Chapter 9

I spend longer on getting ready that afternoon than I would've liked. I don't even know why I was so worried about how I looked. After all, all of the guys had seen me at my worst, so it shouldn't matter what I look like tonight. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. Damnit.

When I walked back into the kitchen, Alex and Seb had smug, knowing looks on their faces, so I knew they'd overheard my conversation with Killian. I tried to ignore them and struck up a conversation with Eric until they managed to control themselves. The rest of the afternoon had carried on like the last few days, with gentle training with Alex to get my strength back up. My trip to the Shadow Realm had caused my physical body to weaken, and even taking the stairs caused me to become out of breath, which I hated.

Well, I say it has been gentle training…compared to what I had been doing previously, it's gentle. Laps around the Moon River compound until I feel like I'm going to vomit is part of my warm up, but I'm starting to feel like me again. I even popped in to see Mary this afternoon, who has given birth to a beautiful baby girl. It was ironic that I was brought in mostly to help with their birthing and fertility situation, and I'd actually been gone for the birth of their one pregnant female. It was lovely seeing her and the pup though, an d her husband was completely smitten by his new daughter. She's going to have her dad completely wrapped around her little finger when she grows up.

As well as training physically, I've been trying to get a greater connection with my wolf. That was something I have always neglected. The love-hate relationship between my wolf and me is something I've always struggled with. It wasn't until I nearly lost that connection when I was in the Shadow Realm when I realised what I would be losing. Alpha Mortlock and his wife, Lena, have been helping me with this, trying to connect and strengthen that bond. It wasn't easy after over twenty years of pushing against it, but I knew I'd be stronger for it in the long run.

In fact, everyone has been helping me, even people from the pack I hadn't dealt with previously. They had seen the impact I had on the pack and how I had defended them in the attack and wanted to offer their assistance in helping me recover. I've had offers of clothing, yoga instruction, friendship, and more dishes of meatloaf than I can count. It also turns out that Seb is a fantastic cook and has been tasked with creating meals to strengthen me up. I've been struggling slightly, as at first, I felt so trapped, like my every move was watched. I wasn't even allowed to sleep alone, but the guys have managed to back off a bit, knowing I am mostly in control of my powers and not going to disappear on them again. The sleeping is still an issue, but I'll let that go, for now.

I look in the mirror and grimace at my appearance. I'm still so gaunt and pale, even the makeup I've put on can't hide it. With a sigh, I tuck a loose curl of my golden-brown hair behind my ear, scowling at it as it springs free again. A wolf whistle from the doorway startles me, and I spin to see the perpetrator. A grinning Alex leans against the doorway, his arms crossed as his eyes travel up my body. I grin back at him, rolling my eyes before patting nervously at my clothing.

"What do you think?" I tease, giving him a spin before posing like I'm on the runway. My tone was light, like I don't care what his answer is, but the nerves in my stomach tell a different story.

"Gorgeous, Ari. Killian isn't going to know what hit him." He smiles and walks up to me, his eyes still running over my body, making my blood heat. "You're wearing a dress. He's a lucky guy." Alex's words make me shake my head, I'm being stupid.

"You're right, I'm being stupid. I'm going to take it off and wear something more me." My words come out fast as I reach behind my back to undo my dress. Alex's eyes widen slightly at my sudden change of attitude and my flustered appearance.

"Whoa. Wait." He places his hands on my arms, stilling my movements. "While I don't object to you getting naked in front of me, what's caused this panic?"

His hands are still on my arms, holding them in place and keeping us close together, in fact, I'm almost pressed against him. I know I could move his arms away, but I don't. Instead, I look up at him, taking in his confused smile.

"This isn't me," I confess, looking down at the dress in question. "I don't dress up for guys. I don't care what I'm wearing. Why is this such a big deal to me?" I ask, but I'm not sure he has an answer for me. It's probably not even fair of me to ask him this. I know he wants to be with me, and here I am, asking him advice about another guy. "I shouldn't even be asking you this, I'm a terrible person. Sorry." Alex raises his eyebrows at my barrage of words. In the end, he just smiles at me and gently turns me so I'm facing the mirror again, stepping up close behind me, and he ducks his head so he can talk quietly into my ear.

"If you want to change, then change. But you look fucking hot. I would steal you from Killian if I didn't know that he'd fight me for you tonight. While I would, and I would fight for you, Ari, I don't like my odds against a true mate bond." His words are whispered and rough, his breath tickling my ear as he speaks, chasing away my nerves and replacing them with desire. I fought my whole life to be independent. People used to fight over me in my old pack, but not for me , for what I represent, for the power it would bring them. The thought of two alpha level wolves fighting over me should anger me, frighten me, but for some reason, it just stokes the fire of need that has been building in me since I came back from the Shadow Realm. His body presses firmer against my back.

"You like that idea? The thought of Killian and I fighting over you?" He drops his nose to the place where Killian had bitten me earlier, breathing in deeply. "I can smell him on you." His voice has dropped even more, and I know that if I looked at his eyes, they would be glowing with the power of his wolf. Strangely though, he doesn't sound angry, slightly possessive, but more turned on than anything. I store that thought away for later.

I can feel Killian coming closer through the tugging in my chest, I don't know if he even knows he's doing it, but he's calling to me, trying to pull me to him. The slamming of the door downstairs announces his presence before he starts stomping up the stairs towards me. Alex sighs, dropping his forehead to my shoulder, but makes no move to pull away from my body.

Through the mirror, I see Killian the moment he walks into the room. He pauses as his eyes run over us, taking in Alex pressed against my back, before he realises what I'm wearing. A hungry look enters his eyes, and for a moment, I think he's going to become angry with Alex being so close to me. Stalking towards us, my body stiffens as I expect him to grab Alex, but he surprises me by walking straight up to me. He stands in front of me, and his hands land on my waist, pulling me against him. I place one hand on his chest to balance myself, glancing up to judge his mood. His expression is blank, but I feel his indecision. I decide to take the lead, stepping up onto tiptoe and pressing a kiss to his lips. The tension leaves his shoulders, and a slight growl slips from his lips as he returns the kiss. Alex starts to kiss along the length of my neck, causing me to moan in pleasure.

Pressed between two hot werewolves, I feel like I may have died and gone to wolf heaven .

"Yes! Ari time!" Seb's happy exclamation jolts us out of our make-out session, remembering where we are. Both Alex and Killian half-heartedly growl at Seb, who just laughs in response. "Ari, will you just fuck one of them already? The sexual tension in this house is enough to choke on," he says with a wink before sauntering away from the room.

I just laugh at his antics and push away from the two guys crowding me.

"Okay, enough playing ‘who can turn Ari on fastest.' I have a date to go on." I wink at Killian before sitting on the end of the bed to put on my black wedge shoes. They are high enough that they make my legs look great, but low enough so I can still run in them. Hey, a girl should always be prepared. I sling my black leather jacket over my arm and grab my handbag before standing up and walking out of the room, glancing back over my shoulder to see Killian and Alex talking to each other in low voices.

"You coming?" I ask, eyebrows raised, and Killian just nods before following me. I call out my goodbyes to those still in the house before being guided to a black convertible car. "This is yours?" I question, surprise lining my voice.

A smug look crosses his face before he opens the door for me. Hm, he really is on his best behaviour today.

I settle myself in the car as Killian makes his way around to the driver's side. I finally take in his appearance as he does up his seatbelt and starts the car. He's really scrubbed up for tonight, perhaps I wasn't the only one making an effort. He has on smart blue jeans, a crisp white button-up shirt, and a smart grey jacket. His long, pale hair is tied back, exposing his chiselled jawline all the more. As he pulls out of the driveway, I glance over at him again as a thought comes to me.

"What were you saying to Alex as we left?" I wonder, watching as a smile crosses his face.

"I told him I would win." I raise my eyebrows at the comment, not sure what he's referring to. "The ‘who can turn Ari on the fastest?' game."

I chuckle, not expecting that response. Trust them to actually turn it into a game. "Oh right, and what did he have to say about that?" I shake my head at the two of them.

"He just said he doubted it," he answers, but I know from the smug smile on his face that isn't the end of the story.

"Spit it out," I demand, not sure if I want to hear what's coming next.

"I told him I would prove him wrong tonight." He glances over at me as he says this, his eyes landing on the stretch of thigh that's exposed from my dress.

"Oh," is all that I can think to say. I turn away to look out the window at the passing scenery, but really, it's to hide the smile that's threatening to break through and to stop the thought that passed through my head with his comment.

Bring it.

Chewing on my breadstick, I look around the smart restaurant Killian's brought us to. I don't know where I expected him to bring me for a date, but it wasn't an expensive, romantic restaurant. He booked us a quiet table in a booth, separated from the main part of the restaurant by a partition, with a private waiter serving us. He ordered for me, which had made me narrow my gaze at him, about to protest that I was perfectly capable of ordering my own food, but he had smiled at me and told me to trust him, this food was to die for.

The smile alone was enough to disarm me, I've never seen him smile as much as he has in the last hour. I hate to admit it, but if the rest of the food was as good as the starter I just devoured, then he would be right—the food was amazing . I take a swig of my wine, finishing the glass and placing it down on the table. Before I can even blink, the waiter has come forward and is filling my glass.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" I tease, a small smile spreading across my lips. I don't usually drink much, it leaves you too vulnerable, but I decided that tonight I would have a little. It's a special occasion after all…

He just shrugs, and that small smile, almost a smirk, graces his lips, and his eyes have been locked on me the whole evening.

"You look…really good tonight." I almost drop my wine glass at his words, and I'm pretty sure my eyes widen in shock, if his amused expression is anything to go by.

"You're complimenting me now?" I'm dumbstruck, that's probably the kindest thing he's ever said to me. He looks slightly uncomfortable at my comment, shifting in his chair and pulling at his shirt collar like it's trying to choke him.

"I'm trying to make an effort. I know that I was…well, a dick." I smile at his understatement and roll my eyes at him, causing that little smile I'm beginning to love so much to appear. "I had to make a decision when you were taken, to decide if I could live without you. I decided that I could." I frown at his words, about to call him out for being a dick again, before he holds up a hand and hurries on. "Wait, let me finish."

I pause, taking in his expression, and decide to let him continue. Nodding my head slightly, he smiles gratefully and continues.

"I decided that I would be able to live without you, but that I didn't want to. I hated the fact that I hadn't even gotten the chance to know you better, or for you to know who I really am. The thing that ate at me the most was that I didn't want to you go still thinking of me as a dick." I lean back in my chair, wine glass in hand as I listen to his words, completely disarmed. Whatever I was expecting him to say, this wasn't it. The sincerity of them hits me, his eyes willing me to understand what he's saying. "I'm rough, I often say the wrong thing, and I am a dick sometimes. I miss Julie, and part of me feels like I'm betraying her by even being here with you. It's not going to be easy, especially sharing you with the others." His voice deepens as he says this bit, but he carries on regardless. "But there is a reason we were brought together."

I'm silent for a while as I let his words sink in. Killian is just as broken as me, with a past almost as dark as mine. If anyone understands the demons that I fight, it's him. If he can get over his prejudices against Shadowborn, or at least try, then I should do the same with my fear of commitment, right?

"I'm not sure I can accept the bond. Yet. But I'm willing to try…whatever this is," I finally answer him, and I see the tension leave his shoulders as he dips his head in acknowledgement. He understands my aversion and isn't going to push me on it tonight.

"I'll find a way to convince you." His alpha confidence makes me roll my eyes, which just makes him chuckle. The rich sound makes the hairs on my arms stand up on end, and I find that I want to hear that sound again.

The rest of the meal passes in a blur, and he was right—the food was delicious. I get to see a different side of Killian this evening, a more relaxed guy who likes riding motorbikes through the woods, who likes woodwork, and whose guilty pleasure is listening to Jessy J. Not that he would ever admit it if I told anyone. Away from the pack, he's like a different person. The pack is a constant reminder of what he has lost, his pack and mate who were killed. An alpha without a pack, always feeling like an outsider.

We arrive back at the pack and park outside the medical building. I should start calling it my home, since that's really what it is, but something is holding me back. Home just sounds too permanent. I look across at Killian, whose eyes are tracking my every movement, every inch the predator.

"Thank you for tonight," I say to fill the silence. I had a really good time, and I don't really want this evening to end. This peace we have between us, I feel like it will end when we return to pack life. "Did you want to come in for a coffee?" I know I'm playing a dangerous game, but I can't seem to stop myself.

Killian is silent for a moment before nodding and getting out of the car, only to come around and open my door for me, offering me an arm to help me climb out. I accept it with a smile and head into the house, straight into the empty kitchen. Putting the kettle on to boil, I start busying myself by getting the cups and milk ready. I feel his eyes on me as I bustle around, and the room heats up with sexual tension.

I sense the moment he decides to make his move by the change in the air. The next thing I know, his body is pressed up against my back, pressing me into the kitchen counter, causing me to brace my hands on the worktop. His hands come to my waist, almost hesitantly, as he drops his mouth to my neck, kissing along my shoulder. My breath comes out shakily as I tilt my head back, giving him more access to my neck. I feel his erection pressed into my leg, and my wolf rushes to the surface as desire passes through our bond. When we're like this, it's hard to think what our bond would be like if we accept it fully, as this is only a fraction of how close we will feel once or if it's accepted.

I spin around in his arms so my back is pressed against the cabinets, and I put my hands around his neck, pulling him closer to me. Our mouths meet in a frantic kiss, the sexual tension from the evening finally boiling over. His hands explore my body, grazing my nipples, which are pebbled against the fabric of my dress. A shot of desire fires through me, and I dig my nails into his shoulders before biting down on his lower lip. A growl emits from his chest, and it only turns me on more. My hands drop to his jeans, and I try to work the buttons, desperate to feel him, but he stops me, his breath coming out in short pants.

"Are you sure this is what you want? I'm not sure I could stop myself from claiming you if we fucked. If I bite you when we fuck, then that's it, we'll be bonded, nothing can undo that." He looks like it's painful for him to say these words, but I appreciate him doing so. He knows I would resent him if we ended up bonded accidentally because I didn't know how it worked.

"I'm not ready to bond. But I trust you, Killian." I mean it. I'm not sure when it happened, but I trust that he won't seal us together until I'm ready to accept the bond. If. If I decide to accept the bond. Keep telling yourself that, Ari.

I take Killian's hand and lead him up the stairs towards my room, although now that the heat has been broken, I find myself becoming nervous. I mean, I'm no virgin, but Killian makes me feel like an inexperienced pup half the time. As if he knows what I'm thinking, he pushes me up against the wall as soon as we enter my room, pressing his nose into my hair, breathing me in.

"What's wrong?" he whispers, his voice soft before he nibbles on my earlobe.

"You make me nervous, like you're going to consume me," I admit, closing my eyes against the barrage of sensations.

"Open your eyes," he demands, and I obey. "Sit on the edge of the bed." I narrow my eyes at him. I don't usually like being told what to do, but my wolf is demanding that I follow these orders.

I do as I'm told, perching at the edge of the bed, watching as he prowls towards me and sinks to his knees before me.

"You have an alpha on his knees for you. I think it's you who is consuming me," he tells me before leaning in to kiss me. These kisses are slower and more passionate than the ones in the kitchen, but they build until I feel like I'm going to combust from need. Gently pushing against my shoulders, he gets me to lay back and starts kissing a trail along my body, sliding his hand up my leg and under the skirt of my dress until he reaches my centre, groaning when he realises I'm not wearing any underwear beneath it. Falling back to his knees, he gently pushes my knees apart until he presses his mouth against me. My head falls back as he starts licking, kissing, and sucking, while wordless cries and pants slip from my lips. Just as I feel myself building up to the point of orgasm, he pulls away, a smug smile on his face as I cry out at the loss of contact .

"No, not yet. I want you falling apart around me." He grins as he pulls me up to sitting, my legs automatically wrapping around his waist before he picks me up. He walks us up to one of the walls, leaning my back against it with my arms locked around his neck. I can feel the power in his muscles as he holds me up.

"You're a dick," I mutter, glaring at him as he teases me. Deciding to get back at him, I lean forward and bite down on his lip, dragging my nail over his shirtless back. Wait, when did he remove that? Growling, he fumbles with his jeans, finally freeing himself, all the while holding me up against the wall with his other arm.

I feel him pressing up against my entrance, and he shoves into me as he claims my lips. The feel of him inside me, so tight, is almost enough to send me over the edge as he pummels into me. He's rough, and as I dig my nails along his back, it only seems to spur him on more, growling and snarling from both of us filling the room. We bring out each other's inner animal, like when we're together, we don't have to keep our human appearances up, we can fully be who we are, beastly traits and all.

Being with him like this, I can feel the bond waiting to be claimed, like a dull golden thread between us, binding us. I know my wolf has taken over as my nails are longer and sharper, my senses stronger. I bring my mouth to his shoulder as he continues to pound into me, my pleasure starting to spiral up. My canines have lengthened, and I gently bite his shoulder. I feel him shudder beneath me.

"Ari, if you bite me now, you claim me. I won't be able to stop myself from claiming you back if you bite me now," Killian warns, his words rough as he fights against his instincts.

Part of me, the human part, hears what he says, but my wolf side is fully in control, and as he pushes me higher and I reach climax, I bite down on his neck. I feel him roar beneath me, finding his own release as he plunges his fangs into my neck. A blinding light fills my vision, and I feel as the connection between us is sealed before another wave of pleasure washes over the both of us.

As the surge of pleasure fades, our foreheads are pressed together and our breathing is rapid. A small trail of blood trickles down Killian's shoulder, and I'm pretty sure that my shoulder is the same.

Killian gently lowers me from his waist but steadies me as I lose my balance. His eyes are locked on mine, and a deep contentment is emanating from him, a gentle purring coming from his chest as he brushes a lock of hair from my face. His eyes drop to my shoulder, and he turns to walk to the small en suite bathroom.

"Let's get that cleaned up, mate."

Oh shit.