19. Halo

Two days later, I stroke the handle of my motorbike like she's a familiar lover. This is one of my favorite Harleys. It's not the newest, or the fastest, but she's a sweet ride.

And I've been feeling cooped up lately. Locked down in the clubhouse, cooped up in my truck more often than not when I'm not riding with the club because I have Lola with me, and she comes with stuff.

So much stuff.

Car seats and diaper bags, and changes of clothes, and fucking snacks.

Always snacks.

So, when Ari walks out of the clubhouse, I'm ready to punch my shit-stirring brother, Spark, with anything made of solid steel. Because Iris's leathers fit Ari like a glove. Spark holds Lola and waves her hand in my direction.

I wave back, then flip him the bird as he steps back inside the clubhouse with a chuckle.

Iris has morning sickness that kinda lasts all day, and Spark didn't feel comfortable leaving her behind at the clubhouse alone. When Ari offered to stay with Lola and Iris, Spark instead offered to look after Lola so Ari could experience what it felt like to be on the back of a bike.

Mine.

I'm the fucking road captain. My mind should be on the road. Thinking about the route, the location, where we're going for our ride out. Most people would think it ludicrous to go out en masse in public, but that's the MC life. We don't stay cooped up out of fear. Only genuine threat.

And we haven't seen any signs of the Righteous Brotherhood since my father's house caught fire.

This is a show of power. A show of courage, that we won't be cowed into submission.

And Ari will be on the back of my bike.

In that leather jacket and whatever she's wearing beneath that perches her tits nice and high. With Lola safe and happy with Spark and Iris while utterly secure in the clubhouse, it's just the two of us.

Last night, I avoided Ari and slept in Dad's old room after beginning the process of boxing up his stuff. It was easy but heartbreaking work. Old photographs of him as a young biker. Me and him on the first ever ride out I did with the club. More blue pills than I care to think about suggest Lola's creation was a medical miracle.

But the truth is, I did it so I could avoid Ari most of the day, and we both know it. I was gone when she woke. What time I had left over from cleaning out Dad's room was spent with Vex in his cupboard at the back of the kitchen, trying to track down Bradley Collins, but the guy is like a ghost.

We made progress on some of his lower-level key players, and I've proposed a ride out to Camden, New Jersey, soon to follow up on a lead of a Righteous Brotherhood cell there.

We also dispatched some hang arounds to clean the paint off my house.

Thankfully, I just need to get through the day without touching her. I've always been an obvious kind of guy. A sucker for a nice rack and a juicy ass and an attitude about sex that matches my own.

Now I seem to go for a fucking smile and gray eyes. And braids that fall over each shoulder. During the past two days, I'd catch sight of her occasionally. Out in the yard talking to Iris.

Twice, I had to bite down fantasies of what it would feel like if this were our life.

"Hey," Ari says when she reaches me. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes wary.

Penny and a couple of the other club girls are bitching about her. I can see the way they look her up and down and then whisper amongst themselves before chuckling.

Normally, I tune out their petty behavior, but it irritates me because they're aiming that shit at Ari.

I take her helmet out of her hand and pull it over her head, then fasten the strap beneath her chin. I run my finger beneath the strap and check it's not too tight.

"I don't need to do this," Ari says quietly. "I don't want to ruin your day. I'll be fine here with Lola. Or maybe I could go back to your house."

I sigh and rub my palms on my thighs, the denim worn and soft. "Ari. Fuck." I take a deep breath. "Don't make yourself small because I'm being a dick. Get on my bike."

Words I never thought I'd utter.

"Are you sure?"

I raise my eyebrow at her. "Don't make me tell you twice."

She bites her lower lip, and it takes everything I have to not rub my thumb over it.

Ari puts her hand on my shoulder and kicks one leg over the bike. King and Rae come out of the clubhouse, the last to climb on his bike. He runs his hand along the bottom rocker of her cut that has his name on it.

I don't normally pay much attention to it, but it must be a pretty powerful feeling to know your woman wears your name. In his own way, King wears Rae in the form of a Shakespeare quote tattooed over his heart.

Ari's thighs press up against mine, but she then starts looking over each side of the bike.

"You okay?" I ask, looking over my shoulder.

"Where do I put my feet?"

I lift her calf and put her foot on the passenger floorboard, then repeat for the other side even as I bite down on the burst of pride that I'll be her first ride. "Hold on tight around my waist. Once we're going, we'll be in formation, and I won't be able to stop. But if you squeeze me four times in a row, I'll know you need me to stop at the next convenient spot. Lean when I lean. Don't fight it."

"Okay. I trust you to not wreck and kill me."

I rub her calf, squeezing the muscles occasionally. "Haven't come off my bike in a really long time. I like my limbs and skin exactly where they are too. You ready?"

She wraps her arms tightly around me, and I try not to acknowledge how good it feels.

The drive to Turtle Beach is beautiful. Two hours of open road, beautiful sunshine, and the heady experience of Ari on the back of my bike.

She squeals when I open the throttle, when we start to feel the rush of air. Her movements are awkward at first, until she finds her center of gravity, and then we move like one.

Spark once told me about the first time he took Iris out on his bike. He spoke like it was this major moment in his life. Now I have a sense of what he meant.

When we pull up at the riverside beach, the only one this side of the Delaware River, I'm sad it's over.

Ari kicks her leg over the bike and is off it before I finish parking up. "That was so much fun, Halo. Thank you," she says, trying to undo the strap of her helmet.

I notice she doesn't call me Jax like she did when we were in bed together. I'm not sure I like it.

I bat her hand away, undo her strap, and then remove the helmet.

"Glad to give you your first ride," I say.

"I hope in this instance, you'll break your one-ride rule and give me a second one home."

It takes me a second to realize what she's saying. "Ari," I warn.

She unzips her leather jacket. "Where do I put all this stuff?"

"Just leave it on the bike. No one will fuck with it."

"I said I'd help Viola and Rae with the food," she says as she slips off her sneakers and shimmies out of the leather trousers Iris loaned her.

I should get her some boots.

Fuck, I shouldn't be getting her anything.

I catch two of the prospects checking out her ass as she bends over, and I give them a glare that makes one of the fuckers jump.

Yeah, keep your eyes off her fucking ass, pricks.

"Save me some of Rae's potato salad," I say.

"I can bring you a plate if you just give me a wave."

Unable to resist, I reach out and touch the end of her braid. "I'm capable of getting my own food if I need it."

Disappointment floods her features, even as she gives me a weak smile. "Well, thank you again for the ride."

I climb off the bike, then remove my own helmet and jacket, fighting the gut-wrenching feeling that I'm the one missing out by letting her walk over to our food setup as if she doesn't mean anything to me.

Two hours later, Bates waves in front of my face. "You listening to me, or are you going to spend the whole day scowling and watching Arianne like a hawk?"

I turn to my friend. "I'm not scowling. What were you saying?"

Bates grins. "I asked if you'd ever consider selling that bike of yours, but you were too busy scowling at Brandon because you've noticed that's his fifth serving of food and he always waits until Arianne is free to serve him."

"This is all making me itch a little bit," I say as I take in Arianne's strained smile at Brandon as he asks for more potato salad. The fucker looks down the front of her little vest every time she bends forward to grab a roll for his plate.

Bates leans back on the blanket we're sitting on. "Brandon's a good guy. He'll make a strong brother one day. She could do worse."

"Fuck off. Brandon came on too strong at the clubhouse the other night. Made her uncomfortable. I'm two seconds away from going over and pounding his face right into Rae's potato salad."

Bates chuckles. "Can I give you some advice?"

Ari bends and grabs a beer from the cooler before handing it to Brandon. My teeth grind when he lingers over taking it from her. I'm about ready to get up when I see Ari snatch her hand away. "I'm sure you're going to whether I want it or not."

"You like her. Arianne. Right?"

"Wouldn't have brought her on the ride if I didn't."

Bates shakes his head. "For fuck's sake. I was there when Spark hemmed you into a corner by offering to watch Lola."

"Fine. It felt too…"

"It felt too what? Right? Perfect? Domestic? It's me. Remember when we were in New York? You were laughing and joking about girls who squirt, and talking about sex and club girls who were giving. I've heard you defend Penny, who apparently is missing seeing you around. Why can't you bring yourself to admit there is something fucking joyful about finding a woman who means more than all that?"

"What do you want me to say, Bates? She's a fine woman. Leans bratty. Revs my engine like it just had a service. None of that means I'm gonna old lady her up."

"I'm calling you on your bullshit. You don't want to admit you're halfway in love with a woman who is happy to be by your side, who's happy to help raise your sister and clean your house and create a fucking home for the three of you, fine. But don't lie to me or yourself that she's currently on par with a club girl."

I take a long draw from my bottle, but the cold beer does little to quench my thirst. "It's not going to happen."

"Gwen's chatty. You know how she is. Word on the street says it's already happened. Switch was talking about you owing him ten grand for some ridiculous bet."

"For fuck's sake. She's a house mouse I got confused about."

"Brother. You're lying to yourself, because that's a really expensive one-night stand if it's true. You could have got a private room with half the staff at the Gold Pole for a lot less. I know you and I are opposite sides of the coin when it comes to women. I've loved Vi for a lifetime. Always wanted it all with her." He looks over to where Vi is laughing at something Rae said. "But I get it. It's a big fucking life change. Finding the right woman is more than you can imagine."

I shake my head. "Fine, does it feel good right now? Yeah. Not gonna lie about that. Balls deep in Ari is the best it's ever been. But forever?"

Bates narrows his brows. "What the fuck is wrong with forever? You really want to be your dad, banging girls three or four decades younger than you to prove a point?"

"It's because I don't want to end up like my fucking dad, you asshole."

Bates grips my shoulder firmly. "Then choose to not be who he was. I loved your dad, but he was a weak man who couldn't keep his dick in his pants. The way he let himself go. The way he barely showered. The way he slept around without wrapping it up, leading to this mess with Collins and the Righteous Brotherhood. You're the antithesis to what he was."

"I hope so. He couldn't hold on to my mom, though."

"Because he never gave your mom a reason to stay."

"Except me. I was a kid when she bailed. Thought maybe her own kid would have been reason enough." My head drops, and I don't know why I feel shame about that.

Bates shoulder checks me. "Then make a family of your own. Stop being a dick to a woman who is clearly halfway to falling in love with you. With the right woman, all your needs get met. With the right woman, you find a completely different kind of happiness that doesn't come from being single. It comes from building a family you can be proud of. You, Ari, and Lola."

I'm about to speak, but I realize Arianne is walking toward us. "We're beginning to run low on Rae's potato salad, and I didn't want you to miss out on second helpings." She hands me a plate that almost exactly matches the one I served myself earlier. She paid attention to what I ate. Her smile is breathtaking. The breeze flutters the ends of her golden hair, making it look like a halo around her.

"Thank you," I say, taking the plate, fork, and napkin she offers me.

"What does family mean to you, Arianne?" Bates asks.

"That's a big question for a sunny afternoon," she replies, shading the sun from her eyes with her forearm.

I ignore the food in my hand, desperate for her answer. It's going to be everything I could be for her. I know it. I want it to be, as much as I hope she throws out shit I can never live up to.

"I think mine is a bit different to others. But really, I think it's the blanket that wraps around you, letting you know there are other people in the world who have your back. People who love you for who you are. People who don't expect anything from you but want to be with you regardless. Unconditional love." She sighs and looks out over the river for a second. There's such wistfulness to her words. "You must be excited about the baby."

Bates grins, and if he notices her diversion, he doesn't say anything. "Can't fucking wait to have another kid," Bates says. "It's weird—I love Avery with every inch of me, but love isn't like pie. You don't have a finite amount of it. You just find more. I'll love the next baby, and the babies after that, just as much as I love Avery."

"That's so beautiful," Ari says wistfully, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. "The truth is, I'd love kids, but I can't have any. I don't know why Mercy was killed, I think it would help if I understood why, but Lola is a miracle I wasn't expecting."

"Sorry," Bates says. "Fucking insensitive of me."

"No. It's fine. It's lovely to hear that being a parent is as powerful and achingly beautiful as I always thought it would be." Ari blows out a breath and looks up at the sky.

I put the food down, jump to my feet, and pull her into a hug. Fuck trying to keep my distance for a minute; I hate seeing her sad. My lips brush the top of her head. She doesn't fight me, nor does she wrap her arms around me. Her forehead presses against my chest.

"I'm sorry it hurts," I say.

When she looks up at me, tears shimmer by her lashes, but she shakes her head to clear them. "I could never afford all the medical intervention stuff they can do these days, so I've made my peace with it. But it's okay, you know. I have Lola. And I'm going to do everything I can to love and protect that little girl."

It's clear she hasn't, and I suddenly wonder how much IVF and all that shit costs.

"I'll feel better once I know who killed her mother, though. One day she'll ask, and I'm gonna wish I had an answer for her."

I sigh. I know I need to tell her what we know. "We believe the man who killed Mercy and my father was my half-brother."

Her brow crinkles. "What? Does that make him Lola's half-brother too? Why would he kill his father?"

I hold her tightly and place my lips close to her ear. "We don't know. I only found out about his existence recently. But he's sent me messages so that I know it's him. And I'm worried about how far this need to kill his family goes."

Her mouth and eyes go wide. "You think he might kill you too?"

"He can try, but he won't succeed. I meant Lola."

"But she's a child. What does that?—?"

"Motherfucker," King yells from his spot on a picnic table nearby. "Clutch, Bates, Halo."

"Fucking timing," I groan. "I gotta go see what Prez needs. But trust me when I say I'm going to make sure nothing happens to Lola, yeah? Or you."

I let go of Ari and walk over to King. "What happened, Prez?"

He shows me a news report.

Jasper Haven, our contact at the docks, the man who made everything work for our deliveries, is dead.