Chapter 8

T he next few days are difficult and full of tension. I've been trying to get stronger, training with the guys and ignoring the pulsing shadow within me. When I feel like it's going to take over, I look inside myself for the light that the stranger in the Shadow Realm had taught me about, reinforcing it and making it stronger again to chase away the shadow. I haven't gone back to the Shadow Realm, and I haven't used the necklace coin he'd given me. It had been buried in the sheets next to me, and I hadn't found it until I had gone to bed that day. To be honest, I had forgotten about it, and I hadn't told the guys about it either. I'm not sure why, but I've decided to keep it a secret for now. I know the irony behind my actions—I had been so cross at Eric for hiding things from me, and now I was keeping things from all of them. I will tell them when the time is right.

Speaking of Eric…

The guys have come to an uneasy agreement. The talk with the alpha had gone as well as it could've done. He granted Eric permission to stay in the medical building that I called my home for as long as I wanted him there, on the agreement that he wouldn't feed from anyone unless they granted him permission. He had looked at me when he said that part, which had made me roll my eyes. So far, only Seb had made the effort to talk to Eric, with Alex only talking to him when he absolutely had to. Garett hasn't been around much. He's been required to be at his own pack a lot recently. One of their bears went missing, and their mutilated body had turned up yesterday, so tensions are running high. I missed him, but I understood, and he called me every day to check that I'm okay.

Killian, on the other hand, was downright hostile towards Eric and seemed to see him as direct competition. Frankly, it was giving me a massive headache. At least Eric seemed to be looking better. While he can't feed directly until I have accepted the bond, he apparently gains some sustenance from being close to me. He hasn't had any further visions since I returned from the Shadow Realm, but he's promised that he'll let me know if he does.

I groan as I look over at the alarm clock on my bedside table, time to get up. I push against the arm draped over my stomach, laughing as it just pulls me closer into the muscular chest pressed against my back.

"Seb, we need to get up."

Ignoring me, he just buries his face into my hair, taking a deep breath as he relaxes into me. I wiggle my hips to wake him up, but just succeed in waking something else up. Groaning, Seb pushes up to me, pressing his now firm erection against me. I bite my lip to hide the smile that's trying to creep across my face. Bad Ari, you don't have time for that. I haven't had sex with anyone since I got back from the Shadow Realm, the closest I've gotten was that time with Alex and Seb just after I got back. However, someone had stayed in my room every night since, usually Alex or Seb. Only Garett and Seb had shared the bed for the night with me so far, apart from the occasional puppy pile. They're the only two I'm comfortable letting my guard down enough to sleep next to.

"I am up," he jokes, his voice low in my ear as he leans forward and gently nibbles on my lobe. With a soft growl, I sit up and spin so I'm straddling his lap, grabbing his hands, I pin them above his head and look down at him with a smirk.

"Huh. Because from here, it looks like you're pinned beneath me," I tease, keeping his hands pinned with one hand while I lean forward and bury my nose in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. I feel him shudder beneath me, and I pull back, seeing that his pupils have dilated and a look of hunger and arousal is clear on his face, but there's also something holding him back. "What do you want? Tell me." I try to coax it out of him. I watch as he swallows and makes a shallow laugh.

"I want you, Ari, completely. But it can't be me."

I release his hands at his words and sit back, still straddling him, but my confusion is easy to see. "What do you mean?"

"I'm low in the pack, in our group, whatever it is. If you have sex with me first, it will change things. The only reason they let me sleep in the bed with you is because they don't consider me a threat." I frown at his words. They make sense, but I don't want them to. I'm so fed up of shifter dos and don'ts.

"So, I don't get a say in this? I can't choose who I want to share my body with?" I growl, causing Seb to groan underneath me as my alpha power starts to rise with my frustration.

"He's right." Alex's voice from the doorway has me scowling over my shoulder at him.

"You have an uncanny sense of knowing the worst time to interrupt us," I mutter dryly as he stalks into the room uninvited. His eyes run over the two of us with heat and desire. Of all my guys, these two are the most open to sharing me, but it still surprises me that Alex is as open as he is. Especially when we haven't been intimate yet. I still don't even know what this thing is between us.

"The dynamic will change if you have sex with Seb before any of us with alpha power, whether you like it or not. But if you had sex with one of us and Seb was there, that's different. But don't let me stop you…" His eyes are predatory as they run over us, and I co ntemplate what he just said. I don't understand the distinction. So I can have sex with Seb, but only if I've slept with the others or he joins in?

My eyes run over Seb again, who is practically begging me with his eyes, before flicking back to Alex. I narrow my gaze at him before leaning in to kiss Seb. I keep my head angled so I can watch Alex as I do it, so I see the moment as he stalks forward and climbs up onto the bed behind me. He also straddles Seb, who's sat up so he's propped against the headboard. I continue to kiss Seb as Alex's hands land on my waist, sliding around so one hand is flat against my stomach, pulling me closer to him, and the other hand goes up to my right breast, squeezing it gently through the thin fabric of my sleep top. I growl into Seb's mouth at the action, causing him to groan.

A tug in my chest has me freezing and sitting upright. Alex's hands fall from me, and Seb has a questioning look on his face. That tug happens again, and I know Killian is behind it. I sigh and drop my forehead to Seb's in defeat. Whether he's doing it subconsciously or not, because of our bond, Killian seems to know when I'm getting hot and heavy with someone else. We need to figure out this bond business before it drives me mad.

"What's going on?" Alex asks me, still pressed up behind me. I glance at him over my shoulder and say one word as if it explains it all.

"Killian."

Alex sighs and climbs off the bed, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, knowing he isn't going to get anywhere with me today.

"You need to sort out that bond." I nod in agreement, but I have no idea how I'm going to do that. I sigh again and climb off Seb, then walk to the wardrobe, selecting some clothes for the day. I haven't gone back to working as a nurse for the pack yet, so I just throw on my casual jeans and a loose white shirt .

"I'm gonna grab some breakfast, you coming?" I question and smile as they both nod. "Seb, you might want to put some clothes on first," I add with a wink, gesturing to his half naked form clad only in a pair of boxers. Laughing, he reaches towards where he had dumped his clothes the day before.

"I'll be down in a moment, you go ahead." I nod with a smile and head down the staircase towards the kitchen.

Walking into the room, I head straight to the row of cupboards across the back wall, pulling out bowls and boxes of cereal. Turning towards the island in the centre of the room, I jump a little when I see someone sitting there eating breakfast.

"Oh, hi," I say awkwardly to Eric, my arms full of cereal. He raises his eyebrows, a small smile on his lips.

"Is that all for you?" he jokes, pointing to the overflowing bundle of food in my arms. I chuckle and put everything down on the counter before heading to the fridge to grab the juice. Returning to the island, I look Eric up and down, he looks better today, healthier. He still looks gaunt, but then so do I. He's kept to himself while he's been here, but I see the hungry, lonely look in his eyes when I walk into the room. He looks like a man starving and I'm waving a buffet in his face. In a way, I guess I am by flaunting my relationship with the other guys in front of him but not letting him in, despite the bond calling him to me, that's exactly what I'm doing. I sigh internally. I really need to work out what's going on with us.

"Eric—" I begin, but Seb comes bounding into the room, flinging his arms around my waist and pressing a kiss to my cheek before helping himself to a huge overflowing bowl of cereal. Alex follows in soon after and quickly stops, looking between Eric and I, before raising an eyebrow as if asking ‘ am I interrupting ,' but I shake my head and offer him a bowl with a small smile. The moment is gone now, I'll speak with Eric later. To be honest, I'm not sure what I was even going to say.

We all sit in companionable silence while eating breakfast, and I realise with a jolt how happy I am. This isn't a huge, momentous occasion, but in these little moments, sitting here with my guys, I'm content. If only Garett, Killian, and Tori were here, then everything would be complete. Tori had gone to a safe place after our meeting with the alpha. She wouldn't tell me where, she said it was better for no one to know, but she was checking in with me every day. To be fair, she was probably the safest of all of us, with her magic, she was one of the most powerful witches I had ever seen.

Just as we are finishing our breakfast, there is a slight ease in my chest, which lets me know Killian is coming closer. I'm in the process of getting his breakfast ready right when he walks through the door. I hold the plate out to him with a little quirk to my lips.

"Bacon sandwich, tomato sauce, brown bread," I greet him, and his surprised expression and little twitch of a smile causes my stomach to flip, stupid stomach.

"Oh. Thank you," he murmurs, surprised that I know how he likes his breakfast, making him short for words. He sits down in the seat I vacate and eats at his sandwich silently, while I putter around the kitchen with his eyes following me as I go. I can't quite decipher his expression, it's almost like a cross between confusion and indecision. I've just finished washing my bowl when I feel a gentle touch on my arm. I turn around and see it's Killian.

"Ari, can I talk with you a second?" he asks, strangely formal. I quirk an eyebrow at him but nod my agreement, gesturing for him to lead the way. This is obviously something he wants to say away from the others. He leads me into the sitting room, closing the door behind me so it's just the two of us. I lean against the back of the sofa and cross my arms expectantly. I don't say anything, I just watch him pace the length of the sitting room. Boy, he's wound up. He suddenly stops pacing and walks up to me, his hands are clenched into fists by his side, looking like he wants to touch me but is stopping himself.

"Ari, I want to take you out. On a date. With me. Tonight. "

My mouth drops open. That was not what I was expecting him to say.

"Why?" I hadn't meant for it to sound so blunt, but the word bursts out of me. Killian is not a dating type of person, he's an all or nothing type of guy. I half expected for him to demand that I accept the mating bond between us like he had before the attack on the pack. He sighs and run his hand through his long pale hair, the scar on his handsome face a stark contrast to his light hair and skin.

"Because I'm trying to prove I'm not the alpha macho baby you keep accusing me of being. I need to show you that I may be a wolf, an alpha, but I'm also a man. I want you to get to know that man. I know we got off to a bad start, and that's due to my prejudices, I know that. If we are going to make the bond work, it needs to be about more than just sexual attraction." His eyes are locked onto mine as he says this, and damn, my wolf is responding to him being so close. I see the moment he smells my arousal, as his pupils dilate and a quiet, rumbly growl emits from his chest as he takes a step closer, boxing me in as he places his hands on the sofa on either side of me. I would usually object to being trapped, but right now, I don't care. He leans in slowly, as if expecting me to tell him to stop, until his face is close and he rubs his cheek against mine.

"You would like that, wouldn't you? My wolf speaks to yours. We could be great together," he whispers in my ear before gently biting down on the place where my neck and shoulder meet. My head drops back as a moan escapes my lips. "Will you meet me tonight?" he asks, one of his hands lifting up to cup the back of my head, guiding it up until our gazes catch. He presses forward so our lips connect in a powerful kiss. It's the type of kiss where you lose yourself, and for the first time, he isn't fighting for dominance, just meeting me kiss for kiss. He pulls away and presses his forehead to mine. "Say yes."

"Yes." The word is out before I can comprehend what just happened. His satisfied smile is all alpha, eyeing up his prey as he pulls away .

"Meet me outside at six," he orders with a wink before walking away.

Just walks away! Damnit! I'm growling to myself the whole hike up the stairs as I head for my room. It's time for a long, cold shower. Bloody alphas.