17. Halo

I've had some bad ideas.

Scuba diving after a tequila all-nighter. Thought I had the bends.

A foursome with another guy involved. Turns out I'm selfish and not a fan of sword-crossing.

But getting into bed with Arianne might be the worst of them.

I try to find the one second where I can make a different decision, but even ruthless acknowledgment of all the reasons this is a fucking terrible idea is not enough to make me change my mind.

Not even the knowledge that I'm going to owe Switch ten thousand dollars if I go through with this is enough to deter me.

Instead, I have an almost out-of-body experience as I tug the rest of my clothes off with the exception of my boxer briefs. I feel the cool flooring beneath my feet. I feel the breeze of the air conditioner brush my chest.

And the way my heart pounds in my chest is utterly exhilarating.

Arianne pulls the sheet back so I can climb in with her, like we do this every day. But as I climb into a bed I've slept in a million times, it feels new. My bones settle, my muscles relax, and something deep inside me eases.

This is where you are meant to be.

"Show me what it should be like." Her voice is nothing but a whisper.

The word should hits me like a crowbar to the gut. It tells me everything I need to know about her relationship with sex. I'm not even sure I can meet her where she's at, her starting point so far in my rearview mirror, I can't even remember what it felt like to be nervous or vulnerable.

"Ari, you've been through enough."

"Stop treating me like I'm broken, Jax." The words come out on an angry whisper. "I'm not breakable. Not anymore. You're not protecting me. You're actively disregarding how I feel. I'm not looking for a husband. I'm just looking for someone who will take the ache and fear I feel away for a little while."

I hate the hurt in her voice. She needs the safety and release only I can give her. Worse, I hate the idea that she might find it in some other man even more. But, still. "You don't know what you're asking for."

She shoves at my chest, and I feel the urge to restrict her movement. She's a powder keg, and fuck if I don't want to tease the explosion out of her so she can settle.

"Once," I say to Arianne. "You need me to get you out of your own head for a little while. Take you to a place where it quiets, little one?"

"Yes, please."

I thread my hand around the back of her neck and squeeze it firmly. "Your safe word is glass. You know what that means?"

She nods. "I know enough."

"We'll use glass as a reminder. You smashed one, and I wasn't angry. Sometimes I'll explain what I'm doing. Sometimes I won't. As this is new, I'll humor questions as we go. Do you trust me to read you?"

Ari nods, but it's accompanied by a little gasp of air. "Just make time stand still tonight. Please."

"What if it hurts in a way that's exciting? Not real pain, but need."

"I'll use my safe word."

"Then come here," I say, tugging her to me, for this one night, despite every part of me screaming that this should be forever. If once is all I get, I'm sure as fuck going to make it worth it.

For her.

Her lips, so fucking soft, pillow my own. She tastes like my toothpaste, and I wonder if she used my toothbrush. An intimate thing. Her tongue is tentative, but she follows my lead as we lean into the kiss.

I pull her body to mine, our chests colliding, and wrap my arms around her. Her skin is so soft and warm. Sliding my hands beneath her pajamas, I stroke up her back, getting to know the shape of her intimately. When I dip below the waistband of her shorts, I grip the cheeks of her ass firmly and line her up against my hardening cock.

Arianne slides her leg over my hip, and I feel the heat of her pussy through the cotton that separates us.

"Jax," she moans when I roll my hips and slide my cock against her.

I trail kisses down her neck and pop the buttons on her pajama top.

I want to know everything about this woman. What she likes, what secrets she has hidden. I want to know what responses I can draw out of her. I want to learn to drive her body like a finely tuned engine. Lubricated and fast.

Finally, I suck her nipple into my mouth, and Arianne's hands sink into my hair, holding me there. All good intentions of taking it easy on her disappear. I bite firmly around her areola, and Arianne gasps, her body tensing for a moment. Her breasts are real, soft, a palmful. Not big enough to fuck, but definitely sensitive from the way Arianne arches beneath me.

I can tell by the way her legs move, she's desperate to rub her thighs together, to ease the ache in her core. And I want to be the one who gives her the relief she needs.

Some of the club girls like to put on a show. Moaning, screaming, telling me how fucking good I am, how big I am. But there is nothing fake about Arianne's reactions. If anything, they're muted.

Lips press to my shoulder, nails dig into my hip, and her back arches, flaunting perfect nipples that pucker.

Without the words from her, I focus on the reactions of her body. The way she tenses and releases. The soft sighs and the punctuated gasps.

I wonder if that prick of an ex told her to keep quiet at some point. Or maybe it's Lola sleeping around the corner. But even the thought of that isn't enough to cool my jets.

I kiss her stomach before sliding her shorts down her legs. She's bare, just how I like it, and I settle between her legs as she opens them wide for me.

I kiss the soft skin of her thighs and can smell how aroused she is. "You want me to lick your pussy, kitten?" Normally, I don't ask. But I want Ari to feel like she can back out of this at any stage.

"Please, although…"

While the breathy please tells me she wants it, the although is enough to make me stop. I don't usually like inexperienced women. I want the ones who know what they want. The ones who are game to play and try new things.

But suddenly there is nothing more important than navigating Ari through her needs. I want to be the man who does that for her more than my next breath.

"Although what?"

"It's just. Urgh. Patrick never liked going down on me. He never did. So, I don't know if I like it or not or can orgasm that way or…"

The words come out so fast, I crawl back up Arianne's body. Cupping her cheek, I kiss her again, slowly, druggingly, until she calms beneath me. "Try that again, kitten."

"Please don't make me."

"Why not?"

"It's embarrassing."

And here's a kink I never knew I had. It's been a fucking long time since I slept with someone who found it hard to verbalize their needs, who wasn't sexually confident. I'm not used to having to work for it, and I find I want to.

"Tell me."

"My sex life sucked. It was always what Patrick wanted. There were many things he never did, and I could tell you his routine, the motions he would go through, down to the minute. I wanted you to…you know…but I was worried that I wouldn't…and that you might…I don't want to do this wrong. I don't want to ruin this for you. I need you to teach me how to get it right."

I love that she places my enjoyment on her list. I fucking love a good Daddy and Little roleplay, but it's genuine with Ari. My cock thickens at the thought of all the things I could teach her.

"First, the fact you want to please me is really fucking special, Ari. I'm a lucky man that you'll let me show you how to do this, but there is no such thing as getting sex right. It's messy, and energetic, and quiet, and tense, and intimate, and anonymous. It's whatever you feel like in that moment with that person. Second, in the future, you don't settle for shit sex. You fill your life to the brim with the best sex you can have. And third, I want to know if you want me to suck on your clit and tongue your pussy to see if I can make you come?"

Her cheeks go pink, and she looks at me with those guileless eyes of hers. "Yes. But what if I can't?"

I shrug. "Then you can't. Meanwhile, I get to do the one thing I've wanted to since that morning in the bedroom: I get to taste you. Enjoy the feel of you rocking against my face."

"What if I don't like it?"

"Then we stop and try something else. You're overthinking it, kitten. I'm gonna go and eat your fucking pussy and enjoy it. You don't like it, tell me to stop. That's all there is to it."

I don't wait for a reaction, because challenge accepted.

Sure, I'm a competitive guy. The idea of getting orgasms from Arianne in a way Patrick never could appeals to that side of me. But as a man who gets off on getting women off, I want Arianne to see what she's been missing. I want to show her who she is.

And let's face it, I also want her to come so hard, she sees the secrets of universal creation.

When I'm faced with her cunt, I don't waste any time. I lick her from rim to clit. She's already wet. It's thick and creamy.

Arianne makes a little grunt, as if she's stifling her reaction.

"If it feels good, I want to hear it. If it doesn't, I want to hear that too," I say.

Playing with her clit, I mix up my strokes. Circling her labia has her hips lifting off the bed. Flicking her clit with the tip of my tongue elicits a moan. Lapping doesn't do anything for her.

It's almost like she's unaware of what makes her feel good.

I add it to the list of reasons why I want to kill Patrick.

When I slide a finger inside her, she moans. When I add a second and curve them, she cries out.

The sound sends even more blood to my already engorged cock, which I grind down into the mattress.

Her heels scissor back and forth as she tries to gain purchase against the sheets. Her movements become frantic, Arianne's breathing becoming gasps of air.

Her hands slide into my hair. When I suck on her clit, she pulls hard, grinding against me.

"Jax, oh God," she cries, and not only do I pull away, but I lightly slap her pussy.

Ari lifts off the bed like she's been electrocuted. Her mouth forms my name, but she doesn't make a sound.

"How are you liking it so far?" I ask, unable to keep the grin from my face.

"I was so close," she whispers.

I place my thumb on her clit and start to circle again. "I know."

Lowering my mouth back to her pussy I start all over again. I probe deeply with my tongue. I spit on her clit and swipe my thumb back and forth over it.

And when she finally gets close again, when I can feel her thighs shaking by my ears, I lift and slap her pussy again. Three times in quick succession.

She grabs the pillow and places it over her face, and moans.

I grab it away from her. "Guess we know you weren't the problem before," I say.

"Please, Jax." She slides the heel of her hand between her legs, and I reach for her wrist. I don't need to know anything else about Patrick to know he was utterly shit in bed. There's surprise and a hint of confusion in Ari's tone at how she feels right now.

I grab her wrist and remove it. "Only I get to give out orgasms, Ari."

"Then get on with it."

Despite myself, I chuckle at the whispered instruction. "Usually that kind of tone would get you a punishment, but I'm feeling generous."

This time, I don't play with her, I devour her and let her crash over the edge. Her whole body tenses and shakes as she comes.

Mentally, I take a bow, easing her down as she sucks in air.

"We aren't done yet," I say as I climb to my knees, then I see the shimmer of tears.

"Ah, sweetheart."

"No. No. It's because it was good. I'm fine. It was…"

She smiles and it's so beautiful I swear my heart cracks open a little. I take her hand, massage her palm with my thumb, and savor this moment of connection with her. It's fucking rare.

In this life or any other.

"Please. Don't stop," she says.

When I finally open the drawer to get a condom, I see a new pack of nipple clamps and grin. If she wants a new vision of what sex should—or perhaps could is more accurate—feel like, I'll give her one.

"What are those?" she asks.

"Nipple clamps. Will you try them?"

"I've never used them before."

"I'm certain my little girl can take them for me."

Little girl.

She nods, the mix of apprehension and need in her eyes a heady mix.

I suck one nipple into my mouth hard. Arianne moans. Before she can relax, I pinch the end and clamp her nipple.

"Ah," she gasps and glances down. "It burns."

"Too much?" I ask, feeling generous.

"Yes…no…it's…" Her words peter out, and she gasps.

"Another?"

Her cheeks turn deep pink, and she looks away from me as she nods. We're going to have to work on that embarrassment and shame. I want her to look at me and beg me to put them on her. Maybe I'll get a chain to link them together. One I can hold on to and tug on like a rein.

Then I remember this is it.

One time.

Some other man will show her how pretty her breasts can look with chains and charms dangling from them.

I suck her other nipple into my mouth. Harder this time. Normally I ask questions about how easily a girl bruises and how she feels about marks.

But I'm breaking all my own rules. This is less like a scene and more like something…natural.

Organic.

I'm trusting my ability to read her body.

"How does that feel?" I ask, tugging on the clamps slightly.

Arianne's chest is flushed. "Better than it has any right to."

"They look really fucking pretty on you." So does the pink of her cheeks and the wide-eyed look that reminds me of that first moment I met her at Mercy's funeral.

I grab a condom from the side table and put it on. We should both get tested so we can?—

We aren't doing this again.

Even though it would be so easy to fall into her being mine to take care of. To teach. To see how far I could push the woman I just made come.

"Tell me how you and Patrick used to have sex."

Her mouth opens for a second. "What?"

"Don't make me repeat the question, Arianne."

She covers her face. "What if I don't want to?"

I lift onto my elbows and rethink my decision to rely on my own judgement of what is working for her. "We need some rules. One thing you should know about being in my bed, Arianne: You do as I say. Whether that is answering questions or lying in any position I tell you. Trust me to know what you need, even if you don't know yourself. Your safe word is there for if I get it wrong because that could happen. Or you get a cramp. Whatever reason you need it to stop. You remember what yours is, kitten?"

Arianne nods. "Glass."

"You didn't have one with Patrick?"

She touches her cheek. "No. Patrick would never stop."

"I want you to tell me what his routine was so I don't do any of those things tonight. At a guess, you've come to associate them with numbness or, worse, pain. Tell me, Arianne."

Arianne moves her hand and looks up at me. Her hair lies in a mess on my pillow. Cutest just-orgasmed face I've seen in a long time.

"If he wasn't being mean, he'd fumble around using his fingers for about a minute and a half. Then he'd tug me to the end of the bed, make me kneel while he stood behind me on the floor. Then he'd…" She takes a breath. "Then we'd have sex like that for about four to seven minutes depending on how drunk he was. I'd fake an orgasm most of the time."

I run my knuckles over her cheeks. "I've got two more rules for you. Never fake an orgasm when you're with me. You do, and I'll take you over my knee and…"

I let the words drift. While much of her face has healed, there is still a trace of bruising by her eye.

"You'd what?"

I debate lying to her, but it's hard to encourage her to be truthful if I do the opposite. "I was going to say I'll spank you hard until you cry real tears, and then I'll force you to come over and over until you know the difference between a real and a fake orgasm."

"What stopped you?"

I'm not used to sex getting interwoven with emotional narrative. Strangely, it doesn't kill the connection I feel with her. Instead, I run my knuckle gently down the side of her face. "Because I think you've had enough hands laid on you and cried enough tears, even if spanking is a fun way of letting go of tension."

She purses her lips for a minute. "I enjoyed…what you did earlier. What if you started spanking gently, and I said ‘glass' if I didn't like it?"

Goddamn little girls who don't know what they're asking for. "The fact you'd trust me to do that is a fucking honor. I'll come up with something else for now though. So just don't lie about orgasms, and we'll be okay."

She nods, her face all serious, like she's reviewing a legal contract. I kiss her and pull on her nipple clamps a little.

The smile returns.

"Oh, and one last rule. When we're done fucking, we're going to review it."

She sits up quickly at that. "You're filming this?"

Playfully, I shove her back down to the bed and crowd over her. "No, but that's a really hot idea. I meant while we come down, pun intended, you tell me what you liked, and more importantly if there was anything you didn't."

"Oh. Okay. Good. Will this be graded? Like, ‘Jax, I had fun, but I think it was only a solid B-.'" She bites down on her lip as her nose scrunches up.

"Did I just find a brat in my bed?" Brats are my catnip. I love their sass and confidence. And I love fucking the attitude right out of them. Maybe who she really is has been buried under years of Patrick's expectations.

Playfully, I twist her nipple clamp.

She gasps and then laughs at that, and I think it's the first time I've heard her laughter. No matter what happens after tonight, I'm gonna try to make sure she keeps laughing. I want Lola to have a happy home. Fuck, I want Arianne to have a happy home.

You deserve a happy home too.

"What if I said yes?"

"Take a breath," I say as I ponder her question before simultaneously removing the nipple clamps.

She does as I say and gasps at the sting. "Ah."

I crawl back a little, then grab her hips to flip her over onto her stomach. Her renewed laughter goes straight to my cock. Guess making sad brats happy is my jam.

"If you said yes, then I'd have to do this." I move farther down the bed and bite her ass.

Arianne jiggles her legs, trying to throw me off. Her heels kick my ass, but I keep on pressing my lips to her cheeks.

"Jax," she gasps a little too loudly.

And Lola stirs. Murmuring from her crib. We both freeze, and then I place my lips next to Arianne's ear. "You wake her with your shenanigans before we both come, and I'll definitely spank your ass."

Arianne wiggles her butt, turns to face me, and whispers, "Then you better get on with it."

Her fucking smile has pressure building in my balls. I squeeze my cock, trying to ease the ache that feels too good. I've never been an easy trigger, but it appears that with Arianne, all bets are off as to how long I can last. Which says a lot seeing as, at my greediest, I've been with three women at once.

Perhaps all you really need is the right one. Not three wrong ones.

The thought hits me hard and fast.

I'm not looking for the right one.

But it looks like she might already be here in my bed anyway.