I lose the only family I know?

That last question nearly steals the wind out of me. Troy and I are different now, but before that, he and Ellie were my family. The only one I’d known for years, and while I rebelled against that, part of me took comfort in it too.

I don’t want to be left.

It’s not Ellie’s fault that Mom left me.

Glen walked away from me all too easily.

“This was a mistake. I should…go.”

I only make it a few steps before Ellie says, “Atlas?” Something about the soft lilt in how she says my name makes me stop, turn around, and look at her. “Come in. I made brownies.”

My stomach twists, chest tightening, but still, I say the most unexpected thing, “Brownies sound good.”

My mom used to make me brownies. It was one of the things she made really well.

I go inside with Ellie, and we head to the kitchen. It smells like she’s got something in the oven, a roast maybe. The brownies are cooling on the counter.

Ellie cuts a large square, puts it on a plate, and passes it to me. “This is nice, you stopping by today. We don’t get much time alone.”

I nod because I’m not sure how else to answer. I never wanted time alone with her before, but now I feel guilty about that. She’s about to be the next casualty of Glen McCallister.

“I understand things are…difficult between us. The way your father and I got together, and your mom. I apologize for that. I’ve never actually apologized, have I?” The last question is more to herself. I hear the surprise in her voice, the regret that she’s kept that to herself all these years.

I look down at the perfect brown square and shake my head, unsure how to feel or what to think.

“I’m sorry, Atlas. And I’m sure I’m likely not who you want to speak to, but if something is wrong and that’s why you’re here, if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

I bite down on my tongue not to tell her, not to blurt it all out. Should I tell her? Everything is getting all twisted up in my head. The last thing I want is for it to be a shock to Troy, though, like I’m betraying him somehow if I tell Ellie first.

I feel even worse than I did yesterday, like if I open my mouth, I’m going to puke all over her brownie.

He’s cheating on you. Glen is cheating on you.

God, I hate my father. How can one person hurt so many?

“I’m seeing someone.” It’s the one thing I can say in this moment.

Her lips stretch into a huge grin. “Well, that’s wonderful news. What’s her name?”

“Him. He’s a him and…it’s complicated. There are a million reasons we’re not supposed to be together, but I love him.”

“Oh, honey.” She reaches over and places her hand on mine, squeezes it in support, and while I wish it were Mom I’m talking to, this is okay too. “Being in love is the greatest feeling. Sometimes it makes us do things we wouldn’t usually do. And sometimes,” she adds wistfully, “it can make us do things we’re not proud of.”

Her eyes dart away. I have no doubt if she turned them to me, I would see guilt there. And while I’m not ready to completely forgive her, I understand how you can get wrapped up in someone. I know Glen is a master manipulator, and he found Ellie when she was already struggling. She’s made a lot of mistakes—with Glen, with Troy, and maybe even with Brandon too. She’s not perfect, but she’s not all bad either. If you really look, most people aren’t.

“Anyway.” She waves her hand like she’s being silly and steps back. “Is he good to you?”

“Yes. The best.”

“Then I have a feeling it will all work out.” She gives me another supportive smile.

“I hope so. I have something to tell him that might hurt him, and I’m scared that even though it’s not my fault, it will be hard for him to be with me…or hell, maybe I’m scared I’ll mess up too. That I’m like G—” My gaze snaps to hers as I manage not to say his name. She knows what I meant, though, and I wonder if she will defend him.

“Life is complicated. I haven’t always done the right thing, your father neither…and there are a lot of regrets.”

“He said that?”

She frowns, then goes back to the pan and plucks a brownie for herself.

That’s what I thought. She has regrets, not him.

“I think you and your young man will be okay. You’re a good boy, Atlas. We should tell you that more often.”

It would be nice, but I can’t bring myself to say that.

Would she think we’ll be okay if she knew?

“You should put Brandon’s things out again,” I say instead. “He’s part of the family too. I feel that way about Mom. Because people are gone, it doesn’t mean we should forget about them.”

Her chin trembles, and I wonder if I shouldn’t have said that, if I went too far, but I know it would mean a lot to Troy.

“Eat up,” Ellie tells me. “The brownies are delicious.”

And while this day isn’t what I hoped it would be, while there is more I wish she would say, I feel a little closer to Ellie than I did before.

I eat the brownie while she talks about a trip she and Glen want to take, but that work is busy and he’s not sure he can get away. They work in different departments, have totally different roles, which gives her a flexibility he doesn’t have, she says, and I figure that’s how he manages to get away with leaving work without her knowing too. “He said I should ask a friend to go with me, which is nice. Could be fun to have some girl time.”

He wants you to leave so he can spend time with her.

It steels my resolve. No matter what might happen, I’m admitting the truth to Troy tonight, and then tomorrow, we need to come and tell Ellie what we know.