18. Arianne

Jax yanks the pillow from beneath my head and places it beneath my hips. His hands hold me firmly, the pads of his fingers gripping my butt cheeks. I can feel the hairs on his legs and knees brushing my thighs as he tilts my hips enough that he can ease his cock between the lips of my pussy.

"Fuck, you're tight," he groans as he nudges an inch of his length inside me.

I suck in air. He feels so huge and solid, I wonder how it will fit. I don't have anyone but Patrick to compare him to. We met at a church group when I was still in high school. He was my first and only.

But he never felt like Jax does right now.

The stretch almost burns, but the sensation is delicious. I fist the sheets as I try to push back against him.

Wanting more.

I had no idea my body could respond so quickly to someone's touch.

Jax stops moving, and I hear him suck in air. When I glance over my shoulder to look at him, his head is thrown back, his mouth open, as he looks up at the ceiling.

He looks so wild. Long hair flowing down his back, tattoos and scars covering his wide shoulders and broad chest.

Everything about him is bigger.

He's just so goddamn competent in everything he does.

Including the way he shifts his eyes to me as his thumbs pull the cheeks of my butt apart a little more. When he spits onto his cock, it's so dirty, I should hate it. But I can't bring myself to. There is something utterly raw about it.

"Oh, God," I groan when he slides out of me before easing in a little farther, his gaze now fixed on his cock as his thumb brushes over my asshole.

Everything in me clenches as he does so.

This time when he withdraws, he uses his finger to gather up some of my wetness. It's thick and white, and he sucks it off his finger.

"You taste so fucking good," he says, and I swear it sounds more like a growl than words. The six syllables vibrate through my chest.

He pushes in a little farther this time. I want to open my legs wider, allowing more room, but his knees keep me trapped. And while I want to move, there is also something utterly freeing about not being able to. It's a contradiction I don't understand.

"You're so big," I gasp, and Jax lowers himself, his whole body covering me. Lips brush my shoulder and neck before he places them next to my ear.

"Why thank you, kitten. I want you to take all of my cock. You think you can do that?"

I glance up at him and nod. "I want to feel every inch of you, Jax."

He withdraws a little, then pushes in hard. Two steps forward, one step back. As I glance over my shoulder, I can see the effort etched in the lines of his forehead. Fingers dig into the flesh of my hip. The other grips both my wrists above our heads.

The position shouldn't work. One of us should topple over or be suffocated.

But somehow it works.

Wework.

My eyes almost roll back in my head at how good it feels. I squeeze and grind and tense and try to push back against him until he is buried so deep inside me that I feel like he's a part of me.

The scent of his shampoo tickles my nose as he messily kisses my lips. I like that I'm pinned beneath him as he coils his ass to thrust into me.

He spares me nothing.

His hard thrusts jar.

My tender nipples ache in a way that makes my core tighten.

"Please, Jax," I gasp.

"I'm gonna need…another orgasm from you." His words are punctuated with grunts and gasps. "Tell me how to get you there. How do you…masturbate, Arianne?"

The question catches me off guard. Masturbation isn't something I've ever talked about. I never admitted masturbating to Patrick. It always felt like a slightly shameful and solitary act born of sexual frustration rather than genuine desire.

So, I answer honestly, because this relationship already feels like the complete opposite of the one I had. "I grind."

Jax lets go of my hip, slides his hand beneath the pillow, and forms a fist. "Find it," he instructs as he places it between the vee of my legs.

And suddenly it doesn't even matter if I look desperate or inexperienced. I'm chasing a genuine orgasm with a person I trust not to hurt me. I do as he instructs. I wiggle around, grinding against his fist, his cock still buried inside me.

"There," I gasp when I finally find the right spot. Where the pressure of his knuckles hits me in the right place. There is desperation in my voice. I've never needed a release as badly as I need this one.

Okay, maybe except for the last one.

I'm already breathless.

"Such a good fucking girl," Jax says. "You're gonna deserve this orgasm, kitten. You're gonna come hard." I can feel the gasps of air from his breath on my cheek as he buries his head against mine.

We're both sweating, his body sliding against mine.

Electricity passes between us. Atoms collide. I'm not smart enough to understand how the universe works, but this feels like a miracle.

"Ahh." My cry is filled with anguish as I chase the orgasm that shimmers just out of reach. I worry for a second that I might be hurting his wrist, but then I think he'd move it if I were.

And I might cry if he did.

"Fuck, Arianne," Jax groans. "Sweetest pussy I ever fucked. Give it to me." The words come out harsh.

"Jax, please." I shout my cries into the mattress so as not to wake Lola.

I wish I could see us. What it looks like, him over me, his cock jackhammering my pussy. The frenzy of human nature taking over politeness as we both fuck like we mean it.

"I want your pleasure, Ari. I want you to see how good it is. I want you to feel this as much as I am."

"I'm close." So close, I can almost taste it.

I screw up my face, close my eyes, almost suffocate myself in Jax's sheets.

"Shit," Jax says. The single word is loaded with the same feelings I'm having. That the sensations have become too big to stop them. "Ari. Come on, little one. Show me what a good girl you are. Come for me."

And a miracle happens. A fucking delicious miracle. My hands grasp and release the sheets as I come.

"Fuck, the pulsing of your cunt feels so fucking good, kitten."

As if I'm at the top of the roller coaster, my heart lurches at the drop. I cry out wordlessly as my orgasm consumes my whole being.

"Jesus, Arianne," he gasps.

My sight wavers.

I come in deep, pulsing waves that cause stars to spin. I don't want it to end, even as my body shakes at the intensity of it. Jax pulls his hand from beneath me and grips both my hips tightly while he rides out the end of our releases.

It'll go down in the history books as the best orgasm I've ever had. Even if it's the last one I ever get from Jax.

And I realize I'm thinking of him as Jax, not Halo. The man, not the biker.

He collapses over me, his head on the bed beside mine. "Sweetest fucking pussy," he says.

My forehead is sweaty; my hair clings to it. But I don't have it in me to care. My whole body feels liquid.

"A-plus," I say. "Top of the class."

"Brat." Jax kisses the tip of my nose. "Stay there."

He eases out of me and heads to the bathroom to deal with the condom before he returns to bed.

When he returns, he climbs into bed, clicks off the lamp, and gathers me into his arms. I love the way I fit against him.

"Should be illegal," he mutters.

"What should?"

His hand strokes down my back, over the curve of my ass. "How good you feel in my arms."

I smile against his pec.

My body feels utterly alive. I feel every brush of his fingers, the thread count of the cotton sheets. Even my toes tingle. I should feel guilty, I suppose, still being married and not having filed for divorce. But I can't.

"You feel okay?" Jax asks.

"I refuse to feel guilty about the first truly rewarding sexual encounter of my life," I say without thinking.

"Explain."

In the dark, it feels safe to be honest. "To say I was a virgin before tonight would be way too big a stretch given the number of times I've let Patrick have sex with me. But if emotional virginity is a thing, then I feel like I was one of those. Because I didn't want to curl up and pray for it to be over. It didn't sting. Instead, I experienced what it feels like when the person you're sharing a bed with actually cares about your enjoyment as much as their own."

Jax's arms tighten around me. "Jesus, Ari. Promise me you won't let anyone treat you like that ever again."

"I won't." I had an orgasm at someone else's hands. Now that I know what it feels like, I couldn't go back if I wanted to.

And being a brat, while I wouldn't have used that term, is something I've missed. "I just remembered something, I used to be playful as a child. I enjoyed having fun, laughing. Jump-scaring Mercy and playing tricks on my friends. I feel like life has stamped that out of me. I want to be her again."

His lips brush my hair. "Then be her, kitten. You deserve more than the shit you were dealt."

"You said ‘once.' Did you mean it?"

Arms tighten around me. "I did."

I try to hold on to the high I'm currently riding, but those two words kick it out of reach. "Why?"

"The reasons are long, and I'm fucking tired. Let's sleep, Ari. Lola will be waking us soon enough."

He sighs but doesn't release me. And I don't roll away from him. Because for the first time in a really long time, I feel safe. Instead, I close my eyes and fall dead asleep.