Chapter 42

W e sailed through the night, and at dawn, the rowers began their strokes with cadence chants that shook the boards of our hull. The gentle rocking of the hull skimming across the waves pulled me from a silent sleep. Tucked safely beneath the embrace of the sleeping half-god, I dreaded leaving this bed.

Taking that first step onto the timber deck above brought an end to this dream. We'd have to face another day, another deadly reality. Sighing, I turned to face him. Aryx's features were so soft, a stark juxtaposition from the hardened creases and lines he normally wore. With his lips slightly parted and a sheet of silky golden hair curtaining his cheek, he was a million miles away. Somewhere peaceful. Somewhere he deserved to be.

With a trembling hand, I tucked the loose strands back behind his ear. My throat tightened when his lips curled into a small smile. I couldn't pull him back to this nightmare. Sliding from beneath his heavy limbs, I reached for the white linen tunic that lay crumpled on the floor.

"Just where do you think you're going?" Aryx asked, his voice still thick with sleep. Smirking over my shoulder, I watched him wipe the night from his eyes and yawn deeply.

"I was going to go check in with the oarsman- ensure there was no panic regarding a missing spring prince who didn't return to his ship last night."

"Ah-" He sat up, leaning his chest against the headboard and tucking his hands behind his head. "Well, I'm sure a few more minutes of panic won't do too much harm."

Sunlight from a porthole washed over the thick black lines engraved into his skin. I couldn't help but trace the block-work patterns, following them across his collarbones, wrapping around his rib cage until they disappeared beneath the sheets. His eyes darkened, sending waves of heat crashing through me. My toes curled against the floorboards.

"What's five more minutes, I suppose," I grinned, sliding back toward him.

Five minutes turned to ten, twenty, forty.

It wasn't until a knock on the cabin door alerted us we were needed on deck that we emerged, pulling us from the blissful shelter we'd built.

Rah soared high above the sea, his outstretched wings blending into the vast blue sky speckled with puffy cumulus clouds. It was hard to believe these seas were such a threat. Dark navy waves collided with serene cobalt skies, stretching as far as the eye could see. Aryx returned to his ship, taking command of the aft deck and every so often stealing lustful glances across the glittering waves.

Leaning against the point of the warship, I took in the sweet smell of the waves. White foam bounced from each side of the waterline as the bow cut through each swell with a uniform rise and fall. Something glistened off our starboard side, catching my eye. It breached the surface, sunlight bouncing off its iridescent tail. With perked ears, I listened for the splash as its long, green body plunged back into the depths, disappearing beneath sea foam.

"Oarsman, there's something on the starboard bow." I called aft, "Everyone be on your guard."

The creature breached again, joined by another, identical in color.

"What is that?" I squinted, trying to make out its blurred features. Long green hair was wetted back across a narrow forehead. As the two breached again, a third joined them. Their delicate skin was a pale shade of blue as they extended long, webbed fingers in front of them and dove back beneath the surface.

With each leap into the fresh morning air they grew closer, their beauty coming into view. I leaned farther over the railing, trying to get a closer look as they bounced from wave crest to wave crest. I needed to see them, to hear their soft clicks, to touch their smooth skin.

One creature skimmed the surface and glided past the bow. His back, strong and muscular, melted into a glorious fishtail of shining scales. Green hair rushed down to his hips as he jerked his powerful tail and leapt from the waterline, arcing over the bronze battering ram and disappearing beneath a foamy white wave crest on the other side.

With glimmering glazed eyes, I stepped over the railing to get closer. His emerald stare sparkled and beckoned me to join him.

Treading next to our ship, he lifted his graceful webbed fingers to me, smiling sweetly. The way his slender fingers urged me forward was enchanting. Like a net, they cast an irresistible charm. I wanted to touch his cool skin, to feel that spidery webbing against my face. I took another step over the railing, balancing against the metal post on the bow.

"ELPIS! NO!" Aryx cried from the bow of his ship, now rafting beside us. Shaken from the creature's beautiful trance, its gentle green glow faded away.

"Wh-a-at…What am I doing?" I gasped, gripping against the railing before I fell into the blue depths beneath me. My toes dangled off the decking. The creature hissed at Aryx and dove beneath the sea, kicking the forked fin of his tail furiously as he flurried towards the other ships.

"Don't follow her! Just stay where you are!" Aryx cried, uncoiling the line to lower the gangway between our two beams.

"Her?" I asked quietly, my eyes scanning the water, hoping to experience the glorious beauty of the creatures below again.

"STAY WHERE YOU ARE!" he called, leaping onto our deck and pushing past my entranced crew, all of their heads nearly touching the surface as they stretched over the rails to catch a glimpse. More of the creatures swarmed us, clicking and cooing at the men.

The male creature had returned, his eyes glowing brighter as he beckoned for me.

It wasn't so bad. He wouldn't hurt me.

What if I just let go?

What if I let myself fall and join him beneath the waves? I could leave all the hurt, all the pain, everything behind. I wouldn't be confined by my guilt anymore. Aryx would find someone else to cherish. He'd be rid of the monstrosity I'd become. It was the perfect escape. I weighed the benefits in my mind, finding no disadvantages present. Those around me would be safe, and all would finally be peaceful in the world. There'd be no more destruction, no more war, no more death. If I let go and disappeared into the great blue abyss, my companions would be free.

So would I.

I let my fingers slide from the railing and leaned forward. The air rushed against my face as I fell into the salty waves.

"NO!" Aryx lunged over the railing, grasping my wrist.

My legs dangled in midair, feet skimming the cool waterline.

"It's okay," I whispered."Just let me go. I'll be fine. You'll be fine. I'll be free."

"Elpis, snap out of it! Stop struggling while I pull you up." His fingers were tight against my wrist, spreading a dull pain through my arm.

He didn't understand. I yearned for this. I needed that glorious creature against my body. More than I'd needed anything ever before. Those emerald eyes ignited something within me that nothing else ever could. I wanted, more than anything, to be free of this hurt. This pain. This guilt. That divine creature, dripping with grace, offered peace in the palm of his hand. Everything screamed at me to grasp it and sink beneath the surface.

"Let me go! Just let me go! Let me go! Let me go!" I shrieked, my free hand clenched into a fist as I punched toward his face.

"Elpis, stop! I'm trying to help you!" Aryx shouted, his grip tightening until it felt like my wrist would snap.

He wasn't saving me. He was damning me to a life full of hatred and sadness and fear above the waves. I needed to escape, to take the plunge into the numb existence that waited for me. I couldn't possibly let him pull me back. My fist connected with his jaw in a swift, frantic uppercut.

"Fuck Elpis, stop!" My wrist slipped from his grip as it loosened from the shock of my punch.

I would take the freedom offered and nothing would stop me. With legs failing and fists swinging, Aryx was forced to release me.

A rush of air exhaled from my lungs as my head sank beneath the surface. Drifting through the water column, all light faded into the murky depths until I was shrouded in complete darkness. My lungs burned, begging for air, but I ignored them.

This was the way to freedom.

This was the way to peace.

I closed my eyes and embraced the panic.

The pressure built in my chest as I sank through the water column. All thoughts faded away until a quiet peace settled in. This was my escape, my freedom. Letting the haze take over, my eyelids drifted closed. The rhythm of my heartbeat slowed as the ache to breathe subsided. I knew I was drowning, but I couldn't force myself to care. Death felt like an old friend when he came, appearing in glimpses of the numbness I sought for my whole life. He wrapped his warm arms around me until we became one entity, suspended in water, suspended in time.

My heels brushed the sandy bottom. It was close now, my release. The binds around my heart loosened. Any second now and I would be free. The tingles, although faint, tickled up my legs in protest. I fought to suppress them. This demon of mine, she refused to dissolve. Feeling the sediment slip between my toes, I pushed her back. After all, this wasn't her decision. She wasn't in control. I was.

I waited to fade to black. Any second now and I would cease to exist. Perfect.

Slimy weeds slithered from the ocean floor and wrapped themselves tightly around my ankles, interrupting my sweet, peaceful death.

My eyes shot open.

I'd been here before.

Although my vision was still blurred, my mind cleared from the fog they had lured me into. Like knives stabbing against the interior walls of my skull, my brain yearned for oxygen. I had to breathe. Panic sunk in as I realized just how close I had come.

Reaching for my dagger, I said my goodbyes to death and slit the weeds from my ankles before they could restrain me further. With each slice, a new weed appeared, holding me in place.

Slice, a vine wrapped around my ankle.

Slice, another around my wrist.

Slice, around my neck.

The slimy weeds wrapped themselves around every inch of exposed skin, forcing the dagger from my hand. I was like a mummy, frantically wailing to escape its dressings.

My muscles pleaded for oxygen. If I didn't act soon, I'd shut down, leaving the last remnants of life to bubble to the surface. The weeds tightened, totally immobilizing me.

I'd made a grave mistake letting those creatures take over my mind. This was how it ended. There would be no clearing to escape to. I wouldn't grow old, I wouldn't love again, I wouldn't exist at all. Even my demon had faded from me when I called for her.

I truly was going to die. This time, when death appeared, I greeted him as my enemy. He took hold of my hand. My vision blurred as black speckles splintered my eyesight. They doubled. Then tripled. My ears rang from the lack of breath in my lungs, the high-pitched tone sending final shivers down my spine.

Just on the verge of collapsing, a body dove into the water above me. Bubbles raced around it like a torpedo shooting for its target. They sped closer and through my blinded haze, I could make out only a glint of blonde hair in the dim rays of light refracting from the surface.

Aryx.

The binds loosened as he clawed them away, freeing my feet, then my ankles, my calves. As each strand of slithering weed fell away and drifted limply on the ocean currents, my muscles regained their strength.

Fully freed from my watery chains, Aryx wrapped his arms around me and paddled for the surface, biceps straining from my added weight. Where the weeds had once been, my skin oozed with blood, searing in the high salinity of the water.

Finally, gaping for air and sputtering up salt water, we broke the surface.

"Hurry. Swim for the ships!" he panted, releasing me from his hold.

I swam as fast as I could until every muscle in my body was on the brink of exhaustion. Strong, calloused hands dragged me back on the deck, leaving me heaving up water on the wooden boards. I turned to my side, letting the air flood into my lungs.

Crew members, draped against the railing, reached for the scaled creatures that beckoned to them. Arcturas lunged down the line of them, sinking her teeth into their calves and ripping them to the deck, knocking them unconscious. Like a line of dolls, they now lay limp on the deck, bite marks sunken into their raggedy limbs. I rolled on to my back and watched as a small, white cloud overhead dissipated.

My drenched clothes stuck to me like glue. Tugging at the tunic collar, I released a few shallow breaths. I was alive. I closed my eyes, letting relief wash through me like the calm waters below. Then my blood grew cold as realization sunk its sharp fangs into me.

Aryx.

He was right behind me. He should be beside me by now, celebrating another narrow escape from death.

"Where is he?" I stumbled to my feet and scanned the confused faces of my men. "Where is Aryx? He was in the water with me."

"I don't see him, My Queen. Are you sure?" a sailor asked, scanning the rolling swells.

"Yes, I'm sure," I hissed, leaning against the railing to search the dark waters myself. Nothing. Not a single sign of life.

He was right there.

Right behind me.

Without a second thought, I dove off the deck and swam through the turbid water. Stroking further and further into the depths, searching for his golden hair in the muck.

He was right behind me.

Something must have happened. I dove further, passing lifeless scaly creatures floating in a cloud of dark purple blood. Their beauty had faded along with their lives, leaving only grotesque, slimy bodies with rows of razor-sharp teeth and long, pointed claws.

My lungs burned, begging me to go back. Frightened to be again sinking through the water column, my mind raced, praying to the gods I'd survive this. It was stupid to dive back in, but I couldn't leave him.

I paused and drifted against the harsh current, scanning the water beneath me for any sign of him. Golden tendrils of hair rippled in the remaining sunlight.

There.

Swimming as fast as I could, I rushed toward his distended body and wrapped myself around his waist. My frantic kicks propelled us back toward the surface while the all too familiar black spots speckled my vision. Throwing my arm tightly around his waist, I gasped for air as we finally broke through.

"Over here!" I called, gliding across the water with Aryx in arm.

The crew rose to their feet, extending hands over the railing to help pull us to safety. It took all of my strength to lift the half-god up toward the ship. A sailor grabbed his collar and he disappeared over the rail. I knew I was safe when I felt the sailor's calloused hands tuck under my armpits and lift me out of the sea .